Alex - The Novella

Teachers dating students - correction, ex-students - wasn't very uncommon, was it? I knew of a few teachers who were married to their ex-students. But this was different. I was in a different country, and hell if I knew if they had a law against dating students. I could get into trouble...

For what? The nagging voice returned. For going on one date with an ex-student?

I needed advice. Lesbian advice. Lesbivice? I FaceTimed Charm, my oldest and gayest friend. She answered on the 20^th ring.

"Hey, Charm. I need your help with something."

"Cee? What the...? Fuck, it's two thirty in the morning!" I winced as I heard the gruffness in Charm's voice; I could barely see her face in the dark.

"Yeah, I know. But I needed to talk to you. I have a problem. Like a huge problem. And I'm so confused, I don't know what to do..."

"Wait up, hun. Slowly, okay? I'm still kinda half-asleep." There was another voice in the background, sounding suspiciously like a mewl. "Hey, baby. No, nothing. Get back to sleep. I'll be back."

Charm slowly slid out of bed, leaving her bed partner behind. I told her the whole story, starting from the very beginning, and watched her pop M&Ms in her mouth to wake herself up. I knew that if anyone could give me good advice about girls, it would be Charm. Aside from the fact that she's known me for most of my life, she'd also exclusively dated women all her life. She'd be able to unravel the significance behind the odd yet exciting conversation I'd had with Alex.

"You're saying that you've been hung up on this girl for two years?" Charm's voice was incredulous. I was instantly defensive.

"No! Of course not..." Then I stopped, realizing it was foolish. Charm could see through every fib that slipped past my lips. "Please tell me what I'm supposed to do about Alex! Decode her or something."

"Okay, okay. Hmm. What does she look like?"

"Tall, dark, lean muscles. Gorgeous, short hair. Eyebrow piercing." Charm's bark of laughter had me grinning.

"I know that look, babe. You're totally sunk. I need to meet this girl. Damn," she said.

"Oh god, Charm. She's my student, you know, and I can get into trouble."

"Cady, you're such an idiot. You should go! There's nothing wrong with dating your ex-student. Unless it's the fact that she's a girl..."

"I don't know. Maybe. It's just that I can barely think whenever I'm near her. Do you know how hard I've tried to avoid her over the past two years? I run when I hear her voice. It's that bad. Stop laughing! You're such an ass," I hissed.

"Sorry," Charm sobered. "You should hear what you sound like. Jesus, Cee, just go for the damn date! You won't forgive yourself if you don't explore this attraction. I know you well enough to say that. I want you to go for this date, okay? And whatever happens, you'll know you gave it a shot."

I nodded. Charm had a point there. She always had a point. That was why I'd called her.

"So... when's the big night?" she asked, shoveling another handful of M&Ms into her mouth.

"Next Friday," I said absently, my mind awhirl with discomforting thoughts.

"Quick words of advice. Don't wear anything with starch. Maybe that skinny black jeans of yours with the see-through pink top. Or the thin strappy yellow dress we bought at Macy's..."

"You really have a mental list of my wardrobe, don't you?"

"Yeah - I'm not ashamed. Anyway, just don't wear something teacher-y. If you want the relationship to develop, you need to treat her like a friend, not her superior. Got that?"

"Wow. You make it sound like I'm 50. But I get it, thanks, Charm. Do you have to get off so soon?" I could tell she was going to say goodbye already.

"Yeah, I have an early meeting in the morning. But I'm excited for you, Cee. Have fun, okay? Wish I were there with you."

She dragged her lean fingers through her short, dark hair.

"I know. Me, too. I miss you."

"Miss you, too, babe. Oh, and um, if you sleep with her, we'll have a tell-all session once you get back."

"Ha! No way!"

"Fine, fine. Twenty questions?"

"Make it ten."

"Deal."

"All right. I'll see you on the 1^st?"

"Yeah. That's about right. You're picking me up from the airport, right?"

There was a pause. "Cee, does Alex know that you're leaving at the end of the month?"

Uh-oh. "I don't think so."

"You might want to speak with her about that... and think about what you want from your date."

"Okay." My voice was small and squeaky. I cleared my throat. "Yeah, I will. Thanks, babe."

"No problem. Take care. I'll hang up now. Oh wait."

"Yeah?"

