A Touch of Lunacy Ch. 10

Katherine woke slowly. She didn't want to wake up. She was so warm. She snuggled closer to the warmth and buried her face into the leaves to block out the morning light. Donovan pulled her tighter against him and nuzzled her neck. Katherine's eyes opened as she realized what she'd done last night. She waited for panic and fear, maybe anger, to overwhelm her, but she could feel the wolf in her mind telling her to relax and just enjoy the moment, not to over think it. She frowned. She could feel the wolf there in her mind trying to influence her and she had to fight against it, push it back, and remember that she was human, not wolf. She felt the alien presence recede and felt cold for the lack of it. She extracted herself out of the leaves and Donovan's warmth. He grumbled in his sleep but she smoothed his hair, murmured comforting words till he drifted back into the depths of sleep.

She walked carefully away from him and felt the wolf in her mind try to push to the forefront again. She steeled her will until it receded again. She stumbled a little and clutched a tree until she regained herself. She pushed herself farther away from him and cursed herself. Jennifer had told her that she shouldn't meet with Donovan when she first changed because her wolf would influence her. She wanted to be pissed but she couldn't forget the feel of the wolf guiding her thoughts. Katherine frowned. It wasn't that it had guided her. It just hadn't thought a great deal of things were important. It didn't worry about the things she worried about. It wanted food, shelter, and companionship, and there weren't any consequences to worry about. And with its thoughts there, she couldn't bring herself to remember why she shouldn't fall into his arms.

She sighed and just wandered through the woods. She tried to cling to her humanity, but, wandering naked through the woods, she could feel and smell the earth. It called to her and she could feel the wolf in her mind, could visualize it pacing in a cage looking for a way free. It hurt to think of it and she tried to push it away but the image became stronger and the wolf howled to be free. Katherine stumbled to the ground, hugging herself. The wolf wanted to be free and run. Katherine shook with the effort of holding her human form. She choked on tears. It felt terrible to deny herself the pleasure of running free. She tried to tell the wolf, tried to make it understand her fear. She knew she had to get away from Donovan or she'd fall into his arms again. The wolf paused in her pacing and Katherine felt the question in the wolf's mind. 'Was the alpha dangerous?' Katherine remembered the night she'd first met him and the wolf began to pace again. 'The alpha hurt us.' It paced before slowing. 'If not for the alpha, we would not be.' Katherine remembered the confusion and fear. The wolf was curious but could not understand it. It wasn't concerned with what worried Katherine but understood that it had to work with Katherine's fears. 'We run from the alpha that hurt us, we lose the pack.' Katherine felt the wolf sit and wait patiently. It had to wait her decision. It wanted food, shelter, and companionship, but had to deal with Katherine's humanity.

She struggled to her feet and walked deeper into the wood. The wolf howled to run free but Katherine pushed it away. She fell to her knees and knew that she wanted to be away from here. To get away from this woods and this pack. She stumbled and growled to herself. It was awful fighting the desire to change into a wolf and run free. The lights around her glittered in her eyes and she buried her face in her hands. The wolf sensed a weakness and threw itself against the bars of the cage. She could hear the bars squeal as they ripped free and the wolf tried to bound free. She snarled and told the wolf not yet. It paused for a second before it threw itself against Katherine's mind.

Katherine's body convulsed as the wolf fought to be free. It twisted her body and she screamed as she felt the bones slide around. She wanted to vomit. This didn't feel like peace. It was hell. The wolf broke free and howled in triumph. Katherine found herself in a cage in the wolf's mind as it bounded free. She cried out for it to stop but it paid no heed to her desires as it ran free. She felt an almost soothing thought slide across her. 'We will not go back to alpha. We can not let us be controlled by that fear. We will go away.' Katherine cried out and wondered if the wolf would always be in control. She let herself drift into blackness as the wolf ran.

