After the Show

"Alright, I see were finished," Helen said, "I'll read out all the penalties and if there are some that you wouldn't do then we'll put that card aside on the second reading." She collected the completed penalty cards and began reading aloud as she numbered the cards.

1.Blindfolded Chancer to receive two slaps on bare bottom with bare hand from Banker for five matches.

"Well that seems clear. What are we using for a blindfold?" Helen asked.

"We could use a bra. You know, tie it around the head with the cups over the eyes," David said.

"We could use a pillow case, put it over the head," Alison said.

"And if one pillow case is not enough, we can use two," said Konrad.

Helen resumed her reading aloud.

2.On a sheet of paper draw an erect penis if Chancer is female and a vulva if male with five parts properly labeled for six matches.

3.Chancer to draw a penis in a vulva or inside a vagina for eight matches.

4.Chancer to uncover own genitals for ten seconds while wearing a blindfold for five matches.

5.Chancer to take off an item of clothing for four matches.

6.Chancer submits to a nipple pinch for ten seconds while blindfolded for four matches. If correctly identifies pincher gets two more matches.

7.Blindfolded Chancer submits to a genital fondle by all the others for five seconds each for nine matches. If correctly identifies who fondled first and second receives another three matches.

8.Blindfolded Chancer submits to one left and one right hand slap on bare buttocks from each person for six matches. If correctly identifies order of slippers, gets two more matches.

9.Blindfolded Chancer loses one pubic hair to each person for six matches. If correctly identifies the order of hair pullers, gets another two matches.

10.Blindfolded Chancer loses one armpit hair from each arm pit to each person for six matches. If correctly identifies the order of hair pullers, gets another two matches.

11.Blindfolded Chancer removes all clothing, stands naked for five seconds, legs apart and arms out wide to the sides and then dresses again for five matches.

12.Chancer draws a picture of own sex organ from memory and then shows own organ for comparison for five matches.

13.Blindfolded Chancer has an ice cube applied to genitals by each of the others for ten seconds each for six matches. If correctly identifies the order of ice applicators, gets another two matches.

14.Chancer to drink all the piss of one or more of the others from a glass, not knowing whose piss it is, for eight matches. If Chancer correctly identifies whose piss it is, gets another three matches.

"Well that's all the penalties. There they are. I've cleaned up some of the grammar but essentially that's what's offering on the cards. I've got a scrupple about drinking that much piss," Helen said.

"I wouldn't like to drink someone's piss, would you?" Alison said and speaking directly to Konrad.

"It's probably alright. We have had so much beer that our piss is very dilute and anyhow piss is one of the most sterile liquids, in terms of bacterial content, that you can ..."

"You'd drink my piss!" exclaimed Helen.

"Yes," Konrad said, "but I only drink directly from the tap."

"Do you want that card in or not?" Helen asked.

"I'd rather not have it," Konrad said.

"Right," Helen said and tore up the piss card. "Any other ones you don't like? No? That's it then. We have twenty three cards for Chance draws. Let's shuffle them. Konrad you do the honours," she said handing over the cards for him to shuffle.

"I'll get the pillow cases and some blank sheets of paper," David said. He soon returned with two pillow cases.

"Let's see if I can see," Alison said and put a pillow case over her head. "I can make out where the light is but not much else. I can't see anyone. Just to be on the safe side put the other pillow case over my head as well. Now I can't see anything, just white before my eyes. This will do as a blindfold," she said pulling the two pillow cases off her head.

"When do we draw a Chance card? Is it when we are broke or at any time it's our turn to bid against Banker?"

"When you run out of matches you now have an option of auctioning your clothes or taking a Chance card. You know you are going to get about six matches with a Chance card but you are less certain how many matches your garment will fetch," Konrad said.

"Alright, let's play another hand," David said, "and I deal for Banker. But as I have no matches left, I'm taking a chance card. Let's see what number eleven says, it says:

Blindfolded Chancer removes all clothing, stands naked for five seconds, legs apart and arms out wide to the sides and then dresses again for five matches.

Alright hand me the pillow cases."

It was obvious that David had an erection starting. Each of the girls approached David and lifted his testicles and rubbed their hands along the length of his penis while Konrad counted the seconds: "One, one and a half, two, two and a quarter, two and a half, two and three quarters, three..." Satisfied that they had had a good feel of David's genitals, Konrad finished the count "Four, five."

