tagErotic CouplingsAdvice Columns

Advice Columns

byCFBwriter©

Pure fiction. My thanks to editor Windy Swimming.

*****

I have one secret habit that I have learned to not tell people about because they just don't get it. I love advice columns, everything from Playboy Advisor to Ann Landers. I think they are as funny as a rubber crutch, and for much the same reason. It is amazing how we humans keep making the same mistakes over and over. Once, however ...

My favorite story, or problem, or whatever it is people think they are writing, is the one where a wife is having a fun evening with a good girlfriend. The husband and alcohol may or may not be directly involved, but at some point the wife, in a moment of divine inspiration, decides it would be really, really fun to surprise her hubby with both women in their bed! So, eventually, hubby comes to bed. The first part of this story I love is his reaction. Some take one look and just dive in and start humping the friend. Usually there is at least some amount of grab-ass involved. Sometimes the guy tries to play it cool and sophisticated, and gets into bed as if nothing is out of the ordinary. Anyway, all fall asleep. Then the wife wakes up in the middle of the night to find her hubby and her friend making like rabbits. Well, Du-oh! So wifey wants to know if she should confront either her husband or her friend, because she feels betrayed but recognizes that she just might not have used her best judgment in creating the situation.

I mean, come on! I've seen this one over and over! I just love it. Maybe the columnists make this up? No one could be that dumb!

A variant of the story had appeared in an advice column in our local paper earlier in the week, and it popped into my mind while I was caressing the softness of Sue's inner thighs and sucking on her tits, one at a time. We were taking it slow. We have a very good marriage with no secrets, supposedly, and a lot of sex, and no kids, yet. Now, I am sure my wife is not dumb enough to pull something as bad as that story, but I wondered, so I looked up into her lidded eyes, full of love and lust, and asked "Just out of curiosity, have you ever wanted to share me with any of your friends?"

Apparently I am that dumb. A few alarms went off in the back of my head before the words were even out of my mouth. As comprehension slid into her eyes, lust fled, followed by love. More alarms. She pushed herself up the bed so she was sitting with her back against the headboard, crossed her arms across her chest and crossed her ankles. There was no softness in those thighs now, and I had to extricate my hand from the vise that her legs had become.

I was officially in trouble.

"So, just which of my friends do you want to fuck?" she demanded.

I looked at the ceiling, looking like I was really thinking really, really hard, because I was really thinking really, really hard. I finally looked back at Sue and replied honestly "All of them, of course, but no one in particular." That just seemed to make things worse. So I launched into a hurried explanation of my love of advice columns and my favorite story that is just hysterical and it was just printed again, and... I talk too much, and it did no good.

"You expect me to believe all that shit?!?" She asked indignantly. "The only reason you would ask a question like that is that you really do want to fuck one of my friends, and I would bet you do have someone specific in mind."

She started to get out of the bed, and I grabbed her arm to stop her. "Wait! You don't understand! Yea, I'm a guy. Guys at their core love variety, but we learn to deal with it in other ways. You know I notice other women. You know I fantasize about other women. We've joked about it. Another thing about guys: we bond, at least some of us. Marriage is a legal document, and means little to me emotionally. I was bonded to you long before you walked down that aisle, and unless something destroys that bond, I would never risk that. Not just for sex. Not with anyone. At least, not without your permission."

"You expect me to give you permission...!?!" She was almost screeching. Oops, one fact too many.

I grinned. "No, I absolutely do not expect that! What I'm trying to tell you is that I am yours! You own me, even if you don't realize it." I remembered that women all supposedly have this separation fear. "I'm not going anywhere, babe, you're stuck with me."

She started to soften. Eventually we made up and got to the point of cuddling, but I wasn't getting laid that night. She never answered the original question. I didn't ask again.

So the whole thing had blown over, right?

Every other Friday afternoon, Sue gets together with a bunch of her girlfriends. Yea, these were the women she assumed I wanted to fuck. As usual, I picked up take-out on the way home, but Sue was grouchy when she got home. None of the usual stories, no planning the weekend together, something was bothering her.

After dinner, I sat her down and insisted that she tell me what was wrong. It took some wheedling. "Well, all through the afternoon, I kept looking at each of my friends in turn, wondering if she was the one." Uh-oh. "Finally, I told the whole group your story. They all agreed that no woman could be that stupid and you were covering something, even if you don't know it. So I asked them point blank who you wanted to have an affair with. I had to know."