"Trim your nails, okay?"

"What? Why?" I glanced down at the long nails I'd painstakingly grown over the past few months. I'd spent two hours last night trying to paint them the perfect shade of pink while binge watching Seinfeld.

"You don't want to tear her shit up," she said, matter-of-fact. I took two seconds for me to understand what she meant. I winced. "Gotta go! Love ya."

"Wait, wait!"

Charm yawned. "Yeah?"

"Charm, I - I just wanted to say I'm sorry." I swallowed thickly as images from the past caught up with me... things that I'd wanted to block out because they'd been just plain awkward.

"For what?"

"For... this." I didn't want to say it out loud.

There was a lengthy pause before she laughed. "Cee, we're cool. So I thought I loved you one summer over ten years ago. We were teenagers. I was a walking hormone. And you were always so sexy trying to fight my battles for me."

"I just... I never thought..."

Charm sighed loudly. "Cee, relax, okay? No, I don't feel betrayed by this. Things happen. I'm happy for you. Maybe we just weren't written in the stars or some shit."

"Or some shit."

I knew she was trying to make light of it. Although she tried to pull off the 'give no fucks' vibe, Charm was a really sentimental person at heart. But it wouldn't have felt right keeping this from her.

"I'm going back to bed now but I'll call you over the weekend, okay? I promise."

I nodded. That was the first time she'd ever hung up without saying she loved me.

*

I fussed through the whole week. The only excuse I had was nerves. There was nothing to do at home because I was officially off work. The teaching contract was done and over with, and the only reason I was staying till the end of the month was to wait for the A level results to be released. I wanted to know how my students had done.

The date had me tied up in knots. I wanted it, I soon came to realize. I wanted the date with Alex but I was scared. Going out with a girl was a big leap for me, especially a girl who was my ex-student. If you were a teacher, you'd understand how difficult it was to cross the line between a student and yourself because there was always a professional line between the both of you. All these thoughts were confusing the hell out of me, and I'd called Charm a few more times before she started warning me not to. Every time I called, I'd asked her the same questions - 'what if it doesn't go well?' or 'what if I'm not what she expected?' Yeah, she got tired of hearing that as well.

On the afternoon of the big day, I raided my closet for the black jeans and slinky button-down top that Charm had told me to wear. I'd bought them on my last visit home almost a year ago, but they still looked as good as new. I tried them on, just in case, and was pretty satisfied with the way the jeans hugged my hips. I'd always been a girl with too much ass, and the black denim hid the extra pounds efficiently. The blouse was just transparent enough to provide an enticing glimpse of skin. I bit my lip and considered my reflection... the whole outfit looked like something an off-duty teacher would wear. I sighed and pulled the clothes off, tossing them to a corner of the room.

My other option was a strappy yellow dress that Charm had picked out last year. It had a cute but modest sweetheart neckline and a scallop-edged hem that stopped just above my knee. I threw it on and struggled with the zipper for a few minutes.

Finally, panting and hair undone, I took in my reflection. I looked... flirty. The skirt kept its shape when I moved, and it actually covered my ass. Well, win-win, I suppose.

I carefully took the dress off and ironed it, placing it flat on the bed before heading for a shower. I'd promised myself I wouldn't panic, and that's exactly what I was doing. Not panicking. I was going to take a nice, hour-long shower, do my hair and get all dolled up before seven.

I was not going to panic.

Keeping true to my word, I got out of the tub just shy of five in the evening. I toweled myself off and stared at the mirror for a couple of minutes before deciding to blow my hair out so that it hung in over my shoulders. That done, I carefully slipped into the dress and applied a thin layer of foundation to cover up the light sprinkle of freckles on my nose. A slick line of winged eyeliner, a tinge of pink blush and a 10-minute YouTube video tutorial on 'How to Highlight Your Lips' later, I was ready with little less than an hour to spare.

By six thirty, I was ready as ever to leave. I sat on the couch impatiently, flicking through TV channels and trying my hardest not to worry my lips. My eyes landed on the pile of moving boxes in the corner of the room and I kicked them into the small storage closet with the owners' stuff. It definitely felt like I was hiding a crime.

At six forty five, I switched the TV off and decided to go down to the lobby to wait for her.

