tagHumor & SatireA Vampire Night Out

A Vampire Night Out


Hello, my name is Jack and I'm a vampire. That probably surprises you but it shouldn't. I live in L.A., and I'm not the only vampire who lives here. There are quite a few of us, but most of the well-known bloodsuckers aren't vampires, they're agents and lawyers.

I was walking across the rooftops after ingesting a pint of O positive blood at the local blood bank which caters to those of us who are, shall we say, eating impaired, when I stopped across the street from a certain apartment building. I used that particular blood bank, they even have takeout, because it was close to where I lived, but the main reason I used it was the apartment building I was watching. The building was full of babes and because their apartments where so high up, they never closed their curtains and tended to walk around with no clothes on.

I was watching this sweet, twenty-something lady masturbate, minding my own business, lost in thought, trying to decide what to do for the rest of the night when suddenly I saw her on the roof of the apartment building I was watching. I just caught a glimpse of her, then she was gone, and I got a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.

L.A. is an open city where there are no private hunting grounds so we vampires never fight over territory, but I felt I knew the woman I'd seen briefly. And if she was who I thought she was I was deep shit and so were all other vampires.

Then I felt someone land on my roof and scanned the shadows to see who it was.

"Hello, Jack, long time no see," she said in a sultry voice from the darkest corner of the roof.

My nightmare had come true. It was Zuzu, the horniest vampire who had ever walked the night. Hell, she'd rather fuck than eat, and if she doesn't eat, you don't eat.

"What the hell are you doing here, Zuzu?" I asked.

"I'm glad to see you too, Jack," Zuzu replied in a rather irritated voice.

"Like I said, what are you doing here?" I was trying to figure out how to get off the roof without scaring the shit out of the people down on the street.

"If you must know, I was looking for you," she purred.

I'd been afraid she was going to say that, and with very little hope, I asked, "Now that you've seen me, will you be leaving town?"

"No, I just got here. Why would I want to leave?"

I thought it'd been worth a shot and tried another tactic. "L.A. is pretty quiet, I know you don't like quiet places, and so I thought you were just passing through."

"Oh, Jack, you do know how to make a girl hot," Zuzu said. "Playing hard to get turns me on." She slipped out of her evening dress. "Take me now you stud."

I don't dislike Zuzu. I mean what's to dislike. She stood about five feet nine, had long black hair, a killer body, smoke gray eyes, thirty-six double D breasts and lips so luscious they were to die for. Add in her soft voice and long legs and you had a package that could turn on a dead man, but the trouble was, that once Zuzu was turned on, there was no OFF switch. And I had already been down that road several times before and had been lucky to get out alive.

The trouble with Zuzu was that a guy could only take so much fucking before something had to give. As an example, let me tell you about Zuzu's last lover, Sebastian, who lived in New Orleans. I'd been passing through New Orleans last year and decided to drop in on Sebastian, an old friend. I'd searched his usual haunts and hunting grounds with no luck, and then someone had told me to try one of the local cemeteries. Well, I found Sebastian there all right, but only what was left of him. He was a gibbering idiot to put it mildly, a mental and physical wreck. He'd taken up residence in one of the more elaborate crypts in the cemetery and skulked around at night sucking the blood out of cats, dogs and small rodents. Now you have to understand that vampire senses are more developed than human's senses are and living in a cemetery was like living in a garbage dump to a vampire. I took pity on the poor bastard and captured a sweet little teenage girl tourist for him. When he saw her ripe body at first he just shivered and drooled, but after I slit her throat and made him drink all her blood, I finally got the story out of him. It turned out he'd moved in with Zuzu, and after she'd fucked his brains out non-stop for two weeks, he was a shell of his former self and afraid of his own shadow.

I left Sebastian in the cemetery, he was afraid he'd run into Zuzu, and now, facing Zuzu, all I could think of was had happened to poor Sebastian. So vampire to you mortal men, what else could I do but back away as I said, "Now, Zuzu let's not do anything we'll regret in the morning."

She had on only her silk stockings, a garter belt, and high heels, and she smiled at me as backed me into a corner and grabbed my crotch. "I never have any regrets." She squeezed my balls and said, "Is that a stake in your pocket or you just glad to see me?"

I gulped and said, "Damn it, Zuzu, people can see us up here. Try to control yourself."

"That's a turn on for me, isn't it for you?" She stopped squeezing my balls and turned to look at the apartment building across the street. "What the hell are you watching over there anyway?"

"A woman. What else would I be watching?" I said and tried to pull away from Zuzu.

She squeezed my balls, hard, and said, "Zuzu wants to play." Then she grinned, showing her fangs, and said, "I'm also hungry and haven't had any vampire blood for a while."

