A Walk into the Unknown

But I can't help it. His face is the only one I can see and almost without my knowledge, my hand goes under my panties and starts to rub my clit as I think of Rog's face and his strong arms around my body, holding me tight.

I'm quickly jolted out of my trance as I hear three hard knocks at my door and the doorknob start to turn. My hands fly out of my panties and I sit up, trying to look as normal as can be, even though I'm panting harder than I should.

The door opens and my dad stands in the entryway. He always looks mad and right now is no different, though I'm used to it by now. He eyes me.

"What's wrong with you?" He asks. "You look like you seen a ghost."

"I'm fine," I lie.

I can smell my juices on my hand. It's so potent! I wonder if he can smell it too.

He eyes me for a moment.

"Where's your brother?" He asks.

I shrug. "I-dun-know."

I hear the screen door open and shut in the living room.

"That must be him," I say.

He nods slowly, his eyes still on me.

"Clean this room up," he says. "It smells in here."

Oh shit! Does he know?

He turns and walks back to the living room, passing Rog in the hallway. Rog and I exchange glances as he walks by my room. A moment later, I hear his door close. I can't tell what his look was saying. It was painfully neutral. At least now the feeling has subsided, my dad having taken care of that.

What a weird morning.

I decide what I need is a cold shower and a trip out of the house. I'm not sure where exactly, but anywhere other than here so I can get my head straight. I can take the bus to the WalMart and hang out there. The problem is I'll be too tempted to buy something. Maybe I'll just go sit by the reservoir. Clear my head and get myself back to reality. Maybe I should create a profile on one of those online dating sites. I need a man in my life other than my dad and my brother. A girl can only go so long being celibate. Or maybe I just need a good old vibrator.

I have to find something. After all, it's not like anything can really happen between me and my brother. Can it?

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Fuck man, that was insane! I can't believe I took it that far.

I can't believe it got that far.

She's my sister, that kind of thing just shouldn't happen. When she got naked I should've turned away but I couldn't. And then to go and get a hard on right in front of her? Fuck.

Rach has always been pretty, I've always known it. You're a brother before you're a man, but that doesn't mean you're not a man. And of course the few friends I've had over the years have always let me know. "Dude, your sister's hot!" "Dude, I wanna fuck your sister." Assholes. Like she would want any of their dumb asses anyway.

I haven't been with anyone in a long time, so I'm sure it's just that. I mean, she got naked right in front of me. What am I supposed to do? Not look? I guess I didn't need to put my arms around her but it was like there was this force pushing us together.

And God, did she look just like mom.

At least from what I can remember. It's not like I have an Oedipus complex or anything. I mean how could I? I barely remember anything about my mother. It's just that Rach looked so damn pretty in that dress. We've always been close. People have commented to me before that we seem closer than most siblings. That might seem weird to some but when you grow up like we did, we had to be. Our dad is an asshole. It's hard enough dealing with him let alone having to deal with a sibling as well. The bond between me and Rach is because of our dad. We're the only ones that understand the struggle. We're the only ones who care for one another. I'd run in front of a fucking truck for her. She's my sister.

I remember when she first starting becoming a woman. When the whole puberty thing hit. I remember thinking once or twice "damn, she's hot." It was never in a sexual way, more in an objective kind of way. Like it was just a fact being stated. I think every sibling must have that moment at some point in their life. That moment when you objectively realize your brother or sister is either hot or ugly.

The problem is I'm older. Not by much, but I am. By default I have to be the responsible one. I should've stopped what happened much sooner.

Luckily nothing actually happened.

When I walked by her room just now I was hoping to get some indication on her mood. I think she looked upset but it was hard to tell. How can she not? Her brother just took advantage of her.

I mean, I wasn't really taking advantage, right? I wasn't forcing her. She seemed like she was just as willing.

Yeah, keep telling yourself that Rog. Girls aren't into their brothers, and their brother isn't supposed to be into them.

Then why am I rock hard right now?

