About Music and Determinism

"Sexy AND domestic!!??!! Don't you dare ever leave me!!!"

"Is that a request? Because I would never hold you up to an excited utterance in bed."

Mea was stunned. Had he slapped her right then and there, the result would not have been as dramatic. Sure, she was well aware of their mutual connection and ecstatic of their amazing coupling, but all in all, Matthew had been the smitten one pursuing her - successfully - with vigor. How in hell, after all she had been through, could she lose her grounding to that extent after one afternoon and two evenings? And yet there was no denying: he did not pry this wish from her... it was of her own volition.

"I don't know, Matthew darling... can I ask?"

"Sure you can, why couldn't you?"

"Don't be silly... I mean, does it matter if I ask?"

"I'm not following you, honey."

(How did I end up in this mess?)

"I mean, Matthew baby, if I ask, and if you say yes, can it be done... or is it just wishful thinking?"

Matthew took a deep breath and pondered, then finally said "Mea... for me, wanting to share my life with you is a certainty, I already told you so. I guess I just need to figure out what conditions are required to bring about this result. So in a sense we're back on a topic of determinism. Let's settle, right now and forever, the free will part: Maria Elena Cordoba, do you want this relationship to evolve and wish us to share our lives?"

"yesss"

"All right, so It's settled then."

"What's settled?"

"I'm not leaving you."

"Ever?"

"Ever."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

"Don't you see me quivering Matthew? I believe you mean it, but please don't make a promise you can't keep."

"Baby, if I make a promise, I intend to keep it. Now, to this end, tomorrow I will check out from the Inn, then I will ascertain I long I can stay here until I need to return to Gatineau in order to get more medication, transfer my prescriptions and bank accounts and whatever else I figure that needs to be done. I also need to tell my son and my three stooges what is happening to me before a search and rescue party is organized. But that's only tomorrow. Back to my original question: do you need laundry done, a lunch maybe, anything?"

"Just hold me please, and never let me go..."

"Sure thing... any favorite position for sleeping? Spooning?"

"Wow, you really were a planner!!!" Mea giggled lazily, the high emotions washing off and leaving her marvelously tired. "Just close the lights, kiss me goodnight and we'll figure the rest."

"Goodnight, honey... sweet dreams... I love you." (kiss)

"This is so good..." (kiss)

**** Hold on my heart ****

"Baby, can I ask you something?"

"Anything, my love."

Does that IPod of yours has any song somewhere more my age... you know, to play while I do the dishes?" After dining on a jambalaya cooked by Matthew, Mea had indeed insisted to partake in the evening chores.

"Well, in order to answer that, dearly beloved, I would need to know how old you are, would I?" Matthew was grinning ear to ear, jubilant to have the subject offered to him.

"Wow... I really walked into that one, haven't I? ... all right, please don't run away, baby... I am 28 years old."

"For the record, when we met on Tuesday, I thought you were 22 at most, so don't fret... now, I COULD start a whole rant because, it is now confirmed: you ARE younger than both my children and, to top it all off, I AM twice your age! But I have decided that I have lost all navigational bearing on my life since I've met you, and so I will silently drift where this takes me."

"Silently, huh???" Mea replied, laughing "That will be the day! ... so what now? Do you think you can handle two of me?" To that barb, Matthew lost his smile and replied without quip or humor.

"Actually no, my angel ... and I hope it doesn't make me more boring than I already am... but I am absolutely not into sharing, swinging, threesomes and all that sort of thing. I am yours. Only yours. And I am no male cougar... of all things, I'm more of a male pelican! I am not running away, baby, and you are my angel, not my trophy."

"You did it again... now, a song please? I WOULD like to clear those dishes and proceed to jump your bones. Anyway, how many songs do you have in there?"

"Almost 1 150, last time I checked" And Matthew started searching. The truth of the matter is that being inclined to listen to progressive rock, disco, fusion jazz or classical music tends to limit your exposure to songs written after 1988. But he was in luck and found a number he thought would set a nice mood for the evening, in his Genesis playlist no less.

When the slow drum machine and keyboard chimes of Hold on my Heart began, Mea's reaction was right what Matthew hoped. "Hooo! Thank you baby! I love that song!"

"1992." Matthew whispered, before adding "Could I have this dance?"

"But the dishes..." Matthew waited, with expectant smile and open arms, and it was obvious that Mea's dishes schedule was about to be seriously sidetracked.

