After the Rape

Cassia lay in her bed, softly crying. That in itself was nothing new; her life was one of torment and self incrimination. She had been a bright bubbly teenager, then at 18 she became as she was now. That was when she had been brutally beaten, raped repeatedly and beaten until she almost died. After they were finished with her they had tried to kill her, and it might have been more merciful if they had succeeded. The men responsible had been caught, tried and put in prison. That was their punishment; hers was never being able to forget. She just had to close her eyes, and she would relive that terrible day, she could see them, hear them, and what was worse, she could feel them.

Her friends couldn't handle her pain and had deserted her. She couldn't bear to sleep alone so her mom and dad had let her sleep with them thinking she would get over it, she hadn't. When the doctor told her that the she could never have children, her mother blamed Cassia. Her mom and dad had terrible fights about her and her mom had finally just left.

The psychiatrist she had been seeing said she would get over it, but she still cried all of the time. Her red hair wasn't as shiny, her blue eyes not as bright. The only person she could count on was her dad; he alone still stood by her. Other than to see the doctor she hadn't left the house in a long time. She had no outside contact except the television. She wouldn't answer the phone or the door. If she needed anything she had her dad get it and bring it home.

The door opened, and her dad walked in. They didn't even pretend she had her own bedroom anymore. She watched as her dad sat down on the bed next to her, he had a strange look, "Dad?"

"I've decided to change how I've been treating you. Because of the doctors, I've been using kid gloves. Being as you're not getting better, I think it's time for something else."

"Like what?" Her eyes bulged out of her head, she felt him grab her and the tickling began. She screamed, laughed and pleaded trying to get away from his fingers. By the time he stopped she had tears of a different kind.

He smiled down at her, "That's the first time I've heard you laugh in a long, long time. I like hearing that."

Cassia frowned and looked away, "I'm sorry you're ashamed of me."

"Where in the world did you get the idea I was ashamed of you?" She started to choke up again, and he fussed at her, "Don't start crying again."

She shook her head, "All right," and took a deep breath, "It's my fault I got raped."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Cassia stared at him in shock; her dad had never cussed at her before. "If I remember correctly, you were where you were supposed to be, doing what you were supposed to be doing. Exactly how is it your fault?"

"Well...ah...oh, I don't know, it just is."

"You're so full of shit your eyes are brown."

She gave him a half smile, "My eyes are blue."

He smiled back, "That just means you're a quart low." Cassia started giggling. "I love to hear you do that."

She got sad again, "Mom left because of me."

"That is so much crap. Your mother and I were headed for splitting up long before anything happened to you, young lady."

Cassia got a look of astonishment, "I didn't know, you two never said anything."

"The children are not usually consulted when the marriage is breaking down. You're mother didn't leave because of you, she left because of me."

Cassia watched her dad get up and go over to the dresser. He picked up her hair brush; making her sit up, he sat back down on the bed behind her. She felt him start to brush her hair. She had never had a guy do that, the last time she had actually gone to a beauty parlor, her beautician was a woman. It felt wonderful and she started to relax immediately. They didn't talk. She knew her dad was simply trying to make her feel better. Even if it didn't actually help, it felt great. Not having been to the beauty parlor in years, she would have her dad help her cut off the split ends and her hair was down to her waist. He had to make long strokes to brush it.

"Did mom let you do this to her?" She felt him stiffen, he never talked about her.

He let out a sigh, "Not really, I tried it once but she felt it was strange," then he whispered, "She thought I was strange."

Cassia had closed her eyes and was thoroughly enjoying herself. She mumbled under her breath, "Mom was an idiot." Her dad always tried to help; he never pushed or got mad, and was always gentle." What her dad was doing made it impossible for her to cry, but that didn't mean the hurt wasn't there, "I know she blamed me for what happened. She was disappointed in me when she found out I can't have children."

"Cassia, what did I get off of the dresser?"

"You got my hair brush."

"So it was just minding its own business. It was where it was supposed to be, doing what it was supposed to be doing, and it had no control if I picked it up or not?"

"No."

