After the Burn Pt. 01

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Aln80017
Aln80017
10 Followers

Brad stormed out of the room, the brusies to his ego, and the fact that she was right, was too much.

Once he was gone Tessa sighed sadly, pouting and almost to tears at what her life had become. She was scared senseless for her sister, out serving as bait for whomever might wander down the road. She was scared senseless that one of these days Bonzer was going to be gone too long and Brad, or TJ, or both, were going to finally snap and God only knew what they might do to her. Or if Bonzer might find some more of that shit he liked to huff to get high again, gazolin or what ever it was called... what if he got some of that again and he really went off. She thought he might kill them both last time.

"We've been here before... we've gotten away before. Probably time we do it again... but," she jerked on the chain that was cuffed to the bed frame at one end and the collar around her neck at the other.

Aln80017
Aln80017
10 Followers
12
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6 Comments
JustSweetDeeJustSweetDeealmost 5 years ago
Mmmm

good start!... just... maybe an editor, freelance...

SynapsisSynapsisover 8 years ago
Watch you tenses

I enjoyed this first chapter, but you need to watch your writing when it comes to past and present tense. Most of Alex's actions are present (ex: Alex watches as they spring forward), while the other characters use past (ex: Tessa sighed, she was sad). For story writing, past tense is the preferred method because the author is relaying a narrative that happened rather than present tense where the reader would be living it.

fatman1555fatman1555over 8 years ago
Fanfic

@Anonymously - I don't doubt someone besides the writers of "The Book of Eli" wrote a story like the one I just read but in no way is this story plagiarism. Its just a simple Fanfic.

@ Aln80017 - Amazing story. I cannot wait for you to submit the next chapter.

Aln80017Aln80017over 8 years agoAuthor
plagerism?

I was surprised at this comment, but I welcome it.

I honestly dont know who wrote it, but I did state, I thought, quite clearly that it was a re-write and where the idea came from. I see your point those that credit should be given to the original writer who, froom what the Google tells me is/was Gary Whitta.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago

No talent of your own? At least give a passing reference to your source, when you steal something. The first part of this is just hack plagiarism.

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