All at Sea

When it stopped stinging, I diddled myself with the brush while George serenaded me until I came – not earth-shatteringly, but I didn't know how much better it could be back then.

I was devastated when I found out he was gay." Aud giggled to herself.

"Didn't his hit Father Figure put a strain on your relationship before that?" The Devil made me say it.

Aud gave me a stern look. "If you want to be raiding my laundry basket for your kicks tonight, Mister, just keep going." But she couldn't keep a straight face. It was just as well I'd put the razor down: Giggles and sharp edges don't go well together.

* * * * *

Rinsed, gently towelled and moisturized to soothe skin unfamiliar to razors, Aud was more than ready. My fingers were slick long after the moisturizer had been absorbed into her skin.

"To test this properly, we should wait until after dinner and see how much you're gagging for it by then." I reminded Aud of the story we were supposedly testing, even as my fingers stroked her smooth, aroused lips.

"Don't you dare!" She clung to me for support: her legs were trembling. "I need you now." Her mouth pressed against my neck and she squeezed her thighs around my hand, moaning softly.

I let go of her pussy, silenced her objection with a kiss and lifted her off her feet, carrying her to her bedroom. She lay, legs akimbo, stroking her newly smooth mons while I stripped off with possibly unseemly haste.

She gasped as I sunk balls deep in her pussy, my own pubes tickling her bare bits. "Slowly, Adam. Pretend I'm Patricia."

So I made love to her slowly, caressing her breasts gently and nuzzling her neck when I wasn't jousting with her tongue. Her knees rose either side of me and her heels kicked occasionally at my buttocks as she squirmed under me. By my reckoning, Aud came three times – matching my personal best. The third time, grabbing my ponytail and pulling my head back, she practically screamed as her pussy seized around me. That was it for me: I grunted and drained my balls against her cervix.

"Well?" I gasped, out of breath and lying heavily on top of her. "Did we pass the test?"

"Mmm." Aud simply purred against my neck. We lay there a few minutes, until my shrinking cock dislodged itself and Aud urged me off her so she could breathe more easily.

"Well?" I asked a second time, tweaking one of her erect nipples.

"That was rubbish. Your cock is far too small and you know next to nothing about satisfying a woman. I mean, Adam, Really? I only had four orgasms and I bet I can still walk properly." She blessed me with a cheeky grin.

"Four? I only counted three." I was pleased with myself. Four was a new personal best.

"See? You obviously weren't paying much attention to my pleasure." She rolled on top of me and kissed me ferociously. "Seriously though, Adam, that was wonderful."

"Four? Really?"

"Really. Are you hungry? Because I'm famished."

"Are you kidding? I'm the one who was doing all the work."

"Why you…" Struggling to find a suitable pejorative, Aud settled for whacking me with a pillow. Then she got up (I noted with some pride that her legs were wobbly) and in the undignified fashion of a woman who doesn't want to drip semen on the carpet, cupped her hand under her crotch as she went to the bathroom.

I got up too and wandered, dressed as Adam should be, through to the lounge and the balcony doors. How private was that balcony? I opened the doors carefully, stuck out my head and glanced left, right and up. Good! Nobody overlooked us. I went to the rail. The sea raced by a long way down and there was an island in the distance but nothing much to see.

"Here." Aud joined me, dressed as Eve, and handed me a moist towel. "Since you do all the work." She stood back, folded her arms and waited for me to clean my sticky cock.

"Aud… Darling… I was only teasing…" I put on my very best kicked puppy face but she didn't relent. Then I had an idea. I twisted the towel so it wrapped both my hands and held out my 'bandaged' mitts imploringly. "My hands don't work." Go on. Be Sabine again.

"You are a bad man." She smiled and knelt down. I smiled too and moved closer. Aud took my limp and sticky cock into her mouth and diligently removed all trace of both her juices and mine. It took a while because the job kept getting bigger as she worked, like a government project, but finally she finished off with a quick polish from the damp towel, which felt great: cool on my skin. "There." She accepted my hand to help her back to her feet.

"Thank you." I buzzed her. "Would you like to eat before I ravish your arse on the balcony?" I had decided which bit of one of my stories to try next.

"When I said I was famished, it wasn't a euphemism for wanting a mouthful of dick. Yes, I want to eat. At least three courses, and a few drinks before I admit to getting some lubricating gel from the pharmacy this morning." She smirked then pressed her cheek to my chest. "Save my arse for desert."

