A Time of Purgatory

I had been living this half-life for twelve months when the half light I had got used to was switched off. A letter came through my letter box addressed to me, forwarded on from our old address. It was from a Solicitor. In essence Mrs. Jasmine Shelton had filed for divorce from Mr. Timothy Shelton on the grounds of irreconcilable differences. All the anguish and pain returned one hundred fold. Even the faintest glimmer of hope was extinguished. I phoned Mike and told him that I needed to take the day off explaining why. He said that was no problem. Twenty minutes later Andrew phoned me.

"Tim! Mike has told me what happened. Now you know I don't agree with divorce, but from what Mike tells me you will be divorced whether you want it or not. Go see your Solicitor immediately. I never would have thought this of your wife, but she is treating you abominably. If you haven't got a solicitor I'll get mine to represent you, but you have to get legal advice quickly. You can't let her do this to you."

I had already made my mind up about this, and got an appointment with my solicitor for the next day. Simon Parkes had acted for us when Jas and I had bought the house. He acted for me when I sold the place and bought the flat, so what had started as a business relationship had turned into a distant friendship. I already knew that he was not acting for Jas as the solicitor she was using was Sileby and Watts. Funnily enough they were in the same town. Had she not moved far?

Simon read the letter. Then asked me.

"It doesn't really matter, but what differences?"

"I could not tell you, Simon. I was not aware of any problems in our marriage. But why doesn't it matter?"

"Irreconcilable differences is the get out when you can't think of anything else to cite. The other one is Unreasonable behaviour. Marriage Law in this country allows divorce on demand, even when the reasons are spurious. So tell me what happened." Painful although it was I went through the saga again, he was nodding as I told the story and his face took on a wry smile.

"Interesting. No differences admitted, no arguments, no attempt at reconciliation." He grinned at me. "We can stop this in it's tracks. We will counter Sue for desertion."

"Why?"

"If a divorce petition is challenged, then it has to be heard in court. That gives me the chance to question Jasmine on your behalf. If I can get her to admit that she is living with another man, then the court will dismiss her petition and grant yours, but on the grounds of adultery and desertion. I can get a judgement for costs, and in all probability it will reduce the settlement in your favour."

Many people told me later that I was stupid, and that included my solicitor. But I wasn't having any of that. I had loved Jas, I still loved her, enough not to want to cause her pain. Going to court and having her questioned would hurt her, and it would hurt me. So I told Simon to write to Sileby and Watts and tell them I wouldn't oppose the petition.

"Tim, I must strongly advise against this course."

"I hear you Simon, but my mind is made up. If you want me to sign a piece of paper acknowledging that I am going against your advice I will. But this is how I want it to be." He shrugged his shoulders.

"No, Tim. There will be no need for that. I will do as you instruct, but in your interests I will say that there should be no claim for maintenance, and that your communal assets should be split equally. I realise that you have already sold the marital residence?"

"Yes, And I have put half of the profit in a savings account for Jas."

"You should keep the interest."

"No, Simon. I put it there for Jas, and it's hers. End of story."

I truly believed that was the end of the story.

Apart from going to Simon's office again to sign the paperwork, all I could do was allow the Court machinery to process the end of my dreams. A month later I got the decree nisi, then six weeks after that the certificate absolute. Even now I had no idea why Jas had opted to do this.

CHAPTER THREE. A TIME OF PURGATORY

Pippa gets involved

It was not too often that Pippa, Mike's secretary, managed a day off. She had been putting in a lot of hours lately and Andrew had noticed. He caught her leaving the office one evening at six o' clock.

"Philippa!"

"Yes Mr. Sellors."

"The office closes at five. But it seems of late that you think our hours go on until six. I know there a lot to do with this exhibition coming up, but we can't have you getting tired on us, can we?"

"I am not tired Mr. Sellors."

"Are ye not?" Andrew had the habit of slipping into dialect at times. "Well I know that Mike is not in the office tomorrow, so I don't want to see you here either. Go see your family or go shopping, I understand that Lassies like to shop. But whatever you do, don't come into the office." Pippa smiled.

"Thank you Mr. Sellors."

"Aye, now get along with you Lassie."

