tagBDSMA Sexual Autobigraphy

A Sexual Autobigraphy


For people who might choose to read my posts, this sexual autobiography provides some details on the erotic aspects of my life, and the influences on them. It includes my evolving thoughts on eroticism and sexuality, key events along the way that shaped the future, and also includes some word portraits of the people have been most influential on the direction my sex life and my life in general, has taken.

Along the way there have been a few 'bit' players, such as Donna, a beautiful, busty woman with the most incredibly thick long auburn hair I have ever seen or felt, and who was just wild in bed. These women popped into and out of my life but they were not really influential. No, for what I have experienced sexually, and what I have come to today, I have to thank Janice, Dorothy, Christine, Alex (sort of), Mary Jo, Kristen, Meryl and latterly Elizabeth and Alain.

Janice was my first wife, Alex my second, and the love of my life, Elizabeth is the third, and final. Dorothy, Christine, Mary Jo, Kristen and Meryl, I all loved to varying degrees along the way. Alain is Elizabeth's lover, a unique individual who she may quite probably end up loving more than me, although we share a deep and abiding love. Other than Elizabeth, Meryl remains my best friend and closest confidant. You will read about them in my stories.

What I write here is not fantasy, but actual events that have occurred in my life. Here, and in my stories that I will post, I will clearly differentiate between what has actually occurred and fantasies that I, Mary Jo, Meryl and Elizabeth dreamed up along the way. The most outrageous of them, of me becoming an utterly submissive cuckold, which remained a fantasy for a long time, is now as Elizabeth frequently reminds me, a reality. As she tells me repeatedly, "you've got what you always wished for". Now we will have to see how this plays out into the future.

Where to start? First along in any serious manner, was Janice whom I started going out with at 19, married at 21, and we divorced when I was 25. During this period, we emigrated from England to Canada. Janice was the daughter of a German mother and English father, and she was a real beauty; naturally blond hair, pale skin, high cheekbones, deep blue eyes, strong mouth, pleasant breasts and long legs.

Right from the start we had a fairly passionate relationship, and though she would let me masturbate her and she would masturbate and even suck me, we did not have complete sexual relations until our wedding night. We had a number of really good romps along the way during our marriage, but the one I remember most was an evening when we had both had a bit too much to drink and so she climbed on top of me, alternating between sucking me and fucking me, until I came in her mouth quite copiously and then she took it up through the back of her throat and blew it out through her nose. Where she found out about that I'll never know, but it was electrifying. That was the first and last time it has happened to me.

Sex was pretty good, and we spiced it up with some interesting fantasies, particularly about her fucking other men. Right from the start of my married life, this has always been one of my dominant fantasies. However, she was not about to do that, but at that age, I was not quite ready to settle down and had several flings with other women.

My first was with Dorothy, who I loved for a long time. We were friends at university, and spent quite a bit of time together in the company of other friends. Then, less than a month before I was due to marry Janice, Dorothy and I ended up on a date, and then in bed together, where she proceeded to deliver the best blow job of my life until then, and then we fucked ourselves silly for the rest of the evening. Sadly, afterwards I did not follow-up (I was getting married, right?), and it was not until about ten years later that we met up again, and picked up where we had left off earlier for several years. Dorothy was the first of two women in my life that I still think about and wonder, 'what if'?

Another, Christine, was twice my age, and married, quite a blowsy woman who had several children, big breasted and an animal when it came to sex. We fucked everywhere, in the back of her Ford station wagon, in her bed and on her couch when her husband was at work, and while picnicking in the countryside. She was simply amazing, and I learned a lot about giving women pleasure from her. She especially loved what I could do to her with my tongue on her clit, and that has remained a useful skill throughout my life. I love giving women pleasure that way.

