Alchemist Shira's Advice

Hello everybody, and welcome to another weekly column in which I, Alchemist Shira, answer your questions on the glorious world in which we live in... Specifically the lewd parts. No judgement, only advice and support from a gal who wants you to have fun... Safely! This week, as always, we have so many interesting queries, which I'm sure will be of help to more than the lovely people who write to us! And remember, you can always send your queries to The Sentria Weekly, at the usual address, but care of me!

So, let's help some folks who want to have fun!

Dear Shira,

Recently, I've become involved with an Orcish man, who's become my boyfriend. We've gone on quite a few dates, and we really seem to be hitting it off (And he knows all the best kebob places <3 )

But recently, he's been asking about having sex (really nicely... Girls, forget what you hear about Orcs being rude, it's nothing but racism!) and, being a halfling into taller, muscular men, I still worry that maybe... He's too big for me. He certainly looks too big...

Shortstack in Sentria

Oooh, nice to hear from a fellow local! Still, I can offer you reassurance, although, with the state of Orc sexual education (Of which there are many national programs to improve, thankfully), your boyfriend might not have known this to reassure you.

Essentially, orc penises, no matter who they belong to, are self lubricating, and some form of enchantment (we've never really worked out how, or why it's so long lasting) ensures a feeling of fullness without pain beyond the expected for someone's first time. So if it isn't your first time, you can happily (so happily) experience the pleasures of your boyfriend's dick, and I hope your relationship is a long and happy one!

Dear Alchemist Shira,

Being a wood elf of many years, I've had quite the few experiences, and, being an open minded lady, I'm always on the lookout for more. However, my friends and family have been warning me specifically about plantgirls, because... Well, they're quite common in these parts, and they smell sooo good. You probably already know about the warnings (Even with anonymity, I'm hesitant to repeat them), so, being a fellow woman of the world, could you please tell me what measures I might take, and which warnings are misinformation?

Regards,

Blushing in Bela

Oh, there's no need to be so formal, Blushing, I treat everyone here as a friend! And, as a friend, I will say that yes, some of those warnings are indeed true. Specifically, their spores (that sweet smell) are aphrodisiacs, and their sap... Their sap's even more potent! But there are measures you can take to enjoy a nice, consensual relationship with a pretty plantgirl, and Shira, being a friend, has a mail order service for those who don't wish to go to their local Alchemist, at reasonable prices!

What you're looking for, in essence, is a lust suppressant. While, outside of the effect of aphrodisiacs, it does have the effect of making you feel less thirsty than you normally would, these are an absolute must, and taking two spoonfuls an hour before conversation with a plantgirl of any description is the safest (Each dose lasts approximately six hours.)

On a first meeting, plantgirls are open to establishing boundaries, and it's important to set those, as plantgirl culture very much follows the letter of agreements, rather than the spirit. With the Lust Suppressant, you'll still have a really good time, but you'll still be able to withdraw consent, and, thankfully, it's also taught to all plantgirls (Well, more an instinctive thing from their first seeding) that No Means No.

As a final piece of advice, plantgirls will always seed their partners, although this doesn't give off any obvious signs of pregnancy (Something many of my wood dwelling respondents have taken advantage of), and the experience of birthing is, similarly, heavily pleasurable. As such, it's recommended to also take a lust suppressant (and a short trip into the woods) three days after an encounter with your chosen (or chosen, plural) paramour(s.)

Enjoy your encounters, take your parents' "Ancient wisdom" with a grain of salt, and stay safe, Blushing!

Dear Shira,

Recently, we've attempted to create a dungeon experience, a theme park based on days of yore, but, to ensure the safety and enjoyment of our customers (While still keeping the feel, as I'm sure you understand is vital), we're wondering what measures we can take to ensure both satisfaction and surprise.

Well Wishes,

Bulldick in Blort

Ahh, yes, that's become quite the thing recently, hasn't it? This one took me a while, as I hadn't experienced Desire Dungeons before now, but I have to say, it's broadened my mind further, and provided me with valuable knowledge I'm happy to impart to one creating another!

Essentially, while it may seem at first to impact the experience negatively, it's important to minimise complaints by clearly letting your customers know what each section of your dungeon entails, such as consuming plants, content for size queens (and kings!), and other things that your legal team (A must in that industry) advises you need to inform about. It's also good for your staff that they only receive partners in their segment of the dungeon that they have a predilection for (A simple illusion, that of a wall like the surroundings based on your customer's gender, seems to be the most common solution.)

Now, this may seem like it makes for a less exciting experience, but having staff of the same general persuasion on a rota system keeps the element of surprise, and a consent form for ravishment play is a must (Again, an illusion barring this from those who don't have a token, provided by you, helps customer satisfaction) Some people may be picky, not wanting certain folk, but a prominent notice displaying your rules, including the consent form, and the ability to turn away from an experience before it starts (About ten seconds is fine) ensures that, at worst, a customer will ask for a refund.

