A Story of Four Winters

"Ladies, this must be very embarrassing for Alessandra," Susie said. "I suggest each of us choose a man, preferably the man sitting nearest to you, and strip naked for him too. Once everyone who is willing to strip has done so, I will resume the tape. I'll start," and with that Susie slowly undressed, in a hyper sexy way. I was surprised when she removed her bra. She became naked save for panties, just like I had been at first in her bedroom.

Two more girls stood and stripped, both of them in Susie's clique, so 3 girls altogether were now naked save for their panties. They quickly began making out with the nearest boy, and I was thinking to myself, 'I hope they like the boys," when to my horror Susie started the video on the big screen and I saw that the video Susie was playing was the one of Adam and me!

Not only that, but I discovered the entire 38 of them had watched our entire sex scene live as it played out upstairs in Susie's bedroom. I felt betrayed and horrified. I looked around and all three naked girls were being molested by their nearest boy, and most of the other girls were making out, albeit while clothed, with their own partners.

As I began to realize that everyone was watching me get fucked on video right there in front of me, something strange and incomprehensible happened to me. I became proud. My body looked great on screen: I looked pretty and sexy at the same time. All the men were lusting after me, and I became highly aroused.

I knew I was supposed to feel horror and shame. I ended up feeling meta shame: I was ashamed to feel arousal and not to feel shame.

Adam and I sat down and tried to process what was happening. The girl next to me, Marcia, had dropped out of the game when it came time to bare her breasts, but she was now letting the boy next to her, with whom she was making out, remove both her blouse and her bra. I was not sure she had even known him before that night.

The girl on the other side of me had stood and was taking off her dress. The boy next to her had helped her to unzip it. She took her bra off herself, and sat back down clothed only in her panties as the boy smiled. She let his hands explore her body extensively, shall we say. She had removed his shirt, and was now starting in on his pants.

As Adam and I watched everyone make out and lose their clothes, the video progressed to the point of Adam's second fuck of yours truly upstairs, only an hour ago earlier. I was horrified but glued to the screen, watching myself have intercourse for the first time in my life, less than an hour earlier.

At this point Susie stopped the video and stood up. She paused it when Adam's cock was half way in me. What a horrible place to have stopped it! She was now stark naked and her cunt was glistening with the wetness of arousal. I suspected a boy's fingers had been fooling around inside her cunt.

Susie said, "Girls, let's show some solidarity with our good friend Alessandra. All who are willing, this is the time to invite the man with whom you are having fun, to take things to the final step!"

Susie then lay down on the floor and spread her legs wide, smiling at the man who had been trying to seduce her. She restarted the video, and there I was on the big screen being ravished by an enthusiastic Adam who was now sitting right next to me.

I had to force myself to turn my back to the video. I felt like one of those motorists on the highway who has to force himself to stop staring at a horrific road accident. I looked at Adam. "Adam, please, have a heart and distract me form this public shaming of both of us. You know what to do."

Adam took the hint, taking me in his arms and kissing me. He quickly undressed me and practically ripped off his own clothes. He surprised me by laying down on his back, his hard cock sticking straight up. He beckoned me to come over. "Sit on me, Alessandra. Fuck me cowgirl style, lover."

So I did. I got on top of him and slowly moved my body down until I took his cock all the way inside me. I fucked him enthusiastically, my boobs bouncing around as I did so. He maneuvered us so that we could both watch us fucking on screen as we fucked on the floor. I looked around us, and at least 8 other girls, Susie included, were letting their men fuck them.

The party had become an orgy. Counting us, nine couples were fucking simultaneously, and the remaining 22 seniors were either watching Adam and I fuck on video, or were watching one or more of the nine couples doing it on the floor all around them.

All these 18-year-old kids were getting to see a live sex show orgy. This is something most people never see their entire lives.

Everything gradually sank into my confused and overwhelmed brain. I began to realize that Susie had planned this to happen: She had wanted to have our high school's first ever senior class orgy, and she had done it spectacularly, using me as a combination sacrificial lamb and catalyst.