Janice and I divorced when I was 25, by which time I had met Alexandra, daughter of Russian emigres to Canada. We met when we were both taking a Master's degree at university, and we ended up being thrown together for quite a lot of our course work. Alex, as I called her was quite attractive, a passionate woman, with a good figure, but her parents had really managed to get into her head that sex was 'dirty'. But of course, being young and idealistic I thought that I could change her attitudes to sex and turn her into a raging slut who would have sex with many different men. Of course this never happened, except in my fantasies, of which more about later.

One thing that I like in my women is contrast in their personality. I have no real physical preferences for things like hair colour, boob size, looks and the like, but I like women who look like they are icey, aloof, not very 'sexy' at first glance. They are the kind of beautiful women you would pass in the street and think they were as straight as an arrow. But I seem to have a knack of seeing inside them and picking out those with wild imaginations, and latterly, those who are capable of being utterly dominant. Most of them have been professional women, very well respected at work, but who, after hours, are willing to indulge in all kinds of wild sex. This, I hoped, was the case with Alex, but it was not to be.

Alex and I stayed married for quite a while. The marriage was certainly not a disaster. We both developed successful careers that let us travel quite a lot until we had a couple of kids and Alex decided to stay at home to raise them. However, even when the children were young we still travelled a lot, ate great meals, and enjoyed good, if not spectacular sex.

By this time, I was becoming quite a connoisseur of erotic art and photography (call it porn if you will), amassing quite a collection of high quality books, magazines and video tapes, primarily focused around bondage themes. Consequently, along the way I tried to introduce dominance and submission into our married life, along with leather gear, such as corsets, harnesses, whips, and restraints but with very limited success.

Alex would participate physically, sometimes as a submissive, occasionally being dominant, but it was easy to see that she was not at all into it mentally. Our one foray into trying to introduce another man into her life was an unmitigated disaster. Although he had an absolutely stunning wife (very promiscuous apparently), he turned out to be impotent!

So, our sex life not being the greatest, I had several flings along the way, none of which were very serious until Mary Jo entered my life. Ten years younger than me, she was vivacious, very bright, bubbly, about 5 feet 9 inches tall, and very athletic (which Alex was not). I was captivated. Not only did we get on well, but I had someone that I could exercise with, which was quite delightful as when we were together we often ran together in the mornings.

We met professionally, and ended up travelling together for work on a couple of occasions, which ultimately resulted in a great dinner one evening and amazing sex afterwards. Several years later when our affair had ended and she was happily married, I always wondered why I never once thought of leaving Alex for her. Maybe it was because our kids were quite young. But it is only the second relationship in my life about which I continue to wonder, 'what if'?

However, Mary Jo and I did have a great relationship for about 3 years. She lived in Toronto, where I typically had to work one or two days a week at that time, so we were able to see each other almost every week. I also managed to take her away for a weekend every few months and we made two totally memorable trips to France together.

It did not take long for us to realize that we had mutual interests in good food, art, theatre and sex. And not just sex, but wild sex, with Mary Jo being dominant ninety-five percent of the time. What really brought it about was the fact that I made her believe that Alex, prim as she seemed, was herself into wild sex. Along the way I had taken some polaroid shots of Alex in some very suggestive poses wearing a couple of very beautiful corsets that I had bought her, stockings and high heels. She actually did look like a bit of a slut. I showed these to Mary Jo early in our relationship and told her that they were taken by Alex's lover while we were having a threesome.

One story led to another, and it was not long before I was inventing a complete sexual fantasy world for Alex and I that developed in parallel to the growing sexual attraction between Mary Jo and myself. Each week I'd turn up at her apartment bearing champagne, chocolate truffles, flowers and maybe some new sex toy and the first thing she would want to know was what kind of sexual adventures Alex and I had been up to on the weekend.

Fuelled by my collection of erotica, Alex's adventures grew with the telling. It was not long before I had her meeting a good looking black man, Leo I called him, at a meeting she had attended and falling under his complete domination. Leo then proceeded to lead Alex deeper and deeper into his depraved world. He introduced her to his friends and she became the center of numerous gangbangs, often with me as a spectator. Then he turned her into a syndicated recreational prostitute for himself and a group of friends, whoring her out to groups of black businessmen several times a month. All the time, I was taking part as the submissive husband. The amazing thing? Mary Jo believed it was actually happening. I must have been a very good story-teller.