"I'm brushing your hair with it, but if I beat it up and threw it across the room is it the brushes fault or mine?"

"It's yours. Look dad, I see what you're getting at, and I know all of that, but I just can't seem to stop thinking about it." They sat in silence, him brushing her hair, her enjoying it. "Dad, if everything you are saying is true, what did mom want that she didn't have with us?

He put the brush down, and reached around his daughter to hug her. He just held her, and buried his face in her hair, "She wanted a man."

Cassia was bewildered, because several things had happened at the same time.

First, her dad's hand had scraped across her breasts when he reached around to hug her. She knew he hadn't meant anything by it and should ignore it, except that it had felt good. Her nipples had reacted to that brief touch. It was a shock, because it was the first time she had felt pleasure like that in a long time. She hadn't even touched herself since the rape.

Second, he had just told her that he was in as much pain as she was. All of this time he had been trying to be strong for her, even though he had no one.

The third thing tore at her heart, his face was buried in her hair and he was crying. That was something she had never known him to do. Even when she had been raped, his reaction was blind anger against the men. Her dad didn't want those men in prison, he had wanted them dead.

Cassia felt guilty, her dad had been in pain and she had not loved him enough to even notice. "I'm sorry dad."

His muffled voice was heard, "Why should you be sorry?"

"I should have been there for you when you split up with mom."

"No baby girl, it wasn't your responsibility to make sure I was all right. As a matter of fact, you were the one bright spot in my life. You were the only thing that made me happy and I didn't know what to do about it." There was a smothering silence in the room, not like before, this was uncomfortable, "Cassia, I'm so sorry I wasn't there to stop them."

Had she really heard him say that, "Daddy?"

"They hurt my baby girl, and I wasn't there for you." His sobs filled the room.

She turned and saw her dad crying, the tears streaming down his face. "Oh my God, all of this time you blamed yourself." She held him and they both cried, but this time her tears were for him. Cassia thought her mom was not only an idiot for leaving him, but that she didn't deserve him in the first place.

After that night, Cassia didn't hurt as much. Somehow, knowing that her dad was in pain and needed her had helped her to start healing. She started wearing a smile for him at meals. Her days weren't spent crying any more. She had started dressing in brighter clothes, even though all of her tops were his shirts. Without realizing it, her efforts at trying to make his pain go away, was doing the same thing for her.

About a week later, she had on a blouse that was a too small for her. She had wanted to dress up in something feminine for her dad at supper, but she had been in the dumps for so long that her old clothes didn't fit anymore. Her breasts had gotten larger and she was forced to leave a couple of buttons open if she wanted to wear it.

She was busy with the last minute details of fixing the meal when her dad got home from work. He walked into the kitchen, "Hi, baby girl, mmm something smells good," and sat down at the table.

She turned around and smiled at him, "Thanks," and saw him watching her.

He swallowed his throat suddenly dry, "You seem to be showing a lot of tit.

Cassia blushed from her head to her feet, "My clothes don't fit anymore and mom didn't leave anything." She looked at him just sitting and staring, "You aren't supposed to be looking at me like that, dad. Now come over here and help me."

"I'm sorry, but I can't."

She was puzzled, "Why not?"

He gave a nervous sigh, "A...baby girl...a...the way you look has put me in...an embarrassing situation."

She was shocked, "You're turned on. Looking at me has turned you on." Just how much her dad had given up for her finally sunk in. He hadn't been with a woman in over three years. Her mom had left a few months after the incident, and if her mom and dad weren't getting along who knew how long they hadn't done anything before that. When Cassia saw how embarrassed her dad was, her heart agonized for him. He had endured a lot for her; there was no way she was going to add to it. She walked over behind him and put her arms around him, "I'm sorry dad."

Later that night and they were lying in bed; her dad had his arm around her. This was the way the two had gone to sleep ever since she had started to sleep with him and her mom. At the start, her dad's arm around her was the only thing that made her stop shaking, after her mom left, the two just continued sleeping that way. Lying this way had always made her feel safe and protected, until tonight. The difference this night, Cassia could feel his soft penis. Her dad slept in pajama bottoms, and as he lay next to her, she couldn't help but focus on one spot.