Her body was perfect. I never realized she has the most perfect perky tits. This little petite frame and petite-girl boobs. Her whole body is smooth and her pussy is shaved clean. It's a brother's curse to have a smokin' hot sister.

What's wrong with me?

I shouldn't be touching myself right now but I know I have to. Every guy has a moment of no return when it comes to hard-ons. Sometimes you can get hard and let the feeling subside. Other times, you know you're going to have to jerk one out. The problem is, the only thing I see in my head is Rach's naked body standing in front of me. I can see that beautiful floral dress as it falls on her, hiding her perfection underneath. I can see her eyes looking up at me with that curious fascination she's always had. Her whole life she's always been like that, the curious one. When we were kids, if there was a noise out in the woods, she'd go running. I'd always follow right behind but I was built with that natural hesitation.

Why didn't it kick in this morning?

Maybe it did? Nothing ended up happening. I don't even remember lowering my shorts but they're at my ankles as I lay on my bed, my rock hard cock in hand. I take a deep breath in and start stroking it slowly. I try to think of something other than Rach but she's fixed in my mind's eye. I wonder what it would be like to have her? I've been told by girls before that I'm bigger than most. Maybe they were just blowing smoke up my ass but maybe they weren't.

My hand quickens its pace and I start to feel the first drops of cum build at the base of my shaft. I can still hear her voice in my head. "How do I look" as she twirls her tiny frame around. "Good" I say, and then "you look just like her." "Thanks," she whispers back. I lick my hand and start stroking my cock with furious vigor. I've lost all inhibitions now. If she were to walk in the room right now, I probably wouldn't be able to stop myself from grabbing her and throwing her underneath me on the bed. I get a flash in my mind of her ass, but this time it's on my bed, her naked and facing down as I'm on top, pumping her as I repeat her name.

"Rach...Rach..."

I start to say it very lightly out loud. She's all I want. I don't care what's right and wrong anymore, I want my sister. And with that admission, my cock lets loose. My warm seed flies out of me like a long awaited eruption. It lands on my stomach as a few more streams of cum fly out. I let out a low guttural growl, the orgasm stronger than any I've recently had. When I'm done, I lay there feeling slick with sweat and cum starting to drip down the sides of my hips.

I just jacked off thinking of my sister. What's wrong with me?

I grab a towel off the floor and clean myself up, the cold feeling of regret starting to take over. I shouldn't have done that, it's not right. That'll be the last time I do something like that. Call it a moment of weakness.

After I wipe myself down and pull my shorts up, I open my door and walk down the hall. As I pass Rach's room, I glance in but notice she's not there. When I get to the living room, my dad is sitting in his recliner with a beer in hand, the sounds of Nascar filling the room from the TV. I sit down on the couch, which is slightly behind his chair.

"Where's Rach?" I ask.

"She left."

"Where to?"

I get a shrug and a grunt. Why did I think he might know?

I watch the mindless spectacle on the TV, glad to be able to turn my mind off for a few minutes. The sound of the cars buzzing is almost like a lullaby. It always puts me to sleep.

I can't believe she found me up in the attic. No one ever goes up there. I started going up there a couple months back. I was looking for something at the time but I can't even remember what it was anymore. That's when I noticed the boxes. I never knew dad kept all of mom's old stuff. I figured he would've thrown all of it out considering the way he talks about her. He rarely ever brings her up but it's always something to do with her being "no good". Sometimes he'll throw in "that bitch" or something like that. According to Dad, all bad women have somehow spawned from our mom. Whenever a woman pisses him off, he always says "she's just like your mother." It boils my blood when he does that, speaking poorly of her. He's the reason she left, him being an asshole and all. I was young when she did but now that I'm an adult I don't blame her. Who could live with his guy?

Me and Rach, unfortunately.

When I found the dressing mannequin up there, I tried to find the combination of clothes that looked the most like I remember her. Of course the outfit she was wearing that day she left won't be there, but I had hoped to find something like it. I noticed my memory of her was starting to fade. Every year I remember the details of her face less and less. I thought maybe if I can dress the mannequin in just the right way, it'll come back to me. It hasn't been successful yet, but I have found the attic to be a quiet place to sit and collect my thoughts.