"Room service? Or will dinner for two in your suite come to the attention of your ex?"

"The state of my bed in the morning will give the game away anyway. Don't you think?"

* * * * *

"Are your parents staying on board tomorrow?" Aud asked as we ate on the balcony.

"Got to. Even if Dad could get ashore, he'd struggle with the coaches laid on for the tour. For them, it's next stop Naples, but they're having a good time. They've made some new friends."

"So have you."

"Only one."

"Patricia… Sabine… Suzy…" Aud counted all the parts she'd played so far in our rigorous testing of my stories.

"I stand corrected. Try the braised bean curd. It's marvellous.

"So we can go ashore together tomorrow. Dikili has a decent beach." Aud looked pleased at the prospect.

"Don't you want to see Pergamum?" I'd been looking forward to it.

"You can go look at ruins if you want. I'll just wander around the old town with no knickers on and find somebody to flash." Aud swung one leg high and wide, graphically illustrating the point.

"So? I surmise you've been reading about Honey B." I guessed.

"Yes. And I'm going to spend tomorrow flashing somebody: either you or random strangers."

"Pergamum's just a pile of second-rate ruins anyway. Very over rated, I heard." I back peddled furiously. "Sight seeing in the old town is probably much more interesting. Local colour, traditional architecture, random acts of indecency… Can I bring my camera?"

"Can I trust you with pictures of me? I don't want to end up on some tacky website."

"Strictly for personal abuse. Cross my heart."

"Excuse me." She dabbed her mouth with a napkin and stood up. "I'm just going to get ready for desert." Her hand lingered on my shoulder as she went past.

* * * * *

Aud came out of the bathroom with a bottle of lubricant, a pack of condoms and the sash off one of the bathrobes.

"Hands behind your back." She gestured with the sash. "Look." She said when I proved hesitant. "This is what we're testing. Is it feasible to perform a vigorous act of sodomy without your hands for balance?"

So my hands got tied behind me. When Aud bent from the waist, supporting herself on the balcony rail, I learned that she was already lubed up. Just as I'd written, it was difficult but not impossible to get my cock in the right hole without using my hands, though Aud's fingers were helpful.

Lined up at last, I eased my weight forward, sinking into her rectum. I don't get anal sex anywhere near enough to be blasé about it. I paused, wallowing in the tightness, the heat and the sheer sinfulness of it. Not that I believe in sin, but I was only too aware that we were in the only place on Earth that had ever spawned a culture that didn't frown on sodomy: And even the ancient Greeks would have disapproved of me doing it to a woman. I think maybe arses have become the new frontier: As pussy became a lot easier to get, Men, being competitive, had to have a new ultimate goal. The girl who puts out has been replaced at the top of our must-have list by the girl who'll take it up the bum. And I was up Aud's bum! I stopped thinking and started fucking.

Having set up a tentative rhythm, building in pace and confidence, I decided it was easier than I'd expected. That complacency caught me out and I was dislodged. At the second attempt, I concentrated more on forceful, shorter strokes that made Aud gasp while her fingers flittering over her clitoris made her moan. She managed to time her orgasm to coincide satisfyingly with mine, which nearly pitched her over the rail and into the Aegean.

We concluded that while the test had been passed, actually combining two contiguous sex acts from TLC, sex is better and easier with hands.

Somewhere out at sea, some unsuspecting turtle was going to discover a new kind of jellyfish because my condom did go overboard.

* * * * *

"How many pictures of her do you have?" Aud was browsing through the small fraction of my porn collection that had been loaded onto my netbook while I was packing for this trip.

"Over three thousand." The girl in question was called Antea. Actually, her innocent face and flawless figure were the inspiration behind one of my favourite characters too: Honey B.

"That's… obsessive." Aud had been flipping through pics for half an hour because she wanted to see what sort of girls I really preferred. She'd nominated some that, in theory, she'd do too.

"But she's gorgeous."

"I didn't say she wasn't. I'm not sure about the dangly bits, but she is pretty." Aud was referring to Antea's very prominent inner lips.

"I like the dangly bits. And those nipples!" My cock pulsed against Aud's thighs just at the thought of Antea's bits. "I do love those puffy nipples."

"I can tell." Aud wiggled her bottom against my hard-on. "Ok. Put her on my to-do list. How many's that?"

