All I Want for Christmas

Author's note: My baby is finally headed home after another extended deployment. I pray for his safe return, even as I curse the silence of enforced separation. Every day apart feels like a lifetime, and I hope that he gets to read this, somehow, and understand how very much I love him. If not, then I offer to read it to him as I curl up in his arms...home at last.

***

I hung the last blue frosted ornament on the Christmas tree and stepped back with a sigh. Searching desperately for some holiday cheer, I settled for a tired smile as I turned to my two children.

"Ready for the lights?" I asked. Their shouts of glee made me chuckle. Turning off the lamps, I flipped the switch to turn on the lights. Their softly twinkling glow began to blur as my eyes filled with tears. Turning toward the kitchen, I mumbled something about setting out cookies and milk. Jazmin and Andre stood next to the tree, reaching out to touch the sparkles with innocent little fingers, too captivated by the lights to notice my distress.

The lid to the cookie jar rattled as I lifted it, the chime of ceramics hitting together making me wince. How many times in the past year had I filled this jar with leftovers from the boxes I sent to my husband? Even the most recent package had been sent out weeks before. Now it seemed an eternity since I'd seen Toby's sweet, sexy grin over the webcam, an eternity since I'd heard his voice on the overseas line, an eternity since he'd made me smile with a loving email. But his battalion was packing up to finally come home after a year of being in the desert – and packing up meant no internet, no phone...not even snail mail.

My whole body shook with tears as I blindly set the cookies on the plate. Here it was, Christmas Eve, and I hadn't been able to able to talk to my baby in a week. Even after eight years of marriage, I longed for his voice, his touch, his arms. I had known going into this marriage that being a soldier's wife wouldn't be easy. I had watched my dad go all over the world while Mom stayed at home and raised us. As a child, I had vowed to never marry a military man. As a woman, I had been swept off my feet from the very first glance from those melted-chocolate eyes.

"Mami?" Jazmin's soft voice startled me, her father's term of endearment for me rolling so naturally off of her lips. Iand I hurriedly brushed the tears away with cookie-crumbed fingers, inadvertently smearing a streak of chocolate across the curve of my cheek.

"Yeah, baby," I asked, busying myself with arranging the cookies just so on the same tree-shaped plate we'd used for years. Tremors rippled through me, chimemaking the dogtags I wore tinkle together. I pressed my hand to my chest to stop that merry sound, fingers slipping between the buttons of one of Toby's old shirts to stroke the warm metal in an unconscious gesture. One tag was mine, from my eight years in the Air Force. The other was his, snagged during one of our first dates. Even without seeing them, I could easily tell which tag was which, could feel the slightest differences in the metal.

"You okay, Mami?" Jazmin's wide brown eyes filled with concern. Blinking rapidly, I tried to clear my tears.

"Sure am, baby. Just wish Daddy was home with us."

She patted my hand, solemnly nodding her head, her brown eyes so like her fathers, filled with a wisdom beyond her years. "He'll be home soon."

I leaned down to hug her, breathing in the scent of freshly shampooed hair. I stroked those tight dark curls, loving her so much it hurt.

"Mami! It's snowing!!" Andre's excited voice rang through the house as his feet pounded a path from the tree to the door. I winced as the heavy wood slammed against the wall behind it, already visualizing the dent.

"Jazzi, come here!" my son demanded, practically stomping his foot with impatience. Giving me a quick hug, she ran off to the front door, where she and her brother ooh'd and ahh'd over the fat, swirling flakes. I stood in the darkened hallway for a moment, just watching them.

Jazmin, at seven, was as precocious as she was adorable. She had the dusky, coffee-and-cream skin, high cheekbones, and Cupid's bow mouth that indicated she was sure to grow as beautiful outside as she was inside. While her deep brown eyes could sparkle with pleasure or shimmer with temper, she had my unfortunate lack of being able to hide a thought – everything she felt was written on her face. Smart as a whip, she was generally pretty quiet – unless Andre got her going. Andre had learned at a young age, as most brothers do, just which buttons to push to make Jazmin's temper sizzle.

At five years old, Andre was as self-assured and outgoing as Jazmin was quiet. He was a miniature version of his father, complete with sparkling, melted-chocolate eyes, a saucy grin, and an amazing generosity. A bundle of boundless energy, Andre sometimes made me tired just watching him zoom from one thing to another, but his ready laughter and pure love of life made it impossible not to forgive his rambunctious nature.