I actually found our mom online at one point. Back in the days of MySpace, she had a profile. I knew it the minute I saw it. We don't have internet here at home (as if we weren't weird enough). It's an extra cost that we don't need since you can go to the library and use it for free. That and the fact that we don't have a computer. Our dad broke it in a drunken rage a long time ago and we've never decided to spend the money to replace it. I would check on Mom's profile every now and then but eventually everyone stopped using MySpace and so did she. Her profile was gone, shut down, and I've never been able to find her since. She's living in Los Angeles. I could never figure out what she was doing exactly, but at least I know where she is. And I got to see her again.

I should've messaged her, but I was too afraid.

What if she didn't want to hear from me? At least right now I can say she left because of dad. It had nothing to do with me and Rach. If I message her and she ignores me, or even worse flat out tells me to leave her alone, I don't think I could handle that.

"Where you at boy?" My dad's voice breaks me out of my thoughts. I blink back into the present and look at him.

"You look like you're trying to solve the problems of the world," he says. He chuckles as he takes a sip of beer. "God help us if we're relying on you."

Well I've had enough of this. I stand up and look for my shoes.

"Where you off to?" He asks me.

"The reservoir. I'm going fishing."

"Since when do you fish?"

"I do it all the time Dad," I say with a hint of exasperation. "You'd know if you left the house once in a while."

"Watch your mouth boy. I don't know what's wrong with everybody today. You and your sister are acting strange."

That stops me in my tracks. I look at him. I'm probably just being self-conscious. He gives me a look back as if to say "what?" I shake my head and walk out the door. A trip to the reservoir is exactly what I need. I need to get out of this house, get away from the annoying sounds of Nascar and my dad.

Get away from the scent of Rach.

I grab my fishing pole and tackle box from the garage and start walking down the dirt driveway to the road. It's not a long walk from our house. I usually go there when I need to get away.

I wonder where Rach went?

I could text her, but after this morning I'm not sure I should. Plus we both have one of those prepaid phones, so everything costs money. No need to waste ten cents to ask "where are you" and another ten cents for her to say "not here."

Hopefully fishing will get my mind right. As I walk down the road towards the water, it occurs to me that maybe right now I shouldn't be left alone with my thoughts. Not when it's my thoughts I'm trying to get away from.

Or maybe the reason I'm going is because I want to be alone with my thoughts.

You're a brother before a man. Remember that Rog.

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I love hearing the sound of water. It's so calming. If I had a million dollars, I would by a house with a creek running through it. Forget mansions and cars and all that nonsense. All this girl wants is a cabin and a creek.

It's about a five mile hike around the reservoir. I didn't think I was going to walk around the whole thing but I just started walking and didn't stop. Haven't run into a single person the whole time. A lot of people used to visit this reservoir but it seems like less and less people do each year. I'm not complaining though. I don't feel like running into anyone today.

The cold shower settled my nerves somewhat but it did nothing to get my mind focussed. In fact, all this walk did was let me think about it more. I should've gone to WalMart, and how many times in your life can you actually say that?! I've decided what happened this morning wasn't so bad. So me and Rog shared a moment? So what? I do love him. He's the best person in my life, how could I not? I'm not saying it's going to happen again or anything, but there's nothing wrong with embracing your brother like that one time.

And feeling his hard cock pressed up against you.

Even that, so what? It is what it is.

I see someone up in the distance. I guess I can't expect to go all the way around and not see someone. I slow my pace down somewhat so I can soak in the seclusion a little longer. I walk up to the water and slip my feet out of my sandals and dip my toes in. It's cold! Surprising considering how warm it is today. Maybe I should jump in to settle my nerves! I tighten my toes around the small pebbles under my feet and dig down until they're buried. I used to do this as a kid and somehow still find enjoyment in it.

It took this whole walk for me to realize what I was so afraid of this morning. I thought it was about the whole right and wrong aspect but it turns out it wasn't. I mean yeah, that bothered me a little. When sharing an intimate moment with your brother, you'd be crazy if the thought didn't even occur to you. But the more I walked around the water the more I realized my larger fear.

