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"Cuckold?" I offered.
"Yeah, that's it! Wow, you sure came up with that fast, considering it's kind of an archaic word."
"Mmm, yeah. I've been thinking about it a fair amount lately."
We sat then, for awhile, and I told her a little about my situation with Kristi. She could relate to my loathing of Kristi cheating on me, since she was in the same boat with her husband, and she claimed that she could understand my arousal when Kristi would tell me about her past, and now current, lovers.
Even as I told her all this I recognized that what she and I had done this evening was no different, no better, regardless of how we might choose to rationalize it away. But still, it felt good to talk to her, and to listen, as we shared our tales of woe.
She had also seemed quite sympathetic to the feelings of dread and anger I had about staying in the relationship, and yet the panic I felt when I thought about ending it. "Rain, nothing in the last year and a half has involved me thinking about going on without Kristi. Since I met her, all of my plans and dreams have had her in them. I love her, I do, but I am just so torn."
"Adam, only you can decide, and she obviously loves you. She just wants you to accept this part of her like you have the rest." She softly caressed my cheek.
"Hah. Well, the rest was easy. This...well, it hurts, even if it hurts so good sometimes."
She smiled a soft, sad smile. "I think you've already decided, you just have to find a way to admit it to yourself without losing all your pride and self-respect. Too bad, really."
We looked at each other for a moment, me marveling again at her clear, deep blue eyes. I knew what she was trying to say. In other circumstances, had I never met Kristi, I could have been very happy with Rain, I think. She was smart, and sweet, and fun and loving and beautiful, and she seemed to have this ability to look right into me. And she was a tiny little sexual dynamo! And I felt like she would have been faithful and not put me through hell.
But I had met, and loved, Kristi.
