After the Fact

PUBLIC BETA

Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.

You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.

Click here

Nathan had a point here, it was dumb, but he was also right; we needed a starting point and this one was as good as any.

After deciding that Nathan would drive because, with my nerves shot through the roof, it wouldn't be a good idea for me to drive and risk an accident; we left the house and set out for the first of those four hotels we thought were possible.

While en route, my thoughts drifted to the first time I met Joanna...

*********

We met in one of those sociology classes that were mandatory to take in college. It was the fourth or fifth class and we were having a class discussion about the implication of cheating on society.

She was so beautiful, her hair swinging left to right every time she moved her head, fire in her eyes, standing there, alone against the whole class with her retrograde ideas about cheating and the 'evil' it did. I remember thinking she was either a religious freak, coming from another 'planet' or she was pulling our collective legs.

Nobody could be so adamant in his or her opinions. Joanna asserted that today's society was in such dire peril because nobody cared about the effect of cheating anymore. She made sure to mention that she was talking about any and every form of cheating there could be.

In her postulation she was saying that cheating, whatever the form, was insidious and destroyed respect and trust more effectively than a physical assault. She gave a few examples such as, the kid who cheats on an exam and doesn't get caught; loses respect for his teachers who aren't 'astute' enough to have seen it. The teacher who catches a student cheating, loses respect for that student and doesn't trust him any more as in his mind, that student is 'a cheat'.

The other students were laughing at what she was saying and telling her she wasn't living in the right century if she believed what she was saying.

I remember one of them saying, "Yeah but if you don't get caught, what's the harm?"

Joanna's answer had been, "You're gonna tell me that having that 'I know something you don't' feeling over someone doesn't make you think you're 'better' than that person?

"Take that other example. If you cheat on your girlfriend/wife/lover. Don't you feel that you're having 'one up' on her and that she 'deserves' to be cheated on if she doesn't see it? Don't you think that if and when she finds out, and believe me everything comes to sooner or later, that she'll lose respect for you? Don't you think she'll feel that she's been taken for a fool and laughed at? Do you think she'll trust you again?"

Not once did she back down and renege on her positions. Her moral ground was her armour and she was wrapping herself in it like fine woven silk.

I invited her for coffee after class, it was the first time I had wanted to socialize with any of my classmates -- after all, I was almost as old as the teacher while they were barely out of high school - and she said, "I never see you take positions in class. Don't you have an opinion or are you inviting me to ridicule me like the others?" Her voice was breaking and I could see tears threatening to show at the corner of her eyes.

Her outburst caught me by surprise, she had always seemed so cool and collected while expressing her opinions in class and I was discovering that underneath it all was a sensitive soul, easily hurt.

"I'm inviting you for coffee because you seem to have thought out pretty extensively what you're saying. You don't seem to be talking just for the pleasure of hearing your voice. People your age seldom think as maturely as you do. But, more importantly and honestly, I want to have coffee with you because you looked like Athena on the battleground in there and I like fiery people. Maybe we could be friends?" I couldn't believe I had blurted out the reference to the Greek goddess but it was too late to take it back. It sure looked like being encouraged to further my education and enrol in college by my employer had advantages I hadn't foreseen.

Her answer showed me that not only did she believe everything she had said in class but she was also living by it.

"Having coffee would be nice. I could use a cup of coffee. As for being friends, I don't know. My friendship, just like my trust and respect has to be earned and I don't give it easily. Furthermore, I'm a loyal friend but I'm a fierce enemy so make sure it's really what you want before offering it." Her eyes never moved away from mine while she was saying it and I knew that if we ever became friends it would be for life.

*********

That's the first taste I had of Joanna's personality and the future would show me that she expected people around her to be as highly moral as she was.

While I was reminiscing, Nathan had driven us to the first hotel on the list. I was ready to get out of the car when he stopped me and said, "Remember, Jeremy, we have to find out if Joanna is there or not. However, there isn't any guarantee that they'll tell us. You should know that hotel employees are not supposed to give information about their guests so we have to find a way to get the information without questioning them."