Inasmuch as Matthew didn't boast in vain, he didn't disparage in false modesty either. Trying a sort of waltz step - despite the song's 4/4 time signature - he barely managed some side-by-side steps and, even then, stepped on Mea's toes. She quickly him brought him closer to her, giggling, and they gently swayed to the sound of the rest of the song, both pressed softly on one another, their heads resting on their shoulders and both whispering sweet nothings until the song was over. "Thank you Matthew, that was lovely."

"You're welcome my love. Tell you what, why don't you let me help with the dishes, now..."

"You" (kiss) "are" (kiss) "too good" (kiss) "to me" (kiss) ... "You wash, I dry."

And they silently got to their chore, while the rest of the We can't Dance album played on.

"Mea?"

"Yes, baby?"

"You know I love you... and I am thrilled to have had a whole day with you and I will treasure each and every one... and we have both already established our couple is a lightning flash of utter nonsense that does not follow any standard, right?"

Mea waited in silence, by now knowing that this sort of long wind-up from Matthew would focus to a precise point.

"Well, the fact is, if we look at our history objectively, we met, we boated, we observed horses, we checked for ticks, we shared turkey breast, we discussed adoption, you got to know me a little, then we got to know each other biblically. Do you think that, for tonight, it would be unreasonable for me to want to know you?"

Mea rubbed her nose against his, but Matthew saw her smile was forced. "You're cute... and I am afraid. My story is neither inspiring nor poetic and I don't want you to think any less of me."

"Really? From what I know, you're a woman of mind-blowing beauty who put herself through school and then started a career caring for lighthouses and wild horses while keeping a kind heart for lost tourists. Any sane man should be in love with you right there, on principle! And don't get me started on the amazing sex!!! Now, from first-hand experience with Latin heritage, I can guess what challenges you had to face... but I would rather know than guess."

And so, at first while finishing the dishes and later sitting on her couch, Mea told her story. She was born Mario Alonzo Cordoba and grew up, with two older brothers, in Roswell New Mexico. Her pappy worked in a bus assembly plant. She never bothered figuring if the cause was psychological or genetic but always knew, from a very early age, she was feeling "wrong inside". When her puberty was delayed and behaving differently than it had for her brothers, she could not avoid the issue and made a coming out at 16 years old.

She was instantly shunned from both father and brothers and her mother, knowing her baby son would go to hell, constantly skulked when around her. She ran away from home and hitchhiked to Las Vegas, then started on odd jobs while struggling through school, eventually turning to tricks for better money.

In the beginning, as a male crossdresser, the experiences were bleak until she made it into BDSM clubs. In time, she managed to pay for hormone replacement therapy and the first of her many cosmetic procedures, and she gradually evolved into a high-rate escort. By then, she was awash in the drugs of the milieu. She was aimless in school and her only certitude was her love of animals, so she persevered until an internship at National Park became a job opening and she left Las Vegas, fleeing her past as fast and as far away as she could. That was 2 years ago.

Matthew stayed - uncharacteristically, Mea thought - absolutely silent the whole time, occasionally flashing bursts of rage in his face and wiping tears on a regular basis.

When he was sure she was finished, he opened his arms, took her in and said "Never again, Mea. I know you made it on your own and you don't need me, so don't take offense, but I will draw a common union contract and amend my will to make sure you are provided for, even if you eventually tire of me. I am not rich but my pension is enough and my house is paid, so..."

"You're wrong, Matthew, I DO need you. Maybe not the money, in that respect you're right: I made it by myself and I'm proud of who I am becoming. And I didn't lie when I told you yesterday I was learning to live by myself, but I DO need to be loved by you. Yes, it's cliche, but you treat me as a partner, you value me, you desire me, you cuddle me and you make me feel safe. And I can't explain why we are so drawn to each other, maybe we're just both lonely and battered souls, but maybe it's something even deeper that I don't get... anyway you make me happy and I trust you and love you... sorry if I'm just not as eloquent as you."

"Oh my Mea, I love you so much and I couldn't care less about oratory right now... what I wish is for you to stay in my arms forever, what I want is for you to make love to me... but what would YOU like to do?"

"Ehh, Matthew, about that... you really like that I make love to you?"

"Of course baby, I meant what I said... you're amazing."

"Thank you, and I believe you, but you really don't mind that I, euh..."

