Aerobatron (1985)

"Okay, then. Let's lock and load," Lucas said, scanning the room for anything that could be used as a weapon.

"That reminds me. I brought something for you."

Linda pulled the doctor's scoped pistol out of her legwarmer and handed it over to Lucas.

"Be careful. These bullets can kill me."

"Okay, ready," Lucas announced, attempting to hold up the gun with confidence.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Linda asked, glancing down.

"Right. Clothes."

Lucas rushed over to the doctor's body to pull off his pants and lab coat, trying to keep from barfing at the sight of his cauterized neck stump. He dressed in the doctor's clothes and stuffed Linda's file into the front of his pants, tightening the belt to secure it.

Linda burst out laughing as she looked over Lucas' ill-fitting disguise. Lucas joined on the laughter.

"What's so funny?" he asked.

"I don't know!"

"Oh shit! The gas!" Lucas remembered. He scrambled over to the gas tank and closed the valve. "We should get out of here before we breathe any more of this stuff."

"Okay, stay close behind me," Linda instructed. "Don't shoot unless you have to. Let's keep this q-q-quiet," she struggled to say without laughing.

Linda picked up a tiny mirror from the medical cart. She cracked open the door and angled the mirror to see that there were four men patrolling the hallway. They had automatic rifles strapped over their shoulders and coily wires attached to earpieces like secret service agents.

"I see you," Linda whispered.

Linda aimed for the security camera first and blasted it, distracting the guards with the small spark-filled explosion. The guards rushed over to the camera and Linda did a cartwheel out into the hallway, firing off four perfect headshots and dropping their bodies dead before her feet hit the floor.

"Clear," she whispered to Lucas.

Lucas followed Linda out into the hallway. The door in front of Linda suddenly flew open. Another doctor in a lab coat strolled out of an operating room, whistling nonchalantly. He froze in front of Linda and opened his mouth to yell out. Linda punched her fist right through his mouth and out the back of his head, splattering gore onto the tile floor.

"Whoa," Lucas whispered. The nasty kill sobered him right up.

"Little help?" Linda asked, struggling to pull her fist out of the guy's head.

Lucas held onto the body securely while Linda put a leg against the doctor's chest for leverage and yanked her hand free. She wiped her hand off on the lab coat.

"We are going to need this," Lucas said, handing over the doctor's security badge.

"Good thinking," Linda agreed. She shoved the badge into her legwarmer.

Linda peeked into the room that the doctor had just exited and gasped when she saw the man on the operating table.

"Rico!" Linda blurted. She ran over to him and removed a gag from his mouth. "I thought you were dead!"

"Thanks, baby. You're my hero," Rico said, looking around the room in confusion.

"I owed you one," Linda reminded him.

Lucas dragged the doctor's bloody corpse into the operating room with them and locked the door securely.

"Where are the rest of the Miyagis?" Linda asked Rico.

"You're looking at 'em. The last Miyagi. My boys went down in the glory of battle. The last thing I remember was a big pile of ninjas clobbering me to the ground. Then I just woke up here. I don't know why these jabronis bothered to spare me."

"How do you know this guy?" Lucas interjected.

"He's a friend," Linda explained. "Do I detect a hint of jealousy?"

"No... we need all the friends we can get."

Linda pulled down her top, aimed her sights at Rico's wrist and ankle restraints, and laser-blasted them open.

"Holy Toledo! That is a sweet trick," Rico said.

"There's more where that came from," Linda assured him. She helped Rico up from the operating table and he balanced himself for a moment, trying to regain his equilibrium.

"What in the hell is this place?" Rico asked.

"It's an old auto factory, not far from where I first met you," Linda explained. "They are performing medical experiments. You are looking at one of them."

"Sorry to hear that, toots. Just get me a pair of nunchucks and we'll kill our way out of this joint."

"We are fresh out of nunchucks," Lucas informed Rico.

"Who's the kid?" Rico asked.

"I'm not a kid," Lucas shot back, causing Rico to smile with amusement.

"This is Lucas. He's with me," Linda interjected. "He is the only person in the world that I trust."

"You can trust me, baby," Rico assured her.

"Sure I do," Linda agreed. "I trust you to stay close. I trust you to stay quiet. I trust you to let me do the killing. Got it?"

"Whatever you say," Rico agreed.

