About Music and Determinism

Matthew blushed furiously, trying to focus on driving and navigation. Thankfully, Mea slouched and he thought she fell asleep. He would remind himself to ask her to what extent her private life was private at work, lest he would spill out a secret that is not his to tell. All the while, he was barely paying attention to Gina, who was explaining she was shortly leaving to set up her daughter for college. After congratulating her and dropping her home, and after doing the same for Elizabeth, who stayed mostly quiet, Mea surprised him with a slow, husky drawl.

"You're sssoooo gettin' fffuckkkked tonight, bbbabbby."

Matthew was driving, happily wondering how this evening would conclude. He did not expect, and was in fact stunned, to feel a pair of hands unzipping and lowering his shorts while stopped at a red light. He had barely time to process this that Mea's head was on his lap, greedily slurping his cock. "Huh... Mea honey... this feels great... hooo...but you're going to get me off the road!"

"Challenge accccepted." And Mea went at it with gusto, eating Matthew's cock with fervor, even if her head had little room for movement. Her lips and tongue, and even teeth at times, were being felt everywhere from the glans to the balls, all along the shaft, while Matthew struggled to drive home, panting.

"Mea baby ... houhou ... mmmm ... going to cum!" And even though Matthew clearly felt he erupted in her mouth, he had no feeling of Mea's swallowing... indeed, she did not stop or even slow down her oral ministrations. "Mea darling, houhouHOU ... sensiTIIIVVVE ... Ha ... stop pleaaAAAase!

"hoooo ... pooor old Matthew baby ... I broke youuuu." And she sobbed for a short while.

By the time Matthew had parked and helped Mea out of the car and all along the stairs to her studio, he was hoping the situation had settled down a little. However, a clearly visible erection from Mea's skirt told him otherwise and Mea chimed in, with a playful tone. "Such a gentleman, my old Matthew bbabby... alwayyys opening the dooors. Thank youuu. But see what you diiiiddd? I'm all hhhooottt and botherrred for youuu, Mattheeew. What are you going to dooo to take care of youuuurrrr Meaa?"

"Hang in there, sweetheart, we're almost home and I'll take care of you as soon as we're inside, all right?" He kept his voice low, checking for reactions from neighbors all along the way.

"Ooookkkayyy. I LOVE YOUUUU MATTHEEEWWW!"

By the time Matthew finished closing the door, Mea was slouched on the wall and already undressing, lowering her skirt and releasing her boner. Matthew, now in on the fun, took her cock in his mouth, intent on giving Mea a nice, long, sensual blowjob.

"Thank youuu Matthew... but I'm not feeeling you bbabby... come on, give it to me hhhharder!" Saying that, Mea grabbed Matthew's head and pushed it down on her cock. Standing as she was against the wall and propped against Matthew, who was kneeling in front of her, she had good leverage to exert strength and she was shoving Matthew's head right up to her balls.

By now, Matthew had enough experience handling Mea's cock to be able to suck it comfortably down to her balls. This time however, she somehow managed, by the intensity of her thrusts, to tickle his throat. In no time, Mea was forcefully fucking Matthew's mouth, while he was gagging and struggling for air. Then, as soon as this maelstrom started, it stopped. Matthew rose up and went to the bed to regain his composure, which Mea interpreted in an all different meaning. "That's the spiriiiit Matthew!!! You got me all readddyy for thhiiisss!"

And Mea lowered Matthew's shorts - easily, as they were still unzipped - and briefs. She speared his asshole in a single thrust, her cock lubed only by his spit. The jolt of pain went straight from his colon to his throat. "EEEOOOOWWWWW!!! MEAAAAA!"

Mea was spurred on. "Oh bbabby! My cock feels so gggooooddd in your tight assss. I'm going to fffuck you ssso goooddd! Jussst ssettle dowwwn and enjoyyy the rrride!"

And Matthew, completely overpowered by the events, did just as he was asked, settling on the bed on all fours. As soon as Mea found her rhythm, she plowed Matthew's asshole mercilessly. Whether it was because of the alcohol or the lack of affection in the ravaging, Matthew realized Mea had stamina to spare and she just would not stop. She even encouraged him. "Come on bbabby! Cum for mmmee! Keeep on cummmin!"

