tagHumor & SatireA Woman's World

A Woman's World


Fast forward to 2027, 20 years after George Bush choked to death on a peanut, rumored to have been planted by Jimmy Carter, Laura Bush, by unanimous decree, was drafted as President of the United States.

After completing two terms as President, her daughter, Barbara, completed two terms as President, and her twin sister, Jenna, just started her first term as President. Instead of roses, the Rose Garden is filled with Bushes.

Although gas prices are $30.00 a gallon, hair salons, child care, Pilate's classes, Curves, breasts implants, Victoria Secrets underwear, shoes, Slim Fast weight loss supplements, dildos and vibrators, and condoms and Viagra are subsidized by the federal government by high taxes on beer, sports betting, live sporting events, and televised football, baseball, hockey, and basketball games.

Paula Abdul is Governor of California and America's favorite television show is American Midol where women win cash prizes for humiliating their husbands on network television.

"And tonight's winner on American Midol of a two week vacation in Jamaica is Debbie Knowles from Dayton, Ohio for proving that her husband, John, has the smallest penis in America. Congratulations, Debbie. And John, thanks so much for being a good sport. What do we have as a consolation prize for John, Murray?"

"We have a brown paper bag that he can wear over his head so that he does not have to show his face in Dayton."

Miss America contests are a thing of the past, replaced by Mister America contests where the men must strut their stuff down a long catwalk while wearing a thong cod piece. And their erect penises are measured back stage by Burt Lars, (yes he is back) and announced over the loudspeaker as they are escorted down the aisle by women.

"Here he is, Mister America. Chad Morris is a senior at Cal Tech with a 7" penis. Tyrone Jones is a junior at Florida State with, oh, my, a 10" cock."

The term Dead Beat Dad is no longer a figurative term but a literal one, as Dads who do not pay their court ordered child support are beaten to death by their ex-wives mothers. Needless to say, there are no more Dead Beat Dads and child support now extends from not only financial but also to physical, emotional, and spiritual and not only to the age of 18 but until the child is married and self-supporting.

Since pregnant women are not allowed to smoke and/or drink, men must not smoke and/or drink while their wives are pregnant. Vasectomies are deemed mandatory whenever the wife deems it necessary.

Marriage vows are rewritten forcing the men to recite, "And I will love, honor, and obey..."

The Big Three automakers, once General Motors, Ford, and Chrysler, are now, Toyota, Honda, and MacDonalds. MacDonalds manufactured the world's first edible car, called the Ronald, where you drive the car for a week and eat the edible portions for breakfast, lunch, and supper while driving to work and home, then, buy another car for $99.00 the following week. Fuel to operate the car is squeezed from French fries. And every automobile manufacturer in the United States must have a place for a pocketbook.

Bill Gates is the world's first trillionaire after showcasing his plans to produce and mass market the first all glass automobile, called, what else, Windows. Oprah Winfrey finally comes out of the closet declaring her love for Tyra Banks, and Donald Trump and Martha Stewart, now penniless, are arrested for fraud after their reality television shows are debunked by those winning contestants who were not given real jobs within their companies. There is no truth to the rumor that Rosie O'Donnell and Donald Trump secretly married, but there is a rumor that the rumor still persist. Barbara Walters, still alive and on television at 98, refuses to retire and will never die.

The newest and best selling product to hit the market is a blow-up, Latex doll, fashioned after Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp, called DepPit. The doll has a remote controlled steel vibrating rod inserted in his rubber like penis for the pleasure of lonely and/or horny women. Pitt and Depp are paid generous royalties for their permission for the manufacturers to fashion the dolls after their images. Now, everywhere they go, they are grabbed by women who tear at their clothes wanting to know if their cocks are like that of the DepPit dolls. Of course, the celebrities tell them that it is, only longer, thicker, and harder. Seemingly, they do not mind the attention, as they are laughing all the way to the bank. There is no truth to the rumor that the company is manufacturing a doll after the grand dame, Barbara Bush, who is still alive at 99, called Bush, for those elderly gents in nursing homes who still want a little but cannot fully get it up.

It is a felony for a man to give a woman a bad line, a phony name, and a first date without telephoning her 24 hours later. Rapes are non-existent because the penalty for rape is the surgical removal of the offender's two brains, the penis and the cerebral cortex. Women are now, finally, safe to roam the streets after dark. Unfortunately and inexplicably, there is a sudden and huge increase in violent crime by women against men. Women are actually stalking, assaulting, and raping men.

Since the colors of the American flag was changed from red, white, and blue to pink, yellow, and periwinkle, there are no more wars.

Do you think the world is a better place with women running it? What do you think? What suggestions do you have for improvement?

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