"I know that hotel employees aren't supposed to give information but I don't see how we'll find out anything if we don't ask questions." Nathan's logic escaped me here and I couldn't fathom how we would go about it.

Nathan didn't have time to answer as we were already in the entrance of that hotel and the desk was in view. An overweight, overtired, middle-aged man approached us and said, "Welcome to Bon Temps hotel, gentlemen. What can I do for you?"

I was about to ask him about Joanna when Nathan beat me to it.

"Good afternoon, sir. Would you be kind enough to ring Mrs Collinsworth's room and tell her Nathan is here to see her?"

The clerk looked through his registry and said, "I'm sorry, sir. We have nobody under that name registered here."

"Hmm, maybe she registered under her maiden name then. However, for the life of me, I can't remember what it is at the moment. Maybe if I describe her to you?" Nathan seemed to know how to get answers and I let him continue.

"You may, sir. But I'm not sure I'd know her if she didn't register on my shift." The clerk had a point. If he wasn't there when Joanna registered and she hadn't registered with her name, there would be no way for us to know unless we found the clerk who was here when she did.

"Well, she's tall, redhead, she probably registered before lunch...."

"Oh, then I'm sorry, sir. You're probably mistaken. Nobody registered here today. Our latest guest arrived two days ago."

Nathan thanked the man, saying he had probably misunderstood when Joanna had told him the name of the hotel she would be staying in and we went back to the car.

I sat in the car and asked him how he could be so calm and detached.

"I'm neither, Jeremy, but one of us needs to keep a cool head. Don't you dare think I'm not worried! I am! I have to stay focused if we are to find Joanna. I understand that you're stressed out and need to take it out on something or someone but if I fall apart, neither of us will be able to do anything to find Joanna."

I understood a little bit more now why Joanna trusted Nathan so much all those months. In a way, he reminded me of her. He was reliable, seemed to be cold and unemotional, a rock to lean on. I hoped that when this ordeal was over Nathan and I could become as good friend as Joanna and he were.

On our way to the second hotel, I couldn't help but think of another incident where Joanna had shown me something about her standards.

*********

We had dinner with married friends and the wife was regaling us with stories about her husband's misfortunes. Once in a while, Joanna would look at me and I could see something was bothering her but I didn't know what it was.

At the end of the evening, Joanna seemed relieved to see them go and as soon as the door closed, she told me, "I'm sorry, Jeremy, I know they are our friends but I don't think we should see them too often any more."

I had no idea where this was coming from; Joanna had always seemed to enjoy our friend's company so I asked her, "Why do you say that? Did something happen that I'm not aware of?"

She sighed when she said, "It's not ONE thing, it's countless minute things that happened over the course of many months and I can't condone it anymore."

"What happened, sweetheart?" I had no knowledge of what could have happened for Joanna to say she wanted us to cool our friendship with those two but I knew her well enough; it must have been something bad. "Has either of them said or done something to hurt you?"

Joanna was flailing her arms, pacing back and forth while talking to me. "First, let me tell you there's nothing wrong with Guy. He's a sweet, sweet man and I love him dearly. It's Val who's the problem. She's belittling, demeaning and disrespectful to Guy and I can't stand by without giving her a piece of my mind anymore."

Her fiery temper was at work and whatever Val had said or done had ticked Joanna in a bad way. "Come, sit down with me and tell me what she has done. I have to tell you though; I have no idea what you're talking about; Val is the 'clown' of our group. She's always making us laugh with Guy's mishaps."

"That's exactly it! Don't you see it? She's always making fun of Guy. Always telling people of the things he's done wrong, said wrong. She's always belittling him and making him sound like an absolute moron. She's not respectful of his feelings and doesn't care if she crushes his ego or not." Joanna was fidgeting on the sofa and the volume of her voice was increasing the more she was talking.

"I don't understand, Jo. What's so wrong with poking fun at ones husband or wife's misadventures? We all do it, we all tell stories about one thing or another our spouse has done that is completely hilarious."