She awoke somewhere cold. She shivered and tried to remember where she was. The only thing that came to mind were scents, sounds and briefs flashes of scenery. She shivered and glanced about herself. She was in a small burrow of earth lined with soft leaves and pine needles. She snuggled into the leaves and wondered where her wolf was. She felt too entirely alone. The wolf was quiet to the point that Katherine wondered if it was still there. She tried calling to her wolf to no avail. She closed her eyes and sought her mind for the wolf. She was just short of panic when her mind came to something like the burrow she herself was in. Her wolf was curled in a ball exhausted. It barely lifted its head. 'Tired. Can't run more.' It closed its eyes and drifted into shadow. Katherine tried to keep the wolf from fading but it told her to let her be. 'We will be fine. You came back from shadow.'

Katherine shuddered. She hadn't existed for some time. She simply hadn't existed. It had been her wolf living in her place. The memories were the wolf's. She hugged herself tightly, terrified that she could just stop existing but something else could simply live in her place. She fought away the panic. If she had really stopped existing, then she couldn't have come back... right? She she shook her head and crawled out of the burrow to investigate her surroundings.

She stumbled in snow, gasping as the ice hit her bare skin. She frowned as she surveyed the area. It was some sort of fir forest, but she couldn't think of a forest like that anywhere near anything she had ever been. The trees had always been maples or oaks. The landscape was alien to her. She stumbled forward and tried to find some sign of civilization, wondering if the wolf could have known that she wouldn't survive naked in the snow.

She was stumbling through the snow for at least an hour. Her arms were crossed tightly across her body in a desperate attempt to conserve some warmth. She shook her hair to fall as evenly around her as she could. Her hair was much longer than before. It had gone to just past her shoulders when she had left to the woods for her first run but now hung down to her hips. She was shaking, her teeth chattering loudly, when she heard a low growl. She turned to it and found four black wolves stepping out around trees. They looked to each other and one stepped closer to sniff her.

"H-h-e-ell-l-lo," Katherine managed to say. The one stepping up to her cocked its head. He turned back to the other wolves who shrugged their shoulders. Katherine fell to her knees and pulled herself tighter. She didn't know how much longer she could survive in the cold. She was pretty sure real wolves didn't look to each other and shrug their shoulders. She felt so cold. She watched as they just looked at each other. She frowned. Was there some way they were talking to each other? But they weren't making any noises or moving. Finally the one turned back to her and nudged her until she got to her feet. He huffed at her and the wolves surrounded her. She was led through the forest. She stumbled but they nudged her until she got to her feet again. The one leading would turn to her and cock his head every time she fell. Eventually, they came to a clearing with a lodge surrounded by cabins. She was led to the lodge and stumbled inside.

Katherine felt eyes on her. She glanced up to see twenty men and women staring at her. She wondered what she must look like. She glanced at herself. She was covered in mud, melting snow, leaves matted in her hair. She sat kneeling before them frozen in fear. She wasn't sure that she might not have been safer in that burrow. What if her wolf only meant to sleep awhile before taking off to a safer place? The one wolf nudged her till she got to her feet and was herded before a fireplace large enough for a Clydesdale to stand comfortably. She curled in front of the roaring fire on a fur rug. She glanced around, waiting for someone to say something. The one that had been the leader disappeared down a hall while the others stood watch over her. They seemed more concerned that she might be a danger to them than in protecting her from the rest, though how they could suspect her a danger to them was beyond her. She was practically at death's door when they had nudged her inside the lodge.

A man appearing to be mid-fifties with shaggy black hair just graying at the temples came back into the room carrying a robe. He had a pair of jeans and a flannel shirt that looked hastily thrown on. He handed the robe to Katherine and sat on his heels considering her for a moment. Eventually he asked who she was.

"Katherine," she answered as she pulled the robe around her.

"Well, Katherine, what brought you here? Where is your pack? You have the scent of wolf on you so don't pretend to be a human," the man said sternly. He watched her carefully. Katherine looked away from him and stared into the fire.

"My wolf brought me here. I don't know where I am. It was autumn when my wolf took over." A murmur spread through the crowd. The man nodded to himself and stood. He faced the crowd and ordered some of the women to tend to Katherine. They pulled her to her feet. She was at a loss for words as they herded her down a hall to a large bathroom. They started scrubbing the warmth back into her body, combing out her hair and fussing over her. Eventually they declared her fit for civilized company and dried her off. They dressed her in jeans and a thick plush sweater.

