tagToys & MasturbationA Vibrating Kind of Valentine's Day

A Vibrating Kind of Valentine's Day


Husband buys his wife a combination dildo and vibrator for Valentine's Day.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Honey."

"Oh, sweetie, you bought me flowers and chocolates. How nice? This is so much better than what you bought me last year, a six pack of beer that we had to split."

"Yeah, well, there's nothing too good for my baby. Besides, they gave me an unemployment extension this year. Things are looking up for us. Any day now, I'll get a call back to work and get my old job back."

"Honey, you're company went out of business three years ago. They'll never call you back."

"We'll see. Oh, and I bought you a card, too," said Frank handing his wife the card.

"Oh, baby, you're going to make me cry," she said wrapping her arms around his neck and giving him a kiss. "That's such a nice card, too. I didn't know Playboy made cards with topless women. How thoughtful of you."

"And I have a special surprise," said her husband pulling away from her hug to hand her a gift wrapped box that he was holding behind his back.

"What's this, Frank?" She looked at him with a look of surprised anticipation.

"It's a surprise. Open it and see what it is."

She tore through the paper, opened the box, and looked up at him with shocked disbelief.

"It's a dildo. You bought me a dildo for Valentine's Day?" She put a hand to her hip and gave him the same stare she did, as when he dropped her grandmother's lamp and broke it. "How nice...I think."

"It's not just a dildo, doll, it's a vibrator, too, Debbie. It's the latest thing. I read a big write up they had about it in Playboy Magazine."

"Honey, I've never used a dildo or a vibrator before in my life. I wouldn't even know what to do with it. Masturbation is just not my thing. Sorry."

"See? That is the thing. That's what I'm talking about and why I bought you this sex toy."

"Why? I don't understand. Why did you buy me this sex toy?" She held it up in the air, as if it was covered in excrement.

"Because you aren't being truthful," said Frank taking a big breath before confronting his wife. "I know you masturbate. Sometimes, you forget to turn the radio on to mask your excitement and I've heard you in the bathroom when you take one of your special relaxing baths." She shot him a look. "There's nothing wrong with you finding a bit of personal pleasure with your bad self," he said, "but there's no reason to lie about it. We all masturbate baby."

"I don't know what to say to you, Frank. Am I not allowed any privacy whatsoever in this house?"

"That's not the reason why I bought you this combination dildo and vibrator, Debbie. Even though I told you that I don't masturbate, have never masturbated, I lied. I have and I do masturbate. I masturbate all the time, nearly every day, sometimes when I'm horny, twice a day.

"I see," said Deb looking at her husband with growing disinterest.

"It's about time we were more open and honest about our sexual needs in our sexual relationship," he said looking at his wife. "Don't you think? I mean, seriously, we're not teenagers anymore. There's nothing to be embarrassed about. We both have needs and it's about time we explored them openly and honestly, as a couple, instead of individually."

"What do you have in mind?"

"Well, for starters, I think we should masturbate in front of one another and then we should masturbate one another."

"Oh, Baby, that sounds so romantic. I like where you're going with this. That's a great idea."

"You first," he said eying the sex toy he just bought her.

"No, you," she said. "Watching you masturbate will put me more in the mood to touch myself."

"Okay," he said leaning over to grab a bunch of tissue. Then he unbuckled, unzipped, and dropped his pants to his ankles and shimmied down his underwear. He gave her a little smile before starting to stroke himself. "Here goes."

"I'm curious, tell me, what do you think about when you're masturbating," she said watching him stroke his cock.

"What do I think about?" Frank looked at her with a nervous and guilty look on his face. "You'd have to promise me you won't get mad, if I tell you what goes through my mind while masturbating."

"Mad? Why? Why would I get mad over what you think about while masturbating yourself?" She looked at him. Why? Do you think about other woman? Younger women? Prettier women, women with bigger tits than me?"

"Honey, this is supposed to be a move to more openness and honesty and not lying and deception. If you're going to cop an attitude of jealousy and possessiveness from the start, this will never work."

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I'll try and get more in the spirit of our new sexuality. I promise I won't get mad. Go ahead, you can tell me."

"Well, whenever I'm horny, whenever I feel the need to touch myself, I think about your sister."

"My sister? You think about my sister?" She gave him a look that would melt ice. "You pig! How dare you?"

"Since we're being open in honest with our new sexuality, sometimes, I even think about your mother, too."

"Oh, my God, may the good Lord have mercy on your soul when you die, after I kill you." She looked at him long and hard. "Do you really think of my sister and my mother, when you're horny and while touching yourself and jerking off?"

"Yeah, I sure do," he said with a smile as broad as his stroke.