"They all sat up straight in their chairs, and all of them put their hands in their laps, and looked at each other. Surprise! No one raised their hand. Then Lisa joked that I had asked the wrong question. She posed the question as to which of them would bed you if they had the chance. I was shocked when several started to move and thought better of it. Even Lisa! So Lisa said that was also a bad question, and rephrased it as which of them would bed you if they had the chance AND knew that I could never find out. Would you believe that 4 of them raised their hands! Damn, my own friends selling me out. I was in shock. Then Lisa laughed, and reminded me that I had once said I would love to get Eric alone, and everyone laughed.

"Lisa pointed out that there was absolutely no way to know that I would never find out, so the question didn't mean anything. It was all idle speculation! So I laughed with the rest of them. But really, I am upset. I mean, four of them! I guess you're a popular boy!"

I managed to not react to the compliment. "You are the only one I want, and the only one that can change that. I am in love with you." With some gentle work for a while longer, I got her out of her funk, and she did make love with me when we went to bed.

So, now it really was over, right? Right?

Two weeks later, Lisa was at our house for dinner Friday night after the girl's afternoon out. There was nothing unusual about that. After dinner, Sue was cleaning up in the kitchen, and Lisa leaned back, feet up on the living room couch and asked: "So, Sue says you want to do me. That true?" Her voice, normally low, was throaty and husky all at once.

I spluttered and immediately looked at the kitchen. Sue was out of sight, but that could change at any second. "In an alternative universe where I am not married, in a heartbeat, yes. But, as you may have noticed, I am married and love Sue very much." I spoke rapidly before Sue could appear, hoping that would quell any further questions without offending her.

Lisa grinned and slid one leg off the couch, spreading and lifting her other knee and giving me a full crotch shot. I broke out in a sweat, even though I couldn't see much of anything. It was dark under her full skirt and my eyes had not adjusted to that light. Luckily, I looked for Sue just as she came into the room and I turned away. Lisa and Sue started chatting and giggling while I just tried to get my heart rate down after dodging yet another bullet. They would probably chat most of the rest of the evening, so I went down to the basement to watch a game, but I couldn't get that image of Lisa spreading her legs out of my head. Damn!

Sue called down that she was going to bed. The game was a complete loss, so I killed the TV and headed up the stairs, turning off lights and checking the doors as I went. I was guessing that all I would get tonight was a cuddle, but hope springs eternal.

Imagine my surprise (shock?) when I walked through the bedroom door, and both of them were in our bed with the sheet drawn up to their chins. Super sophisticate that I am, I dropped my chin to the floor, then demanded "What?!? Really?!?!?!" Sue giggled a little nervously, and Lisa just smirked and blew me a kiss.

I shed my shirt right over my head without unbuttoning it before my brain caught up to the action and I decided make sure this was real. I grabbed the sheet between their feet and started pulling it down; I could just see Sue setting me up with both of them fully clothed in bed. It would cost me a lot of points if I just overreacted. They clung to the sheet, but it finally jerked out of Sue's hands, and Lisa let go immediately after. The sheet jumped down to expose two pair of breasts to die for: Sue's cute, perfect cones that I love every chance I get, and Lisa's much larger wonders, sagging outward from their mass. I almost passed out: they were serious.

A quick digression: Sue is very athletic and has a tomboy type figure with narrow hips, naturally high medium breasts, a straight blond Dutch cut, and an insatiable sexual appetite; Lisa, I was to learn, is voluptuous, soft curves, wide hips, nicely large breasts. brown wavy hair half-way down her back, and an unknown but apparently healthy sexual appetite. Both are walking wet dreams, just different. They have also been best friends since junior high.

I started gently pulling the sheet down further. "Hey! Not yet! Lose the pants, first!" That was my demure wife. I did as I was told. The bulge in my Jockeys was obvious to all as I reached for the sheet again. Sue held up her hand again in a sign for me to stop.

"What do you think, Lisa, has he done enough to earn a better view?" Sue asked innocently.

"Nah," responded Lisa with an evil grin, "I want to see all of him."

I rolled my eyes while my cock twitched happily. "Well then," I replied walking over to her side of the bed, "maybe you should do the honors!" Lisa sat up with a decidedly happy smirk on her face and turned toward me.

"Oops! Time for me to go!" announced Sue. "You two enjoy yourselves! I'll be downstairs."

