"Are you on the pill?" I had to ask before I went any farther.
"Yeah, you don't have to worry. You won't be getting your sister pregnant. Just fuck me," she calmly said with a smile.
I went back to pounding her cunt with more and more force until I could feel her pussy contracting. She was close to orgasm, so I started messaging her clit with my thumb.
"Oh shit, I'm gonna cum! Don't stop!! OHHHH!" she exclaimed as another orgasm washed over her eighteen-year-old body.
Her body began to convulse as the powerful orgasm overcame her. After several seconds, her body went limp while I kept pumping into her.
"Oh Kristy, I'm close. Oh Shit!" I said, knowing my balls were about to eject another load.
I let out a deep moan as I filled her pussy up with my creamy cum. I was in heaven as I looked at the shocked expression of her experiencing this for the first time. As my orgasm began to wind down, I collapsed on top of her with our lips meeting. We shared a gentle, yet passionate kiss that seemed to last forever.
Knowing that nobody was coming to the house anytime soon, I grabbed the blanket from on top of the couch and threw it over us. We fell asleep in each other's arms, both with big, satisfied smiles on her face. We both woke up a few hours later and got dressed before heading to the kitchen. I set the oven for the dinner mom left us while she sat at the table. She gave me a sexy look as she grabbed a sheet of paper. I stood over her as she made an entry to her diary.
June 25th, 2009: The love of my life showed me that he felt the same way about me. I was starting the think that it would never happen but I'm happy to be wrong. I have waited for years to write that I am no longer a virgin. Thanks to my brother, my love, my life, Trevor, I can now do it. I am no longer a virgin!!
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Re:
Like I stated in the disclaimer, this redo was only to fix spelling and grammar and make this readable, which I don't think the original is at all. No intention of reworking the plot and no intention of a part 2.
Just for my own personal taste, overly realistic stories just don't interest me, which is why I don't write them too often. I write to forget reality so I write the kind of story I would read and what I would read is not exactly what you would read, which is perfectly fine. Everyone has different tastes.more...
Ad: Re: What the ...?
Sorry, but I thought the point of revisiting a story was to rework it - using the main plot of the old story but improving it in ways of storytelling and linguistics.
But seeing that all your later work has been in the Celebrities category could possibly have warned me thar realism likely isn't a major factor in your narratives.
(And by the way there is quite a lot of first time entries here that actually amazes in their good quality - but by all means tbis really is a place for feedback and improving.)more...
Re: needs more work
Again, this was my first story, written almost 7 years ago, I have fully admitted that it is unrealistic. I've done nearly 200 stories since and have greatly improved believability in my stories (unless it was meant not to be realistic, as not every story is intended to be that way)more...
Needs more work.
You say in the intro that you edited this version. Not very well, I'm afraid. Example:
"It was clear he liked spending time with me,"...you meant "she". You did that one other place, too.
My biggest gripe is that this young man, a virgin by his own admission, is so comfortable and expert at eating pussy and knowing how to bring a young woman to orgasm so well. Not realistic.
Keep working...you do show promise.more...
Hope there's going to be more to read.
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