"This is unbelievable." She gave him a look that would spoil milk. "What is wrong with you? How could you even go there? God, that's so sick, Frank."

"It excites me to think about them, while stroking myself. It's no big deal. It's just a fantasy."

"I don't believe you. Eww, that's just so wrong, that's so nasty."

"Stop, Debbie. See how you act? I'm trying to be as open and as honest as I can be and all you do in return is to judge me and call me names." He stopped stroking himself and remained silent, while looking at his wife. "I can't do this. This isn't working. It's ruined. It's all ruined. Would you rather, I not tell you anything? Would you rather I sneak around behind your back?"

"No, of course not, certainly not. Just give me a minute to embrace this mutual masturbation. It's all so new to me." With a look of dejection and disappointment, she looked at her husband before speaking. "I just don't understand why you find it exciting to think about my mother and my sister, while playing with yourself."

"I find incest exciting. It makes me hard when I think about your sister and/or your mother touching me in the way that I need to be touched."

"Eww. Gross. God, you're such a pig. You're such a nasty man. Sorry," she said.

"Incest is best, is what they say."

"You realize, of course, that sex with in-laws is really not incest and when you think about my sister and my mother, while jerking off, you disgusting and perverted man, it's not incestuous, it's just nasty. You understand that, right? They're not related to you by blood. It's more of a sexual taboo than it is incest."

"Call it incest, call it taboo, it doesn't matter. It excites me to think of them while I masturbate myself."

"Do you imagine having sex with my sister and mother?"


"Eww. Gross. I can't believe you. I don't know if I can do this, Frank. I find it very disturbing that you think about my sister and my mother in that way, giving you sex."

"C'mon, Debbie, you're ruining the moment for me. I'm nearly ready to cum," he said stroking himself faster.

"Okay," she said letting out a big, disinterested sigh. "Do you imagine them naked?"

"Oh, God yes."

"Do you imagine touching them?"


"Do you imagine them touching you?"


"When you imagine having sex with them, what do you imagine doing."

"I imagine kissing them, undressing them, and touching them everywhere, where no brother-in-law should touch his sister-in-law and no son-in-law should touch his mother-in-law."

"What are they doing when you are imagining them?"

"I imagine them kissing me, French kissing me. I imagined them touching my penis. They are stroking me before blowing me. Now, I'm imagining them sucking my cock."

"Together or one at a time?"

"One at a time, mostly, together, sometimes. Oh, that's it. I'm ready to cum. Oh, God. Wow, that was so good. It was more enjoyable to have you talking to me about your sister and mother blowing me. That got me even more excited."

"Don't get me involve in your perversion, Frank. You were doing all the talking. I was just asking you some questions, while trying to understand why my husband is so demented, deranged, and perverted. To be quite honest, Frank, I found the whole thing to be very disturbing. I was disgusted that you think about touching my sister and my mother while they are naked and while having them suck your cock."

"I'm sorry, Deb, it's just a fantasy. I'd never do something like that, have sex with your mother or sister. You know that, don't you?"

"You're lying. I dare say that, if you could, you would."

"I would not, Deb, it's all just a fantasy, really. It's just in my head is all."

"You mean to tell me that if my sister and my mother were in the room with you right now and offered to give you a blowjob without me knowing about it, you'd turn them down."

"Hey, c'mon, it's your turn to masturbate."

"You didn't answer my question, Frank. Would you turn my sister and/or my mother down if they offered to blow you?"

"Deb, how can I answer a question like that? If I say no, you wouldn't believe me and if I said yes, you'd be mad at me. C'mon, it's your turn to masturbate."

"I'm really not in the mood, right now, to masturbate, Frank. At least, not until you answer my question."

"Okay, I'll answer the question. What was the question?"

"If my mother and/or my sister offered to suck your cock without me knowing about it and finding out about it, would you do it?"

"Would they allow me to cum in their mouth?"

"I don't know, Frank," she said looking at him. "Okay, they'd allow you to cum in their mouths."

"Would they swallow?"

"Gees, Frank, this is getting really sick and out of hand. Okay, yes, they'd allow you to cum in their mouth and they both would swallow your slimy, gooey, warm load. Happy now?"

"I don't know, maybe, but it depends on the circumstances, Deb."

"Circumstances? What kind of evasive answer is that? What the Hell are you talking about? What the Hell kind of circumstances would it take to make you agree to having my mom and/or my sister blow you, you sick son of a bitch?"

"If you were paralyzed or in an insane asylum or if you left me and they were consoling me. Maybe then, I would consider having them suck my cock, but only if they insisted."