As she stood, nude, and reached for her old terry bathrobe, I moved quickly to intercept her. "No!" I exclaimed. "Nothing happens unless you stay. I will not let this come between us." I softened my voice. "At a minimum, I need you to stay in the room so you know what really happens, no suspicions or unanswered questions."

Sue looked at me with a bit of a shocked expression. "But... I'm giving you permission..." I shook my head slowly. Sue looked at Lisa, who was back to lying on her side, with the sheet over her hips. My insides knotted up at the sight. Damn, I really did want her now! I hoped I was doing the right thing. I would get my exercise by kicking myself around the block nightly if this fell apart now.

"Lisa?" Sue asked.

"I told you, it's been too long for me," Lisa replied with a leer, "I'd happily do the entire athletic department in the main quad at lunchtime! C'mon! Join the fun!"

"I'm not sure what to do... or even what I would want to do..." Sue complained.

"Do whatever you feel like at the moment." Lisa suggested. "I'm sure it will come to you." Lisa was grinning in that evil way, again. She reached over and patted the bed on Sue's side as an invitation.

Sue nodded slowly, and I moved back toward Lisa's side of the bed again as Sue hung the robe and sat tentatively on the other side. Looking at Sue and that familiar, sexy body, I ached for her too. This was going to be a long, hard night, I hoped.

Lisa swung her legs over the edge, sheet still across her lap, and smacked her lips happily as I stopped right in front of her. She caught my eyes, waggled her eyebrows, and I just smirked back. She reached out, and just slid her index fingers under the elastic at each hip. She very slowly started sliding my Jockeys down, an inch at a time in a slow strip-tease, mesmerized as she focused all her attention on the skin being slowly revealed. It didn't take long for the tip of my cock to appear and she let out a slightly suppressed squeal of delight.

I actually had lost much of my hard-on when I stopped Sue from leaving, but that didn't stop Lisa and I could feel the hardness returning. Her desire was so strong and blatant that I couldn't help being turned on hard! As she pulled the material down a little further, a short string of pre-cum pulled away from my tiny slit, and Lisa started gently bouncing on the bed. A few more inches, and my manhood started to fall forward from my belly, and Lisa's mouth pounced on it like a hungry cat. As she sucked me into her mouth, and pushed my Jockeys the rest of the way down my legs, I knew I would be fully hard in seconds, and if she kept going, I would cum shortly after that.

My mouth was open and my gaze unfocused. I suddenly thought of Sue, and looked to see how she was handling this. She had moved to the end of the bed so she could see, and her hand was between her thighs. I wanted her too. Lisa was sending thrill after thrill chasing up and down my spine, and her sucking was almost too intense to take. I wasn't sure I could be happier, but I wanted Sue too. I really wanted to share this wonderful moment she had given me.

So I waved to her to come over to me. She looked confused, but tentatively got up and came to me. When I could reach her, I pulled her face to mine and started kissing her fiercely, my tongue assaulting her mouth. She was on her tiptoes to reach my lips, and wrapped one arm around my waist for balance. I slid my hand down between us to cup her wonderful pussy. I rather forcefully slid one finger between her vulva lips; she helped by spreading her lips for me with the hand that I was pushing out of the way. I knew how to take her over hard with my fingers and set them to work. She broke the kiss with a gasp, and we both looked down and watched Lisa happily and sloppily sucking my cock and me playing with Sue's pussy.

All of this sexual activity was just plain mind-blowing.

The view of my rod disappearing into Lisa's mouth, and coming out dripping spit, over and over, was framed by Sue standing on tip-toes, all muscles tensed, her belly sucked in hard as she approached her own orgasm. Sue was also watching Lisa, eyes wide. Lisa was watching what I was doing to Sue. Then add the sensations I was getting; Lisa kept me on the edge of screaming. I never let Sue suck me that hard, I am normally too sensitive.

I suddenly became aware that I was going to lose it soon. "Li-Lisa! Time to - to stop - if you want ...!" My breath was erratic.

Lisa pulled slowly off my rigid manhood, finishing with an audible 'pop'. She looked up at Sue. "So, is he good for more than one shot a night?"

"Fu-uck! Tonight he better ... be good for a dozen!" Sue replied, having trouble with her own breathing. I did not say that I thought she was being overly optimistic, but, hey, who am I to object?