Katherine wanted to protest being treated like a child, but she was glad to be warm and clean. They herded her back to the main area of the lodge and sat her before the fire for her hair to dry. She sat obediently. They brought her roasted meats and hearty bread. She barely touched the bread, it tasted too odd to Katherine, but she ate the meat with relish.

The man came back as she had finished eating and sat near, trying to figure out how to broach the subject. He knew who she was. At least he thought he knew who she was. It had been buzzing around the packs. Donovan's mate, or almost mate, rather, disappeared suddenly. Everyone thought Donovan was going to go into a fit and they would finally be forced to put him down like a rabid beast. He had just returned sadly to his pack and said she had chosen to be free of their pack. A few had tried to convince him to go after her, but Donovan had put his firmly down. She wanted to be free of him and he would not allow her to be forcibly returned to the pack.

"My name is Henry, Alpha of the Pine Forest Clan. Can you tell me about just before your wolf took over? It is odd for something like that to happen. The way you said it took over. You didn't give it control?"

Katherine shook her head. "I was arguing with my wolf. I was conflicted and my wolf thought the best option would be to run free. I tried keeping it in control, but I had just turned into a wolf for the first time just recently. I was still new to it. My wolf forcibly took control and locked me away. I remember panic and feeling myself fade." Katherine sobbed and hugged herself tight. Henry frowned and asked her to please continue. "I woke up in a burrow not far from here. I could only remember bits and pieces... like a dream or something. I don't know how I got here. I don't know where I am."

"Well, you are in Yukon. Your wolf ran as far as she could go I suppose. I can understand being frightened of losing control of your wolf after it being in control for so long, but you could have frozen wandering naked in the snow like that."

"My wolf went to sleep. She was tired. I tried to call my wolf up but she wouldn't come." Henry frowned. He asked her a few more questions. After awhile, Katherine frowned. "Did you say I was in Yukon? That's a part of Canada, isn't it?" Henry nodded and Katherine sat dazed. She had been in East Texas last she had checked.

"Do you know how long you've been gone," Henry asked. Katherine frowned and guessed a couple of months at best. Henry shook his head. "You have been gone for a little more than a year."

"I've lost a year... And I'm far from home," Katherine stated lamely. It felt unreal. She sighed and wondered what she should do. She thought she ought to go back. She thought of Jennifer and Daniel, she even thought of Joe. She tried very hard to not think of Donovan, but her mind kept going back to him. She groaned and buried her face in her hands.

"You don't have to go back," Henry said after a long silence. Katherine looked up to him and waited for him to go on. "I don't have to tell anyone that you showed up here. You can stay here or, after you find a balance with your wolf, you can go back into the wild. I will give you time and respect your choice. If you decide to return to Donovan's pack, I will also give assistance." He left her to her thoughts. Katherine frowned, snuggling into a blanket she had found in the room. The evening chatter washed over her. There were a few questioning looks, but no one intruded her space. There was a bell rung and everyone got up and left. One of the women that had scrubbed her clean told her that dinner was ready. She showed Katherine to the dining room, but abandoned her to her solitude immediately.

Katherine ate with relish but found herself sickened every time she tried to eat something other than meat. She sighed and sought her wolf in her mind. It looked up from the burrow in Katherine's mind. It stretched and looked at her curiously. She asked about the year she had lost but the wolf didn't understand the idea of time very well, especially not Katherine's concern over time lost. She asked about the wolf's opinion of Donovan. 'Alpha wants us as mate. He would not harm us.' Katherine frowned and asked why the wolf had agreed to running. 'You wanted us to run but was afraid of us free. We have to be free. If we are not free, we die.' Katherine frowned, wondering if the wolf had babied her or something. The wolf had a year of free run. It might have had time to think it over and move on, but it was still fresh in Katherine's mind.

"Are you okay," a young woman asked Katherine, snapping her out of her reverie. She felt the wolf growl at the girl but was glad the sound didn't come out. Katherine told her she was fine, thank you, just wanted to think. The girl looked at Katherine as though she thought Katherine was crazy to prefer solitude, but she left her.