When David was dressed he remarked: "Feeling my cock and balls was not part of the duties on the card."

"Is that your complaint? You loved every moment, admit it," Konrad said.

David put in a match to buy his first card as did everyone else at the table. Konrad had 5D, so he put in another match for his next card the 10C and then bought the next card JH for one match, was busted and down to one match. Helen had JS and on the next match she got 2H, asked for a "hit" and got 8C. She stayed put.

Alison had been dealt 10D, asked for a hit, got 2C and asked for another hit and got 6C on which she stayed. David as Banker had dealt himself QH and so he put in two matches for his next card which was KC. They had gone through the pack so David shuffled and turned up Banker's card QS and when Helen had cut the deck David dealt the Banker 4H and then 4S.

"Banker pays 19," David said. Helen and David had won that hand. Konrad had one match left and Alison had no matches.

"Take a Chance," Helen said and Alison agreed. She picked up number two which is drawing an erection. David supplied the foolscap piece of paper.

"Make it life size," Helen urged.

Alison drew a large recognizable likeness and labeled glans, testicle, pubic hair, pee-hole and penis and then collected her six matches. Everyone agreed it was a good likeness.

"What do I do with the drawing?" Alison asked.

"The Banker owns it now," Helen said. "Give it to Konrad to put away."

"Deal the cards Konrad," David said.

Each put in one of their matches. Konrad got 10H and said flip for the next card.

"You mean hit," David corrected.

"The Banker knows what I mean," said Konrad as he collected the 10S. Helen's first card was 7H. She put in one match for an 8D, said hit which came up 6H and she stayed.

Alison had QD put in two matches and got 4D.

"Bugger," she said, and then she chose hit which came up 3S. She decided to stay.

David had been dealt 5S so he put in one match, got 3D, put in two matches for 2D, put in another match and got 2S. He thought for a moment, put in his remaining three matches and got 3C. Five cards under twenty one.

"Only Banker's pontoon will beat that David," Helen said.

Banker's cards were AS, 7C.

"Banker pays nineteen," Konrad said as he collected Alison's stake and paid the other three.

Konrad didn't say much but kept the beer supplied and the glasses full. When the fourth bottle had been emptied the girls asked to use the facilities and they went off together, bags in hand to touch up their make up if need be.

"Well, what do you think?" asked David. "Do you fancy Helen?"

"It's more does Helen fancy me? And the answer to that is 'no'. She will not have me, that's for sure. She only has eyes for you Davy.

"Let's be brutally honest. Alison is much better looking and you want her. Fair enough. Which leaves Helen to me and I'm happy with Helen. But Helen wants you Davy, much more than Alison wants you. And if you go after Alison you might get her but Helen will throw a tantrum, demand to be taken home straightaway and you might not even dip your wick with Alison."

"What do you think Helen, do you like Konrad?" Alison asked while sitting on the toilet.

"I didn't come here to be with him," Helen replied. "Are you done? I'm busting."

"Here you go," Alison said getting up without flushing the toilet.

"You think you've got it made with David don't you?" Helen said sitting down.

"Look, I think Konrad is not so bad. Not in David's class but good just the same..."

"If you think he's so good why don't you flirt with him and leave David to me?"

Alison looked in the mirror and brushed her hair and apropos nothing came out with, "My period ended last Thursday," and as she applied a new coat of lipstick she said, "Do you think this shade suits me? It's a bit bright isn't it?"

"No, it's good. It picks up the colours in your dress and lifts them. I'm due next Wednesday. I must remember to buy some pads," said Helen as she wiped front to back and flushed the toilet.

"I use tampons," Alison said.

"So do I. But I put on a pad as well."

"Let's take a break from cards and leave them where they are. Ladies, we'll go outside and prepare the barbeque while Konrad gets the steaks and sausages ready." David led the girls outside with a bottle of beer and a glass in one hand while he draped his other arm around Helen so that they walked as if joined at the hip. Alison followed them to the vegetable patch where David got busy with an axe and knife and soon had cut eight thin foot long skewers from a four by two offcut of choice oregon. He scrunched up a couple of pages from a broadsheet newspaper and put the paper between two bricks on the ground and then completed the barbeque by laying four more bricks along three sides.