Matthew did indeed cum. Once. Twice. Three times. The strange elixir of pain and weird love had him screaming at the top of his lungs, drowning out Mea's own moans. He muffled his howls with a pillow, else he figured the police would be surely called in. When he finally felt the familiar gush of cum in his colon, Mea slouched on his back almost right away. "Thank you, bbabby... that was INNNcredible. Luuuvvv youuu..."

As soon as Mea's cock oozed out of his sphincter, Matthew felt her dozing off so, despite throbbing pain all along his backside, he managed to gingerly stand up, then settle her in bed. He was hearing snoring in almost no time. He took off his clothes, looking at his cum stained shorts, and was about to join her in bed when the vomiting started. He got the sheets out from under Mea, than Mea out of her clothes, all the while managing the stinging pain from his lower back and fighting his reaction to the stench.

By the time he tucked away the soiled linen and clothes on the balcony and got a new blanket on top of Mea, she was, at long last, sound asleep.

Matthew grew quiet. He had no more tale to tell. He was still caressing Mea's face. She was silent to the point of worrying him. "I'm sorry Mea. I only told because you asked. I really don't want to cause a guilt trip. I know you're feeling bad enough."

"Do you, Matthew... do you really know how bad I feel? You're not just saying that?"

"Of course, baby... I know you love me and care for me. That is a hard fact, a certainty. A drunken mishap does not change that. This just... happened, I guess..."

"To hear you tell it, that was a hell of a mishap, baby."

"Maybe so, but no law was broken, you didn't drive and, in your own bizarre way, you still loved ME, not some guy you picked up. Nobody got hurt. You're not even working today. Mea, it could have ended far worse and this happened between you and me so, in a weird way, I'm glad it happened the way it did. Besides, you're a very cheerful drunk."

Matthew's face brightened, then suddenly became much more somber. "My mom was a sad and mean drunk... I didn't tell you that, did I?"

"No Matthew... is that why you were telling me you're worried?"

"Yes, my angel. Don't get me wrong, I had amazing parents and they both gave me a loving, sheltered, pampered and protected childhood. But it was the 60's and both of them, especially my mom, were living symbols of the times. She even burned her bras in 1975! I still have memories of the sounds, sights and especially the smells of the parties. I even think some of them were mixers but I REALLY try not to delve on those memories. And don't ask me how she did it, but when I woke up in the morning, I remember seeing the tables full of plates, glasses, cups, ashtrays and also smelling the aroma of cigarettes, stale coffee and warm wine... and yet by noon all had disappeared, as if by magic."

"Sure, mom was inebriated most of the time, but it only showed when the guests were gone. But you don't understand it when you're young... you don't get that your mom trips on your Lego sets when she comes to kiss you goodnight and you feel hurt when she yells that she could hit you when you complain about it - no, honey, it never went that far. She managed to stop drinking twice: once during the sabbatical, the second time after I threatened to never let her babysit Emily again. Once the cancer came back, generalized... then all bets were off. And she never once tried to quit smoking."

"She died at 54, and I arrived 20 minutes late at the hospital... she was so thin, it was as if life had been sucked out of her and she was so yellow, I knew right away the liver had given out first. At the funeral, though we had left Brossard 15 years earlier, the ENTIRE street came to pay respects and tell me she was the soul of the neighborhood. Seeing that I have already outlived her, that's a pauper's prize."

Mea did not dare make a sound. Just like on their first night, she prodded him silently.

"It was then that I realized that there was alcoholism both in the Carmichael and the Maguire histories. I hate the stupid Irish cliche, but in my case it holds true. And Lupe found out the same with the Vargas and the Vega side of her family, and she had lived her own traumas with alcohol. So, without being teetotalers, we always cautioned our kids about drinking, even telling them they probably were more susceptible of becoming addicted. But partying these days seems to rhyme with booze, and not just beer like in my time. I've already gotten Oliver out of a couple of drunken messes and wiped some weird bright pink vomit out of my car once."

"So, yes, I worry. But you're all adults and it's legal, so I just hope for the best and try to be there. And I will be there, Mea. Always. I would like to know, though, if this happens often, please."

"Oh no Matthew! Not at all, it was my first party since forever and I was all excited, we had such fun and these rum punches were really sweet and good! I never saw it coming ... I'm no shrinking violet, baby: I have been in some WILD parties ... I just got caught off guard... I'm sorry!"