"That you top me? Of course not! Should I?"

"Ooooh, you know about topping? Something you're not telling me, loverboy?" The husky smile was back on now.

"Nothing lewd, my angel. Only child, withdrawn mother, Jesuit private school: a lot of my sexual education came from porn. At least I was lucky: in the late 70s and early 80s, the movies were relatively good and could be seen in theaters."

"Well then, let's keep on educating you..." Mea kissed Matthew, a kiss of love and a kiss of life. She slowly undressed him and gently caressed his chest, gently pinching his nipples and slowly stroking the slight flab of his belly. She heard her Matthew moan, she felt excitement build up in her, but she was in no rush and still wanted to share the moment with him. "How much weight have you been losing Matthew?"

"13 kg... almost 30 pounds. Mostly from giving up chocolates and eating more fibers and oranges, plus a little from exercise, maybe a little from the hormones - you know... metabolism. I am in relative luck though: most of what I'm losing seems to be from the waistline."

"True... don't you dare lose any of that magnificent butt my darling... seriously, it is something that you want, right? It's not depression, stress or disease?"

"I do want it. I didn't like who I saw in the mirror at 50... and then I went through a very rough period were my libido shrank to nothing. Lupe was furious and was sure I was cheating. When I told her the truth, she almost wished I was. In time, both hormones and counseling helped, and when I started stepping on a scale every week, it seemed the natural thing to do. Besides, thanks to you, now I am very motivated to try to live both healthy and forever."

"That's the spirit, Matthew! And, just so you know, no more crap about me dumping you! I fully intend to keep you mine forever... especially if you keep waking me up with a blowjob, a coffee and breakfast like you did this morning! That was Grrrreeaaaat!" She had lubricated her cock during all this banter, constantly caressing him, and was ready to give the love he asked for.

"Well, baby, you just keep on waking me up with a sleeping smile and your morning wood!" Matthew was smirking and about to turn on all fours when Mea stopped him.

"No, baby, stay on your back please... I want to look in your eyes when we come..."

And Matthew complied, his face flushed. Once again, Mea penetrated him slowly, giving him time to adjust to her size and her pressure, and started slow, languid strokes, while never leaving his gaze. It was glorious. "Baby, my cock feels so good in your ass... it's so tight and hot as a furnace. You make me feel GOOD, Matthew baby, do you hear me? You make me feel GOOD and I love youuuuuu."

"You're making meeee feel amaaaaziing, baby love... mmmphhh. I'm so luckyyyy." Seeing her breasts dangle in front of him, Matthew thrust his hands up to them and, remembering what she asked yesterday, soon increased his grabbing to the point au mauling them mercilessly.

"Mwwaaaghhh Wow!!! Keep on going, baby! I love it!!!" Mea, now almost feeling guilty at heaving unoccupied hands, used one to stroke Matthew's cock and, briefly turning her head to look at her mirror, saw a tangled mob of flailing arms, breasts and cocks. That vision turned her on to no end. "Oh! Baby, we look sooooo hot together! And you drive me crazyyyy! I'm going to loooose it agaiiiiin mmmmwwwwaaagggghhhhh FUCK!!!!"

"mppphhhoouuu hou! I'm in heavnnnnnnnn! Cum cum cum mmmgghhh about to cuuuum!" And Matthew came. One jet of cum on his chest and a steady stream down Mea's hand, which she proceeded to lick hungrily while increasing the tempo and strength of her thrusts.

"Wowowowow! Baby I'm cummiiiiiiing!!!" Did she ever! To the point of cum oozing out of Matthew's ass even while it was still stuffed with Mea's cock. She collapsed on Matthew and managed to land her lips on his and they both waited for her erection to subside while kissing lazily, their contact all about tenderness.

"My God, Mea, this is so intense! And I love you so very very much! ... but how on Earth are we supposed to survive this?"

"You're the one who's talking of fairy tales, honey... I believe the technical term is Happily ever after." Mea was smiling and walking her fingers on his chest and shoulders. Matthew was playing with his fingers in her hair. Neither of them cared to move.

"Honnneeyyyy?" Mea asked softly.

"Yes, my beautiful angel?"

"Is it too late to talk about you now? ... You know, I'm really enjoying talking to you, talking about you, about me, and I also love that we open ourselves to each other ... in every sense of the word!!!" Her smile was warm and playful. He couldn't help but kiss her again.