Billie Jane came over to me once Adam had shot his third load of the night into my sloppy cunt. Billie Jane was dripping cum, having just done the deed herself. "Alessandra you are amazing. I could not have done what you have done. You are my hero."

Surprised, I said, "Thank you Billie Jane. It looks as if you have had a good time, too."

"Yes, I most certainly did. This is the guy who did me, taking my virginity just minutes ago. Mark is his name," and she brought Mark over. We shook hands, both of us naked, both us having just had sex.

These are strange conditions under which to meet new people, I thought to myself.

Adam and Mark were friends as it turns out and they were all smiles. "Want to trade, Adam?" Mark asked. Adam looked at Billie Jane and she gave a 'Why not?' kind of shrug. Everyone looked at me.

I felt betrayed by my new lover Adam and I was angry. My anger got the better of me and I nodded my assent. How fucking Mark would take revenge on Adam while he was happily fucking Billie Jane was too complicated for my addled brain to understand just then. I think even at that moment I realized deep down it made no sense.

Mark began by kissing me and fondling my boobs. I was glad he was going slow, as I was only just getting used to the idea of having sex with a second man the night I lost my virginity in such an unwittingly public way. Fucking two men, one after the other, was not something I had ever imagined myself doing. I had not even imagined it in my fantasy life. My fantasy life was pathetic, actually.

Adam was not nearly so slow with the more than willing Billie Jane, and they were already going at it. He was ploughing it into her in a rear entry position. She was already moaning, the little slut.

I liked Billie Jane. She was not in my clique, but she was a nice person, rare enough among high school seniors. If she wanted to be a slut, that was her business, and none of mine. Who was I to judge, especially after what I had done and was currently doing? Who indeed?

Mark continued to take his time with me, but he eventually got there. He was more experienced than Adam, and he had better technique, and I ended up glad I fucked him, because now I knew how good sex could be.

As we fucked, I heard the scream of my orgasm from the video, and it was strange, because Mark was close to giving me one just then, too. I realized I had been moaning during his fuck, and I had not even been aware of it. My senses were on overload. This entire evening had been so surreal.

My ruminations came to an abrupt halt as my orgasm washed over me, causing me to give a near identical scream to the one everyone had just heard on the video. My body was heaving underneath Mark, my stomach rising up in some natural and unconscious reaction to the orgasm. I ended up muttering, "Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God," as Mark just kept pumping away at me.

I began to get what seemed like aftershocks to my orgasm. You might call them mini orgasms. I began to whimper as Mark continued to ravish me. His thrusts became fiercer, and harder, as he grunted when he plunged in with all of the force he could muster.

This must be rough sex, I thought. Mark was plunging into me as if he wanted to hurt me. It did not hurt: it felt wonderful, but my body was bouncing around below him due to the ferocity of his thrusts. I heard a woman screaming a scream of sexual pleasure, and I suddenly realized it was me. I was making a spectacle of myself.

Suddenly Mark pulled out and squirted his load onto my stomach and my boobs. I opened my mouth and caught a little bit of it, unwittingly imitating a porn video. I was pretty innocent at age 18, and I had never watched porn. It was just luck, if you can call it that, that my 'imitation' was so spot on.

People had gathered around us, those who were not busy fucking themselves. Still there were about 10 people watching the two of us go at it, and I gradually realized they had been cheering Mark on. That was why his fucking had become so violent. I also saw that one boy was holding a video camera, and almost everyone had taken pictures of us in the throes of passionate sex with their cell phones.

There was plenty of other sex to watch at the orgy. Why were they all obsessed with Mark and me? I gradually realized it was I they were obsessed with. After all, nobody was hovering over Adam and Billie Jane going at it.

So why me? I finally realized: I was now a porn star, via the video of Adam deflowering me in Susie's bedroom. I had instant celebrity status, and now my friends got to watch, live, Mark ravish my naked, sexy and willing body. This was an exciting event for these erstwhile friends.

I began to realize the extraordinary stupidity of my behavior. But as everyone knows, we can't change the past. To recite a famous tautology: What's done is done.

