Alice

'It's not fancy, but it's nice', he assures himself not for the first time, as he looks nervously at the entrance. The bunch of daisies beside him beginning to look not as proud as they had half an hour ago when he arrived, wet palmed and heart racing. He's had time to cool a bit, and his shirt has had time to relax it's carefully pressed fabric, the anticipation, and self-doubt are beginning to find their own time in the back of his thoughts. 'What if she's not what she said? What if she sucks? What if she doesn't think I'm what I said? What if I suck?'

He runs their conversations through his mind, bits and pieces of verbal nostalgia playing in his ear, letters, phone calls, all that shared and private laughter. The smile that plays on his lips is as unconscious as the blush at his neck, both the result of their more, sordid conversations. She's everything he's looking for, and no strings. And as that thought comes to him, again his gaze drifts to the entrance.

His heart soars as the world slides into slow motion; the doorway is filled with the same girl from all the pictures, those deep brown eyes, tan legs flashing beneath the wine colored halter dress. He steps to her, stammering, "H- Hi..." and his voice betrays him with a crack and a squeak, because he can't help but imagine those legs opening close enough to his face for him to feel her heat on his cheeks, back arching as the deep red silk slips up her thighs and drapes across her sex like a theater curtain.

Her smile reads his thoughts, with a playful toss of her hair and a swish of her skirt, she takes his hand, leaning forward she places a kiss at his neck just below his ear and whispers." I know what you're thinking, and yes. But let's get a table first."

Before he really knows its happening she leads his hand through the slit in her dress, pressing his fingertips into the soft fabric of her panties, warm, not damp, and then it's gone, and the hostess is asking them to follow her to their table. His sad little daisies lay forgotten on the waiting bench.

Dinner, for him, feels like a dream, his mind spinning through the courses laced with her electric touch, brushing his leg, his shoulder. Each new plate seeming to spur on her advances, appetizer to entrée, hot fingertips tracing his hardening cock through his pants, or leading his to that secret paradise between her thighs. Entree to dessert has her voice in his ear, spilling dirty thoughts into it, while images of cream melting across her tongue fill his thoughts. All the while filled with deep eye contact, and her silvery laughter, their conversation falling from them like a moment lost in time.

In the cab, on the way to her flat, she allows him to taste her. Laying supine across the back seat and holding him with those beautiful legs he hears for the first time without a speaker, her sounds. He tongues her swollen clit and toys with the jewelry she has there, three pair of labia rings, interlocked, bar his fingers, but create and intriguing texture against his lips, the taste of the surgical steel mixing with the sweet salt of her bites his taste buds with a coppery sting. She uses her panties from behind his head like a net, pulling at the waistband to lock him to her; and grinds her sex into him, mashing his teeth against her clit as he tries desperately to pull his lips together around it. And between her puffing breath and moans he hears her giving the cabbie directions, and describing what the rearview mirror can't show.

He's in a world he never thought he'd really know, surrounded by the sounds and textures and scent of her, his cock throbs with need, and he questions, for a moment, the jewelry. She'd never mentioned them, and he was certain from the phone calls that they weren't always there. It's a fleeting thought, though, because he needs this too badly to question any of it. 'It's been so long since I've had a real girl...' he thinks and, his fingers clinch at her hips in desperate gratitude, '...no more silly bitches, Tommy. Only class A kinky thinkers from now on boy!' and that thought sends him reeling, hips grinding against the bench seat in a frantic display of his desire.

He tries to pull his shoulders in, wanting to slid up, needing to feel her thighs on his, to give his restless prick something to shove, the idea of at least rubbing against that web of metal making him hungrier, but she rolls her pelvis to match his movements, keeping his face where she wanted it, keeping the control she'd promised she could provide. He whimpers and submits, frustrated, and sucks angrily at her clit forcing her orgasm. He feels the cab swerve and knows what the driver is feeling, he's been there. He remembers driving, one hand on the wheel, the other on his cock, and her in his ear lost deep in some dirty fantasy, 'How sweet', he thinks, 'to finally control those sounds, to feel her flesh, to taste her'.