While David was entertaining the girls in the garden with more jokes which Konrad had heard before, Konrad picked up the girls' bags that they had left in the kitchen and looked inside. Both girls had condoms and Alison also had a vaginal cap and spermicidal jelly. It was thought provoking. The girls had come prepared.

David continued readying the barbeque. He put the rest of the oregon as kindling on top of the paper and more wood on top until the wood was just higher than the bricks. He lit the paper and waited until the fire was well alight. The preparation of the barbeque had only taken some six or seven minutes.

"You've used up one of our precious matches," Helen remarked.

"I used the banker's," he replied.

"Banker wouldn't like that," Helen said.

"Let's go back and see what Konrad has been up to," David said as he picked up the dozen skewers.

"I see you've been playing with yourself," David said as he looked at the chopped meat, sausages, tomatoes and onions that lay on the sideboard.

"Dave, instead of yakking, you can lend a hand so we can feed our guests..."

"Can we help?" Helen asked.

"The meat and vegees have to be threaded onto the skewers to make shashlicks, like meat, vegee, snag, vegee, meat, all the way along the skewers..."

"I'll get the drinks," said Dave.

Drinks in hand, they stood around the barbeque. Eight shashlicks were arranged along the top where the heat from the glowing embers slowly cooked the food. The shashlicks needed turning every minute.

"When is your fiancee due back, Alison? Did you say he was a merchant seaman? " David asked. He had his arm around Helen.

"Not for another eight weeks, he's been gone two already."

"Hey, I didn't give you that kiss I promised you for the cake you gave us," David said as he pulled Helen towards his chest and kissed her on the mouth, pushing his tongue between her lips. She didn't expect the tongue but like a good sport she tongued right back and went into a clinch with Dave.

"Hey, that's enough you two," said Konrad. "Fair's fair. When am I giving you my kiss to thank you for the cake?"

"You can thank Alison," Helen said, "but don't forget to turn your shashlicks."

"Alison, will you accept my sincere thanks," Konrad said in mock humility. "I will kiss your feet, your ankles, calves, knees..."

"Here is my hand," Alison said, "you can peck that. And stay away from my knees." Konrad took her extended her hand and looking her in the eyes said:

"Good-looking, you wouldn't be saying that if you had already tasted my cooking."

Konrad could see that Alison was slightly peeved with Dave; there was no time to be lost. He guided her right hand to his lips and kissed her wrist with a faint butterfly kiss, lifted her hand above her head and gained her lips.

"Dave," he said, "I stole a kiss from Alison." But Dave and Helen did not hear, they were in their next embrace.

"No need to steal," Alison said. "I'll accept one." Konrad moved closer, held her gently and kissed her lips. He tongued her lips but her lips stayed closed. He trailed a necklace of dry soft kisses along her chin up to her ear and down to her neck.

"I think, your shashlick may need turning," Alison said.

"I got distracted," Konrad said, released Alison's hand and set about his cooking duties. Alison in her high heels squatted oppose him across the makeshift barbecue and helped him to turn the skewers while trying not to be smoked on by the barbeque. He caught glances of her underwear and saw that she was wearing sheer pink panties with lace trim. Alison was not taking any more notice of Dave who was still kissing Helen. Alison turned a little more to turn the shashlicks at the end, opened her knees wider and Konrad noted the wisps of black curls peeking on the edge of her panties.

Konrad looked at Alison's face and as she looked him in the eye, she slowly closed her knees and then opened them even wider. Konrad could see the outline of her pubic hair and even the top of her slit above the crotch panel.

"You're beautiful," he said softly to her.

"You're not so bad yourself," she said.

"I'm starved," David said to Konrad.

"We'll bring the plates out with the salad. You girls wait for us while we the hunter gatherers bring out the forks, sauce, bread and salt and pepper," said Konrad. "We can eat in the garden buffet style."

"Don't forget the beer," Helen said.

Konrad found the girls' bags and showed David the contraceptives in Alison's bag.

"Hey, you're not stealing from her," David said.

"They've come for sex," Konrad said.

"To be sure, to be sure," David replied as he noted the contents and continued,

"But how can you be sure? People change their minds all the time."

"Well, I'm fairly sure. Just act as if it will happen and let the girls set the pace. I'm sure we'll get there faster that way."

"Well, what do you think of Konrad now?" Helen asked.

"He's alright I suppose. I still prefer David, but there you go. You can't always get what you want. I think he'll be alright. He's not shy and that's good," said Alison.

