A Wounded Dove

"Thursday is our anniversary, but Scott won't be around to celebrate. He has to go to the city and he refuses to cancel or change his appointment."

"I'm so sorry to hear that," Brian whispered back.

Their special day apparently did not mean as much to Scott as it did Jen. He had made no effort to celebrate or even acknowledge the day. Brian wanted to hold her and make things better, but he knew it could never happen. After all it wasn't his place and part of him knew that truth all too well.

After the cleanup, Jen helped fixed up the couch for Brian to sleep on and they all said goodnight. As she turned to walk away Brian rested his hands on her shoulders and whispered in her ear "you can get through this." Then Brian lay down to sleep for the night and Jen wiped the tears forming in her eyes and walked to her room. But she tossed and turned in her bed unable to sleep next to her loveless husband. She could barely keep herself from crying and all she could think of was that she wanted to be loved in a way that he could never love her anymore. Sometimes he had desires and they would go through the motions, but she never felt anything anymore. All she felt was herself crushed under her husband's fat body. As if each time he moved up and down she was suffocating in both senses of the word. Those acts never gave her any pleasure, but she didn't have the strength to resist. She always hoped that one day it would be different as if the sparks would suddenly return. It had just all built up inside her and on that night she felt more overwhelmed than she ever had before. All she knew on that specific night was Brian and how much he seemed to care about her. How much she needed to feel a sense of love and belonging. She needed that more than anything. So she made a decision, a fast one which she did not take time to assess; one that she would later spend much time questioning and doubting. She got out of bed and walked into the living room where Brian was sleeping.

She tiptoed into the room and sat on the edge of the couch. She watched him as he slept looking so sweet and unassuming. When she looked at him there it made her warm inside. Not like the feeling of sadness she got when she looked at her husband. Then Brian started to roll around as if he was unable to sleep much like she had been. Jen placed a hand on his forehead in an effort to calm him. She could feel her heart begin to pound in her chest as she touched his soft skin. "Be still my sweet young man," she whispered. She ran her hands through his hair and kissed him gently on the forehead and he opened his eyes. He looked up and noticed her there above him looking down at him with her intense eyes. He had no idea what was happening and was wondering if maybe this was all some strange dream. Brian knew that Jen was most definitely not here touching his face in an ever so loving manner, it was just not possible. Jen stroked his hair and leaned in to kiss him. Brian was very surprised and not sure what to say. He just looked at her with this expression that was full of bewilderment, amazement and fear all at the same time. However, she kissed him anyway and Brian could feel the desperation for love and comfort that Jen must have been feeling at that moment. He could also see that she was trembling slightly as her lips touched his.

"Make love to me" she said. "I just need to be with someone who loves me; to have it mean something again" she continued.

"Are you sure this is what you really want?" Brian said not believing the words that were coming out of Jen's mouth.

"Yes, just hold me and make me feel loved." She said.

Brian was confused and in truth somewhat terrified. Normally this is something that he never would have done. After all Jen was married and there were some boundaries you were not meant to cross. On the other hand he knew her husband did not give a damn about her and had actually been unfaithful himself. Jen had never been able to get over the infidelity and she said Scott had never truly apologized or expressed remorse for his actions. Brian also knew how much he cared about Jen and how much a part of him really did want this. As he looked into her eyes he saw his reasons. He saw everything that made her who she was; all the hurt that she carried, her longing to be loved, and the fear that she would never feel truly alive again. Brian knew these feelings very well since he harbored many of them inside of himself. At that moment the two of them came to a sort of mutual unspoken understanding about their current actions and why they were choosing them.

So as she continued to kiss him he simply let all of his fears be cast aside. He began to return her kisses with his own very soft and gentle. Her lips tasted very soft and sweet and he couldn't stop. When they kissed Jen felt that desire that she thought had died so long ago. Brian finally felt that he wasn't alone and that someone cared. He had feared that no one would ever see inside of him, but now he thought that maybe he was wrong. Jen sat up; Brian lifted the nightgown over her head. He just took a minute to look at her. "You are magnificent," he whispered. He could not understand what her husband didn't see in her or why he didn't love her. Jen's body was full and smooth and Brian slowly ran his ends up her curves caressing her body and breasts. He touched her with a tenderness that sent chills through Jen's entire body. She closed her eyes as she enjoyed the sensations of his soft and gentle but strong hands. Brian had never liked Scott for the way he treated Jen and the things he did. But now she was here with him, and he was going to try and make up for all that, and right all the wrongs. Despite the fact that all the pain from the years of a failed marriage could not be solved in a night, he believed he had to try. Brian began to kiss the rest of Jen's body making her feel so good. He moved so slow and was ever so gentle being kind to all her needs.

