All In My Head Ch. 01

"Jennifer Andrews went down on you?" the other accounts execs would say amazed.

"Yeah, bro," Scott would say triumphantly. "I covered her pretty face with my spunk. She went home to her loser husband with my jizz in her hair."

I grunted and came. I shook my head as I wiped my hand and closed the picture. I was going crazy. I couldn't talk to Jen about this. She'd already told me nothing had happened, and if I brought it up again it would be like calling her a liar. But I needed to do something. First thing, I needed more information on Scott.

Jack was back from his honeymoon, so the next day I met him for a drink. After talking about how their honeymoon went, I asked, "So what's the story on your friend Scott?"

"Why do you want to know?"

I shrugged trying to look nonchalant. "It's not that big a deal, I was just wondering." Then I decided I needed to give Jack something if I was going to get him to talk. "The thing is, Jen spent a lot of time talking to him at your wedding, and now he's working where she works --"

Jack had heard enough, cutting me off. "Mike, you better watch out for Scott."

"Why?"

"Just the things I've heard about Jen ..." Then he stopped talking, looking like he said too much.

"Heard what Jack?" When he didn't answer, I repeated in a louder voice "Heard what Jack?"

When he still didn't answer, I calmed myself and said in a reasonable voice, "Jack, we're friends right? If people were talking about Jill I'd tell you, she's your wife, so you have a right to know. That's what friends are for, right?"

He looked warily at me. Then he finally said, "Ok, but just remember, I'm the messenger, I don't believe any of what people are saying."

"Okay, that's fair," I said, with me looking wary now, preparing myself for what he was about to say.

"Mike, people are saying things about Jen and other men. They say she had a big affair with Ricky. Some people even say she left you and moved in with him for a while in California."

I felt numb. I suspected people were talking, but it was like they knew the whole story.

I guess my shock showed. "Are you okay Mike?" Jack asked looking concerned. "I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you this."

"It's all bullshit Jack," I said trying to recover. "Jen's never cheated on me." Which was mostly true.

"Okay," Jack said looking doubtful.

"What other men?" I asked.

He looked at me like he didn't understand. "You said people were talking about Jen and other men," I said. "Who else besides Ricky?"

He looked like he wanted to be anywhere else at that moment but sitting next to me. But he knew he couldn't avoid answering me, not after what he'd already said. "Look Mike. People are saying they've seen Jen leaving bars with other men. Recently, in the last year."

My heart sang. When we started playing the Game again, we went to bars in other parts of the city. But it's a small world. Clearly someone had seen Jen when she'd allowed herself to be seduced and picked up. What was surprising was they didn't see me too, watching in the background. But then, I don't draw as much attention as my beautiful wife.

"Okay Jack, thanks for telling me," I said, trying to hide how terrible I felt. "Like I said, it's all bullshit."

Jack was getting up to leave when I remembered Scott. I pulled Jack's arm. "Why did you tell me to watch out for Scott?"

He clearly wanted to go, but he said "I love Scott like a brother, but he's the biggest pussy hound in the world. In college he fucked every girl in our sister sorority, 35 girls, even the ones with boyfriends. He did it on a bet. It took all year but he won the bet. He has a way with girls. But it doesn't matter, since all those rumors about Jen aren't true."

"Yeah, it doesn't matter," I said my voice trailing off.

The next weekend we rented a car and drove to the Hamptons. Friends were renting a beach house for the week and they invited us over for the weekend, because they were throwing a big party.

I hadn't told Jen about my conversation with Jack. To be honest, I was still processing the information. I wasn't sure how Jen would react. I realized I hadn't asked some key questions, like who was saying this. He probably wouldn't tell me who, but I thought he'd at least tell me how widespread the rumor was, and whether it was old news or still something people were still talking about. I knew Jack would be at the party, so I was hoping to pump him for more information. Once I had that information I could figure out how to break it to Jen.

It took forever to get there because of traffic. The hosts -- Bobby and Grace -- handed us a melon concoction as soon as we walked in. "You guys need to catch up," Bobby said with a laugh.

They gave us a quick tour of the house. It was amazing, but we'd noticed even larger mansions in the neighborhood. "I'm sorry we don't have a bedroom for you" Grace said.

"That's okay, just being here is great!" Jen said enthusiastically. She was so excited to spend a weekend with our friends.