Pippa had gone shopping. There were things she wanted for herself, and her husband, Steve needed a new pair of Jeans and some T shirts. After she had got the things for her husband she had time for herself to wander and window shop. Along the way she stopped into Witherspoons for coffee. She was sitting relaxing when her calm mood went out of the window. She saw Jas, who had just sat down. Pippa could not hide the anger she felt towards this woman, and got up and walked over to Jasmine's table. Jas looked up as Pippa blocked her light.

"Oh Hello Pippa."

"You Bitch! You cruel heartless evil Bitch! How could you do that to him. You gutted him, do you know that? Gutted him, one of the nicest guys anyone could ever meet, and you did that to him. I'm ashamed to be the same sex as you." Jas stood up her eyes blazing.

"Well ask him why he cheated on me." Pippa looked astounded.

"Tim? Cheat on you? Never. Not in a thousand years. That man loved you more than his own life. He would have done anything for you, and you know it. Where you get this idea that he was cheating, I don't know."

"He was seen." Pippa was shaking her head.

"Where? With whom?"

"In Stoke. With a woman called Margaret Lane. They were having Lunch together." Pippa sat down a memory coming to her.

"When was this?"

"Last year, they were Lunching at the Hilton. I know that Mr. Sellors doesn't allow entertaining of customers so it had to be personal. Then later Tim phoned to say that his car had broken down. Well I know what that meant. He was spending the night with her." Slowly lights started to come on in Pippa's head. The memory clarified and time and place were fixed.

"Oh, Bugger." Jas thought that Pippa now understood and smiled thinly. "Jas, why didn't you stay around long enough to ask Tim? He did have Lunch with a customer, Margaret Lane ran a business called Lane Carpets and Curtains. Andrew gave permission for the Lunch, and I was with Mike when he phoned Tim to say it was OK. She was a good customer for Tim but she was closing her business down and moving to Australia to join her Fiancé. I believe she flew out later that afternoon. And Tim's car did break down. He couldn't get it fixed until the following morning. He stayed in the cheapest B. and B. he could find." Jas's face was blanched white. Her eyes reflected a look of horror.

"No, no." She whispered. She reached for her cup, and it shook in her hand as she raised it to her lips. She looked beseechingly at Pippa.

"Tell me you're just covering up for him." Pippa shook her head.

"I wouldn't do that. If a husband or wife cheats then they deserve all the shit that comes their way. You know what Andrew would do. If he thought that Tim was doing anything like that, Tim would be out of a job."

"But he didn't say anything, he just signed the divorce paper."

"Yes, he did. He loved you so much that he wanted you to be happy with the new man in your life, even at the expense of his own happiness. We all told him that he was stupid, and his solicitor wanted to get you in court, where he would have taken you to pieces. But Tim wouldn't agree to that. And as far as saying anything, you didn't give him a chance, did you?"

"But there is no new man in my life!"

"Well Tim concluded there was. He didn't know you suspected him of cheating, you didn't stay to confront him. All he knew was that you had gone. He thought that you had probably met someone else."

Jas was shaking, sobbing in tears, and Pippa stayed with her until she calmed down. One of the staff came over to ask if everything was alright.

"Yes and no." Replied Pippa. "My friend has just discovered she made a terrible mistake." The girl nodded and asked if they would like fresh coffee.

"I think that would be a good idea. Thanks."

Eventually Jas recovered her composure, and went to the Ladies Room to repair her face. She came back just as the waitress brought the coffee.

"Are you alright, Madam?" Jas smiled weakly.

"Yes, thank you." Jas sat down but couldn't look at Pippa as she asked.

"Oh God. What have I done?" There was no need to answer, Jas knew what she had done, as well did Pippa. But Pippa moved the question on.

"We all know what you have done. The real question is what are you going to do now?" Jas shook her head.

"I don't know."

"Well I do. You have to do what you should have done eighteen months ago, and explain to Tim what you suspected, and why you took the course you did." Jas was shaking her head.

"I couldn't. I couldn't face him."

"Tell me Jas. Do you still love him." Jas nodded.

"Yes, I do. I doubt that I will ever love anyone else. But I was so hurt over what I thought he had done."

"Well, he still loves you. God knows why, after the pain you caused him. But perhaps you shouldn't face him at the moment. The hurt and anger would probably create a rift that you could never repair. What if you wrote to him, and explained?" Jas was thinking.

"What if you explained to him?"