Next Jen looked at Brian showing that she was getting ready. She lifted off his shirt and his boxers exposing the vulnerable person that he hid deep inside. She lay him down and let her body fall on top of his. She was ready and they both knew that there was no turning back now. The longing in her eyes was as evident as ever at this moment. Brian could hardly believe how much she really seemed to want this. It was almost like a dream for him to think that she was here while her asshole husband unknowingly slept like a rock in the other room. Jen lowered herself over him and so they began. Brian moved slow and deep at first, but then he moved just a little faster but never getting too quick. He was so steady, kissing her the entire time making her feel like she never thought she could again. He built her up and took her to a place inside of her that she had not been in years. She felt so alive as did he. Although both of them were almost silent the entire time their moans of passion desire and love where loud as ever inside of their hearts. They just knew that if anyone were to hear it would be tragic to say the least.

Brian looked into Jen's eyes and the mixture of pleasure and emotion was ever present. He kissed her again, as his rhythmic movements became deeper and quicker. He could tell that she was lost in the beauty of the moment and the indescribable way he assumed she was feeling. Jen moved her body in tune with Brian's meeting his thrusts. The sensations ripped through her body and her temperature rose. On one level she felt like someone other than herself and this pleased her. But on another level she knew she was the same Jen to which Brian had been attracted. That in reality there had been nothing really wrong with her at all during these last few years. At that moment Jen felt the true waves of passion build in her body as she experienced her release. She was just relaxing when she felt Brian stiffen, and as he worked toward his moment, she felt it happening for her again. She could hardly believe that experiencing such pleasure was actually possible. After they had given themselves to each other they both felt so relaxed. Jen closed her eyes and fell asleep. Brian just held her and watched her sleep. He loved the look of peace on her face. He wished she could look that way forever. She was so relaxed sleeping with a smile on her face. He decided he would let her sleep for a while enjoying the moment and then he would wake her so she could return to her room. But all too soon he fell asleep.

They slept all night holding each other enjoying the warmth of love and compassion around them, but little did they know that when the morning came that peaceful moment would be shattered. When Scott woke up in the morning he noticed that Jen was not in bed. He found this to be kind of odd because when he woke early on the weekends to play golf she was usually asleep. But he did not give it much more thought then that. Maybe she had gone for a walk or to work in the garden as she sometimes did. He took a quick shower and ate a small breakfast preparing to leave. Then when he walked into the living room looking for his coat he found so much more.

At the second he saw her laying there with Brian he completely lost all reason. Jen heard his footsteps as he stormed out of the room. She woke up and ran after him not sure what she was going to do. She looked into his eyes and saw them filled with hate and rage. At that very moment she understood the gravity of what she had done. She had made a tremendous error in judgement. She had done something that was unbecoming of her. It had been thoughtless and hurtful and she now understood this, but it was too late. She tried to say wait and I am sorry, but no words came out. All of these realizations and she could not even speak. Jen also knew that nothing could make this better or erase the images from her husband's mind. He knew the two of them had been getting closer, but he never thought his wife would have done such a thing. He thought she was too scared of him and of losing him. Jen just stood in front of him terrified as she watched her husband raise his hand for the first time. Brian awoke immediately as he felt Jen stand up. He heard arguing and screaming in the hall.

His first reaction was to get out of bed and rush to Jen's defense. As he threw on some clothes the screams got louder. He could hear the desperation in Jen's voice and the anger in Scott's. Then as he approached the doorway he heard a smack and a thud as he watched Jen fall to the floor. As Scott walked over getting ready to hand out the next blow Brian stood in front of Jen.

"Don't touch her," he said standing his ground.