"Very well, my baby love." And Matthew talked about a childhood in Brossard in the late 60s and early 70s, playing outside day in day out with ALL the kids in the neighborhood - good, bad or indifferent. About being awake, in his room at night, while his parents hosted parties full of Beatles music, wine and smoke. Of studying to become a jet pilot or an astronaut and suddenly changing his mind just before registering for Military College, then drifting all throughout a B.Sc. in Earth Sciences and discovering the field and challenges of environmental science, hot on the heels of the acid rain and ozone depletion crises.

He talked about winning a permanent job in a City that was proud to have an environmental auditor but not too sure about what to do with it. He talked about the decline of interest in his work and resigning himself to handle minimal work relations and staff training with the passage of time. About throwing, and losing, himself in work after Lupe's death, to the point of applying for managing positions for the first time in his career. About becoming sick to his stomach with office intrigue once that application made him fair game, finally deciding to have his pension numbers drawn up and leave it all behind... only to realize he had no clue how to live a retired life now that he was alone and cheated by fate.

He talked about his three best friends ever: Martin from high school, Delfaro from work and Jacques, his bridge partner, trying to get him back in the world of the living.

By the time he was tying up his story to his chance meeting with her, he was pretty sure Mea was asleep. He closed the lights, pulled the covers and softly kissed her good night.

**** In your eyes ****

Mea was having an intent, focused look... that all of a sudden turned into a smirk. She knocked on the table and discarded. "Gin!" She then proudly displayed her ten cards all combined into suites and numbers.

"Again!!?!!" Matthew was playfully indignant. "You've only learned to play one hour ago and now you're trouncing me with a 200 points lead??? Young lady, should I know more about your skills acquired in Vegas? Card dealing, maybe???"

"Sore loser! You know, you cannot force me to incriminate myself!" She pulled out her tongue. "So Mister, are you going to honor our wager?" Her smirk morphed into a beaming smile.

"Of course, my love... my word is my bond. So I owe you ... let's see... mmm ... 237 minutes of massage. Wow... that's four hours. Would you like a first installment right now?"

"Yes please!!!!" Mea was all smiles and giggles while clapping her hands.

"Very well... settle down on the bed for tonight. Since it seems I'll be doing this regularly, I'll go buy a folding massage table tomorrow." While fetching his massage oil, he asked "Now, do you have a favorite type of stroke in mind? Effleurage, friction, petrissage, tapotement, vibration?"

"Houhou, you're so sexy when you speak French massage to me... I'll take all of them, pleaaase."

"Hmm hmm... very well, my love, now relax."

"Mhhhh that is very smooth, honey... what are you using on your hands?"

"Depending on what I find at the store, taramira or pecan oil. I prefer pecan, which is what I'm using now, because it is leaner and more neutral in flavor. I can also cook with it. Now please rest... this is all about you."

"I get so often that feeling since I'm with you baby..."

"Ssshhht! I love you." This time, Mea giggled and let go. She was soon in restful bliss. For about the first 40 minutes, Matthew stayed focused on his craft and intent on visually scanning and absorbing all angles, all curvatures, all nooks and crannies of Mea's magnificent body. After discrete but careful inspection, he found the minute trace of the incisions marking her breast implant surgery, for which he cursed himself as a dirty voyeur, but he also saw several other marks, some not so discrete, and at some point he just couldn't let it go.

"Mea honey?"

"Mmmmmhhhh?"

"Can we talk about these scars?"

"Mmmhh, I told you I did BDSM. My most lucrative gigs were as a submissive. Even with a safe word, scars can happen. Plus, even if I reacted well to hormone replacement therapy, I needed a lot of cosmetic procedures. I'm sorry if..."

"Don't you dare finish that thought, Mea Cordoba! You are the most amazing woman I have ever touched and the most beautiful one I have ever seen."

"You are waaaay too nice to me."

"Idle curiosity: what was your safe word?"

"Peach"

"I also noticed two sets of incisions on your breasts."

"Wow! you're eagle-eyed, too! You guessed right, these breasts are my second set. When I was younger I was more lured by the big-breasted look and had D cups installed. It always felt tight and uncomfortable. Besides, johns, even my regulars, would be so rough with them that eventually one of them leaked. I had them replaced with C cups and it feels better and more natural to me. I think part of it is because my skin was already used to the stretching."