Sometimes, like now, just watching these two treasures made me hurt with love. I could pick out so many of Toby's traits in each of them – Jazmin's quick wit, Andre's cocky grin. I ached for Toby to be home, and hated that these last few weeks would mean no contact. But, I reminded myself – this just meant the start of the official countdown until he was back home, safe and sound and wrapped up in my arms.

I smiled as I stepped up to the door. Jazmin and Andre had their heads bent low, whispering behind hands cupped together. When I caught one of the glances shot my way, I started to back up into the hallway.

"Whatever it is you have planned, you can forget about it, right now!" I laughed in warning.

Each of the children snagged a hand and dragged me, in laughing protest, toward the softly falling snow.

"C'mon, Mami, you've got to." Jazmin's eyes glowed, and she giggled in delight.

Andre scooted behind me, putting both hands on my back and pushing me across the threshold.

Laughing, I found myself standing on the now snow-dusted front lawn. Fat, lazy flakes made halos around the streetlights and shimmered against the cool blue glow of our outdoor Christmas lights.

"Ready?" asked Andre, his voice filled with excitement.

"Ready for what?" I answered cautiously, almost afraid to hear what plan they'd schemed up.

Jazmin rolled her eyes at me while Andre giggled. "Wishes!" he shouted, flinging out his arms and spinning in dizzying circles.

"Wishes?"

Jazmin sighed deeply. "Everyone," she said patiently, "knows that if you make a Christmas wish in the first snow, ithasto come true!"

"Oh," I said, startled. Obviously I was not 'everyone.' I looked up to the night sky, feeling a childish hope swell in my heart. What could it hurt?

Wrapping their arms around me, Jazmin and Andre spun me around, all of us raising our faces to the falling snow, making our silent wishes and giggling as frozen flakes tickled against our skin. Laughing, we collapsed on the ground, shivering and huddled together, their heads cuddled up on my shoulders as we lay in a blanket of snow.

"Mami," said Andre, touching a fingertip to the snowflake melting on my cheek. "Did you make your wish?"

I hugged him tight to me. "I sure did," I whispered past the lump in my throat.

Jazmin merely looked at me. "Daddy?" she asked.

I nodded, eyes filling with tears again.

"He'll be home soon," she said gravely, nodding her head in absolute certainty.

We lie there in the silence, listening to the pitter patter of snow falling. Finally Andre sat up. "Mami, I betcha Santa would love some hot choc'late."

I tickled him, smiling at his squeals of laughter. "Uh huh. I betchaAndre'sloving some hot chocolate!"

The kids raced into the house, calling dibs on who would get what flavor. I rolled my eyes, wondering what on earth had ever possessed me to buy a variety pack of cocoa.

When the kids were finally settled into bed for the night, I pinned up my lengthy red curls and took a long hot candlelit bubble bath. I lay in the steaming water and thought of how many times Toby and I had shared just such an experience. I missed him so much – the feel of his chest against my back, his arms wrapping around me, his voice in my ear as we shared our day. I briefly touched myself, but no amount of imagination could convince me that the fingers stroking my collarbone were long, dark, and very masculine. With a sigh I leaned forward and drained the tub.

Wrapping up in my favorite robe, I made some coffee and settled into the corner of the sofa, letting the soothing scent of apple logs burning in the fireplace wash over me. The only other light was the cheery glow of the tree. I hadn't had the heart to turn it off.

I stroked a fingertip over the picture I held in my hand, wishing I could touch Toby's face, rather than his image. This was my favorite picture of him, as evidenced by the creases and worn spots. His roguish grin and cocky stance made me smile, while the love in his eyes was all for me. He looked so good in uniform, and I loved sharing this frozen snippet of his life.

I took a sip of my coffee and leaned by head back against the couch, closing my eyes as an unbearable ache filled me. I missed him unbearably whenever we were apart like this, but for some reason this Christmas Eve was the worst yet. I felt like I would explode with edginess, burst with the need to be with him. Oh, I was proud of my soldier, but I hated being so far apart.

Everyone knows that if you make a Christmas wish in the first snow, it has to come true.Jazmin's words echoed through my head, resonating in my heart. As ever, my wish had been as much a prayer for Toby's safety and security as it had been a greedy plea for him to come home to me.