"David kisses well," Helen said.

"If that is an indication, so does Konrad. He's funny too. Not like David. More dry. Suit more your taste," Alison said.

"Thanks for the recommendation but I'll stick with David, anyway you've got Paul," Helen said.

"I didn't come all this way to end up with nothing for my trouble," Alison said.

Konrad showed how to eat the meat off the shashlick. David topped up everyone's drinks and they started a round of jokes. David started with a newlyweds joke.

The young couple, David said, were living with their in-laws, out on a farm. The mother-in-law said to the father-in-law to go and look through the window to see if there were any things that the oldies could learn from the young pair. So father-in-law went around the side of the house and looked through the wire screen of the outside verandah. The young couple were sitting on the floor some six feet apart. Their daughter had a handful of quoits which she threw over her husband's erect penis while he for his part had a handful of marbles that he attempted to flick into her vulva. When father-in-law came back to the bedroom, his wife wanted to know what he had seen and learnt. Tomorrow, he said, when we go into town for our shopping we have to remember to buy some tennis balls and a packet of lifesavers.

It was Helen's turn to tell a joke. A young man named Peter came to the young lady's house to ask her father's permission to marry his daughter. The girl's father asked him if he was truthful in his answers. Always answered Peter, Well then what are your intentions towards my daughter, asked the father. Entirely honourable sir, Peter replied. Can you be more specific, asked the father. Well sir, I intend to get her pregnant as soon as possible. Come, Peter, said the father, sit by me and have a cigar with me. You are an honest man and I'd be happy to have you as son-in-law.

A young man was driving along the Hume highway, Konrad said, and was going to Sydney when he spotted a rather attractive young woman standing alone beside the road and thumbing for a lift. He stopped the car a little past her and asked if she wanted a lift. As he was looking at her he didn't notice that a man had approached the car from the other side and opened the driver's door. The intruder held a tomahawk in his hand and forced the driver to come out of the car. The young man realized he had been held up by gypsies so he offered the money that he had. Just come out of the car into these bushes said the gypsy. The young man feared the worst. Now wank off, said the gypsy. So the young man masturbated and soon enough he ejaculated. Alright said the gypsy, now do it again. So after ten minutes of furious work on his cock he managed a small emission. Alright said the gypsy, do it again. The young man tried and tried. His penis stayed limp. He said to the gypsy, look you can kill me but I just can't do it anymore. Maria, the gypsy called out, this gentleman is ready to give you a lift in his car to the next town.

"You're funny," Alison said, "It's a good joke. I'll try to remember it."

"Alison, you're next," said David.

"But I don't know any jokes," Alison replied.

"Doesn't matter," said Helen. "Tell them the one about Hitler."

"Right. Hitler was impotent. No, that's not it. No. Hitler had one testicle but he still managed to fuck all of Europe."

"That's about right," Konrad agreed.

"Do you want to continue with the card game?" Konrad asked.

"For sure," said Helen.

"I'd love to see David lose his trousers again," Alison said.

"It will be you who'll get stripped first," David replied.

They resumed their game. Helen dealt as Banker. Konrad bet his single match when his first card was 9H. His next card was 7D.

"Hit it," he said to Helen. The next card was 4C and he stayed on that.

Helen had dealt herself 7S and for the next match she got KH and stayed.

Alison got JD put in one more and got AC.

"Pontoon," she said.

David got 9C, put in one, got 8H and stayed. Banker showed QC and then JC.

"Banker pays twenty one," Helen intoned. Alison had won two matches, all the others lost. Konrad had no matches at all.

"Take a Chance card," Alison said and Konrad did that.

"It says to draw my own cock and let you make the comparison for five matches," said Konrad.

He drew a traditional drooping penis from the front view with the foreskin covering most of the glans, a slight bend in the long shaft which sagged just below the hanging testicles, the left one lower than the right framed by pubic hair. Konrad dropped his trousers and showed his member and it was recognizably similar to the drawing.

"Definitely worth five matches," Alison said as she picked up the deck for the next deal. Konrad had 9S so put in one match, got 9D and stayed. Helen had AD, put in two matches and picked up AH which she split with two matches on AH. She put two more matches on AD and got 3H, said flip and got 5C. She returned to her AH but only had one match left to buy her next card which turned out to be KS.