I pointed at the window where the young woman was masturbating. "I was watching that woman, okay?"

Zuzu cooed, and said, "She look's yummy. Let's go over there and eat." She licked her lips and ran her tongue across her fangs.

I took a deep breath and said, "I was thinking about going over there and giving her some vampire dick."

"That's gross. You fuck what you eat?"

"Hell, no, I eat down at the blood bank. I was thinking of eating her all right but not in the way you mean."

"What does that little twat have that I don't?" she snapped. She cocked her hips and said, "You can eat me anytime you want." She backed up until she was against the low wall that ran around the top of the roof, then she turned and rested her arm on the top of the wall, spread her legs and wiggled her ass. She looked over her shoulder with an impish grin and said, "It's hot and it's here."

Hey, what can I say, I'm only a vampire and whom am I to argue with fate, or pussy. I unzipped my pants, took out my throbbing cock and stepped behind her. She let out a long moan as I entered her wet pussy and my belly slammed into her sweet ass.

She yelled, "Oh, yeah. Fuck me, Jack, fuck me hard. Make me cum. God, I love your cock. Fuck me, fuck me good." She moaned each time I rammed my cock into her, and she met each one of my thrusts with one of her own.

I kept fucking Zuzu but I was watching the young woman across the street lying in bed fucking herself with her finger. Then the woman stopped, and I thought she'd seen us but she hadn't. She was just taking a break to find her vibrator, a big pink one, and push it into her pussy. Then it hit me so hard I stopped in mid-stroke. Why haven't I thought of it before?

Zuzu wiggled her ass and yelled, "Don't stop, I'm almost there."

It took me another ten minutes, but I finally got Zuzu cumming and screeching like a banshee. I thought someone was bound to call the cops if I didn't do something, and I turned Zuzu and smothered her mouth with mine. She fought me and tried to pull away but I kept hold of her until she could regain control of herself.

She pushed me away and said, "That wasn't necessary."

I said, "Oh, but it was. Every man and woman in L.A. has a cell phone, and they love to use them to call the cops. Get dressed and let's get out of here."

"But I want more of you. Let's do it facing each other this time."

"Later. Right now let's go get you something to eat and while you're eating, I'm going to buy you a present,"

"I like presents. Where are we going to eat?"

"I'll drop you off at the blood bank and be back in no time."

"Fuck that noise," she snapped. "I don't like cold food." She pouted as she pulled on her dress but she did get dressed.

"Okay, then you can go with me, but only if you promise no snacking on anybody we meet. We'll swing by the blood bank on the way to my place, get some blood and I'll heat it up for you. How's that sound?"

She didn't look very happy about the no snacking part but she nodded and followed me off the roof.

We went for about twenty blocks using the rooftops before we dropped onto the street in front of Ben's PlayPen, a one-stop store for all your sex toys. We went inside and walked up and down the aisles, marveling at the many ways you could pleasure yourself, or a partner, and when we hit the display of vibrators, Zuzu was like a kid in a candy store. She picked out about eight hundred dollars worth of sex toys and vibrators, and needless to say, when the owner rang up the sale, he told us to come back anytime and even threw in some batteries.

Our next stop was the blood bank for some takeout, and when we headed for my place we were carrying four pints of blood nestled in a cooler.

Zuzu made herself right at home when we reached my place, and I went into the kitchen to boil some water to heat up Zuzu's blood for her. I live in a basement with a lot of soundproofing and no windows so when the door is locked we were safe from noisy neighbors and the sun.

When I decided to stop watching the water heat up, I walked in my living room and found Zuzu sitting cross-legged on my couch wearing only her garter belt, silk stockings and high heels. She was digging into the bag from Ben's PlayPen like a kid on Christmas morning, delighted with her new playthings. And after she'd emptied the sack, she put batteries in each of her toys and started trying them out.

Shaking my head at my brilliant idea, I went back into the kitchen and dropped Zuzu's blood in the boiling water. I tried to concentrate on not overheating the blood, it tended to clot if it got too hot, but I could hear Zuzu moaning in the other room.

After I'd removed the blood from the boiling water, I walked into the living room, and Zuzu yelled, "Oh yeah! Oh yeah! I'm cumming! I'm cumming!" She had her left leg on the back of the couch, her right foot planted firmly on the floor and moaned as she worked a large vibrator in and out of her pussy.

"I hate to interrupt you, but your blood is ready, Zuzu."

She slowly opened her eyes and smiled at me.

And the way I figure it, as long as Zuzu has batteries, I just might survive her visit.

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