"Yeah, like that would really happen in your lifetime, my sister or my mom insisting that they'd want to give you a blowjob. I give up," she said throwing up her hands.

"See? This is what I mean. You're off on another tangent. I go through all the trouble of buying this special gift for you for Valentine's Day and then--"

"Okay, okay," she said removing her pants and panties.

She propped up a pillow and relaxed on the bed while fingering her clit. It didn't take her very long to reach for the vibrator. She used the vibrator on her clit before feeling her tits through her shirt and before reaching up beneath her shirt and bra to finger her nipples.

"Okay, now it's your turn. Tell me, Deb, what do you think about when you masturbate?"

"What do I think about? Oh, that's easy. I think about you getting a job."

"A job? You do? That's a weird thing to think about while you're masturbating."

"Oh, yeah, that's what I think about, you working full fucking time and overtime, double time, and golden time," she said pulling out her nipples, while sticking the dildo deeper inside of her pussy.

"What else? Tell me what else you think about, while masturbating and don't hold anything back. I want to hear everything you think about, while fucking yourself with that dildo and tickling your clit with that vibrator."

"I think about you finally earning enough money, so that I don't have to work two jobs. I think about you finally earning enough money, more than enough God damn money, so that I don't have to work at all, anymore, for the rest of my friggin' life."

"Really? That's so weird that you think about that stuff. Yet, I suppose, that would be anyone's fantasy, not to have to work anymore, while having someone taking care of them financially, in the way that you take care of me, right now. Only, that wouldn't be a sexual fantasy for me, not unless there were topless women in it."

"It excites me to think about never working again," she said while inserting this dildo deeper in her pussy. "It excites me to think about you working and making a lot of money, instead of hanging around the house all day reading porn on Literotica."

"That's certainly a weird fantasy, Deb, but I'm so glad you're finally sharing your sexual thoughts with me. Tell me, what else do you think about?"

"I think about coming home to a clean house."

"A clean house? Really? That's a sexual fantasy for you? That's so strange. Come to think about it, it would be my sexual fantasy, if you did housework in the nude, especially if I brought home a couple of my buddies to watch you vacuum."

"You're such a sick fuck, Frank. This is my fantasy. Stop interrupting me with your fantasies."

"Sorry, Deb. I'll keep quiet. Continue, please."

"It would be my sexual fantasy, too, if you did housework, no matter how you were dressed or undressed, so long as you cleaned the house from top to bottom, so that I wouldn't have to spend my weekend picking up after your mess."

"What else?"

"I think about the dishes all washed and the laundry all done, ironed, neatly fold, and put away."

"Wow, I had no idea that women thought about this stuff while masturbating."

"Not all women, but I do."

"What else?"

"I think about you buying me a nice house, instead of having to live in this dump with your grandmother. I think about you taking more pride in your appearance. I think about you not playing another fucking video game for hours at a time. I fantasize about you swearing off liquor and not falling asleep drunk every night in your chair in front of the TV. I think about you not having an enormous pot belly and looking more like Brad Pitt, but only having a much bigger cock."

"Ah, this is more like it. Now we're talking. All that other stuff was kind of bullshit, huh? You were just pulling my chain. Right? You just wanted to ease into the bigger cock part of your fantasy."

"No. I wasn't, Frank," she said removing the dildo from inside of her and turning on the vibrator to tickle her clit.

"What do you mean?"

"If you want to turn me into a sexual animal," she said staring at him wide-eyed, as if she was a witch about to give him a curse. "If you want me to give you more sex than you could stand, if you want me to blow you every morning and twice at night, you'd make all of my fantasies a reality."

"I don't think those things you confessed were really your fantasies. Besides, I could maybe lose weight to rid myself of my pot belly, but I don't see how I can make my cock any bigger than it is."

"You're such a dope, Frank."

"I don't think this masturbation thing was a good idea, Deb," he said grabbing the combination dildo and vibrator from her hand. "Maybe if I clean this real good in hot water and rinse it in rubbing alcohol, and put it back in the box, they'll take it back. What do you think?"

"What do I think? I think you're an asshole, Frank," she said climbing off the bed and putting on her panties and pants. "Get a job, get a fucking job, you loser. You have way too much free time on your hands. And stop thinking about having sex with my sister and mother, you sick fuck. They both hate you. Do you hear me? They hate you, just as I'm starting to hate you, too. Happy fucking Valentine's Day."

"Well, that went well," said Frank. "At least I got to jerk off. I need a beer," he said scratching his big belly, "before I see if I can beat my highest score on that video game. I wonder if she'll give me sex tonight. I did buy her flowers. Let me go see if she opened those chocolates."

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