*

I heard a thunderous roar the moment I stepped into the lobby. The security guard, a heavyset middle-aged man, looked startled by it as well. He looked through the glass doors inquisitively just as I walked past him. Our eyes focused instantly on the black bike parked on the street.

I swallowed audibly.

Alex pulled the helmet from her head and threw her leg over the monstrous machine, looking sexy as hell in her tight-fitting black blazer and skinny jeans. Under the blazer, she wore a white tee that veed sharply between her small breasts. A long black chain and Oxfords punctuated the look.

It felt like a punch to the gut after seeing her in uniform for two years.

I still stood in front of the lobby, apprehensive about the bike but unable to stop myself from ogling her. Those dark jeans really made her legs look incredibly, impossibly long. The plunging V-neck of her shirt revealed two prominent collarbones with an enticing hollow in between. I watched the black chain slap against her chest as she jogged over. I wondered - not so briefly - if she was wearing a bra.

"Hi," she said, coming to a stop in front of me. My gaze was still fixated on her chest. I couldn't seem to look away. My face was heating, and I was also sure that my chest would soon be red, too. How do men surreptitiously check out women's boobs all the time? I need to Google that skill. It seems like a useful skill to have right now.

"You look beautiful," she continued when I didn't respond. Finally, after a few awkward seconds, my eyes managed to receive the message my brain had been fast tracking. I looked up and saw that her eyes glinted with humor, as though she was trying her best not to laugh at my expense.

Say words! Put a sentence together. A phrase, a greeting - anything!

"So do you," I managed to croak out. "I-I like that chain."

I think I said that as an excuse just to conduct more research on my hypothesis regarding her bra(less) state.

"Thanks. I really couldn't decide what to wear tonight," she confessed a little sheepishly. That statement snapped me out of my daze.

"You couldn't decide? Imagine my ordeal!" I gestured to my outfit. "What does one wear to a kinda sorta date with an ex student?"

"Well," she said as she held out her arm. I hesitated only a second before I curled my fingers over her bicep lightly. Jeez, she felt much more solid than I'd expected. "For the record, this isn't a kinda sorta date. It's a date. I'm taking you out and we're going to have a great time - two people enjoying each other's company."

We walked in silence as I processed what she'd said. When we reached her bike, she turned towards me. "Are you okay with that?"

One perfectly manicured brow was arched; the missing eyebrow ring had left a sexy indent in the wing of her brow. I wondered what it would feel like to trace that arch with my fingers... and then my lips.

I looked into her eyes. Like the first time we'd met, we'd kind of gravitated towards each other where we stood and there was barely a few inches of space between us. A dark, earthy scent filled my nose. I really wanted to lean forward and bury my face in her neck. I couldn't help but wonder why, though. Why Alex? Why a woman? Why did I have such an intense reaction to her? Why did my heartbeat feel so irregular? Why was that scent driving me crazy? Why did I not want to care about anything and just take her upstairs and figure out what it truly meant to be with a woman, especially a woman like Alex? Why did I only want to do it with her?

I inhaled deeply, trying to craft a response to her question, but her hands suddenly bracketed my hips.

"Hop," she instructed, and she placed me on her bike, side saddle-style. "Now, if you're too uncomfortable with this, we can just call this off-."

"No!" I interjected, probably a little too quickly. I placed a hand on her arm to punctuate my words.

"No, I don't want to call this off," I clarified. "I want this date, Alex. I've obsessed over the pros and cons for the past few days and the truth is, if I don't do this, I'll regret it."

"Why?"

I exhaled, long and hard. "Because I find you devastatingly attractive." There. I said it. It's out there now. In the worst-case scenario, I'll leave in two weeks and never have to see her again.

I watched as a small, ridiculously sexy smile twisted her lips.

"Cady." Her voice was low. That was the first time she'd ever said my name. "I've been fighting my attraction to you for two years. Every single person in my life told me how stupid I was to be pining after my ang moh teacher. But I still had to try."

I swallowed thickly. Her eyes were so sincere; I didn't doubt her words. "But Alex,

I don't want to disappoint you... I'll level with you. I've never been on a date with a girl before. And, I mean, you're exceedingly attractive but what if I-."

I felt her finger under my chin, tilting it up. It was hard to meet her eyes, but when I did, I only saw understanding and probably a little mischief. She leaned towards me, the single finger on my chin slowly following the curve of my throat down to the sweetheart neckline of my dress. Our noses were almost touching. My breath hitched and goosebumps spread on my bare arms. It felt like she was trying to coax the insecurity out of me.

