A Tale of Two Cousins

"Um, maybe, I could catch up to you in a bit," I mumbled as he tossed off his towel.

As he slipped on his underwear he gave me a good look as his impressive endowment. I supposed that my thoughts about what he looked like hard were due to my condition. That thought however, brought back memories of jerking off with Jack.

"Billy, if you're worried about me seeing that morning quaker you are trying to hide under there, relax. We all get them, its no big deal. Mine was so hard this morning it hurt."

Somehow his relaxed way and the knowledge that he had woken up with hard-on relaxed me. I threw the sheet off and sat up. I feet a little embarrassed when he didn't avert his gaze.

"Damn, you have grown up cuz," He said playfully. "Go grab a shower so we can get down to breakfast."

I looked around nervously wondering how I was supposed to get down the hall in my condition.

"Its cool, Mom and Mary are downstairs in the kitchen. Dads already out setting up the milking machine."

Walking down that hall, naked with my dick still halfway erect gave me one of the strangest sensations of my life. In addition to showering and brushing my teeth I took time for a quick jerk off. Even after the embarrassment of exposing my erection to Roger and my naked walk to the bathroom, my dick wouldn't go down if I didn't take care of it. The return trip with a towel around my waist was much more comfortable. Roger had apparently already gone downstairs which gave me a very welcome few minutes alone to get dressed. Before putting my clothes on I stood naked in front of the mirror over his dresser looking at my body. I am not sure why I chose that moment to notice changes in my appearance. But notice I did. I was no longer a nerdy awkward boy. I was a mature and seemingly desirable looking young man. I had hair in all the right places and not too much in the wrong places. I imagined that if I wanted to I might even be able to make a few bucks posing for revealing pictures.

My aunt's calling from the bottom of the stairs wiped away my thoughts and I quickly got dressed. When I got to the kitchen, I found that both Mary and Roger had already gone out to do chores. My aunt served me the biggest breakfast I had ever seen and then told me where I would find the men. As I stepped out the back door I ran into Mary who was returning from the hen house with a basket full of eggs. I notice that she too had grown up. Even in overalls her curves were very obvious and the tee shirt and bib seemed to barely contain her growing breasts. I stopped to talk to her for just a moment as I didn't really want to be any later getting with the men to help out. The way she smiled and played with her hair made it feel like she was flirting with me. As we parted she turned toward me and made a suggestion.

"All the chores should be done by lunch. Maybe after you and I can take walk so I can show you around the area."

I tried to convince myself that it was just an innocent offer of kindness from my cousin, but it felt more like she was trying to get me alone. There was a definite feel of sexuality about the offer and a romantic encounter with my cousin was not something that appealed to me. I am still not sure if it was her being my cousin or just a general lack of interest in life at that point. I still found it hard to believe that fucking could be that much better than jacking off and I knew what a hassle it was having even the barest of sexual relationships with a girl. I was certain getting entangled in something with Mary would be a disaster.

"Um, ok, maybe, I will have to see what your parents had in mind for the afternoon," I replied and quickly walked away. Being a city boy through and through I doubt that I was really much help with chores. But the hard work was good for me. The morning passed quickly without a single thought of my parents. By the time we got back to the house, I was ready for the big midday meal my aunt and Mary had laid out for us. Hard work meant big appetites. It also meant that you cold eat as much as you wanted and not worry about getting fat based on the evidence before me. My uncle and Roger packed away enough food for several men and they were both fit and trim. Mary and my aunt were a little more dainty but they put away more food than any city girl I knew could. They didn't have any extra fat on them either. I silently made a note to keep working along side them so that I wouldn't leave the farm in a few months with a spare tire.

As the dishes were being cleared away, Mary brought up the subject of our walk. Uncle Jim interjected that since it was a light chore day he had hoped the three men could get some fishing in. He politely told Mary she was welcome to join us. He also made it clear that it was up to me whether I went fishing or sighting seeing with Mary. As my grandmother used to say, I was on the horns of a dilemma. I didn't want to hurt Mary's feelings, but I also didn't want to risk that my feelings about her motive were true. In addition, I didn't want to disappoint my uncle by rejecting his kindness. Fortunately, Mary solved the dilemma as I was trying to come up with an answer.