"No way. You got yourself into this mess, and Jas! You have to get yourself out of it." Pippa began collecting her shopping bags together. Jas was getting desperate.

"Please help me, Pippa." Pippa was standing now, but she leant down to speak direct to Jas in an determined tone.

"Jas. I will help. Not for you, I think you acted despicably, but for Tim. You have to take the first step. If you don't there will be no help from me. Here's my mobile number." She scribbled it on the back of the receipt for her coffee. "Call me when you have written to Tim. But, I will give you some advice. Don't try to gloss over your actions. You treated Tim cruelly and if you don't accept that and apologise without reservation, then I doubt that Tim will want to see you again." Pippa left Jas in her own private Slough of Despond.

Rather than going home, Pippa decided to disobey Andrew's instructions. She drove to the office. She asked to see Andrew, and he invited her into his office.

"What do I have to do, Philippa to keep you out of the office?"

"I had no intention of disobeying you, Mr. Sellors, and wouldn't have, except that by chance I met Jas today." Andrews countenance changed to mild anger.

"I would have thought that the ex-Mrs. Shelton would be keeping a low profile." He sighed. "Did you speak with her?"

"Yes, and it was quite interesting."

"Well I don't think I really want to know, but if what she had to say impinges on Tim in anyway, I suppose I had better hear it. You obviously want to tell me, otherwise you wouldn't be here. So go ahead."

"She left Tim, because she thought he was having an affair." The pencil Andrew was holding slammed onto the desk breaking in two.

"Absolute, complete rubbish. I get really angry when people try to excuse their own failures by blaming others. I hope you disabused her of that idea, Philippa."

"Oh yes. Mr. Sellors, I did. But it appears she jumped to that conclusion after she was told that Tim had been seen in Stoke on Trent having lunch with a Lady. Now she knew your instructions on entertainment, so assumed that this was a personal lunch. Then when Tim called her that afternoon to tell her his car had broken down and he would have to stay overnight, she put two and two together and made five." Andrew gave this some thought.

"Who told her about Tim's lunch, for which I did give permission, I can recall it well. And when did they phone her? Before or after Tim called to say his car had broken down." Pippa hadn't asked that question. At the time it seemed more important to her that Jas and Tim iron out the misunderstanding. But Andrew's question begged an answer. An important answer.

"I don't know, Mr. Sellors. I didn't ask. But whoever phoned her, they were able to tell Jas the name of the lady, Margaret Lane." Andrew looked surprised.

"How did they...? No never mind, it is immaterial at the moment. What is Jas going to do? Tim has got over this reasonably well now, I don't want all the pain resurrected for him."

"I suggested she write to him, and explain what she thought at the time and why she acted as she did. At least Tim will know the truth and if he wants to get in touch with her, he at least will have the right to choose this time."

"Aye. I suppose that is the best way. But it could be that someone may have deliberately interfered in order to create the problem in the first place. If that is true I shall get very angry if I ever find out who it was. Maybe I shall want to talk to Jas sometime and see if there is anything else there that we should know." Pippa was just leaving when Andrew asked it she was going to tell Tim.

"No. I thought not Mr. Sellors. No point in alarming him if Jas decides to let sleeping dogs lie."

"Humm, I expect you're right. Thank you Philippa, keep me in touch with what's happening. Now please go and have the rest of your day off."

Three days later, Pippa had a call from Jas.

"Pippa. I have written the letter as you suggested. I sent it yesterday. What do you think Tim will do?" Pippa could hear from her voice that Jas was deeply troubled with tears only a heartbeat away. She tried to re-assure Jas.

"Tim will read it and think about it. Now don't get upset if he doesn't contact you immediately. You gave him a lot of heart-ache. I doubt that he will get back to you with all is forgiven and please come home. But knowing Tim, he will give you a chance, which is more than you gave him." Jas's tears came then.

"Don't remind me, please. I haven't slept for three nights thinking about it." Pippa couldn't help herself.

"And Tim didn't sleep for weeks!" The howl of anguish told her she had really rubbed Jas's nose in the dirt. Pippa let her get over the emotion.

"Jas! If Tim talks to me, then I will do my best to persuade him to see you. I can do no more. If he does agree to meet you then it is up to you to make him understand how guilty you feel and how much you want him back." A little voice replied.

"Yes, I know. I do love him, so much. It was just the thought that he was going to be naked with another woman, and...and, do things with her that he promised to do only with me."