I felt a sigh - of relief? - escape.

"By the way, I'm not wearing a bra. Just in case you're still wondering."

My eyes widened. I flushed guiltily and she chuckled, leaning away. She took the tiny bit of contact with her and I felt it keenly.

"Your pupils are dilated," she observed, looking rather pleased with herself. "I don't think I'll be disappointed with this date. Now, strap in."

She handed me a helmet.

Chapter Four

We pulled up in front of a row of beautifully decorated shophouses. As Alex helped me off the bike - I mostly just paid attention to keeping my skirt closed - and paid for parking, I looked up at the mint green and cream building we were standing in front of. The white lattice design over the mint paint reminded me of 3-D lace. Most of the traditional buildings had obviously been revamped to suit the rapid developments in Singapore but this neighborhood still seemed to have a relaxed old-school vibe to it. In front of several shophouses on the street, patrons were sitting in the shade, sipping their rapidly cooling beers and feeding their nicotine habits.

Alex led us to a tiny restaurant on the corner of the street. It literally looked like a hole in a wall, albeit a chic one. As she ducked slightly through the entrance, I heard a sharp scream before a body brushed past me to envelop Alex in a hug.

Alex smiled widely and hugged the woman back, patting her fondly on her shoulder. "Auntie Lin," she said, when she could extricate herself. "This is Cady, my date."

"Of course! Ai, so rude. Hello, hello!" A plump Chinese woman in her 40s, face pink with excitement, Lin offered me her hand. "Alex use to work here every weekend when she seventeen. Now I don't see her anymore. I just excited!"

I shook her hand warmly. "Don't worry about it. You have a lovely place. Feels more like home than a restaurant."

Auntie Lin looked at Alex and then back at me. "That's what I always want it to be. More of a home than anything else."

The décor was very inviting - warm browns and beige you would use for a nook in your favorite part of the house rather than a small restaurant. Handmade artwork, each of them unique, only accentuated the home-y vibe. The few patrons were already seated and looked like regulars. One of them waved at Alex.

I smiled. "You've done a very good job."

Lin beamed at Alex. "I like her already. You should come more often. Look at you - so skinny. Have you been eating or not?"

Alex winced when Lin pinched her arm. "Yes, Auntie, I have. You've known me for a long time - have you ever seen me look differently?"

Lin made a dismissive sound at the back of her throat. "I just need to try my best to fatten you up. So skinny." She tutted. "Anyway, your table ready."

She turned to Alex and gave her a deliberate, conspiring wink.

My brows furrowed when we exited the main room and entered a dark walkway, which was lit only by a small, electric lamp that hung from the ceiling. There was a flight of steep stairs, and Lin panted as she ascended them. I felt Alex's hand on my waist, steadying me as I carefully climbed the wooden death-trap in my heels. On the very top step, I felt a knuckle brush against the back of my thigh and jerked forward - on level ground, thankfully - and heard Alex chuckle behind me.

There was a small table set up in the middle of the none-too-wide balcony. It was covered in a burgundy tablecloth and on top of it sat an array of flowers, a bottle of wine, and a single lit candle. I smiled when I saw it; it had been so long since anyone had done anything romantic for me. I couldn't even remember the last date I'd been on. But this, the effort she'd so obviously put into making things special, started a little glow in my already aflutter tummy.

Lin stood to one side, watching my reaction.

Alex pulled herself up the steep steps, her silhouette lean and tall against the cityscape in the setting sun. When her eyes met mine, the longing in them called to me in deep, emotive way.

See, here's the thing. Guys have given me that look before - the 'I want you so bad it hurts' look. And it had made me feel great. Sexy, powerful. In charge. But, looking at Alex, all I felt was a reactive pull, a need to soothe her desires with my fingers against her skin, my lips against hers.

She looked away, her hands shoved deep in her pockets. I hadn't said anything and she now looked apprehensive, as though she wasn't sure if I would like the place she had chosen. I reached up and stroked her arm.

"It's beautiful, Alex," I murmured, and jolted a little when her hand reached up to cover mine. She gave my hand a little squeeze, led me to the table and made sure I was seated first.