Mary Jo absolutely believed the stories, and even got to the point where she would suggest ideas for things that I should encourage Leo to act out with Alex. Most importantly, however, apart from being very feminine, Mary Jo was very dominant. This was my first taste of a world in which I could be truly submissive to the extent that I desired with someone who absolutely shared my passion for leather and bondage and restraint and whipping all accompanied by violent sex.

A typical evening would see Mary Jo greeting me at the door of her apartment in one of the leather basques that I bought for her, a leather choker, high heeled pumps and little else. I'd be immediately placed into my black leather hood and harness. By the light thrown by the black candles she always had in large quantity, we'd then share the champagne with some nibbles as we chatted about the weekend's adventures with Leo, with me probably fondling Mary Jo as she directed, or eating her delicious cunt in between sips of champagne.

Before long however, she would lead me over to where we had fixed hooks into the ceiling from which there would be hanging leather straps and cuffs into which my wrists would be placed. If she wanted to mix her own pleasure with my pain then we'd head for the bedroom where I'd be tied down on her bed. A gag of some kind would then be placed in my mouth, so that I could only issue muffled grunts. Then for the next hour or so, Mary Jo would treat me to some quite delicious torture -- usually a very intense whipping accompanied by the application of nipple clamps from time to time and somewhere along the way a liberal dose of the melting wax from the black candles.

Very probably she'd either suck my cock as she whipped me, or if we were on her bed she'd switch between torture and pleasure by straddling me and impaling myself on my cock, careful not to make me cum though, until she was ready to take it all in her mouth. As all this was going on she loved to verbally abuse me as well. She would graphically describe what she thought of me for letting Leo take over my wife, and excite us both by describing the depravities that Leo would probably inflict on us both in the future.

Mary Jo really was into her whipping. Very often I'd count up to 300 lashes in an evening starting off fairly light in intensity, but ending up with a ferocious, stinging series of lashes. During this period, there were several occasions when I had to make up an excuse for Alex when she noticed the yellow-blue brown bruises that appeared on my body with surprising frequency.

During our first week together in France, I selected places to stay that looked to be inns and hotels where in addition to great food and wine, there would be every chance of having wooden beams, four poster beds, and places where we could indulge our bondage games. And we did. Every evening we were there I was tied to a beam or tied spread-eagled on the bed, while Mary Jo took full advantage of my helplessness to inflict a good whipping and more besides.

During the daytime, travelling though the countryside we looked for solitary areas in the forests we passed through and old abandoned farm buildings (of which there were many), and then we would stop and I would be bound to a tree, or suspended from a beam or pinned to the wall, there to be delivered of a good whipping and other painful pleasures by Mary Jo, and then, passions spent, we would take our wine and cheese and enjoy a leisurely picnic.

At George Blanc, the great French restaurant, before a delicious Michelin 3 star meal, Mary Jo totally lost control. Having tied me to a low chair and satisfied herself on my cock, she delivered a whipping that I still remember to this day, and which left me with marks all over my chest for several weeks afterwards.

Mary Jo was also willing to indulge me in my fantasies about dating and fucking other men. I loved having her tell me about men who interested her, and then scheming with her as to how she could get them to invite her out on a date. So during the three years we were lovers, she probably dated about six or seven other men, most of whom she fucked at least once, after which she would tell me all about her adventures the next time we were together.

I was always very excited on the evenings when I knew she was going out on these assignations. I'd be thinking early in the evening about what she would be selecting to wear, and then as the evening progressed I'd wonder what she and her date would be doing -- when she would have his cock in her mouth, how he would choose to fuck her. All very delicious thoughts, and then the pleasure of hearing about what actually happened the next time we were together.