Rico pulled off his hospital gown, showing off the big hanging dick between his legs. Lucas looked away and Linda couldn't help but giggle at his discomfort. Rico dressed up in the doctor's clothes. He tore a ribbon of fabric off of his hospital gown and tied it over his forehead like a bandana.

"Come on, kid, let's rock 'n roll," Rico said, slugging Lucas on the shoulder.

Lucas rubbed his shoulder and waited for Rico to the exit the doorway before whispering, "Asshole."

The three of them quietly made their way to the end of the hallway. Linda used the doctor's security badge to open a door and peeked out with her mirror. They had managed to find the loading dock. They were up on the second floor where the whole perimeter was surrounded by a metal balcony that overlooked the ground level. There was a maze of cargo crates and boxes all over the floor. Armed guards were everywhere.

Linda thought back to her previous escape, wading through the fuzzy memories to try remember how exactly she managed to get out alive.

"I killed everybody," Linda whispered.

"Excuse me?" Lucas asked.

"That's how I got out last time. I killed every last person in the room and walked right out the door. And that is what we are going to do now."

"That's what I'm talkin' about," Rico blurted in the background.

He punched his fist through a glass case on the wall and pulled out an emergency fire axe. He dropped back into a karate stance and swung the axe around a few times to get a feel for it. He didn't seem to care that he was bleeding profusely from the knuckles.

"Shhh!" Lucas whispered. "You could have set off an alarm!"

"Nah, don't worry. I didn't hear any alarms."

"Who says that you would hear them?"

"Quiet, both of you!" Linda scolded.

They sneered at each other like school boys and gathered behind Linda to see what her next move would be.

"There are a lot of guards in there. It looks like they are just hanging out, waiting for the worst case scenario," Linda said.

"That scenario has arrived," Rico confirmed, taking another practice swing with his axe.

"You two, stay behind the door," Linda instructed. "I'm going to clear the entire room. That balcony gives me the perfect vantage point."

"Roger," Rico confirmed, resting his arm on Lucas' shoulder. "I'll babysit."

"I hate you," Lucas said.

Linda pulled down her leotard and the men glanced down at her breasts, forgetting all about their troubles for a few beautiful seconds of ogling. Linda cracked open the door just wide enough to slip through and crawled across the balcony on her hands and knees towards the nearest guard.

Linda could see through metal grating down to the ground floor. Her targeting system was locking in on every head in the room. If things got noisy, she was going to be ready. She aimed at a guard on the balcony and waited patiently for the red target to lock in. She fired a laser blast across the bridge and blew off the top half of his head. The guard's body fell limp onto the railing and hung there like he had dozed off.

Linda turned to aim at another guard in the opposite direction. She blasted a hole through his forehead and a loud shrieking alarm echoed through the warehouse. The guard's body toppled over, revealing the emergency button that she had just triggered.

"Damn it!" Linda cursed. "It's GO time." She stood up to reveal herself to the guards that were scrambling across the warehouse floor.

"Want to have some fun?" Linda yelled out, showing her breasts to them.

A cluster of red targets locked in on the men below. Linda fired off a blitz of pulses and incinerated the nearest ten men like they were ants under a magnifying glass. Heads exploded. Charred body parts blew off of their bodies. Uniforms caught on fire, causing them to run around and scream as they burned alive.

"Game on!" Rico announced, pushing open the door to join Linda on the balcony.

"Get down!" Linda yelled at Rico. She tackled him just as a storm of bullets began pulverize her position on the bridge.

"I told you to wait," Linda scolded. She remembered that the doctor had only applied one layer of impact shielding to her skin and winced from the painful bursts of pressure as she shielded Rico from the bullets.

Meanwhile, Lucas heard the sound of approaching boots stomping on the tile floor. His tiny dose of nitrous had worn off and all he could feel was pure terror. He aimed his pistol into the hallway and waited for the guards to appear. His hands were shaking and sweat was pouring down his forehead.

"Forgive me God, Jesus, Buddha, Allah, Vishnu, Einstein," Lucas whispered as he looked through the gun scope and rested his finger on the trigger.

An armed guard ran out at full speed and Lucas was distracted by a loud swooping sound. An axe flew through the air and smashed into the guard's forehead, splitting his skull and squirting a geyser of blood up to the ceiling.

"She sent me back to the kids table," Rico explained with a shrug. "Happy to help."