"Half a dozen."

"That's enough for now. I think I've just doubled the amount of porn I've seen… ever."

"It's a bit late for me to apologise for being a pervert." I shrugged, but I don't think she noticed. "Anyway, I've got a new obsession."

"And don't I know it?" She wiggled her bottom against me again.

"What's the kinkiest thing you've ever done?" I reached over her to lift the netbook off the bed. As I rolled onto my back to put it on the bedside table, Aud took the opportunity to roll over too, lying across me, her soft breasts squashed onto my chest.

"Letting you stick your tongue in my arse."

"Apart from that."

"Bribing my way into the England locker room after a Five Nations match. I jumped into the bath with them all. I love rugby."

"A gang bang?"

"Hardly! Will Carling washed my tits for me though and I got groped a fair bit."

"Will Carling? That was some time back."

"It was. What's yours?"

"Sarah Murphy. She lived with me for nearly a year, but she was dating a guy she worked with. She used to spend weekends at his place but Sunday night through Thursday night, with me. I was seeing a girl from Chesterfield at the time so I had someone else to do at weekends too. The kinky bit was that she used to phone her boyfriend every night at bedtime and have a romantic chat with him while I tried to distract her.

She'd end up having to pretend to be masturbating for him. He loved hearing her get herself off and never once twigged that it was my tongue, not her fingers, causing the heavy breathing.

Sometimes, I called Rachael in Chesterfield and Sarah returned the favour. There really is nothing like talking to the girl who'll be sucking your dick tomorrow night, while another girl is sucking it right now."

"So you don't believe in fidelity?"

"If I'd promised to be faithful, I would be. Besides, Sarah was just a fuck-buddy. The only thing she wouldn't let me do was butt-fuck her. She said something had to be just for her boyfriend."

"Mean bitch." Aud said with a touch of irony in her voice.

"My words exactly. I mean… it's one thing to be sleeping with a girl who just won't. But when you're sleeping with a girl who definitely will, but not with you – That's harsh."

"It's a good thing you're sleeping with a girl who definitely will, isn't it?" Aud moved against me, letting my trapped cock spring up between her thighs as she stretched to reach the lubricant and the remains of our packet of condoms.

* * * * *

I was having dinner with my parents after a diverting day in Dikili with a camera and a neophyte flasher. I'd just been waxing lyrical about the Pergamum Acropolis when one of their new chums remarked that she hadn't seen me on the tour coach.

"I took a taxi." I improvised my excuse.

"Adam doesn't need a tour guide. He has a degree in ancient history." My mother is very proud of my academic achievements, even if she can't remember what they actually are. Usually that pride takes the form of berating me for wasting my education but this time I was glad to see someone else on the receiving end.

"Classical literature, actually." I looked Mrs Nosey-Parker right in the eyes. "But one can't study the classics without the history that provides their context. Don't you agree?" I learnt snobbery from an expert – my mum – and can patronise with the best of them.

"What?… Oh…yes…of course…" She blinked first.

"Anyway, I'm really looking forward to Naples. The-"

"And the young lady on your arm in Diliki?" Mrs Nosey-Parker rallied.

"Dikili, not Diliki. And Mrs Henderson is the Captain's wife. After Mytilene, she asked if I'd care to tour Pergamum with her. We have similar literary interests you see?" I turned back to my mother, hoping the matter was closed.

"Our captain's wife?" Mum asked. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because Mum, as our self-appointed chaperone has just demonstrated, there are several hundred nosey people on this ship. I did not want Mrs Henderson to be the subject of their salacious gossip." I could feel the metaphorical knife between my shoulder blades as Mrs Nosey-Parker went absolutely silent. "I'll see you tomorrow. We can plan our agenda for Naples." I stood, pecking Mum on the cheek. "Goodnight Dad."

"Goodnight Son."

As I left the dining room, I knew there would be repercussions. Mum would be upset that I'd offended her new friend and would be urging me to make peace with the nosey old biddy: which wasn't going to happen.

Then I'd be interrogated about 'this Mrs Henderson' and admonished for my customary secrecy about my friends, none of whom I ever introduced to my parents.

I would refrain from saying "Look Mum, Aud and I are hanging out together because we both like the feeling of my cock up her arse." Instead, I'd make up some plausible tale of a shared interest in literature, a meeting of minds … et cetera ad nauseum.