Joanna put her coffee cup back on the table with a thud, turned to me and said, "You don't get it, do you? She's not 'poking fun' at him. She's always putting him in a bad light. She's never talking about his achievements, only his inadvertent happenings. She's putting him down every chance she gets. It's a deliberate character assassination on her part. She's betraying her wedding vows in the worst possible way; even worse than if she was cheating on him!"

I had never seen any of those bad things Joanna said Val had done but I'm not as attuned to human behaviour as Joanna is.

"Are you sure it's deliberate, Joanna? Can't you be misunderstanding the situation? I don't recall Guy saying anything; maybe he doesn't mind Val telling friends about his misfortunes."

With annoyance Joanna replied, "Would you? Would you complain to your friends that your wife is putting you down? Would you go to Guy and tell him that what he thinks is funny is in fact bloody hurtful to you?"

I was about to answer her when she added, "Let me give you a few examples and tell me after if it's still as funny and harmless as you think.

"Let's say I ask you to cook dinner and you decide to surprise me by making lasagna. Unfortunately, something happens and it burns. No big deal huh? But, the next time we see our friends I tell them that you're incapable of making a simple meal without burning it.

"Then, you're ironing clothes; I know how you love ironing clothes, and the doorbell goes off just as you're starting to iron my favourite pair of pants. You put the iron on its base but the cat jumps on the ironing board while you're answering the door and the iron falls on my pants. When you come back into the room, my pants are burned.

"Sure I might get annoyed when you tell me. However, imagine that the next time I see our friends I tell them, and anybody close enough to hear me, how useless you are inside the house. Not only can't you cook a meal without burning it but you also burn clothes with your carelessness.

"Then, there's the time you dropped gravy on my dress at Christmas Eve dinner because I bumped into you while I was coming in the dining room with the turkey and because of the gravy being so hot I dropped the turkey. But, when I see friends who weren't there at that dinner it becomes a story about you being so clumsy that the whole turkey and gravy incident becomes all your fault.

"Let's not forget telling anyone and everyone who'll listen how unhappy I am because you didn't get me the birthday gift I wanted, you forgot our anniversary or that you didn't bring me a gift from your latest business trip.

"But oh wait, I forget to mention to those same people that the birthday gift you didn't get me was because the week before I had told you I didn't want it any more. The anniversary you forgot was because you were in the hospital and you didn't bring me a gift from your latest business trip because I was WITH you on that trip.

"One of those incidents taken on its own can be funny. All of them, not! Let's not forget that while I'm telling our friends -- people who know you, the true you -- about all those things, there are other people hearing it. People who don't know you, people who can only base their appreciation of you on what they hear from me.

"Would you say those people would have a good opinion of you? Would you say those people would believe anyone telling them what a wonderful man you are? Or, would you say, after hearing all those horror stories that they'd think you're not only a moron but an insensitive jerk too?"

"When you get married, you agree to protect, love, honour and cherish your spouse. Nowhere in the wedding vows does it say you're allowed to belittle them and give a bad impression of them to strangers. It's one thing to talk to a friend about something in your spouse that bothers or annoys you; it's a completely different thing to let the whole world know.

"Now, think about all this and tell me what Val is doing is not a deliberate character assassination. And don't forget, those examples are only a tiny fraction of everything Val has said and done over the years."

I was absolutely speechless. I had never thought of how painful it must have been for Guy to hear his friends laugh at him this way. I was as guilty as everybody else of hurting my friend and I fully intended to make it up to him. I now understood why Joanna didn't want to see them any more. With her temper, it's only a blessing she didn't give Val a piece of her mind.

Furthermore, I decided there and then to tell off Val the next time she put down Guy. I could have asked Joanna to do it but I'm better at diplomacy than she is and I didn't want to break the line of communication between Guy and us. Val might have been a bitch but it didn't mean that Guy would accept anyone putting her in her place.

*********

This incident had shown me another facet of Joanna. She had such high moral standards. She wasn't preachy and never told anyone what they were doing was wrong; she was teaching by example. Her exemplary personality, her loyalty, her goodness was showing in everything she did.

