Alex - The Novella

She looked away, averting her eyes. "I understand."

I reached up and cupped her cheek. "No, I don't think you do." I took another step forward but she pulled away.

"When I first met you, I was stunned. You were different... and I felt drawn to you."

She crossed her arms over her chest. "Well, I've given up a lot to be 'different'. Might as well make it work."

"I really did think it was a crush at first. I even Googled it. I convinced myself that I was having some kind of quarter life crisis."

A small smile quirked her lips, although she tried to suppress it.

"I really was - and am - attracted to you. I think you should know that. I think last night should prove that."

She'd backed herself into a wall trying to avoid my advances - literally. I tip-toed and placed a kiss on her neck, just under her right ear. Her hands curled into fists at her sides.

"I don't want you to stay just for me, especially if you're tired of Singapore." This was said between clenched teeth. I slowly lifted up the light cotton tank top she wore, running my fingers along the lean muscles, feeling them jerk under my gentle caress.

"But I'm not tired of you, Alex." Her collarbones led to a sexy little dimple at the base of her neck; I licked it, savoring her hiss of breath. "I've been dreaming about you for two years. And I'll be damned if I let you get away from me now."

I tipped her head down with my fingers in her hair. With my lips close to hers, I said, "Being able to do this, touch you like this, is my every fantasy come true. I'm so sorry about this morning. It was so perfect, so beautiful, and I had to mess it up."

I gently laid my lips against hers and for a moment. She didn't respond. Her lips were pliant beneath mine, her body tense. I grazed my teeth over her lush lower lip, slowly pulling it between my teeth, suckling. I could hear a low growl rising in her, reverberating under my palms. I released her lip, now gleaming.

"You shouldn't do that, you know," she said, her voice low. I shivered.

"Do what?" I asked, still nuzzled close.

Her hands caught my wrists, pulling them behind me in one quick motion. She flipped us around so that I was caught between her and the wall. I barely had time to gasp when she said, "You should never try to top a Top."

She turned my head and kissed me - one of those slanty, sensual kisses I'd grown so addicted to the night before. But this felt different. Heated. Needy. Desperate. She held my wrists behind my back with one hand as the other partially unbuttoned my blouse, sliding in to cup my right breast. Rough. A burst of pleasure spread through me so unexpectedly I pushed back against her, whimpering in a voice I didn't even recognize.

"I like that sound," she said, running her thumbnail ever so slightly around an already painfully hard nipple. My wrists were suddenly free but before I could bury them in her hair like I wanted to, she turned me back around to face her, catching my wrists again and holding them above my head. The position made my chest thrust up and out.

"Very nice," she said, undoing the rest of my buttons. The fabric parted, baring the lace bra from last night. One cup still covered me modestly enough but the other was bunched under my breast. She watched how the pale mounds quivered against the lace as she ran a finger down the valley of my breasts. Her fingers slowly moved to trace an outline of my areolas. Once, twice, three times. Her hands still held my wrists in place. I squirmed, needing more than just light touches.

She pressed her lips to mine again and I savored it, craning my neck to get more of her. She took that moment to flick her thumb roughly across my hardened, aching nipple, and I moaned in surprise and pleasure against her lips. She pulled back and I licked my lips; our mingled flavor was highly addictive.

"Alex," I pleaded. My voice was beginning to sound breathy, needy. Aroused.

Her eyes met mine as she undid the snap on my jeans, letting them fall to the floor. I hadn't worn any underwear - simply couldn't find them - and I was bare to her gaze. But she didn't look down. Instead, her eyes remained on mine, unwavering, filled with desire. Her palm slowly slid across my hipbone, blazing a sensitive trail that led down to my pussy.

I gasped as her fingers brushed through the light curls, her eyes still holding mine captive. She leaned close, so close that my chin was nestled on her angular shoulder. Her voice was low in my ear. "Open," she said. And I did.

There was no preparation this time. This was no easy lovemaking that we'd indulged in just this morning. This was different, fierce. Two fingers thrust into me, pulling back out to rub the moisture onto my clit. My legs quivered as she hit a delicious spot above my clitoral hood. Dear god, I wanted to hold onto her so badly, to have some kind of anchor while I was awash with pleasure. That was my last coherent thought before she started fucking me in earnest.