Rico yanked the gun out of Lucas' hand and aimed at the next three guards. He fired off several rounds and the bullets exploded on impact, blowing off arms and legs and splattering heads wide open.

"Whoa! This gun is a fucking reaper!" Rico handed the gun back to Lucas. "Next time, don't hesitate. Even you could hit a target with this thing."

Lucas looked down in horror at the gun in his hand, now even more intimidated after seeing what it could do.

"These fuckers stood guard while they turned your friend into laser-tits. I say kill 'em all," Rico insisted.

"Kill 'em all," Lucas agreed.

Another guard came running out and Lucas aimed the gun and fired, exploding the guard's head into mess of red goo.

"Nice shot!" Rico said.

They ran over to the pile of bodies and Rico reclaimed his axe. Lucas scanned through the pile of body parts and torsos. He looked down at the neck stump of his first kill and vomited all over his feet.

"I'm never going to kill again," Lucas swore, wiping his mouth with a sleeve.

Another guard flew around the corner and fired at them, grazing Rico's cheek with a bullet.

"Die, motherfucker!" Lucas yelled, firing off five shots in row. The guard's arms, legs, and head exploded and he was nothing but a torso by the time he hit the floor.

"The second one is always easier," Rico said with a shrug. "C'mon, kid. Let's go check on Aerobatron."

"What did you call her?"

"Aerobatron."

"Okay… that's kind of cool."

Back in the warehouse Linda was cartwheeling across the balcony and dodging bullets. She decimated guard after guard on the ground floor until the spray of bullets finally stopped. She paused for a breather and listened in closely. All she could hear were moans of pain from the dying and disfigured men on the ground.

"Clear!" Linda yelled out to Lucas and Rico.

They came rushing through the door with their weapons in hand. Lucas noticed that Linda was breathing heavy and resting her hands on the balcony railing.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm overheated. I'm out of juice," Linda warned.

"Hot damn!" Rico blurted as he surveyed scores of obliterated guards, strewn out across the floor. "Did you leave anything for us?"

"Yes," a deep voice reverberated through the warehouse.

Linda and the guys dropped for cover. They heard the sound of slow, deliberate steps approaching from the floor below.

"It can't be—" Linda whispered. But it was. Striker revealed himself from the shadows, resting a large cannon on his shoulder. His trademark eye patch was gone and both of his eyes were glowing bright red.

"Surrender now and you can avoid meeting my new friend," Striker offered, patting his laser cannon affectionately.

"Cover me," Rico said, darting across the balcony towards the stairs.

"Nooo!!!" Linda yelled in slow motion. She reached for Rico's leg to try and stop him and narrowly missed.

Striker turned towards their voices and laser sights beamed out of his eyes to scan the area. He fired his cannon. The explosive eruption of green light collided with the metal balcony, spraying flaming debris through the air and annihilating everything in its radius.

Linda and Lucas dove from the explosion and slammed hard onto the balcony. The gun flew out of Lucas' hand. He felt around for Linda's folder in his pants and breathed a sigh of relief that it was safe.

Linda and Lucas stayed flat on their chests, praying there would be a second shot. Striker scanned the balcony for signs of life while Rico slid down the bannister of the stairs behind him.

"We have to cover Rico," Linda whispered.

"Agreed," Lucas said.

Lucas crawled over to his gun while Linda stood up to fire tit-lasers at Striker. Striker was only mildly irritated at the zaps of Linda's weakened laser pulses.

Rico raised his axe and Striker dropped to knee and swung his cannon around. He fired off a bright green pulse and Rico's entire body exploded into a pile of red embers. His ashes floated over the scene like snowflakes.

"Rico!" Linda screamed out.

She ran off at full speed to avenge him and Striker fired a pulse at the balcony just in front of her. A huge ball of green fire and sparks erupted as the metal grating split in half. Linda dove over the gap and caught on to some pieces of hot metal. She struggled to hold on and winced from the pain. Her grappling abilities had been completely removed.

Striker fired another pulse at Linda as she dangled. She let go and fell down onto the cargo boxes below. The blast hit the wall above her and chunks of brick and steel rained down. When the dust settled, Striker approached the rubble to scan for Linda's body.

"My offer is no longer valid," Striker announced. "You can't surrender. You can't hide. The only thing you can do... is die."