It was actually on one of these dates that she met her future husband, John, and which eventually led to the end of our sexual relationship. Once she became serious about John, we decided to wind down our relationship, but keep our friendship. We did discuss the possibility of a few adventures once she was settled into married life, where maybe she and John could be dominant and I could be submissive once again, but nothing ever came of them.

During the affair with Mary Jo, I had not looked elsewhere for fun. It's sort of weird, but while I had no intention of being faithful to Alex, my wife, I felt that I should be faithful to May Jo, even as I encouraged her to have fun with other men.

Now it was over, and, if anything, things were going downhill sexually with Alex. So I started looking for a new interest, and I did not have to wait long. For some time I had been aware of a woman aged about 25, fifteen years my junior, who worked as the Assistant Manager of the Symphony Orchestra where I was a Board member. Her name was Kristen and at first glance she looked to be an absolute drab. She wore baggy sweaters and very dull clothes, flat shoes and was anything but sexy.

I'd worked with her on some promotional activities for the Symphony, and a couple of things caught my eye. First, while much of the time she was pretty morose, when something caught her interest she was full of energy and applied all her talents to whatever she was doing. Second, while her clothes were baggy, on a couple of occasions that she did wear a dress, it was clear that she had magnificent boobs. Third, she had an infectious laugh and her eyes really sparkled when she was happy.

Facially, you would not call Kristen pretty. She had what I would call elfin or pixieish features. Her mouth in her run of the mill mode looked to be small and puckish. She had a small, snub nose. She wore her tightly curled brown hair short. However, her whole appearance changed when she laughed. Actually she had a deliciously big mouth, perfect for sucking two cocks at once, I allowed myself to think, and a huge smile, which was actually quite sexy. Once Mary Jo had gone out of my life, I started to wonder if Kristen might be interested in striking up a relationship.

It turned out to be surprisingly easy. I found an excuse for the two of us to head up to Toronto for a couple of day's work on behalf of the Symphony, and made arrangements for us to stay at the same hotel, adjoining rooms in fact. At the end of the day we headed out for dinner to a favourite restaurant of mine, and spent the next three hours chatting about life, the universe and everything. Of course, Kristen, as usual was wearing a baggy sweater, pants and low heeled shoes.

First we talked about her career. Kristen had graduated in drama, with honours, from our local university, and viewed the Symphony job as a stepping stone to a Masters degree in English Literature with a possible doctorate and academic career to follow. She was in two minds whether to apply to the University of Toronto for admission in September later in the year or wait another year before applying.

Later in the evening, I moved the conversation onto more personal aspects of life. Did she have a boyfriend? It turned out her love life was a mess. She had been dallying with another drama student named Tom for about two years, but sexual relations had proved elusive. She wondered if he really found her attractive. Then, about two months previously, Tom had declared himself to be gay, which apparently devastated Kristen, but explained a lot. They remained friends, but her love life, which had never been good was at a dead end.

Kristen did not pull her hand away as I took it in mine as we walked back to the hotel. Back on our floor outside her door I asked if she would like to come to my room and finish off the evening with a glass of wine. I am sure she had no doubt as to my intentions, but she accepted anyway, and immediately after my door locked behind us we were tangled up in a passionate kiss, which was actually quite delicious.

I poured us both a glass of wine, and sat back in the armchair while she sat on the bed, and we chatted -- about what I have no recollection. But after a suitable time I walked over to where she was sitting, kissed her again and pushed her back on the bed. Her breasts felt as big and full as I had thought as they pushed up against me, and my hands went under her sweater to caress them. Within another minute her sweater was over her head, her pants were off and she lay back in front of me in the most awful bra and panty set I have ever seen. "Miss underwear 1916", I called her, and she laughed out loud.

However, her body was spectacular, probably the most amazing one I have ever been lucky enough to encounter. As long as we were together I never ceased to remind her what an amazing bod she possessed. She was about five feet eight inches tall, with long straight legs that later on looked incredible in thigh length suede boots that I bought her. She was very slim, with a lovely round ass, and on her slim frame her breasts looked enormous, with very nice firm nipples, very sensitive to my touch.

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