"Hey, don't go there again, my love. That's exactly what I thought. I knew it had to be so, the way you told me you quit smoking and the drugs, and I can only guess how hard that has to be. In fact, I don't think I ever told you how much I admire you for it. You are an amazing woman that I will love and cherish forever, Mea. Please stop worrying about us and try to rest."

"Baby, you're the amazing one, especially right now!!! And I feel I cheapened our love life."

By now, Matthew heard the piano chords that marked the final ballad of the album he played and his heart sank at seeing her misery. He gently took her up by the hand and settled her on a slow dance, not really moving because she was still wobbly, and whispering love and assurance. "Mea, my beautiful love, there is nothing cheap about this."

"I love you so much, Matthew ... what is that music?"

"It's called Why can't it wait 'til morning ... it's strangely appropriate."

"It's nice..."

- Stay here with your arms around me,

- You're going nowhere without me

- So close your eyes,

- I'll make it oh, so nice for you

"Matthew?"

"Mmmhhh?"

"I think I'm going to be sick again..."

And he took care of her, patiently and lovingly, even managing to place new bedding and eventually settling for some much needed sleep at her side.

Matthew woke up to the thrill of feeling Mea's mouth on his cock, and it was rock hard.

"Hi Baby, seeing you woke me up with ... hmmm ... evening wood, I thought I should properly repay you for your tender loving care. Besides, I think your butt needs a vacation."

"Wow, baby! You're all chipper all of a sudden! Please turn around, honey, I want to share..."

"OOoooo ... sure thing, baby..." That smile could light the room by itself. Now that they had settled themselves in a comfortable 69, Matthew was focusing and slowly and purposefully delivering pleasure to her beloved. But she drew a weapon out of her arsenal that shocked him wild.

He had guessed the extent of Mea's oral sexual skills, considering her past life, but of course she never truly needed them on a member of Matthew's size. Tonight, she did. She cupped his balls into her hands, then proceeded to deep throat Matthew and swallow his balls in her mouth. It was all in there... and Matthew was propelled to ecstasy almost as much by the simple knowledge of what was happening to him than by the deluge of sexual stimulation assaulting his brain.

(Oh my God, she will be the death of me... Matt, do something more for her, come on!)

Matthew had no similar skill to reciprocate, but he did have free hands and a nice access to her amazing ass. So he briefly replaced Mea's penis in his mouth by fingers, drooled them copiously and proceed to suck Mea's cock again while fingering her ass. He went at it slowly, careful not to hurt her, but Mea's posterior was inviting and he soon was massaging her prostate with two fingers while sucking her to the balls. At that point, both were off to the races, grunting wildly, their mouths very full, about love, goodness and coming soon.

When Matthew felt a throbbing at the base of Mea's shaft, he quickened his fingering and thrust his own cock-and-balls in Mea's mouth to the rhythm, hoping to cum at the same time. He almost pulled it off, cuming while he was still swallowing Mea's cum. Mea stayed perched on top of Matthew, panting, while Matthew was now using his hands to caress Mea's butt cheeks, thighs and lower back. Mea's voice was hoarse. "That... baby... was un-fuken-believable... you... give... ME... the BEST sex... ever."

"And I... will die... very happily... loving you baby."

They slept like logs. Like babies. Like satiated lovers, Mea spooning in Matthew's arms and rejoicing in his warmth and the feeling of love and safety he projected. Next morning, she walked on him in the bathroom while he was shaving, staring at him intently. She waited until he was rinsing his face to speak, while inspecting his razor.

"You know, baby, I really liked what I did yesterday... very much, in fact. But I think I still have some pubic hair in my teeth! Now, please stand still because I REALLY want to do it again." Mea then proceeded to shave his crotch, humming a tune to herself all the while.

The epilogue of the "Front Grill incident" was both of them going to the Laundromat washing the dirty laundry. Mea was amused by Matthew's gingerly pace, silently wondering to herself if it was because of his burning colon or his freezing crotch. They kissed, flirted and fondled the entire time the machines were in operation. All was good, once more, in their world.

**** If leaving me is easy ****

"Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen, for experiencing the lighthouse as our old keepers did. Now please proceed carefully towards the ferry and, on behalf of the National Park Service, I wish you all a good night."