Anonymity aside, I'll have to check it out, as I now have a sideline in reviewing Desire Dungeons (Look forward to the column, here in this publication, friends!)

Mistress Shira,

Could you recommend any monsterfolk who could give me a real domming? My fellow dwarves (and even some kinky Dark Elves) haven't been doing it for me of late.

Please?

Pleading In Phykos

Ohhh, that's a serious one! And please, no Mistresses, I know it's habit, but I'm a good, switchy gal (All the better to experience the fullness of life!)

Really, it depends on what kind of domming you want. Cowgirls of the Eastern Steppe (just a hop, skip, and a jump away) are good mommy doms (who also mate for life), and Lamia can, depending on their personality, either be the same, or more sadistic (And, of course, are expert riggers without the need for rope!) If it's denial and rigging you're looking for, arachne of the underground of Phykos are experts at both (and, like Lamia, can provide other needs depending on their preferences.) Satyrs and Gnolls are good for folks who want to be ravished and have that feeling of being hunted (Although the knots of Gnoll dick is an... Acquired taste.) Finally, if you're into some consensual mind control, there's little that beats a Succubus, Incubus, or Imp. All the pleasure of feeling like a good, dumb breeding bitch, and none of the drawbacks!

I hope, whichever you choose, that you enjoy your new mistress. In fact, I get the distinct feeling you will!

Dear Shira,

Recently, I've become more attracted to a friend of mine, but she's good with potions, much like you, and I worry that she's using some sort of lust potion. She assures me that Alchemists aren't allowed to do that, and that feels like a really truthful statement, but I trust you to tell me whether this is the case.

P.S - I've never been a lesbian before, but I've started having feelings about being pounded with big strapons, and it's getting really distracting...

Signed,

Curious in Caliban

Ohhh my... Ehehehe. Well, yes, Alchemist rules strictly forbid the use of such potions without the explicit consent of the user, although some also provide written requests that they get a forgetfulness potion, so as to make the experience more genuine. If you have such a document, it's perfectly fine, and they've followed the law. It should even have the address of the lawyer who witnessed the document, usually a mentalist who specialises in detecting mind control.

If you need to report, I'm on the board of the Caliban Alchemy Guild, and you can always come to me for advice on your situation! (Or a good pegging, if you're satisifed with the advice... Ehe)

Dear dear Shira,

As a Succubus in need, I've been eyeing a lovely girl who I've been desperately wanting to collar, but she seems uncertain, and I am nothing if not respectful. How best can I inform her of what this entails? I'm somewhat ashamed to say I'm out of practice on this front, and there's no sisters nearby to ask...

Yours,

Seductive In Salteen

Oh, you're making me blush, Seductive, so you've chosen an apt moniker! Still, the easiest path to your goal is to sit her down in comfortable surroundings, with good food, and simply lay it all out, flat statements with no loaded content, and allowing them to question as they please. Obviously, no alcholic beverages or other intoxicatns at the table (I find my friends of your persuasion seem to have more success with a freshly squeezed orange juice), and I'm sorry to say, if she's not into it, she's not into it. You are a respectful lady indeed to have asked for advice, and I'm happy you've swallowed your pride enough to ask!

Dear Shira,

Keeping this short, because my question's pretty simple: I want to live inside a slime girl, what are the benefits and risks of this choice?

Alone in Astrakar

Well, speaking equally plainly, Alone, it's honestly a pleasant experience, especially for those who feel the hustle and bustle of everyday life disturbing to their senses. As part of my studies, I spent a period of three months in a slimegirl, and she only filled my sexual needs when requested, but made sure to feed me with a variety of plant and animal life, which they process into a nutritious and tasty (if somewhat bland, texture wise) special slime. Those of a sensitive disposition may wish to also request they're facing upwards. Slime feeding is not a pleasant experience, visually speaking, and I did so after only a day.

Still, since they often live in woods and caves, and their bodies, being gelid, have an effect of muffling noise, they're very pleasant to stay inside (They make such lovely swishing sounds as they move!), but I will state, for the record, that as law abiding citizens of our nation, they are legally bound to request a background check, to ensure that this is not for the purposes of avoiding legal entanglements, and are also given the rights to make citizen's arrests (For which they are quite talented, for obvious reasons.)

Nonetheless, they are loving, caring partners, who provide as long as you stay with them, and only require feeding on your inner fluids once a week.

That's all we have time for this week, but I do my best to answer any and all queries, and those I haven't been able to fit in the column, I've answered personally, and with strict confidence. Remember, for those who feel the need to deal with a properly regulated Alchemist, but not their local one, Alchemist Shira's Mail Order provides quality products for reasonable prices!

Stay safe, my lusty friends, and remember: Alchemist Shira wants you to have fun!