Holding the cooling coffee mug to my forehead, I bit my lip against the need sweeping through me. I had become so accustomed to hearing his voice, seeing his smile, sharing our love through the webcam as an alternative to being able to touch. Now, with them packing up to head home, I was robbed of even that. And while my heart ached to hold him close, my body ached to feel his skin, see his pleasure, fulfill our desires. Oh, the steamy fantasies we'd shared, making the most of our enforced separation, sending letters and videos over the miles. Even after eight years of marriage, our desire for and appreciation of each other was still so deliciously strong.

With a slight smile, I set my coffee aside. The cool silk of my robe slid against my skin, making me tremble. Toby loved this robe, loved how it would slip and slide across my pale skin, revealing as much as it concealed, and laughing at my comical attempts to keep it tied together. Smiling as I remembered his uncontrollable reaction to my damp skin in this shimmery robe, I came to a decision. I wanted Toby-time, but since I couldn't have him with me, I'd simply use my imagination, pretend he was here...and hope he would somehow feel what I was feeling, share in my midnight naughtiness across the miles. Maybe the simple act of imagining us together would ease some of this ache that was threatening to overwhelm me.

Shifting along the cushions, I curled into the arm of the sofa, propping one long leg against the padded back, letting the other drop to the floor. My robe slid along the length of my thigh, until cool silk rested against hot core. I hissed at this lightest of contacts, my back arching in pleasure.

"Toby." His name whispered between my lips, a moan of need and arousal. My fingertips fluttered down the front of my robe, running between its slick edges, softly caressing the warmth of my freshly bathed skin. Silk slipped and slithered against me as I trembled with desire, arousing me further. I bit my lip, quivering in agonized need.

With impatient fingers, I untied the knot of material holding the robe against me and slowly dragged the rich material open, shivering as I imagined Toby's fingers to be doing what mine had done. Oh, how I loved the feel of him on me, his skin on mine, his breath in my ear, coaxing me to cum for him as he stroked and caressed me. Now, with my needs so strong and my imagination riding high, I was able to transfer my touch into his caress, was able to hear his voice, feel him against me.

Leaning back over the arm of the sofa, I raised my hands to my hair, undoing the clip that had held it dry through my bath, filtering the soft curls through my fingers, letting that soft red mass tumble back down over my shoulders and neck, spilling over the arm of the sofa and stretch toward the floor. I straightened my leg, lifting it against the back of the sofa, imagining Toby's eyes following that long, pale stretch of skin from tiptoe to dampened juncture. Unable to resist, I stroked my fingertips down the length of my leg, pulling it toward me as I caressed my skin, following the curve of my calf, indent of my knee, fullness of my thigh. With a gasp of pleasure I let my fingers settle over soft, silken heat, feeling the thrum of my heartbeat reflected in the quiver of damp flesh.

Spreading my legs wide, I let my fingers explore the hills and valleys of my swollen, aching core, turning my head to stare at Toby's picture where I'd propped it against my discarded mug. The sexy smile on his face and the love in his eyes was enough to send me over the edge, and with a soft cry of passion I slipped three fingers inside, nestling them as deep as I could get them, aching for their touch to be his length, his thickness, his velvety hardness claiming me.

As I trembled through that first orgasm, my other hand stroked its way along my body to the pebbled tips of my softly heaving breasts. Lightly pinching and pulling, softly squeezing, I caressed myself as Toby had so often done, again replacing the feel of my skin with the imagined touch of his, and losing myself in wave after wave of crushing orgasm, biting my lip to stifle my cries of pleasured frustration.

Recovering from the intensity of my husband's remembered caresses, I once again opened my eyes and focused on his beloved face. The ache I felt in my heart was almost unbearable, but my imagined caresses were helping to ease other aches. Pulling my dripping fingers from their cocoon of heat, I swiftly brushed my fingertips across my aching bud, in a brief caress only left me yearning for more. Lost in his smile, I lightly caressed myself, mentally debating the wisdom of my thoughts and needs.

Finally, with a moan of longing, I rolled off the couch and, quickly retying the sash of my robe and stopping briefly at the tree, headed upstairs. Moments later I returned to my nook on the sofa, armed with some supplies, my "toy box," and a bottle of toasted vanilla flavored warming lotion. A brief check on the kids had shown them to be fast asleep, undoubtedly dreaming of the toys Santa was bringing for them.