Before that moment, I'd assumed lesbian sex was sweet and tentative - more of a ride than an explosion - despite what shows like The L Word seemed to be based on. But as Alex's fingers pistoned in and out of me, her thumb rubbing circling over my clit, my body just along for the ride, I couldn't think of a better word. Fucking. That sounded about right.

She released my wrists and cupped her palm around the back of my head, changing our positions slightly. Her fingers curled inside me, and in this new position, I felt her hit a spot that stole my breath. My arms locked around her shoulders as she rocked against it, again and again, my pants getting louder each time.

I was on the edge, my body poised for release, quivering. Alex nipped my neck, her breathing harsh against my skin. I knew she wanted me to come.

She flicked my clit harder than before, her fingers still pumping inside me.

I felt release shudder through me, my hips bucking against her hand uncontrollably. In that moment, I couldn't remember what it was to breathe as bolts of pleasure shot upwards from her seeking fingers to my already muddled mind. My ears were deaf to anything but my mewls and her harsh breathing.

I didn't want to come back down.

Basking in the aftershocks of residual pleasure, my fingers delved into the lovely curls at the nape of her neck, pulling her in for a kiss. She smiled against my lips and allowed my shaking fingers to pull her tank top up, breaking our kiss briefly to toss it away.

She wasn't wearing a bra and I cupped her small breasts in my hands, thumbing her nipples, mirroring what she'd done to me earlier. She smiled against my lips and took control again, pulling me towards the bed in the corner.

When she deposited me on it and fell on top of me, I pulled back, shaking my head. "It's your turn," I breathed, flipping her over and straddling her, running my nails down her long torso. Her skin glinted beautifully in the late morning sun and I pressed a kiss to the center of her belly. Her fingers sifted through my hair, her touch a loving caress as I explored.

I stood, placing my feet on the floor, and tugged at her shorts. She balanced herself on her elbows and lifted her hips, giving me a stunning view of her prominent hipbones and shaved sex. Her pussy lips were already glistening and, to my surprise, my mouth watered in response. I swallowed thickly.

She patiently allowed me to look my fill of her and watched my every move as I knelt on the floor, between her thighs, her feet balanced on the edge of the bed. I rested my head on the inside of her left thigh and met her gaze, pressing a kiss to the sensitive skin there.

The smell of her wafted up to me, something I'd come to love overnight. I trailed kisses down her inner thigh and stopped at her outer lips. I inhaled deeply. "You smell amazing," I breathed. I received a chuckle in response.

The nerves from this morning were almost completely gone as I leaned close, parting her nether lips with my fingers. Her hips twitched at the light contact and I smiled up at her, placing an open-mouthed kiss to the top of her mound.

A moan played around the back of my throat as I laved the wetness that clung to her lips, savoring the unique taste. At the back of my mind, I knew I was being a tease by going so slowly but I wanted to draw it out and make it last. I wanted to know her body as intimately as she seemed to know mine.

I licked again, this time, stopping to blow a breath of hot air on the exposed flesh. Her toes curled into the mattress and her stomach muscles jumped but she remained on her elbows, watching as I explored.

When I parted her lips and dove in, she uttered an expletive, her fingers suddenly gripping my hair and holding me there. I licked continuously, my fingers still massaging her outer lips, but she controlled her pleasure, tilting her hips so that I hit the rights spots. She groaned when I did, the sound going directly to my pussy.

I wanted to take her where she'd taken me, maybe tease her a little by holding her at the precipice for a little too long, but she seemed a little too impatient to let me. As my finger slipped into her - and by god, was it a tight squeeze - her hand in my hair tightened.

I followed her example and thrust in and out, my lips suckling on her clit. Her back arched off the bed, suspended for moments before I felt a burst of wetness coat my fingers. I continued suckling, her thighs now clasping my head, quaking in pleasure.

She fell back onto the bed, her fingers releasing my hair. Her chest heaved with exertion and her dark skin had red undertones.

I pulled my index finger out of her, feeling her quiver as I did so. Just as I did when I started, I laid my head on her left thigh, watching her attempt to catch her breath. When she finally opened her eyes, I slipped the wet finger into my mouth and sucked it clean, punctuating my effort with a little pop at the end.