Linda threw a piece of brick across the room and Striker turned to fire at it like a clay shooter, blowing it into a million pieces. She used the distraction to crawl through a maze of dripping, molten metal and busted brick, looking for a clearing. Linda cringed with every move she made, knowing that a tiny noise would be all it took to invite a final, fatal pulse from Striker's cannon.

Lucas looked through the scope of his pistol, trying to steady a perfect shot from the balcony. If he missed, he would most certainly be dead. He noticed that Striker had a disc slot on the top of his head, just like Linda. It was the most vulnerable spot.

Just as Lucas locked in his shot a knife flew out of nowhere to knock the gun out of his hand. Lucas turned to see that Estrado was flipping open another butterfly knife. Before Estrado could throw it, Lucas ran at him and leapt into a jump kick. He slammed his heel into Estrado's chest and sent him staggering backwards.

Estrado quickly recovered and swung his blade at Lucas, slicing through a few layers of the file folder that was resting against his stomach. Lucas got into a tiger stance. He snap-kicked Estrado's forearm, knocking the blade out of his hand.

"Lucky shot," Estrado said. He pulled two more blades from his belt and flipped them open. "I will see your fancy kicks and raise you two stabs to the pancreas."

Estrado lunged forward with a blade and Lucas dove out of the way, falling onto his back. He did a back-roll towards his gun and reached for it. Estrado threw a knife and it pierced into Lucas' hand. Lucas groaned out in pain and reached for the gun with his other hand.

"Don't move, or I'll put the next one in your throat!" Estrado warned, holding up his other knife.

Lucas glared in anger at Estrado. He was cornered. In state of mortal panic, all he could do was try and buy himself some time.

"Why aren't you wearing your uniform like the other guards?" Lucas asked, looking over Estrado's chainmail vest.

"After you've been in a knife fight with an entire Nicaraguan death squad, you lean towards protective clothing." Estrado explained. "Speaking of clothes, yours look awfully familiar. Where's the doc?"

"Flatlined."

"Oh well. We'll find another one," Estrado said with a shrug. He lifted Lucas to his feet and slammed his body up against the wall. He noticed the folder tucked into Lucas' pants and pulled it out.

"Wait, don't!" Lucas pleaded.

"Don't what?"

Estrado threw the folder over his shoulder without giving it so much as a glance. Linda watched helplessly from her hiding spot as the folder's contents rained down from the balcony. Pictures and documents fluttered through the air and fell down into a messy pile in the center of the floor.

"Come with me, nice and quiet, mi amigo. I don't want to cut you anymore than I have to. You're the last live target that we have."

Something caught Lucas' attention from the ground floor. Two glowing pink circles.

"Those knives of yours are pretty rad, but don't you think they are a tad ineffective?" Lucas asked Estrado. "I mean, people are shooting lasers around here..."

Linda blasted laser pulses into the back of Estrado's head and they blew out of his eye sockets. Lucas could see through Estrado's skull to the other side of the room. The knife fell out of Estrado's hand and his body slumped to the balcony.

"Told ya."

Striker was quick to hone in on Linda after she gave away her position. He fired several pulses in her direction, blasting holes through steel beams and concrete walls like they were made of paper.

Linda burst out of her hiding spot and zigzagged across the floor, jumping over cargo crates and piles of rubble. She could feel the heat of Striker's relentless laserfire on her back as she dodged one blast after another. The warehouse was starting to look like the leftovers of an aerial bombing raid, giving Linda even more options for cover.

Lucas knew better than to try and pull the knife out of his hand. He left it where it was and picked up his gun. He aimed for the top of Striker's head again, shaking from the incredible pain of his stab wound. Lucas nearly had a lock when Striker turned to aim his laser cannon right back at him and fired a pulse. Lucas dove for his life as the balcony exploded under him. The pistol flew out of his hand and plummeted to the factory floor. All the debris from the explosion crashed down on top of him.

Linda watched in horror as Lucas was buried alive under the explosion. With Striker distracted, she took her opportunity to run up behind him. She swung her foot between his legs and punted his groin like a football.

"Ahhhggg!" Striker groaned, falling to his knees.

"Did I find a weak spot?"

Linda reached for his cannon and he whipped it around to bash her in the head, knocking her across the room.

Before Striker could lock in his aim, Linda hurled a giant concrete block and it smashed against his forehead. She ran towards him at full speed and slammed her shoulder into his chest, knocking him to the floor.

"V step!" Linda yelled, stomping on his groin with a basic aerobics move.