I had never noticed that she was always putting me in the best light possible. She was always talking about my achievements and the good deeds I had done. I'm not saying she was putting me on a pedestal, but my character flaws were never discussed in public.

I remember thinking at the time how lucky I was to have her as a wife. I knew I would never be stabbed in the back and she would always protect our marriage to the best of her abilities. My thoughts were interrupted when Nathan said, "Here we are," as we pulled up to the second hotel.

Unlike the one we visited earlier, this one had seen better days. I couldn't picture Joanna coming into a place like this but if her intent were to hurt herself, as I feared, she wouldn't be out of place judging by the appearance of the people coming out as we entered.

There wasn't anyone at the counter and we rang the bell. The person answering it seemed asleep or drugged up. Her eyes were two slits and it wouldn't have been hard to believe she was on methadone when she said, "Whadayya pigs want now? I told your pal this mornin' I don't know nuttin'."

It was obvious she thought we were policemen and Nathan took advantage of it. "Forget about this morning. We want to know if a Mrs. Collinsworth has booked a room in your joint. Better keep your answer straight if you know what's good for you."

Nathan seemed to enjoy playing bad cop; I just hoped it wouldn't blow up in our face.

The girl seemed happy to get off so easily. She took the registry from under the counter, looked through it and said, "Nope, no nuttin', nobody with that name. Look fer yerself." She turned the registry towards us and we both looked through it to see if we could find Joanna's name or handwriting in there.

She wasn't here and we left the girl, telling her to keep her nose clean.

As the car was leaving that street, the thought came to me that while I was unhappy we hadn't found her yet, I was glad we hadn't found her there!

The third hotel on our list was on the edge of town and it would take us some time to get there. Time we couldn't afford to lose, but it was now half-past four and traffic was getting thicker. I was looking at people walking on the streets, driving about with purpose and all I wanted to do was tell them to clear the streets so we could reach our destination quickly.

I was fidgeting on my seat, looking out the car window, playing with my seatbelt; anything to keep my mind from thinking. I so wanted to stop thinking. Thinking was a commodity I couldn't afford right now.

Thinking was theonly thing I could do, though, and I was thankful that Nathan didn't feel the need to fill the silence with inane conversation. He seemed to be happy to be left driving and it suited me perfectly too.

After a quarter hour of driving silently with me fidgeting, he could see I was losing patience and, I guess to keep me occupied, asked me to tell him about Joanna and my marriage. He wanted to know what secret we had discovered to keep our marriage strong despite all our separations over the years.

That request forced me to think on why we had been separated for so long and so often....

*********

We had been married for three years when I started my investment company. After having worked for one company or another for the past ten years, I knew I had all the tools to make the jump from employee to business owner. I was thirty-three, ten years older than Joanna, and I knew we could make it work.

We had had 'The Talk' so many times in the past couple of years. We knew that it would need a lot of work, effort and sacrifice on our part to get it off the ground.

Our dream was for us to put everything we had in that company and we, then, could retire when we'd respectively be forty-five and fifty-five; old enough so the kids would be all grown-up but young enough to have plenty of 'good' years left to enjoy ourselves.

Joanna had raised the issue that for it to happen the way we wanted, I would need to travel extensively for several years to make myself known and trusted. I would have to put myself 'out there' and show potential investors that I was serious and could be trusted. She had warned me our separation could become a problem eventually, maybe I should have heeded those warnings; cared more for the feelings than the words she used back then.

I remember that first conversation we had. It was the day before my first trip as an investor. Joanna had just put Jessica, our daughter, to bed and I was making sure I wasn't forgetting anything.

Joanna had wrapped her arms around my waist from behind and I knew she was crying when I heard her sniffles. She wasn't quite to the point of sobbing but I could feel the tears wetting my back when she said, "You know I'm gonna miss you like crazy, do you? I don't know what I'm going to do without you here for so long; three weeks is going to seem like an eternity."