Sweet release finds him in the elevator, twelve flights never felt so long with her lips hugging his cock in a full mouth embrace. Her tongue rolls against his flesh in hot waves, lip and tongue piercings drawing smooth pressure points, proving her abilities in rhythmic taps as she pulls. His climax comes in perfect time with the belly dropping sensation of the lift settling.

~x~

My new plaything is lost in it's own mind when I shove the decoy aside and start to really play. All night I've been letting her share, she's had to do a lot of work to get us this one. While it's dizzy and weak minded, I lead it to the door, it thinks it'll get sex, so it follows.

The blind little sheep, stupid little cock driven animal! It doesn't even notice she's gone, that the swing in my step isn't the same as hers. It doesn't notice that I almost choke on my bile as it shoves that weirdly squirming tongue against mine, but it seems to like the taste of itself in my mouth. It thinks the disgust on my face and the strength I show when I shove him to the couch is a game she promised to play.

She told it there would be ropes, but she was wrong, she doesn't know about the drug. She doesn't even know about the job that opened the door to it. The toy barely notices the needle when I pair it with a well placed bite, and its racing heart and ragged breathing hasten the effect. Curare is a powerful drug. Its eyes widen as it realizes it can't move, blinking rapidly.

"This stuff," I say, waving the syringe so it can see, "works quickly. Without respiratory aid the diaphragm paralyses within several minutes, good for us I don't need nearly that long to see what you're made of."

I raise its arms, working quickly, but carefully rubbing the warm, dead, palm against my nipples, my other hand expertly releasing the jewelry she didn't know she was wearing, I take his greedy flesh into myself rocking and working myself against a cock I know will die happily inside my orgasm.

"I know you feel everything," I say, letting laughter play in my voice, taunting it, " you told her you wanted to be helpless, vulnerable to a powerful creature to use for pleasure. She told you to be careful what you wished for. You should have listened."

The pupils are drawn to pin-pricks now, it's close, the buzzing starts, the gift begins. From below the cushions I draw my blade, making sure it sees, squeezing my muscles around it mimicking the way she used her tongue in the same place, using it now to press against the sacred mound within me, the chain mail web grinding against it's testicles, a few rings swinging with my movements.

The eerie silence when there should be screams as I bring the skin from its ribs away from its torso and use the crimson wine to paint my breasts, my belly; its cheeks, spur me to come stronger than I've ever known. The gift presents itself in perfect time; I watch its eyes and know that the last moment between this world and that was split equally with the crest of my orgasm, a perfect way to start the game.

My toy is now complete, and still oh, so warm and sticky. I lose myself to my playtime, spending hours taking things apart, and learning things, tasting, touching, using it. I splash around in its insides a bit before I prepare it. Experience has shown me that a popsicle stick works just beautifully to keep the penis useful. The hands I remove and place in the lockbox in the bedroom. I take the rest to my temple, to use later, when time has had a chance to change it a little for me.

Chapter 2 -- Looking Through the Glass

~x~ 22 years earlier ~x~

"I worry about Layla," We hear the Mommy saying into the phone, "she plays so strangely sometimes!"

She wants to listen, I feel our heart grow warm and still at the sound of her name from the Mommy's lips. I know Layla wants to go to her, press her face into the Mommy's lap and try to calm her. I try to remind her that the Mommy isn't like us. Just to prove a point I tug our hair a little, Layla cries out when a bunch of it comes off in her hand, I laugh, "Did that hurt?" I tell her, "Funny! I didn't feel a thing!"

The Mommy and Layla catch each other's stare and I stop, it's not good to confuse her, I don't know why, but somehow I know you can't let them catch on. You can't let them know we're different. I have to be a secret.

"Ssshh!" I whisper, "I'm not really here..." and I can't help but giggle while I take us to our room. I know the Mommy is watching me go. She almost always does when I forget, when I come out in the living room. I have to be more careful. I need the Mommy.

"Al-ice!" Layla whines at me as soon as we have the door closed, "You're gonna get us in trouble again!" Her voice is so much sweeter than mine; I think that's how the Mommy can tell, because Layla can sing. The Mommy always looks at us funny when I try to sing with them. I start to sing now, while we pull the boards from the closet wall, 'Golden Afternoon' from the movie where we got my name. We saw it at the Grandma's house last year. I almost never come out at the Grandma's house, the old lady smells funny. I let Layla go there alone; I play by myself in our mind.