"Well shoot, you guys go on and go fishing. It isn't everyday daddy has the time to go have some fun. Billy and I can take a walk tomorrow or the next day. There will be plenty of time to see the area. Mom and I will find something to do around the house."

I decided that I was wrong about her motives and very grateful to be off the hook. As it turns out I may be the worst fisherman ever born. They took me to their favorite spot which they claimed always yielded a mess of trout. Not only was I unable to catch a single fish but they only caught three that were too small to keep between them. They of course didn't lay any blame on me, but I sure felt like it must have been my fault if they always caught fish there before.

"Some days they just don't bite," Uncle Jim said as we got ready to head back to the house.

"Yeah, member that time up at Ready's Creek?" Roger added. "We were there two whole days and barely had a nibble."

"That was a time a son. But it is about being out relaxing enjoying the company of family anyway. Did you have fun, Bill?"

"Oh, yes, thank you for bringing me out here. I am sorry about being a fishing jinx though."

They laughed and assured me that there was no such thing. I wasn't entirely sure they were being truthful and if they were I was sure they were wrong. Aunt Cecelia was clearly surprised that we came home empty handed.

"Well, I declare, I can't remember my men being skunked at the fishing hole in years. Bright side is I don't have to clean them smelly things, but now I got to figure what to do about supper," She said cheerfully.

"Cel, I'm sure you got enough leftovers in that icebox to feed us for a week," Uncle Jim said and gave her a kiss on her cheek.

"I'll find us something. Now the three of you skedaddle and get cleaned up. I ain't having no men at my table that smell like a creek."

Mary giggled and the three of us dutifully marched up the stairs. With only one bathroom we had to shower assembly line style. We went from oldest to youngest. When I finished and returned to the bedroom, I was surprised to find Roger was still wearing only a towel. He was sitting on the bed reading a magazine. The loosely wrapped towel was tented at his crotch.

"Hey Cuz, can I asked you something?" He said after I closed the door. "What does a tit feel like in your mouth?"

"What are you reading?" I asked confused by the question.

He held up a Playboy centerfold.

"Oh man, that is hot!"

"Even hotter close up."

I took the hint and walked over next to him to get a better look at Miss February. I immediately regretted that decision. I felt really weird standing next to him in just a towel, looking down at the picture and seeing his tented towel below.

"So did you ever suck on that girl's tits?" He asked in a very excited tone.

"Yeah."

"So what do they feel like?"

"You never touched that girl's tits that gave you the hand job?"

"No, she had a look but don't touch rule."

"Damn, I think my girl liked her tits sucked more than having her pussy licked."

"So what do they feel like?"

"I don't know, skin, I guess; soft skin."

"Come on, Billy!"

"I'm telling you, not much different then mine, except no hair at all."

I was stunned when he reached up and ran his fingers over the left side of my chest. I guess I was too stunned to react. I just stood for a minute while he felt up my chest and played with my hardening nipple. Finally, I told him to cut it out and he apologized.

"Shit, sorry, I couldn't help it. Looking at this picture just made me want to touch a tit so bad. God I guess I am weird."

I put my arm around him to comfort him without really thinking.

"You aren't weird Rog. Everything is cool. I shouldn't have said it felt like mine, its different but hard to describe you know."

"That's the thing I don't know," He said as I was noticing the heat of his flesh where our bodies were touching.

"I'm sorry that I can't explain it better."

"No big deal, I guess we should get dressed and go eat."

As I stood up I noticed that his towel had slipped and his very hard cock was sticking out.

"Um, do you want me to get dressed real quick and give you a few minutes alone?" I asked gesturing toward his large hard cock that I was having trouble taking my eyes off.

"Oh shit, I'm sorry," He said but didn't cover up.

"No problem, we are even sort of."

"Oh yeah. Billy, you ever jerk off in front of anyone? You know like a circle jerk."