She laughed, putting in considerable effort to sit up and kiss me, pulling me off the floor and onto the small bed.

We lay in a contented tangle of limbs. Her eyes were closed and a smile played around her lips. I trailed a finger up and down her arms, admiring the contrast of our skin. It was beautiful and so very... natural.

"Alex," I whispered.

She made a noise, her eyelids fluttering open just a little.

"What's a Top?"

She laughed, a surprised burst of laughter. Then she cuddled me even closer - if that were possible - kissed my forehead, and explained.

Chapter Nine

I was surprised to learn that Heng was a police officer. The idea of someone entrusted with the responsibility of saving people's lives cursing at a zombie on a game console wasn't necessarily comforting. She sat across from us, dishing out rice as Daniel ladled the curry.

Alex rose to wash her hands and I gave her a quizzical look. We'd both just taken a shower after a walk of shame I won't soon forget.

"I eat with my hands," she explained.

"Really?" The word left my lips before I could stop it. To say I was surprised would've been an understatement. Alex was just so... different... in so many ways that I didn't think she would have any traditional habits. But I hadn't meant to sound insulting.

Alex raised an eyebrow at me as she toweled her hands dry. "Yeah, really. I'm Indian, what the fuck?"

"I eat with my hands, too, usually," Daniel added, taking his seat on the rickety stool next to Heng. "But I just got my nails polished so I'm fork and spooning it today."

The food smelled absolutely delicious. Along with the chicken curry, Daniel had stir fried some vegetables with shallots and chilies. I wasn't too good with spice but everything looked too tempting not to try.

"Don't worry, hun," Daniel said, as though he could read my thoughts. "In deference to your whiteness, I put in a little extra coconut milk in the curry. And the chilies in the kang kong don't have seeds in them. You'll live." He placed a serving of veg on my plate. I wondered if I should take offense to the 'in deference to your whiteness' comment but shrugged it off. It wasn't far from the truth.

"I'm starving," Alex said, sliding onto her stool.

"We know," Heng and Daniel chorused, prompting a burst of color on my face. Alex only laughed - shameless!

I watched as she dug into her food with relish, dividing her meat and veg into bite sized pieces and rolling them into misshapen balls before raising it to her mouth. Her adeptness at doing so awed me - there was no way I'd be able to do any of that without dropping a bunch of food on myself, the table, maybe even the floor. And she did it so casually, with her free elbow resting on the round dinner table and conversing with her friends. She barely paid attention to coordinating her hand to mouth actions.

I couldn't stop staring. She finally turned to me with an eyebrow raised.

"Are you going to eat?" she asked, gesturing to my plate.

"Oh yeah. Yeah," I tried to shake myself out of it by picking up my utensils.

"Here," she said, raising a mouthful of food to my lips. I accepted it with as much grace as I could. A burst of flavor spread across my tongue as I chewed - the spices in the curry coupled with the sharp taste of the veg, was incredible.

"This is amazing," I said to Daniel. "You're an excellent cook."

"Thank you, Cady. My mother taught me."

"This is really good," I repeated as I took a bite off my own plate.

"Heng, I'm sorry, but I forgot to gas up the bike this morning. I'll get it done after lunch, okay?" Alex said.

Heng shrugged. "I only have to be at work at 6. Take your time." She'd only taken two bites but half of her meal was already gone. "So, are any of you going to Red Dot this year?"

She looked expectantly around the table.

"I go every year," Alex said, taking a sip of her water. "I'll be there."

"What's that?" I asked, too busy chewing to care about decorum.

"It's our version of gay pride," Daniel explained. "LGBTQ people and supporters gather at a park in solidarity."

"So it's like a protest?"

Alex laughed. "Are you forgetting where you are? No one protests in Singapore."

"So it's just a gathering?"

Heng nodded. "I think there were over 10,000 people there last year."

"That's a big gathering."

Alex turned to me. "You can come if you like. See what it's all about."

"Yeah," Daniel chimed in. "Lots of expats go to show their support for queer rights."

"Uh..." I looked back at Alex. "Are you sure that's okay with you?"

She nodded. "It'll be fun. We could have a picnic or something if you like. Pack some sandwiches and a bright red blanket."

"Look at you two," Heng interjected. "So cute."