All evening long Cassia had thought about her dad being turned on by her. She had tried to think of other things but it kept creeping back into her mind. How could he be next to her like this every night and never get aroused? She knew that she would probably never move away from this home which meant that his sex life was over, and he was willing to do that because of his love for her. It was obvious to her, at least now, how much pressure he was under if he had gotten turned on just seeing the tops of her breasts. "Dad, are you asleep?"

"Yes."

Cassia chuckled, "I'm sorry about my clothes earlier; I just wanted to dress up for you."

"I've been thinking about that, how about this weekend you and I go shopping and get you some new clothes?"

She shuddered, "You mean leave the house?"

He could feel her start to tremble, "I've tried to get you stuff to wear, it wasn't too bad when you just wore oversized shirts and jeans. But obviously a young woman needs to do that herself. I promise I will be with you and not leave."

Cassia felt her eyes tear up, "You want to spend your day off in the women's section of a store?"

"I think we should get your hair done too, and get you some new shoes. This should be all about you."

Closing her eyes the tears flowed freely. He wanted it to be all about her and the words burned her. He was such a dear. Absently she wondered how things would be if nothing bad had ever happened to her. Would he have kept on helping her and would she have kept on hurting him. Somehow she knew, deep down she saw the truth, she would have taken him for granted. Looking inward into her soul, she could see that he would have done so much for her and she would have treated him like some selfish brat. "Thank you, dad, I love you."

"I love you too, baby girl."

Cassia had no doubt that was true. Her dad loved her and had loved her mom unselfishly, expecting nothing in return, and that is exactly what he had gotten from his wife and his daughter. She whispered under her breath, "Oh no," she knew the answer to her question; she was an adult woman and he couldn't be next to her like this every night and never get aroused. That would explain him having to get up to use the bathroom. Sure he might really have had to use the bathroom, but he might be getting relief the only way he could. Having been so wrapped up in her own pain; she had never even felt him get hard right next to her.

She took a deep breath, well that was changing tonight. If seeing her turned him on enough to get hard, and lying next to her and barely touching her caused him to have to get up and get himself off, then having her would be the perfect gift for her to give him. With his arm draped over her, his hand rested on her stomach, Cassia placed her hand on his and moved his hand to her breast.

Feeling the soft flesh under her shirt, he swallowed hard, "What are you doing?"

She smiled at herself and thought 'I'm going to make you hot enough to explode.' But she said, "I'm not doing anything dad." She still had her hand on his, so she moved it back and forth making his hand rub her nipple.

He felt her nipple getting hard and the thrill went straight between his legs. "Baby, I don't think this is a good idea," his protest didn't make his hand stop playing.

She felt him playing without her assistance and she could also feel him getting hard as he pressed against her leg. Reaching down, her hand pushed against the front of his pajamas.

He was having trouble breathing, "Cassia we have to stop I only have so much will power."

She turned over facing him, "I don't want you to have will power," she kissed him, gently brushing her lips on his, "I want you to have me."

Somehow both of his hands had found her breasts, the hard nipples poked at him through her shirt. "Are you sure, once we start I may not be able to stop."

He had gotten rock hard under her touch. She had never been more certain of anything in her life. "I don't want you to stop daddy."

As her arms went around him, his lips found hers. He gave her a kiss and it wasn't a fatherly kiss but full of the passion inside on him. Then with a groan, he pushed her away, "We should start slower."

Cassia saw that it took everything her dad had to stop, "What do you mean?

"You had no experience before, so the only thing you have known is pain. Maybe we should get each other off with our hands first."

Cassia could feel how badly he wanted her, and still he was thinking of her first. "Daddy, you can show me how to do the rest of those things some other time." Her lips touched his, "We can get each other off with our hands, you can show me how." Her kiss got a little more passionate, "You can teach me how to get you off with my mouth, and you can do that to me." Her tongue slipped between his lips, "You're right, all I have felt is pain. Tonight, I need my dad to show me it doesn't have to be that way." Her kiss was long and drawn out, "I need you in me."