I felt like we heading into dangerous territory. The only other guy who I had ever seen hard and jerked off with was Jack. I had relegated that experience to a short indulgence in curiosity due to the situation. I couldn't see Roger and I doing what Jack and I had. Actually, I wasn't sure I would be comfortable doing it with any guy at that point. Added to that was the fear that it would bring back my fantasies of touching other guy's dicks. But still I chose to be honest. I explained about the no privacy and the horniness and then asked if he had ever done it.

"No, I don't have any friends close enough. But I think about sometimes. Does that make me a weirdo?"

"Come on stop it. All guys think about stuff. Doesn't have to mean anything."

"Would you do it with me?"

A knock on the door saved me for the moment.

"Mom, says to get your behinds downstairs," Mary said as she opened the door. 'Oh geez, you guys are slow."

Fortunately her eyes were drawn to my bare chest and not Roger's hastily covered crotch and slowly collapsing tent. As she stood there with a hungry look in her eyes I felt like I was being judged in the county fair.

"Damn, sis, you wanna get out so we can get dressed."

"You boys didn't used to hide your wee-wees from me," She said with a giggle as she left the room.

I flashed to a memory of us as little kids. We were out behind one of the barns playing. What we did was just innocent kids stuff. It was a game of show me yours and I'll show you mine. But I am pretty sure if Uncle Jim had caught us pulling down our pants and showing his little girl our tiny penises he would have taken a belt to our bare butts. I doubt he would have been any happier about her lifting her dress and pulling down her panties either. Up until that point it had been a forgotten memory for me. I didn't ask Roger if he remembered that day. No more was said about jerking off. We got dressed in silence and went down to supper.

About an hour after supper, I gave into the tiredness brought on by the early start to the day and unaccustomed chores. I kept my underwear on and climbed into Roger's bed alone. Though I woke up when he came up a little while later, I feigned sleep. I watched him strip naked through a slit in my eyelid. He crawled into his side of the bed. Since my back was toward him I couldn't see what eh was doing. But I a few minutes the sounds I heard told me that he was jerking off. As he got more into it, the bed shock a little and his breathing became raspy. It was an unusual erotic experience for me; a kind of auditory voyeurism. I felt my cock get hard in my underwear and considered rolling over to join him. But I just couldn't do it. In a few more minutes, his stifled gasps told me that he had cum. Soon after his breathing became rhythmic. As I listened to him sleep I considered jerking off to relieve my need. But I never touched myself. I went to sleep with my hard dick still imprisoned in my briefs.

The next two days were filled with chores from sunrise to sunset. There was no time for Mary to suggest a walk or for Roger and I to discuss sex or masturbation. I was grateful neither of those subjects came up. Dealing with the weight of my grief was enough to handle. I had no idea how I would deal with Mary if my suspicions about her motives were correct. I wasn't sure that I really believed fooling around with her would be such a horrible sin. She was a pretty a young women and it wouldn't be like we were going to get married and have kids. But I had been taught that incest was wrong and she was my first cousin. In Roger's case there was even more doubt. My thoughts about him were even more troubling. Thoughts of touching his dick invaded my dreams. That added another dimension to the already present taboo of incest. In the world I lived in being queer was the ultimate taboo.

Even though nothing was said, I was pretty sure that Roger was wrestling with similar thoughts. Both of us kept our underwear on when we went to bed together exhausted on those nights. I am not even sure it was a conscious act on my part. Somehow having my cock covered up just seemed a safer bet.

I found out that on weekends chores were light. There was always, milking and egg gathering and the like, but anything that could be put off was left for Monday. Since it wasn't yet planting time that meant when Saturday rolled around we had the whole afternoon free. Mary had hinted about the walk as she headed out to the hen house. Still not ready to face her privately, I chose to hide out in Roger's bedroom. As it happened that was a bad decision. I tried to do some reading, but the plot of the novel made me think of my parents. I was sitting lone sobbing when Roger came to check on me.

"What's wrong, Billy?" He asked innocently.

"I I I can't stand it, it hurts too much, Roger. Why, fucking why did they have to die?"

Roger sat down next to me and gathered me in his arms. I retuned his embrace and he let me cry and vent my pain and frustration. We held onto to each other tightly, with me sobbing and cursing and him just holding me. After awhile, my sad thoughts gave way to erotic thoughts. I like being in his arms and not in a way that was acceptable to me. I lifted my face from his shoulder and looked into his eyes. My vision was blurred by tears and my eyes burned.

