tagHumor & SatireAlibaba and the Jinn Bottle

Alibaba and the Jinn Bottle


Ali Baba and the 40 independent suppliers of goods

Ali Baba overheard a group of thieves talking, and learned how to get in to their treasure store. When they were away he went in and took a little, and they did not notice. He did the same again and again later. Unfortunately, he got greedy, so they realised they were being robbed, which they thought unfair, so lay in wait and caught him.

Their leader, a big bearded ruffian, grabbed him by the throat and said "Well, thief. You have stolen from us and you will die! But you will also pay us back with pleasure. You are to be buggered to death!"

He then rammed in his mighty dong and began thrusting hard.

"Oh!" said Ali Baba. "That's a big one. Nice, though." He even seemed to be enjoying it.

The leader pounded away until he came. He withdrew with an audible plop.

"By the gods! That was better than any woman. You will not die after all, thief. I will keep you for my pleasure every night." The other thieves did not like this and began muttering, so he changed his mind.

"You are right, men. You must all have your share, and he must die." So his second in command took over and the next in line and so on. They all enjoyed it hugely, so those who had done so began talking together. After the tenth man, the second in command called a halt and approached the leader.

"Oh great chief, you were right. This is too much of a treasure to be spent in one night. I think we should keep him and take turns. If he can serve several of us each night, then all can enjoy him and continue to do so."

"Very well," said the Chief. "How is your hole, O thief?"

"It's all right," answered Ali Baba.

"Right," said the chief. "Tomorrow ten more men will use him and ten more the following night, and we will take turns like this to share our new treasure."

"I think I could take a few more," said Ali Baba. "In fact, I would rather like to."

They were astonished, but complied. On and on they went buggering him till they had all been satisfied.

"What sorcery is this?" cried the chief. "Art thou a man or perhaps some other creature to be able to do this?"

"I am a man," answered Ali Baba, "but I was given a spell. I say 'Open sesame' and it can take even the largest cock, then 'Close sesame' and it closes tight and unharmed. I have a magic ring."

The Jinn Bottle on the Beach

A man and woman on holiday were walking along the beach when they found a bottle of gin which had washed ashore. They thought 'Jinn' was an unusual spelling, perhaps foreign. It seemed to be full and with the cap intact, so they decided to open it. However, when they did this, out came a puff of smoke and a small man appeared.

"Thank you both," he said, bowing. "I am a genie, and have been trapped in that bottle since I took a nap in it after getting a bit drunk. I am so grateful I can reward you by granting each of you your greatest wish."

"You mean, like a ton of gold or a magic carpet?" said the man, excitedly.

"Sorry, no," answered the genie. I have only limited powers. I can't really make new things, but I can increase or decrease things that already exist to a limit of two times. If you brought me a ton of gold, I could change it into two tons or half a ton if you wanted."

"Wait a minute," said the woman. "Isn't there always a trick to these wishes? You get what you asked for, but it turns out not to be what you want, and ends up badly. I don't think we should risk it."

"Don't worry," reassured the genie. "I will say a magic word, and if you don't like it, all you have to do is to say it again, and everything will be back as it was. Now since I can read your minds, I know what your dearest wishes are, even if you don't. So here it is: the magic word is Alikashazoom!"

At once, the top of the woman's swimsuit began to bulge forward, as did the man's trunks, and the genie vanished.

They rushed back to the hotel room to find out what had happened. The woman's small boobs had become twice as big, twice as firm, twice as sensitive, and her nipples twice as prominent. The man's small cock had become twice as long, twice as thick and twice as stiff. It took him twice as long to come; he spurted twice as hard and twice as much, so she came twice as often.

Next day, she asked him, "Don't say it, but can you remember the magic word?"

"No," he said, "I can't."

"Neither can I," she said. "Thank fuck for that!"

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