After the party I had to endure the remainder of my senior year. Boys were clamoring to go out with me. At the beginning I enjoyed my newfound extraordinary popularity, but it rapidly became clear what was going on.

First it was the boys who knew me the best: boys in my class, or boys I knew from church. At the end of each date, the boy would start to make out with me. This is expected in high school, and also welcome. Kissing and petting is fun, and it's one way to tell if there is chemistry in a relationship.

But every single time the boy would push for sex, and was all too reluctant to accept the answer no. I got it: they had seen me have sex on video at Susie's orgy, and had seen the handheld videos of Mark fucking me as well, and I was now considered to be a slut. In their adolescent minds, that meant I would do it with anyone, anywhere, under any circumstances.

Unfortunately, I made things worse. The first boy to ask me out after Susie's party took me out on a wonderful date. He took me to dinner, then to a movie, and then to a club. We had fake IDs so we were allowed entry. He got me drunk and we began to make out in a dark corner of the club.

There were couples making out on either side of us, and they both progressed to the state where the girl was naked and giving her guy a lap dance while he sat on the couch and she sat in his lap.

At some point the man's pants would come off, and as the girl messaged his cock with her gyrations on his lap, his cock would slip into her and they would fuck. My date, named Steve, wanted us to do the same.

I said no, but Steve said he watched the video every single day of Mark and me doing the deed, and he was obsessed with me. I knew that video was all over the school; there was nothing I could do about it. Idiotically I was flattered just then by what he said. I loved the idea of him masturbating to images of me being ravished. I guess I liked the idea that men lusted for me.

My brain was still immature. I felt they lusted for me, and did not simply enjoy the degradation and humiliation of seeing a woman in the throes of passion, a woman they could objectify and fantasize about. That's porn, but to have that kind of porn where the star is a girl you go to high school with, well that was special. You want such a woman for yourself. These thoughts crystallized for me months later, during a woman's studies course at college.

So I relented and copied the two women on either side of me, not realizing that they were both prostitutes that worked for the club. I let him get me naked, and then he took off his pants and his briefs. I sucked his cock for a bit, and then I sat on his lap and squirmed around, teasing him.

Eventually I made a mistake and his cock slipped inside me. He then grabbed me and clamped me down on his cock. I knew this would happen, and I was ready for it. I fucked him with great delight and enthusiasm with my boobs constantly in his face. He held out as long as he could, thereby increasing my pleasure, but all too soon he shot his load deep inside me.

I sucked him hard and we did it a second time. This time he lasted a long time, and several men creeped me out by coming close to us and watching. When I say close, they were only inches away from us at times.

A couple of them reached in and were fondling my boobs as they bounced around during the fuck. Somehow they knew we were amateurs off the street and I was not one of the house whores, so it must have seemed 'more real' to them. Probably they could tell we were only 18; we looked younger than everyone else there by quite a bit.

I was a wholesome young 18-year-old girl behaving like a whore, naked and being fucked in public. What did I expect? But still, it creeped me out.

Afterwards we dressed and he took me home and kissed me and partially undressed me right there at the front door of my parents' home. His hand was down my skirt and his fingers were in my cunt while we kissed, right out in the open where any of our neighbors could have seen us. I did not care.

Steve took me on two more dates, but all he wanted was sex, and I realized he was not interested in me, he only liked that I put out. So I ended it. Steve was upset, feeling rejected.

Steve then told everyone he could find, in some detail, exactly how I had put out for him. Since he was telling the truth his stories rung true. Now everyone knew Susie's party was not just a singular event: No, apparently I was a slut.

I accepted a few more dates, but all that the boys wanted was sex. I turned them all down, and they all got angry when I refused to put out. One boy even ripped off my blouse and punched me. He punched me so hard, my parents took me to urgent care and I had X rays, but fortunately no bones were broken.

The boy who lived across the street, the one with the telephoto lens who I'm pretty sure liked to watch me dress and undress when I left my drapes open, never asked me out. I was glad, because I liked our unspoken relationship just as it was.