"I am so sorry, Billy, I wish I could do something," He said in a sincerely concerned tone.

All I could think of was his cock. I told myself silently that I shouldn't have those thoughts and that I wasn't queer. Unable to reconcile my thoughts I pushed away from him and ran out of the room. At the bottom of the stairs I ran into Mary.

"Bill, what is wrong?" She asked sounding worried.

"I was thinking about my parents and it made me sad," I semi-lied.

"I'm sorry, can I do anything?"

"Will you take me on that walk now?" At that point I hoped that I was right about her desires. If she wanted me, I was ready to go as far as she would allow me to go. I needed to prove to myself that I wasn't queer. If that meant fucking my cousin then that was what I was going to do.

"Sure, we and go now," She said and smiled at me.

We went out the back door and through the fresh turned patch of ground that would soon be the household vegetable garden. Beyond that a rickety wooden gate opened to a dirt path. To the right was an old, long dormant outhouse. My uncle had put indoor plumbing in about the same time that I was born, so I had never had to use the small outdoor john. The path to the left led to some fields that were going to be plowed and planted with corn in a few weeks. We didn't talk as we walked through the open fields. The only sounds were the crunching of old fallen cornstalks under our feet. I fought to get the picture of Roger's nude body and the sounds of him jerking off out of my head as Mary led to spot where we could easily climb the fence and enter the meadow where my uncle's sheep grazed.

"Watch out, now, it is no fun stepping in sheep poop," She warned me as she took my hand to help me down off the fence.

At least looking for piles of sheep shit kept my mind from wandering to less wanted thoughts. But as we passed through the field I began to wonder where she was taking.

"Mary, where are we going anyway?"

"Mostly, we are just walking. When I am sad I come way out because I can forget about anything in these fields. But this is also the way to special place I wanted to show you."

"Oh ok, thanks, I am feeling a little better. So what is this special place?" I asked as we came to the edge of meadow.

"There is a creek that was dammed up by beavers years ago back here," She explained as we entered a stand of woods. "Beavers been gone a long time, but they left a pond, which is great for swimming in the summer. Water's probably too cold to even dip our toes in today. But it is pretty back there and maybe if you're still here in the summer we can come back for a swim."

I was pretty sure I will be there until at least the beginning of the next semester of college. I had no where else to go. Even though I didn't know that they had already found a buyer for my parent's house, I couldn't imagine going back there ever. When we reached the small clearing at the edge of what I would have called a small lake rather than a pond, I realized that we were completely isolated from the world. She led me over to a big rock near the waters edge and we climbed and took a seat.

"It is beautiful here and so peaceful. Thank you for dragging me out here," I said as I looked across the pond.

"It is my favorite place. I am so glad to have someone here with me. This time of year, I usually come alone. Nobody wants to trudge out here when it is too cold to swim I guess. But it is a good place to think or talk and tell secrets," She said with a big smile.

"Do you have secrets to tell, Mary?"

"I might have a couple, but I was mostly thinking you might want to talk about stuff."

For the first time since my parents had died I opened and let my feelings pour out. I told her how much pain I was in and how lonely I felt even when I was with people. Tears streamed down my face as I described the gut wrenching sorrow that I had kept bottled inside. She cried as she put her arms around me.

"You know we loved your parents and we all want to help, Bill. Mom has been hiding her tears so you won't be any sadder. Both of my parents are worried about you because you aren't talking about what happened. But I think I understand and want you to know that I am here for anything you need."

I sighed and looked into her eyes as I wiped away a tear that was rolling down her cheek. She smiled and I knew something was about to happen. I was excited and terrified. I knew the door was open. I also knew that once I stepped beyond the threshold, I would forever be in a new world. I was certain that my virginity could be a thing of the past if only I asked. But in my mind something else hung in the balance; fucking Mary might well condemn my soul. However, I couldn't help myself. I leaned forward and she leaned toward me. It was like a slow motion scene in some sappy movie. Our heads tilted just so. It seemed an eternity before our lips touched.