"Here," Bobby said with a grin, showing us a bowl with pieces of paper. "We're picking beds by random lots." Jen picked first, and her paper said the sofa in the upstairs loft. I picked next, and mine said the cot in the family room.

Jen put her paper back into the bowl. "I'll sleep with Mike on the cot," she said hugging my arm. "It'll be cozy." I grinned, hoping that meant we might fool around under the covers that night.

Just then Allie walked in. "Jen, you can share my bed. I lucked out and got the loft bedroom, it looks right over the ocean."

"Um ... bed and sunrise or cot and husband," Jen said, pretending to think. "Sorry baby," she said to me with a giggle, then she took Allie's arm and went to check out the loft bedroom.

I mingled and chatted with the other guests. There must have been 40 people there, all sleeping in the house, but the house was huge. The melon drink was good too, and I warned myself to pace myself or I'd end up sleeping face down on the floor.

I was by the pool and thinking about taking my shirt off to take advantage of the last vestiges of sun. Then I saw Scott. His shirt was off. His upper body was hard, well defined and sculpted. His arms and legs looked just as firm and muscular. He was also tanned. I decided to keep my shirt on.

The party was going all out, and some people were talking about going to the beach (just steps away) and watching the moonrise, because it was such a clear night. I was talking to Bobby when Grace walked up. "Bobby, we're out of melon liquor, you have to get some," she said sounding like the frantic hostess.

I could tell Bobby didn't want to leave his own party. "Don't worry Bobby, I'll go get it," I said slapping his back. He was clearly happy and gave me a good natured slap back.

I was rewarded with a kiss from Jen. "You're such a great guy," she said smiling at me.

The market was only a mile away, and I figured I'd be back in 10 minutes. But the traffic was horrendous. It took me 20 minutes to go a mile. I got the liquor and a few other things Grace wanted (ice, some melons, beer and wine). I headed back. Unfortunately the traffic was even worse going back. I was less than 100 feet from the driveway and the road was a parking lot. Frustrated, I carefully edged onto the shoulder. I thought it would be okay since I was so close to the driveway. But then I saw flashing red lights behind me. Fuck! The last thing I needed was a DUI.

The cop gave me a hard time, but gave me a break because I was so close to the house. He let me go with a warning. But dealing with him took a while, so all in all it took me an hour and a half roundtrip.

The party was going full tilt just as I'd left it. Grace took the groceries from me and started making more melon drinks, but there was enough alcohol in the house to last until the end of summer, much less this party. "Where's Jen?" I asked her.

"I don't know. The last I saw she was going to the beach to watch the moonrise. Check with Allie, I saw her by the pool."

Allie had her bikini on and was surrounded by guys. I couldn't blame them, she's got a hot body and pretty face. She caught me looking, and gave me one of those "look all you want, but you're not good enough for me" smiles. That's why she didn't like me. She didn't think I was good enough for Jen either.

"Do you know where Jen is?" I asked her. When she shrugged no, I said "I thought you guys went to the beach to see the moonrise."

"That was a while ago," she said. "She and Scott went for a walk to look at the big mansion over there." She smiled, and there was an evil twinkle in her eye. I turned and walked away.

Where was she? It doesn't take that long to check out a house! What man's wife disappears with another man on the beach, for an hour? This was just like the wedding, she was doing it again!

I was so angry and humiliated and hurt. I found the hard stuff and pounded down two scotches. To hell with pacing. I saw Jen walking up the path towards the house 15 minutes later. She was with Scott, and they were talking and laughing.

She grabbed my arm when she saw me. "Mike, you should see the house over there, its freaking huge!" Then she saw my face. "Is something wrong?"

"I need to talk to you," I said grabbing her arm and walking back down the path towards the beach.

"Where have you been?" I growled when we were far enough from the house that no one could hear.

"Checking out the big house next door."

"With Scott, alone."

"Mike, what is this? No one else wanted to go."

"Jen, you disappear with another guy for an hour, the same guy you disappeared with at the wedding, and you think that's okay?"

"We were just hanging out, I told you we like the same music, he told me about some hikes he's done in Europe."

"Jen, don't you see how it looks?" I said exasperated. "Everyone's already talking about you."

"They don't know anything," she said giving me her standard answer.

"They do know!" I said. "I talked to Jack."

Suddenly Jen went ice cold. "What?"

"I talked to Jack. He told me people are talking about you. He said --"

"You talked to Jack?" she said interrupting me, sounding horrified. "Jill's the worse gossip! Now everyone knows!"

