A Walk in the Sand

The program cut to a close-up the girl I recognized as the one that started the chant about god having a big dick. She said, "It started out so hysterical. This naked boy got excited and he was huge! Some guy wanted him to go lay down and we got into a spat, I guess you would call it. Anyway, the next thing I knew, one of the nice old ladies who I see often died. That's all I know, other than the girls where calling him BEEP BEEP Billy... can I say that on television?" (The 'big dick' part having been censored as she suspected). "Her son was always weird, so I can see him doing something like that to BEEP BEEP Billy. I am so glad he didn't hurt him."

And all of a sudden I see a video of myself on television! Someone took out their cell-camera against the rules and caught a good part of our parade, my penis blotted out with a blur effect. I was carrying all the beach paraphernalia, smiling away, while it was clearly viable I was being led by a shapely blond woman- you could only see Janelle's back and legs- who grasped a ribbon in her hand, other end obviously leading to my distorted groin region.

"That's you!" Shouted Aunt Peg. "Billy, what have you gotten yourself into? What were you doing at a nude beach? You didn't say this happened at a nude beach. What was she doing to you? Your father will kill you if he finds out. My god, and he will blame me. With your upbringing I cannot believe you did that. What's the matter with you?"

The broadcast cut back to the newsroom, where Tom mentioned, "That really is quite an impressive blur spot."

"It certainly is," said Diane nodding her head, squinting at the monitor. "Nothing like that ever happens at my beach. It's Dullsville. A bunch of mothers with their children. Perhaps the beach is best that way. I'll have to think about that one."

Tom finished up by saying, "Next up after the break, the weather. See how your nude, or not-so-nude, beach will fend come tomorrow... after this."

If I weren't the headline in that story I'd say it was a well done short piece on local events. And headlining as I was, Aunt Peg was beside herself with grief. "What am I going to tell your father?" she asked rhetorically, pacing the living room. "He's never going to talk to me again."

I had a clear moment of though when she asked me that disturbing question. I replied, "You can tell him that he kept me so sheltered I had no idea I was so different sexually and it made me feel happy for a short while to learn that I was at least special in some sort of way; more so than he ever made me feel special. It was like I had celebrity status for a few hours, but I didn't kill that lady with my penis. You can tell him that there is not a thing wrong with being naked, too, that I am not going to hell no matter what he thinks. And, Aunt Peg, you can tell him I loved how those people looked at me. It excited me. Tell him that!"

We watched the television commercials in silence, each of us preoccupied with internal dialogue. To break the silence, I asked, "If somebody films you naked with an erection, does that constitute pornography?"

Aunt Peg shook her head in despair. "There has to be a sexual act for it to be pornographic, but that video was pretty close from what I could see. Certainly your mom and dad will think it so. You may end up on their shit list along with me."

****

Much to my initial horror, three days later the video went viral on YouTube, with a great rap song that went well with the video about how this old lady keeled over and died because she saw my magical erection. The piece lasted three minutes. The catch phrase of the tune:

"You got me and me on a lovin' leash,

so just keep callin' when ya need a piece.

I'm a slave for your lovin' Baby, a dick on a string.

Baby, give a pull and I'll lay some down a killin for ya;

With my big meat, I'm gonna make you sing."

After giving me my wallet and cell back, Cindy told me an unedited version was released at Pirated Bays- a file sharing site for such things. She pointed out that the four of us will forever be remembered for that nude beach penis parade; fun in the sun that resulted in a death, an attempted castration (if not murder) and a bullet wound.

Cindy said, "If I had known I would have worked out. You looked hot, but my pudgy ass is all over the place, so I'm going on a diet."

She made no apologies to me, other than that Janelle had to bug-out because she had a warrant for outstanding parking tickets. I didn't make issue of it because I wanted to remain friends with her. It was the beginning of a memorable summer I may find time to share. In the mean time, be thankful for what you have because no matter how lackadaisical and normal you think you are, there will be a day when someone will help you see just how special you are; god's gift blatantly revealed.

I hope all good souls will have at least one day suchlike my day at the beach, when that special thing about you is revealed under the warmth of a bright and sunny day.

END (Written by MacHill)