He had no more resistance in him and helped his daughter take off her oversized tee-shirt. Long red hair partially covered her magnificent breasts. Her blue eyes never left him as he took his pajama bottoms off.

Cassia had seen the hard penises of the men that had raped her; this was different, because this time she liked what she saw. Father and daughter had their arms around each other and for the first time they had nothing on.

As they held each other, she wrapped her fingers around his penis. It was the first time she had actually touched one and liked the way it was both hard and yet soft at the same time. She felt his fingers teasing her nipples, they were still rock hard from his earlier playing and the pleasure slowly spread through her as she continued to explore between his legs.

Cassia watched her dad's face in anticipation as he lowered his mouth to one of her breasts and gently sucked her nipple. A soft moan escaped her; she liked what he was doing. She held his head to her and felt his hand slide down her stomach and come to rest on her pubic hair. She stiffened and sucked in her breath as she felt his finger slide over of her vaginal lips.

He felt her shudder as he penetrated her. He stopped and started to move away, "Thank you baby, I love how much you care for me, but..."

She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him back, "It was a reaction dad. I want you, but I sort of had a flashback to what happened.

He kissed her, "Maybe you need a different approach for our first time."

Cassia curiously watched as he moved down, maneuvering until his legs were under hers. He kept wiggling until her legs were bent over him and he was on his side facing her. She felt his hard penis touch her vagina, and then he stopped.

"Reach down and take me in your hand -- good, now use your free hand to hold yourself open and rub me against you."

She felt a little embarrassed but at least she wasn't having the same reaction to him touching her as before. This felt sort of strange but nice and the heat started building as she slid him across her. The more she rubbed it on her the wetter she became. Watching her dad's face as she played she knew he liked it, "How does it feel?"

"Oh, baby girl, I haven't had anything for so very long, now having you do this is driving me crazy."

Cassia bit her lip and put him just barely in her, "Push daddy."

He wanted to slam himself into her and knew he couldn't.

The breath left her as the head of his penis pushed past the lips into her vagina. At the very point of entrance, there was resistance at first, and then she experienced a sensuous, stretched-out feeling as it slid in. There was an instinctual almost animal feeling about being penetrated as her dad pushed into her agonizingly slowly. Cassia could feel the head going in. She felt the shaft as it went deeper and deeper. When he stopped, when his penis had slid in all the way, it sent shivers up her spine. Her whole being had been waiting a long time to feel pleasure from sex, and she hadn't known it. As it first slid in it had felt like such a relief, like an increase of tension and then a release.

Watching her eyes as he slid into her was like staring into her soul. He paused when he was all of the way inside of his daughter, while he contemplated how amazingly incredible it felt being inside her.

Cassia had cried and screamed the entire time the men had raped her. Even when they beat her to make her shut up, she had continued to scream. It had been particularly painful at first, then they were giving it to her so hard and fast she couldn't think about anything but what was going in and out of her. It the worst feeling in the world, she had been helpless, powerless, and most of all there was nothing she could do to help herself. It had felt like they killed her soul.

This was something she would have never thought of doing. Her dad was still being extraordinarily thoughtful and was using long, slow strokes. Pleasure filled her completely and her mind welcomed it. Cassia just wanted her dad inside of her, as deep as possible. Every time his penis went in, out, and back in again she could feel shudders all over her body, until it blended into one luscious, rhythmic feeling that she mostly felt at the very base of her stomach.

He ground himself inside every part of her, slowly losing his control. The speed picked up a little and he started to move in deeper with each thrust. He panted as he tried to hold back for her.

She loved his slow, passionate love making. She knew instinctively that it was much more than sex, it had felt wonderful from the very start. She wished he could finish with those slow strokes, but felt him speeding up, and knew he was near the end.

Her body took over and she felt this intense need to gyrate and push and feel his penis in every dimension and angle within her. On a natural impulse, she threw her hips back against him wanting more. His testicles hit against her and she knew that she was taking all of him in. Soft moans came from her and she could feel herself contract around him.