Now that I was no longer virginal, I began to enjoy displaying my body to my voyeur across the street a lot more. The first night I positioned the reading armchair in my room to face the window the voyeur used to watch me. I got in the habit of stripping down to my panties and reading a book with all the lights on, in full view of the boy across the street with his telephoto camera lens.

When that got old, I summoned my courage and secretly went to the Adult Bookstore downtown and bought a dildo. I was terrified someone who knew me would see me, but nobody did. I got out of there fast. The clerk asked me if I wanted to try it out first and indicated a private room in the back.

I had never used a dildo before, so I asked why? And he told me there is a wide variety of dildos, gesturing towards a wall in a corner of the store, and I was welcome to try as many as I want. Naïve, I went to the little room in the back. It wasn't really a room, it resembled a toilet stall, actually. I took off my jeans and my panties, sat in the chair, and tried out the dildos, one after the other.

I heard heavy breathing, sounding male, coming from the adjoining little stall. Looking around, I saw a peep hole, and there was an eye in the hole. Someone had been watching me. I realized the chair was perfectly positioned for that purpose.

I said, and perhaps this is why I am known for my aplomb, "Do you have any advice as to which I should buy?"

The voice said, "Try the pink, gray, and black ones again." The pink was what you think of as a dildo: It looked like a man's cock, only bigger. The gray was more realistic, and the black one had ridges placed about an inch apart for all of its 10 inch length.

I disrobed completely, so that he could see all of me. I spread my legs much wider than I needed to, and pleasured myself with all three, one after the other. When I finished I too was breathing heavily, and I said, "Well?"

"You are gorgeous miss. Wow. Thanks for the great show. Get the pink one," came the reply.

I got dressed and brought the three dildos to the clerk at the front of the store. He smelled them, then saying, "I see you enjoyed all three."

"Yes. I'll take all three," I paid cash, since a credit card bill would have gone to my Dad, and he truly did not need to know I had visited this place.

That same evening I went to my room as soon as the sun set, telling my parents I had a lot of reading to do. I then got naked and sat in the chair facing my neighbor across the street. I took out the gray dildo and gave the guy a real show. He saw me cum, the first time I had showed him something like that.

The next night I used the gray dildo again, but then switched to the pink one. My orgasm was even more spectacular. After I had recovered from it, I got up and very slowly, in full view of the window, slipped on my nightgown.

My phone dinged and I had a new text. I don't know how he got my cell phone number, but my voyeur neighbor sent me a text with a photo attached. It was of me, completely naked, with the pink dildo blurry because it was moving too fast. My head was back and my mouth was open, but the rest of my body looked good. The picture was sexy.

I texted back. 'Thanks for the photo. You have photographic talent. Please do not share the photo. If you do, my drapes will close forevermore.'

Almost immediately came the text reply, 'Don't worry, my beauty. The photo, and all the photos and videos I've taken, are just for me. Except for the one I sent you, which is just for us.'

I gave my voyeur nightly shows, and they gradually got more and more wild. It was fun.

As for physical interactions with boys, I stopped dating completely. All the boys I dated wanted one thing and one thing only. I was okay with giving them that, I even wanted to, but only if I had a real relationship with them. I wanted enough of a relationship to end up liking them to the point where I could share my body with them.

I was not yet ready for empty sex. Giving these boys a reason to brag to their friends or simply to get their rocks off was not one of my favorite charities.

In the Spring we all heard from colleges. To my surprise I ended up getting accepted to Yale, and I got financial aid, too. I decided to go, mainly because it was far away, and hopefully my reputation would not follow me there. I needed a fresh start.

The week before I left for college, I invited the boy across the street, my now longtime voyeur, to go a movie with me. He accepted and we went out. After the movie he took me to the top of the little hill that overlooked the town and all of its lights at night. This was a famous make out spot for teenagers, but I had never been taken there before.

We made out like teenagers, appropriately enough, since we were both still 18. He took me to the backseat, and he undressed me down to my underwear. "I feel as if I already know your body so well," he said.

"Only with your eyes," I said. "This is your chance to know it in other ways. That is, if you want to."