Lisa had been holding the base of my cock with finger and thumb, the rest of her fingers pressing my balls. Her mouth slid slowly back down the length of my cock with her eyes locked to mine until my eyes just rolled back into my head. In the short time I had left, I didn't look back down until I felt the first convulsion rush through my body and explode out of my cock. I was making incoherent noises, Lisa was humming some tune happily as she sucked and swallowed the first few, heavy, shots. Then she opened her mouth, stuck out her tongue and rubbed it under the head. I could watch my seed jump out and land on her tongue as she slowly jacked me with her hand. When I was drained, she slurped it all in and swallowed again, then licked a few dribbles off the corners of her mouth.

In my dazed condition, I looked at Sue, who was deep into her own orgasm after watching me cum. She was biting her lower lip, while a groan tried to get out of her throat. She held my arm tightly, digging fingernails into my forearm while pressing my hand hard into her pussy. My fingers were still on automatic, roughly tweaking her clit and pulling at her vaginal opening. I don't think I had ever treated her clit that roughly, but she was taking it. That trapped groan escaped from her throat just as she collapsed, literally, onto the bed. I looked back to Lisa, who was still smirking. I took a deep, ragged breath, intending to thank her. I didn't get the chance.

"Wow! Two for one! Not bad. OK, now my turn." Lisa announced, lying back with the sheet still across her hips, lower legs hanging over the edge. I was going to have to collect myself and eat her like she'd never been eaten before. I leaned forward, hands on the mattress, trying to catch my breath. Lisa just lay there smiling and waiting. When my breathing was back close to normal, I grabbed her legs and pulled her forward so her hips were on the edge of the bed. She laughed with happy anticipation. Then I took hold of that pesky sheet and slowly pulled it down. Her belly button was a definite innie. Her bush was brown, just darker than her hair, and curled into a proud, thick pad. The bush stopped just past the start of her slit. Her lips were already swollen, and the inner lips pushed a half-inch past her outer lips. Her hips formed wide delightful curves. She was made for fucking.

I pushed between her legs and leaned over her, looking into her eyes. I pinched both of her nipples, sort of a quick foreplay since I wasn't going to spend much time there right now. I bent down, pressing my tongue to the skin between her breasts, and then slowly dragging down. With my hands I pinched, caressed, and massaged her body as my tongue slid down toward its target. I allowed my chest to drag across her bush. She pulled a pillow behind her head so she could watch.

As I reached her bush, I rubbed my lips and nose in it, absorbing her musk and driving my own arousal higher. I spread her legs. I gripped her inner and outer lips one at a time with my lips and pulled at them. I teased them lightly with the tip of my tongue and even my nose. I slid my tongue up from the bottom of her slit, opening her up to my touch. I held her open with my fingers as I buried my tongue as deeply as possible in her vagina, my nose brushing her clit. She was humming again. Glancing up across the landscape of her belly and breasts, my eyes met hers. Her eyes were already half-closed and smoking. Her expectations were very high.

Then I got to work. With our eyes still locked, I buried my face between her labia, sealing my mouth in her softness, sucking gently and flicking my tongue over her clit and the sensitive flesh around it. She sucked in loudly, and her eyes were wide open. I started making different patterns with my tongue, and moving my mouth around, watching her face and belly to judge the effect I was having on her. It didn't seem to make much difference; she was enjoying everything. After a moment, I slipped two fingers into her wetness, rubbing her insides. Her hips lifted and her belly pulled in as her eyes rolled up and she hit her first, light, orgasm.

"God! Damn! Yes! Yes! Don't! Stop!" She shouted happily, her voice higher than normal. I slowed only momentarily till she was past her peak sensitivity, and then pressed in even harder, pressing my tongue into her soft flesh. My fingers played patty-cake on her G-spot. "Ohgod! Ohyes! Ohh!' I enjoyed listening as her words becoming less and less coherent.

Her head was thrown back. I suddenly realized Sue was kneeling next to Lisa, leaning over her, watching her and then me. Sue's hand reached out tentatively, her fingertips brushing lightly up Lisa's belly. Lisa arched her back and moaned. I realized I'd become distracted and redoubled my efforts, but, really, Sue? Caressing Lisa? It was taking me a second to wrap my head around it, though I realized that my cock was responding positively. I decided to go with my cock and not my head. While I pushed Lisa toward a much bigger orgasm, I was using every pattern I could remember with my mouth and fingers. Lisa's moans were growing louder and deeper in pitch. Sue's hand slid up onto Lisa's breast and circled for a moment, barely touching. Lisa slapped a hand down onto Sue's and pressed. Sue grinned and started deeply massaging the breast and Lisa's voice got deeper.

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