"Yeah," Daniel continued. "Keep it up and I may need to get a shot of insulin."

"Go get your insulin, Daniel," Alex challenged and kissed me squarely on the mouth.

A burst of warmth spread through me at the contact.

"I don't remember the last time Carol looked at me like that," Heng said, taking the last bite of her food and pushing her stool back.

"Carol is Heng's partner," Alex explained. "She's at work."

"And!" Daniel picked up. "She loves your ugly ass more than anything so don't say things like that. Speaking of Carol, let her know I set some food aside for her in the fridge, okay?"

I leaned close to Alex. "How many flatmates do you have?"

"Just three." She took a last bite of her food. "Finish your food, baby. I gotta go do battle."

"What?"

As I watched, Alex washed her hands and engaged in a rock-paper-scissors battle with Heng; the winner didn't have to do the dishes. Alex lost. As I watched the three friends banter back and forth, needling each other like children, a realization dawned on me: these guys had created a little microcosm where they were allowed to be themselves. Like a giant proverbial closet. While the world outside demonized their sexuality and condemned their choices, this little world they'd created in their flat was free from judgment, giving a new meaning to the word 'home'.

Daniel and I, slow eaters that we were, sat at the table and chatted for a bit. I found out that he was a lot older than he looked and was a charity worker who helped teenagers in need. He knew Jack, too, and had worked with him for a decade.

When Alex ducked into the bathroom, he reached out to cover my hand with his.

"I'm glad she found you," he said earnestly. "She's had a lot of shit in her life. She needs someone who'll ground her."

He patted my hand reassuringly and smiled before he, too, rose and deposited his plate in the sink.

I set my utensils down and pretended to take a sip of the rapidly cooling water, feeling suddenly unsettled. Could I ground Alex?

Chapter Ten

My mother hadn't been at all happy when I broke the news; she'd really been looking forward to me coming home for good. She'd wanted to know why - demanded, actually. Why was I staying in Singapore when just the month before I'd been so over the place?

I couldn't tell her the truth. I just wasn't ready to have that talk with my mum. Especially not over FaceTime. So I made up some bullshit excuse about career progression and pay rises to appease her.

But all that went down the drain one evening when Alex walked into the apartment after the gym with her headphones on, took off her sweaty clothes for the laundry, and walked back into the living room completely naked. Unlike me, Alex was very comfortable with her body - god knows, she worked really hard for it - but I don't think my mother was quite ready to see my new girlfriend naked yet.

The silence over FaceTime was deafening.

"Um," she said after several minutes of blinking. "Who was that?"

There was no way out now. The Perpetual Avoider had to engage. I sighed. "That's Alex. My girlfriend."

"Your..." Gray eyes, the mirror image of mine, blinked rapidly. "Really?"

I nodded. "Yes, Mom. And I'm happy, before you ask."

She laughed. What started as a chuckle turned into a full-blown belly laugh that caused me more than a little worry. As I watched her struggle for breath over FaceTime, I realized that this would be my coming out story. I told my mom and she laughed. That would be it. My whole story.

I frowned.

"I'm sorry, honey. Really. I just -." She could barely catch her breath. Her face had reddened completely. "Now I owe your Nana fifty bucks."

"What?!"

She managed to get her amusement under some kind of control. "Your Nana bet me that you'd be a lesbian."

"What?!" If she thought that was an explanation...

"I'm sorry, honey. You know Nana and I talk about everything. There's nothing else to do with just the two of us in this drafty old place." I rolled my eyes. My mother never missed an opportunity to send me on a guilt trip. "Anyway, I think it was a couple years ago. You'd just broken up with that real estate guy but you seemed so okay with everything. And Nana just turned to me and said, 'I bet she's like that girl she hangs out with'. She was talking about Charmaine, of course. And that's how it started. I didn't actually believe Nana would be right!"

"You guys bet on me being gay? Seriously?" A part of me felt like I should be outraged but I also felt laughter building inside me.

"Well, honey, don't take it personally." She waved a hand in front of the camera, dismissing my concerns. "I trust you know what you're doing, Cady. Take it from me - don't waste your twenties."

"Mom!" I was offended. "You had me when you were twenty-two."

"And I still don't know how I feel about that," she teased.

"Great, Mom. Thanks." She always made me feel so special.