What if he didn't like me?

What if he rejected me? It mean, it's Rog. We do everything together and share everything. When I lost my virginity, I told him about it. He wasn't too happy but I think it was more an obligatory older brother protective thing. He wasn't judging me or anything. He's never judged me. But what if he doesn't like me like that?

God listen to me, I'm pining over my brother! I mean I'm not, but I kinda am.

God I'm so weird!

But really, what if the only good man in my life rejected me? Who wants to deal with that?

I dig my feet out of the ground and put my sandals back on. I continue walking, glancing at the person up ahead. As I get closer I get a better look and then my stomach sinks.

It's Rog!

Shit, I forgot he likes to come here too! I wonder if he's recognized me yet? He hasn't glanced in my direction yet. He's just sitting on a rock with his fishing pole cast in the water. As I get closer, I notice he still hasn't looked my way. He must know it's me. There's no way he hasn't heard me approaching. Seeing him again ignites that warm feeling from earlier, although I guess it never went away. I'm finally within ear shot and I'm about to call out to him but I stop. There's something about the silence I don't want to break. I wait until I'm only a couple steps away from him to say something.

"What are you doing out here?"

He doesn't look at me, he just keeps his eyes on the water. "Fishing."

"Dad being annoying?"

That gets a smirk out of him. "Yeah. He's already on beer number three."

I walk to the other side of him and sit down on the rock. My feet don't fully touch the ground so I slide my sandals off and stretch my toes to play with the pebbles. We don't say anything for a while. I scoot a little closer to him.

"What you doing out here?" He asks.

"Went for a walk. Clear my head."

He nods. "Yeah."

I scoot closer again and now our legs are touching. I rest my head on his shoulder but freeze when he exhales a deep breath.

"I like it out here, you know?" I say.

"Yeah, me too. It's quiet."

He puts his arm around me so I snuggle under his shoulder and rest my head on his chest.

"It's a nice day today," I say.

"Has it been?"

I put my hand on his chest. "Yeah, it has."

He gives me a squeeze around my shoulders.

I'm not sure what I'm pushing for here, or maybe I do. It feels nice to be in his embrace again and relieving that he's willing to do it. I lightly run my index finger in a circle around his broad chest. I can feel his breathing quicken.

"Listen, Rach." He says.

"Yeah?"

"About this morning..." He trails off, fishing for words.

I lift my head and look him in the eyes. He looks down at me in that neutral face I can never read. I know what he's about to say will change my life forever, either for good or bad. My heart is racing and I feel waves of warmth pulsing through my body.

"I...well..." He tries to find something to say but can't, however his eyes stay locked to mine.

I can't help it anymore. There's something so comfortable in his eyes. The familiarity that I thought was wrong has only made me lose the inhibition. I know he truly loves me and no matter what I do, he'll never leave me. I decide to take my chances. Before he can finish fumbling over his words, I lean in and kiss him. The feeling of his lips on mine sends a jolt of electricity through me, like I've just been jumpstarted out of a slumber I never knew I was in. He doesn't pull back and almost at the same time we both open our months and let our tongues meet for the first time. I feel his arms wrap tighter around me, so I let my body relax as he holds me up and tight to his chest. Our tongues furiously dance together for what feels like an eternity. Having not been satisfied before, the opening between my legs is already slick with my juices. This is the first real kiss of passion I've ever had in my life.

When he pulls back, I feel his hand tighten around a fistful of my hair. His hips slowly stretch up and I can feel the head of his hard cock trying to poke through his pants. He pulls my hair down as he does it and surprisingly the pain of my hair being pulled only adds to the feeling coursing through my body.

"Fuck," he says as he closes his eyes for a moment.

When he opens them again, he glances in both directions around us. I'm so fixated on him I don't look around with him. It looks like he's trying to make a decision. With his one hand holding my hair tight and his other clenched around my body, I feel totally under his control. In this moment I belong to him and will do whatever he decides.