Addiction

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Is it love or addiction?
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Addiction as defined by Webster's Dictionary;dependence on, or commitment to a habit, practice, or habit-forming substance to the extent that it's cessation causes trauma.

Can two people become addicted to each other?

His power drew me in the first time we met. We met innocently enough; he answered a personal ad I placed online. I had met dozens of other men from the ad. None of them had this kind of effect on me.

Our emails were extremely brief. Basically, me asking about his day and expressing my desire to meet soon and him telling me how hot and tired he was and that he wanted to meet me soon too. We talked online one night and I gave him my phone number. When he called I did something I very rarely did; I invited him to come to my house to meet me. He said he was very tired but I persisted.

He asked if I was worth the long drive from his house to my apartment and naturally I said ‘ofcourse'. Testing my brazen self-confidence, he embarrassed me with a frank question, sexual in nature. I responded, asking him if he was a good kisser and told him there would be nothing sexual between us unless he could pass my "kissing test". This challenge apparently peaked his interest and he said he would make the forty minute drive.

Forty minutes...just enough time to prepare. I touched up my makeup, combed my hair, perfumed, and changed my clothes. I chose tight black leggings and the most provocative black shirt I owned.

I was sitting in my wheelchair in the kitchen when he arrived and watched him approach my porch through the sliding glass door. He was wearing a hat, like the one in the photo he emailed to me, jeans, cowboy boots and a yellow knit pullover shirt. I took a deep breath, answered the door, and invited him in.

He seemed a bit stunned at first, but it was not disappointment I saw on his face. He quickly regained his composure when I invited him to sit on the couch with me.

We sat and talked for more than an hour. I was very impressed. He was quite intelligent, well read, and had a great sense of humor. The more we talked the more attracted I became. I noticed his strong jaw line and the slight dimple in his chin. His intense blue/gray eyes caught mine and he said, ‘I think it is time for that kiss'. I smiled nervously and scooted closer. He put his arm around me, drew me roughly closer and I melted into him as he kissed me. I guess you could say he "had" me at first kiss.

His kiss grew more insistent, and his arms tightened around me. Suddenly I was on my back with him kneeling on the floor next to me. He kissed me passionately. His hands traced the curves of my hips, and cupping my tits, he gave one a tight squeeze and then proceeded to expose them and then tease one nipple with his tongue while squeezing the other one. I tried fruitlessly to control my body's reaction to him. I was quite sure he could feel my heart racing and my breathing quicken.

Suddenly he stopped, pulled my bra back over my tits, stood and said he had to leave. It was my turn to be stunned. Was it something I said? Something I did wrong? When I asked why he had to leave, he said he ‘didn't trust himself'. I was a bit taken aback, but was feeling much the same way...and then he was gone and I was afraid I would never see him again.

I did see him again, and again. It wasn't long before I was very much in love with him, but I never understood why he didn't want me to live with him.

That was four years ago.

I was drawn very slowly into a lifestyle polite society would shun, and I have even embraced it. He claimed me, taught me much about my inner darkness, and helped expose it.

Our relationship has been fraught with amazing highs and painful lows. He pushes me away and comes back, I leave and beg him to take me back.

I have tried to leave him several times, because I feel I need a man who wants the responsibility of taking care of me. There are, no doubt, other men in the lifestyle who would gladly love me and care for me. Why do I keep going back tohim?

I truly love him, I know that without a doubt. Nor is there any doubt that I have become

addicted to the lifestyle he introduced me to.

Why does he come back tome? He doesn't need me, or want me with him. I'm not surehe even knows why.

He is my Master and I will soon be his marked and collared slave, gladly pleasing and serving him without limits.

He says it's addiction. I say it's love.

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