Mum would eventually drop the subject and Dad and I would get to plan our tour of Naples while she sulked.

I went back to my cabin - I can't think of it as a stateroom after seeing Aud's suite - to review today's snapshots and wait for Aud, who was dining with her ex-husband tonight.

* * * * *

"I've been a bad girl today." Aud said as I opened the door.

"And?" I stood aside and she slipped into my cabin, brushing against me in a pleasingly unnecessary fashion.

"And I deserve to be spanked." She dropped her eyes demurely. We'd discussed this as we wandered the old town that afternoon. Aud wanted to test the spanking scene from 'In Camera'. For verisimilitude, she actually was naughty: hitching her dress to squat and pee at the top of a steep cobbled street. The photos, with her urine running like a stream down thirty feet of street, were right up there among my favourites for the day. But it was naughty and she did deserve a spanking.

"Get undressed then." I tried to sound authoritarian.

It turns out that sitting on a bed doesn't work for spankings. There's no room for the victim's legs. However, the corner of a bed works perfectly, offering enough support for the weight of both of us and plenty of room for Aud's legs and arms. I stand corrected.

My hand got numb pretty quickly and my arm was aching long before Aud asked me to stop. Her bottom was pretty uniformly red and felt scorchingly hot. Her tears were real looking and when she curled up on the bed and I entered her from behind, she pressed her face into a pillow to stifle the moan that escaped her lips.

I was like rock. I'd never expected to find it so stimulating. I knew it was uncomfortable for her but I just didn't care enough to stop. Her pussy was throbbing around my cock and that was all that mattered.

Soon enough, Aud started to move to meet me as I thrust my hips, ignoring the stinging of her cheeks. She came first and, when she came, she had to bury her face in the pillow again: This time to stifle a scream of utter ecstasy. It was like fucking an epileptic. She shook so hard I had to grip her hips to stay in there. And it went on and on. I came as I thought her orgasm was subsiding but, by the time I'd emptied my balls into her, she was still trembling and sighing and pulsing around my cock. It was a revelation.

"I'm not even going to ask." I flopped back on the bed, sticky cock wilting across the top of my thigh. "That was a pass."

"That was a distinction." Aud turned over, wincing as her bottom touched the sheets, and kissed me with more tenderness than I'd yet experienced from her. It felt different. This wasn't a lust fuelled kiss. "Am I forgiven for being naughty?"

"You're forgiven." A perky nipple distracted me. It's easily done.

"My bottom hurts. Kiss it better." She put on a little girl voice.

"Let me catch my breath first." I knew where this was leading, mainly because every opportunity to get my tongue near her pussy had so far included a little rimming. I had waited years for a girl who was up for it and had resolved to make the most of this brief window of opportunity.

So I kissed her bottom better: every red tinged inch of it, starting at the small of her back and not stopping until her swollen clit was under my tongue. I roamed freely from anus to clitoris, taking time to dip into her oozing hole for a little taste of 'Daddy's special sauce' as Helen had put it. My mouth was glued over her vulva when she came, thrashing at her own clit and ejecting the last of my ejaculation back into my mouth. Not the best bit from my point of view, but the next load was going down her throat very shortly, so I didn't mind.

* * * * *

All the redness had gone by morning. We had a day at sea so I suggested the gym and Aud went back to her suite to change. A workout, a sauna, a massage and a long soak in the Jacuzzi passed the morning perfectly.

Almost perfectly: I pulled us up short when we went for coffee afterwards.

"That's the woman who spotted us yesterday." I pointed out Mrs Nosey-Parker from a safe distance. I'd told Aud all about being seen together in Dikili. "And the two with her are my Mum and Dad."

"Good." Aud said, tugging my arm towards the door.

"Good?"

"Yes. You can introduce me to your parents and I can bolster your alibi. Come on." She tugged harder and I moved reluctantly forward, though I had the presence of mind to hastily disengage my arm from hers. We went straight to their corner of the coffee shop.

"Dad, Mum." I leant between them, pecking each available cheek in turn.

"Hello son." Dad had a lapful of guidebooks for Naples.

"Adam! We didn't expect to see you until after lunch. You remember Mrs-" my mother launched into a monologue but I cut her off.

"Mum. This is Mrs Audrey Henderson. Is there room for two more?" There wasn't. I could see there was only one seat available.