I like to watch the movies, though. Layla snuggles up next to the Grandma. Usually we fidget and fight, and the Grandma gets upset, but this movie was special. Something about that little girl and her daydreams caught me. We sat still as stone and the Grandma was so happy she gave Layla a cookie. After, in the backyard we found a family of opossums and played Queen of Hearts; I told Layla she had to call me Alice after that, it just felt right, and I never had a name before. That's how we know Layla's the real one, I'm just something else.

The air is hot in our lungs and Layla wants to rub the sweat out of our eyes, but I like the sting. Its not easy crawling between the walls, but it's the only place where I can be with my things. I don't think the Mommy knows about the little room, I think it sits between the hall bathroom and the den, there's pipes. Layla always tries to stop at the entrance, she doesn't like it here.

I like it here. It's dark, and hot, and I don't have to worry about them seeing me, I can take over for a while, in here it's my turn. Layla doesn't know how to go away, but I don't let her steer, she has to just sit there and watch. The pipes make a lot of noise, so I can even talk and play with my treasures and not have to worry about being heard.

"Boxes of boxes of boxes," I say to myself with a smile, the sound of my real voice as refreshing as the feel of the Daddy's old cigar box in my hands. A whiff of that deep, sticky, oily scent, puffs from the box when I open the lid. Looking at my treasure makes me smile, I think back to the woods, playing with the opossum family, how upset the Grandma got when she found us, fresh blood on our cheeks; the taste of it on our lips. It was a hard moment for Layla, for sure, but she got through it. The next time we were there, the Grandma kept a stronger eye on us, but I got a little time and I was able to find where she put them and bring a piece back to my secret place. I pet the small patch of fur with one finger, and dream about the treasures I will find, and create, in time.

Chapter 3- Chasing Rabbits

Seth is pulling at my blouse again; it's become some kind of nightly ritual. Hot breath in my ear, and his tongue tracing the ridges, his other hand is at the back of my neck, and I'm getting all kinds of dizzy. That weird, electric glow growing between us and it's like we're feeding on each other or something, my hands are everywhere, his chest, his shoulders, his face, his hips, grasping and clawing, and sliding across his skin.

When his fingertips meet my nipples there is a great crashing wave through my body, my eyes are locked on the moon, lost in it, afraid of it, and wanting it. Knowing, just like I know that the bright question mark of stars above me is called 'Cassiopeia', that what Seth and I are doing will end me. As his lips find the skin between my breasts, that wave crests again, and I know Alice is watching.

She leaves me alone, mostly, on date nights, but I know the moon trumps all our best laid plans. I don't blame her, that Cheshire-cat grin in the sky is all she really feels. She's waiting her turn now, being patient, playing nice. She's not fooling anyone; we both know she can rule me, just like we both know how much she needs me. And Seth mistakes the smile on my lips, he gnashes his teeth against my nipple, and misreads the air between my teeth and pulls away with a mumbled apology, I lose my orgasm to misinterpretation.

A few moments later our bodies twisting, repositioning, we work our way around each other's skin like a pair of sex driven creatures. I'm on all fours, knees dirty, twigs and pebbles beneath them digging in, biting a little, hands bracing against the tree, breasts swinging free, Seth is behind me, his hands on my hips, bringing me to him, his cock, like steel, pressing into me, prying open the space between my legs. His need, so firm within me, feels like the whole world has entered me, like all of existence is being pounded into the center of me.

When it's over, Seth walks me, as usual, as far as the park. Our paths home separate halfway down the path, and I hear his boot heels making their rubbery clomp as they fall on the concrete. My own soft soled trainers making almost no mark on the quiet summer night.

My eyes travel to the sky, its white grin starting something. I take a deep breath, and on my exhale am no longer steering. Just like when we were a kid and learned to ride our bike no-handed, I lean back inside myself and let go, and just like back then, I feel a rush of air across my face and an invisible force take over. It always scares me, a little, trusting something I can't see or control, it also scares me how welcome that feeling really is.

~x~

I come in on Layla's exhale, as though the air moving in our lungs were some sort of toggle switch between her and me. I barely have time to revel in my freedom when I hear a voice behind me.