I chuckled to myself as I settled into the soft cushion, knowing that while I had to play Santa for my kids in a few short hours, this midnight session was a present to myself. And, I giggled as I set up the video camera, it would be a present to Toby, as well, whenever he got home.

Quickly checking lighting and angles, I hit the remote for the camera, and settled back into my comfy corner, robe draped demurely around me. With the angle I was shooting, the combination of tree lights and firelight was just enough of a glow to give the soft mystique I was aiming for.

"Hey, darlin'," I said, smiling at the camera and pretending it was Toby's eyes caressing me. "Merry Christmas. I know you can't be here, so I figured I'd give you a bit of eye candy for when you get home," I murmured, rubbing my hands lightly over my robe, watching in the display panel as this wanton woman caressed herself for her husband. This little bit of voyeurism gave me a thrill, and I watched as my blue eyes heated up, my entire pose becoming sultry and provocative.

"Don't mind me, darlin'," I moaned, pressing both hands to my breasts, squeezing and molding them. "I'm just gonna shut my eyes and pretend these are your hands, touching me...the way I need to be touched," I gasped as my questing fingers tugged and twisted at my throbbing nipples.

"Guess you'd probably like to see some of what you're missing though, huh?" I giggled, breathless with desire and slightly amazed at my own daring. I was setting out to seduce my husband by video – and I wasenjoyingit! I felt wild and wanton and wicked, seeing a sexy, sensuous side of me that I hadn't seen since before the kids. And while I loved my babies with all my heart, I kinda liked this sexy, slutty siren that was pushing her way to the front and demanding that her man stand up and take notice.

Kneeling on the sofa, back turned to the camera, I eased the robe down over my shoulders, knowing that the soft lights from the tree were adding to the seduction as they gently caressed my pale skin, alternately exposing and concealing my charms. The darkened hallway which I faced over the back of the sofa only added to my feeling of naughtiness, heightening my sensations to the utmost degree.

When the robe had slithered to the curve of my elbows, I held it there, turning ever so slightly, knowing that he'd be glued to the screen, watching the pointed thrust of my nipples come into view, those rosy peaks capping mounds of soft white skin that he knew so well, had tasted so often. Spreading my legs wide, I grasped a handful of robe at each hip and slowly, teasingly, hiked it upward, offering him a tantalizing glimpse of taut, rounded muscle and sultry, weeping cleft before dropping the silk back down over me, smoothing it with my hands, letting the robe fall off my wrists to pool around my thighs, holding it there for several thunderous heartbeats, knowing how sexy that mauve-and-amber patterned silk looked against the smoothness of my soft white skin.

With a saucy grin, I let the robe slip all the way to the floor, leaving me completely exposed to the camera's eye. I ran my hands through those long red curls again, knowing how they would glint and glimmer against my skin as they tumbled along my back. Keeping my back to the camera, I slipped my hands along the length of my body, outlining each curve and hollow. I wanted to make him ache for me, to need me as desperately as I needed him.

Resting against the back of the sofa, I slipped a hand between my splayed thighs, running it first along the inside of one taught thigh, then the other, prolonging my own agony. Finally, when I could take this teasing no more, I cupped my heated core in my hand, feeling the wetness pooling there, feeling the swollen evidence of my own arousal. I laughed in delight, twisting to blow a kiss to the camera, a vixen on the prowl. Tossing my hair again, I turned sideways on the couch, letting the camera watch as I pleasured myself with both hands, one curving under me while the other's motions were teasingly masked by the position of my leg, the actions obvious, but the contact hidden. The wild woman in the camera display winked back at me.

"So, baby – see anything you want?" I whimpered, blowing kisses to the camera. Swirling around, I settled on the couch, knees to my chest and ankles crossed, heels tucked tightly against me. I wrapped my arms around my legs and batted my lashes at the camera. "Too bad you can't feel how soft...how incredibly smooth my skin is tonight," I simpered, reaching for the bottle of lotion. "But maybe I can give you a visual...give you something to remember." I grinned wickedly, then squirted a stream of silky lotion over the top of my knees, letting it trickle suggestively down my shins. I began smoothing the shimmery lotion into my skin, lightly caressing legs, tipping my head back and moaning in pleasure.