"You little shit," Scott said with a scowl on his face.

Scott noticed that there was no fear in Brian's eyes. Scott instead saw a different emotion; a look of complete determination and conviction. It was as if Brian was saying without speaking that he stood by whatever had happened the night before; and that he was willing to defend his actions and Jen if it came to that. Scott knew that he could hit Brian, but also knew that it would bring no satisfaction. He knew he was madder at Jen and he would have to deal with that later. Scott stood there with his fist raised and an evil look in his eyes. His fist trembled in front of Brian's face as if contemplating its next move. Brian did not move away or prepare to fight back. He took a more passive approach as he stared back at Scott.

"Go ahead and hit me if you want, beat the hell out of me if it makes you feel better," he said.

"You're not worth it," Scott muttered. "Plus it would be too easy," he added as an insult.

By this time Jen was already crying uncontrollably on the floor. Brian looked into Scott's eyes, but saw no remorse. It was as if Scott resented Jen for this so called mistake. He could have cared less that he had been with someone else in the past. That Jen knew about it and had dealt with the pain for years. Somehow he justified his infidelity, but the fact that she had done it was more then he could take. His anger had gotten the best of him and he just snapped. Words had no longer been enough and he had hit her. He put his arm down and stormed out of the house without another word. Brian sighed with relief as he watched him walk away and heard the front door slam.

The children didn't hear a thing or if they did they stayed in their rooms in their beds under the covers; for they had learned to simply block out the sound and not react. Screaming was common place in the household and more then likely none of them heard the slap of their father's hand against their mother's face. In reality they didn't know that the way their father acted was wrong because it was all they had ever known. Jen feared they were both headed down the same road anyway and no one could stop them. Brian thought it was a shame really that they didn't have a more positive male role model. Because someone needed to teach them that anger was not the only way to treat a woman and that they had better more effective alternatives.

As for Melissa she was almost a member of the family and although she didn't think that all of the fighting was right she also did not believe it was her place to get involved. She felt like she had found a good deal being accepted by the family and getting paid for a job she enjoyed. Melissa wanted to stay in good graces with the family.

Brian sat down on the floor and took Jen in his arms. He tried to hold her, but she pushed him away. All he wanted to do was comfort her and she wasn't letting him.

"Leave, please just get out" she said.

He couldn't comprehend what she was telling him. After the night they had just shared she was kicking him out. After he had stood up and protected her, she wanted him gone?

"Please let me help you" Brian said.

"No just go" she repeated.

Still he tried to hold her, but she struck out at him. Brian attempted to wrap her up tighter and she fought him even harder. She ripped his arms apart and started kicking at him. So he left without a word. Left her there crying on the floor, but what could he do? He knew she needed someone to hold her and rock her until she calmed down. But Jen had just refused or perhaps she was too ashamed of herself. Ashamed of what she had done and so much that she couldn't even look at her friend and brief lover. Brian knew that so much more than sex had taken place last night on that couch. He also knew Jen very well and understood how she had reacted. Rather than embrace what had happened she had chosen to punish herself for what she considered a sin. A sin she had committed not only against her husband but her family and herself. Brian sped away in his car and went back home. During that ride home he contemplated turning around several times. He would slam the brakes, but he never turned around. He did not want to be a coward, but he also did not want to return where he wasn't wanted. Upon reaching his house Brian slammed the door and ran upstairs ignoring everyone in the house. He just threw himself on the bed and wept for his inability to help Jen.

After that things would never be the same. Brian would run into Jen sometimes during the rest of that summer, but she would ignore him. He thought that after that moment maybe she would be strong enough to leave. Even if she didn't want to be with him, maybe she would have seen that there was more for her then her husband could offer. But he had been wrong. That night was nothing more then a moment of weakness for Jen. Perhaps he was wrong when he thought that she had felt the same intense desires that he had, but now he would never know for sure. Part of Brian felt like he should be angry, but he wasn't. For he knew if he had it to do all over again he would. To him that night was special and although it pained him every time he thought of the morning after he would never want to take back the night; for that was the first time in his life he had felt alive and he knew that Jen had felt the same way. So he vowed to always keep that feeling close to his heart and never to forget.