"Hey 'candy'", the voice calls from the shadows, somewhere under the wide fan of the willow I'm passing, "got something sweet for me?"

"Fuck off" I hiss to him, and feel Layla shiver inside me.

"Oh!" He calls, "Tough little bitch are you? We can play it like that, if you want." There is an amused tone in his voice, as though my retort has fed something in him. I turn, and lower my eyes onto him. I don't need to try to make him see how big a mistake he wants to make right now. As I had guessed, the pathetic animal shrinks within himself, and I pass unmolested into the night. I can feel his eyes traveling over our body as I leave him, and something inside me knows that this dog will have to be put down.

I have to keep Layla from steering for the next few weeks, to make the arrangements. I'm as close to excited as I've ever felt, for years now, my Cheshire-cat moon has been calling me, wanting this, and promising this will make life real for me. I want to share, at least part of this with her, but I know she'll have no taste for it, the moon doesn't have the same hold on her, she's real, I'm something else.

It's been a long month, waiting, pretending to feel, kissing Seth for Layla so she won't lose him, and trying not to vomit while his greedy hands work my body. He's frustrated because Layla doesn't come beneath him while he uses her, I can't tell him why that is. He also doesn't understand why I won't let him walk her through the park anymore. I can't tell him that it's best the animal who lives there forgets he ever saw us.

When I'm ready for him, I find the dog in the same place I left him, under the willow tree in the moonlight, my smiling Lord, has returned to bless my actions tonight. He's dosing, a light snore escaping him on random breaths. Any fear, or second thoughts are cancelled as my eyes focus on his right hand, a pair of bikini-briefs adorned with little red cherry blossoms are clenched within it, the smooth wet reflection from the lamplight tells me he's used them recently, the coppery smell of semen fills my nostrils and feeds my desire to end it for him. To give this animal that sweetest of release.

Working quickly, carefully, I bind him, my foot kicking an empty vodka bottle as I cross his left side, drunk and post coital, he's made this almost too easy for me. He only wakes when I have him completely trussed to the tree, and am shoving those panties deep into his throat. His eyes open, confused, and widen as he seems to recognize me.

Naked beneath my clear plastic rain coat, I know our body will distract him enough for me to keep control. I raise my blade above him and begin my work for the first time, and really feel our heart beating rapidly in our chest. I hear Layla screaming in my mind, and block her voice. She still hasn't learned to go away, she still has to sit and watch, but right now I'm so real, so alive that I almost wish she didn't have to share. I get a little excited in my work, and feel the creature's blood splashing this way and that leaving trails along the walls of my coat, the heavy plastic keeping me clean, but still allowing the heat to come through to me.

I know what an orgasm feels like, because Layla's are strong and she can't help but share them with me, I'd never felt my own until this moment, the salted wine spraying across my barely covered skin, the power of this gift feeding into all the other sensations.

Just as the moon promised I am alive tonight, I am real, and now, I'm sure, I can never stop.

Chapter 4- In the Tolgey Wood

We're in Gym class when it happens. Standing in line, dressed in that strange bright yellow uniform, and listening to Mz. Feinlin give elaborate instructions on how to properly execute a jumping jack, because we're apparently all assholes who can't get it right.

We've been a little crampy this morning, not enough to cause concern, but this is a sudden, deep searing, pain. It rips through our abdomen and causes me to double over, bringing visions to our mind of a giant, using his big meaty hands to squeeze our insides, sending me into a cold sweat, setting our whole world ablaze.

"Alice..." Her name spills from my lips as the tears spill from my eyes; a Pavlovian response to the pain, Alice always takes the pain. But Alice isn't coming; I can hear her laughter as I move, still crouching, toward the locker room. Mz. Fienlin is at my side, her big man-hands on my shoulders, worry thickening her deep german accent. With some confusion I understand that she wants me to lie down in her office, something about a cot there, and a cool towel. As I enter the locker room she's motioning to Silvie to go with me. Poor little Silvie Jacobs looks panic stricken; Mz. Feinlin doesn't know that Silvie's scared of me, Silvie doesn't know that it's Alice she's really scared of. She also doesn't know that she has no reason to fear Alice, Alice likes Silvie. There's something about that untidy brown hair and too big glasses Alice finds endearing.