September 17th was a date Mea had been dreading for days now, as it was set to be the eve of Matthew's return trip to Canada. To make it worse, she was on duty, that night, for the Evening at the Cape program. At least, it didn't finish at 10 PM, like in the summer months. She walked somberly towards the ferry, under the full moon, gracefully accepting the thanks of the tourists, when she heard a familiar voice booming "What a view!" Of course Matthew had been there, as he promised he would be, and she had managed to remain professional all along, especially fighting the urge to take his hand while climbing the stairs in the lighthouse.

They waited to be underway, for her to truly be off the clock, to meet at their usual spot along the rail, Matthew gently putting his hand on hers, like on that first day. He really was corny like that, and he knew by now that she loved every little bit of it. "I do so hate to share you, Matthew... I don't think it hit me that much until tonight. Is it bad?"

"Well, I don't think so, my love. I love you and I am happy and proud to be yours, just as I feel happy and privileged to have the right to call you mine."

Mea felt he had more to say, so she waited him out.

"I know it feels stupid to say it, but I have to say it... Mea, these past weeks, you have given me happiness to last a lifetime. I am thrilled of the life we've made for ourselves and I want it forever so bad I can taste it!"

And it was, indeed, settling all perfectly, as far as Matthew was concerned. He was getting to be self-reliant in and around Beaufort. Mea and him seemed always to be able to up the ante with their corny romantic antics and their lovemaking. They discovered, after trying on a date, that they both thoroughly enjoyed rowing, so they became members and volunteers of the Beaufort Oars Rowing Club and, while at it, both became friends of the North Carolina Maritime Museum. Matthew was considering taking boatbuilding courses and was looking forward to the annual clam chowder cook-off - which is to say he was learning to cook one.

Partly to ease Mea's conscience, he had promised to stay on the lookout for lecturing or part-time teaching opportunities. The financial structure of their couple seemed sound. After a life of failed promises, Matthew was almost scared to grasp this loving future, as some dark part of his soul still felt it was too good to be true. Mea's soft voice dragged him out of his reverie. "You are right, Matthew, I do love you, with my whole heart and soul, and I am yours, all yours and only yours, and will forever remain so. And you have not only made me happy, you have changed my life forever. I just can't wait for the reverse to be true."

"Please don't say that, Mea, it hurts... don't you believe me when I tell you make me happy, don't I make it feel real when I say I'm yours?"

"Of course you do, baby mine, and I'm sorry for my mood... I feel so down about you leaving. So please, one more time, why are you leaving and when are you coming back?"

It was, by now, a well-rehearsed litany and Mea knew full well why he was leaving, but the truth of the matter is that Matthew felt more and more despondent about it and he always answered earnestly, as if to reassure himself as well as her.

"I promised I would never leave you, on that second date that changed everything in my life, and now more than ever I am beheld to that promise. I take back what I said back then: I won't survive being without you. I know this, now, as a fact."

"So, management-wise, I have to transfer my bank account into a US bank and transfer all my automatic deposits and withdrawals, plus transfer my prescriptions and set up the transfer to a US health plan - that, I will finish when I am back. At my notary, I need to put Oliver's name on the deed of the house and amend my will. I also need to speak to both of our embassies about dual-citizenship and probably convince someone that my love for you is real and not an immigration scam. I will inquire about taxation, car registration and insurance, but I think those I can pull off from here when I'm back."

"When all is settled, maybe 10 days from now if everybody cooperates with appointments, I want to come back to you forever, on my way to becoming an American citizen and a resident of Beaufort, to be either your boyfriend for life... or your husband."

That last part was not in the previous iterations. "Huh!!??!! What? Matthew, are you asking..."

Matthew had not slipped. In fact the thought has been haunting him for some time and he wanted to discuss it. However, now realizing his gaffe, he cut in swiftly. "No Mea, I'm sorry... that was a dumbass way to bring in the subject. I'm not asking... yet. It would be stupid of us agreeing to marry and realizing afterwards Oops! Sorry! ... but like everything in our couple, normal standards are askew and I feel we need to talk about it... even if it ruins the romance of it all and you know I LOVE romance. Mea, my love, can we please talk about it?"

His voice was then drowned by the noise of the docking procedures. When they were both sitting down in the Sentra, Mea softly told him, before he started the engine "Yes Matthew, let's talk about it. You start, please." She seemed lost in thought.

"Mea, please know that I am terrified, right now, so please don't take offense if something comes out wrong. First of all, for all our love and discovery of each other, I know nothing of your civil status... I mean I never checked your driver's license or asked what was your complete legal name - and I will need it before I go, by the way..."