Katherine sighed and argued silently with her wolf. Eventually it yawned, threw a vote towards returning, and curled back to sleep. Katherine rolled her eyes and looked up to find Henry seated across from her, studying her.

"You were talking with your wolf," Henry asked. Katherine eyed him warily before nodding. He frowned. "You are like a crazy person. I've never heard of anyone so disconnected from their wolf, but it works for you, I suppose. You can blame your wolf for things." Katherine glared at him. It was hard to think of the wolf completely separate since it always said we or us, though it would sometimes say you.

"I don't want to discuss this with you," Katherine muttered. Henry arched a brow and stated that he was the alpha in this territory and he would decide what they discussed. Katherine huffed but didn't say anything.

"So, what are you planning? What does your wolf think you should do?"

"She throws her vote that we return."

"What is it like to share a space with a separate mind," Henry asked. Katherine frowned and shrugged. She tried to describe it, but it was hard. It had been terrifying when she woke up and the wolf had been gone. Katherine finally snapped at him that she was not a subject to be studied. He raised his eyebrows and told her to calm.

Katherine sighed and asked him if he had been communicating with the other wolves before in the woods. He looked guarded and started to deny it but Katherine told him that if he wasn't going to tell her, have enough decency not to flat out lie. He barked with laughter. "Bold. You are rather bold," Henry laughed. He sighed contently and looked over the others in the dining room. A few had finished and returned to the main room of the lodge. There were a few remaining to talk in small groups. A pair had set up a chess board and were studying the pieces intently.

"We can speak mind to mind because we are a united pack. There has been a history of unity for more than fifty generations. It is said to be a magic spell a shaman had cast to reward the first pack that had arrived because they had worked with the shaman's tribe and defended them from dangers. Never being a member of another pack, I can't fathom not speak mind to mind." He shrugged and studied her a moment. "Not many alphas know. I only told you because you might join our clan, though I doubt you'll be able to speak mind to mind, and because Donovan knows. Either case, the secret of our clan is kept."

He showed her to a room and told her to get rest. She dreamed of running through the woods around Donovan's pack estate. She was dashing happily through the leaves as a wolf when she spotted Donovan's wolf. He was running after another wolf, playing with her like he had with her, pouncing on her and being pounced on. Katherine tried to catch up but she was always just further away. She followed them to the manor. They had turned human and were walking hand in hand to the house when dark figures swept over them. Katherine saw blood splashing and screams. Katherine screamed in horror as she saw children lying bloody. She tried to wonder where they came from, but the dream dragged her back with more horrors.

Katherine woke exhausted and on edge. Her wolf was pacing, searching for dangers. Katherine tried to make sense of the dream but figured it was Donovan with his first mate and her being taken from him. She shuddered and tried to reason it away.

A knock on the door announced Henry before he entered. Katherine glared since she hadn't invited him in, but didn't bother to rebuke him. He'd probably pull out some nonsense about his house or something. He asked her if she had a decision yet. Katherine glared, thinking he sure wanted her out of his house. She supposed she was an unwelcome guest but he was hardly being understanding.

"I am to confused about it, but my wolf says go back, so I will. I don't feel so frightened so... I don't have to explain any of it to you, actually." Henry laughed and handed her a paper. It had a phone number on it. He explained it was the number to Donovan's house. He pointed out a cordless phone she hadn't noticed and excused himself from the room. Katherine fiddled with the paper for some time before she finally picked up the phone and dialed the number. She paced the room nervously as it rang.

A young man she didn't recognize answered the phone. "Yes?" Katherine frowned. "May I speak to Jennifer," Katherine finally asked. The person on the other side asked who was asking. "The person that has business with Jennifer. Sooner would be better," Katherine snapped. She could hear him breathing on the line, but he said nothing for a moment. Finally he set the phone down and barked orders. A minute later, the phone rattled against the table and scraped as it was picked up. "Hello," Jennifer said. She sounded wary. Katherine felt weak and fell to her knees sobbing, thinking what a strange event this must be for Jennifer. She calmed herself but before she got to say anything, Jennifer whispered, "Katherine? Is that you?"