"Jas! I can imagine what went through your mind and don't you realise that Tim had the same imaginings about you? But I will remind you, that it was only supposition. You didn't wait to ask Tim what was going on." Jas wailed.

"I know. Oh God will I ever get over it." In Pippa's mind the question would Tim get over it loomed larger.

"Jas, Tell me, just out of curiosity, who phoned you?"

"I don't know. She just said she was telling me as she thought I should know."

"It was on your mobile?"

"Yes."

"Can you remember what time she phoned?"

"Not exactly, but it was before I went to lunch."

"And what time would you go to lunch?"

"Usually at twelve-thirty."

"OK. Thanks, Jas. I'll keep in touch."

CHAPTER FOUR. A TIME OF PURGATORY

Tim gets a letter

I was usually out of the flat and on the road about seven in order to get my first call in early. The post, supposedly the morning post, didn't arrive until twelve-thirty or even later some days. So I would get to read any correspondence later in the evening after getting my paperwork done and cooking a meal. I picked up the mail and sorted it in my usual manner. One letter stood out and I sat down in shock recognising Jas's handwriting immediately. I couldn't open it, not knowing what more hurt she was going to pile onto my shoulders. For a moment my thoughts considered simply throwing it away, unopened and unread. Putting it to one side I poured a glass of whisky. Sipping it slowly I relaxed looking frequently at the letter as if the envelope alone could give me a clue as what it contained. Finally deciding that whatever she had to say, it wouldn't give me anymore unhappiness than I had experienced already, I opened the letter.

_My Dearest Tim.

I hardly know how to start this letter, except to say that I have made a most disastrous mistake. The worst mistake of my life.

I left you, not because I had found someone else to love as I am told you supposed, but because I convinced myself that you were having an affair. I had a phone call telling me that you were having lunch with another woman, then you called me to say that your car had broken down and that you wouldn't be home that evening. My mind put the two together and I saw you sleeping with her. The thought crushed me. Why did I think that you were cheating? How could I believe that of you? I should have trusted you, the loving man I married. Instead I walked out on you.

All I can say in mitigation is that my father cheated on my mother, my uncle cheated on my aunt, and my brother on his wife. I had a family of cheats and was accustomed to men cheating. My mother and my brother's wife accepted their husband cheating but I determined even before I met you that I would not put up with anything like that. You often wondered why I didn't have too much contact with my family, well that is the reason. I judged you without trial and condemned you without evidence, based purely on how the males in my family behaved. I should have remembered you were not like them. You have to judge me now, and I am sure of the verdict. Guilty!

My reason for starting Divorce proceedings was aimed at resolving the situation. If we were divorced, then we could look at life anew. I didn't want to accuse you of anything, so my solicitor advised that I use irreconcilable differences. I know now that you could have opposed the suit and made it difficult for me. It again reinforced my love that you didn't. Now I wish you had opposed, then I would have realised my stupid mistake earlier, and perhaps we wouldn't be where we find ourselves now. Looking back I can see that your not opposing the divorce should have told me that you still loved me. Was I blind during those months?

Darling Tim, I was completely unfair. I should have stayed and listened to you then this terrible thing wouldn't have happened and I would still be with the man I love. The man I will always love. I understand that my actions will have destroyed any chance for me irremediably. I accept that, but I had to tell you the truth so that hopefully you will be able to put this behind you and find another woman to love and share your life. Whoever she is she will be a lucky woman.

Tim, I never stopped loving you even through my imagined hurt and I never will. I have no chance of meeting another man to love, as none will ever compare to you. I am so very, very sorry for all that I have done. If you can ever forgive me, it is far more than I deserve.

Take care, my darling, I wish you well.

With my love, Jas_

I sat there stunned and read the letter again. Three readings and I still could not get my head to believe what she was saying. There was no return address nor a number for me to call. My first thought was that by not giving me the option to get in contact that she didn't want to talk. Perhaps this was all a smokescreen, that she did indeed have someone else. The second thought denied that possibility. No Jas would never do that. Her honesty could never be doubted. Intelligent and scatterbrained in equal parts though she was, mendacity was not part of her psyche. Then something struck me and I read the second paragraph again. Somebody told Jas that I believed she had met someone else. I had only confided in a few people, so one of those few had been speaking to Jas. Who?