"Knows what?" I said confused.

"That you talked to Jack!" she cried.

I was surprised by her sudden alarm. "Jen, baby, I told Jack the rumors were bullshit," I assured her.

"It doesn't matter, you shouldn't have talked to him at all!" she cried, her alarm growing.

Suddenly it clicked in my head, and I understood how Jen could be so confident about her denial of the rumors all these months. I'm a numbers guy. Everything's black and white, 1+1=2. But Jen's advertising. It's like politics. It doesn't matter what the truth is. You ignore what people say and just stick to your story, and sooner or later people will agree with your version of the truth. But I'd screwed all that up by talking to Jack, because just by talking about the rumors, I'd validated them.

"Honey, I'm sorry --" I said, reaching for her.

"Don't!" she said pushing my arms away. "I don't want to talk to you right now." She turned and walked away. I felt like shit. I gave her a head start and then followed her. I saw she went right to Allie and pulled her away from everyone else, to talk.

I didn't want to make things worse so I acted like everything was okay. I didn't want people to think we'd argued. But people had noticed Jen disappear with Scott, and me pull her aside when they finally got back. People gave me a lot of looks which I did my best to ignore.

I stopped drinking. I didn't want to make things worse by getting drunk. I drank water and tried to act normal.

The party went forever. I saw Jen across the room. She was her bubbly self again. Either she was over it or putting on a show like me. I suspected the latter.

She didn't come to me, or even look my way. I wanted to talk to her, but I knew she was mad, and when she's like that it's better to give her space.

People started going to sleep around 3. I looked for Jen to give her a good night kiss. I saw her and we locked eyes. I moved towards her, but she went into the loft bedroom and closed the door. I felt like shit.

I went downstairs to the cot. There were a few others already settled down into their cots or sleeping bags. I felt like I was back in college again.

I couldn't sleep. I felt terrible. I realized I'd been selfish, thinking just about me. I mean, all I thought about was what people were saying and thinking about me. I didn't consider what Jen was going through. She was the one who had the affair with Ricky, who went with him to California, who slept with guys after she and I got back together. Our friends probably thought she was the bad guy and me the victim, since they didn't know about my role in all of this. They probably talked about how she was a cheating slut, and those rumors would really hurt her because deep down at her core she was just a blonde, blue eyed, sweet catholic girl. You probably think I'm putting her up on a pedestal, but she truly is a sweet loving person. I'm the demented evil one, not her. I wanted desperately to talk to her, but she didn't want anything to do with me.

I began hearing sounds that could only be couples having sex. Now I really felt like I was back in my fraternity days.

I'm sure many of the people having sex were the married couples there. We'd all been split up by the lottery process, but horny husbands and wives have a way of ending up with each other. Earlier I'd hoped Jen would come to me (no way could I go to the loft bedroom with Allie there), but I knew that wasn't going to happen now.

Other sounds, I'm sure, came from hookups with the singles at the party. There were still a lot of singles in our group, most of us were still under 30.

I thought of Jen and Allie in the loft bedroom. "I told you, Mike's a fuck up," Allie would say.

Jen: "Just stop, okay?"

Allie (smiling): "So what really happened on the beach with Scott?"

Jen (head in her hands): "God, I don't want to think about it. I can't imagine what they're saying about me."

Allie: "Fuck them Jen, who cares what they're saying. Anyway, this makes it easier."

Jen: "What do you mean?"

Allie would walk to the door and open it, and say "Surprise!" and Scott would walk in, a big grin on his face.

"Scott get out of here!" Jen would say urgently in a hushed voice. "Allie!"

Allie (smiling): "I think I'll leave you love birds alone."

Jen: "Scott you have to leave, Mike's downstairs."

Scott (pulling her to him): "You weren't worried about that on the beach."

"Scott stop" Jen'd say, but responding to his kisses and not stopping him as he pushed up her skirt.

"You're wet," he'd say fingering her.

"Hello? That's you in there!" she'd giggle, and then moan as he rubbed her clit.

He'd put her hand on his big hard cock. "Okay, but we have to be quiet," she'd say surrendering to him.

"Yeah, like you were quiet on the beach."

"Shut up you jerk," she'd laugh hitting his chest. "Oh god," she'd groan as he entered her.

"You like that babe?"

"Oh god yes you feel so good inside me!"

I came in my hand, stifling my moan since there were people around me. Then I fell into a restless sleep.

I woke up around 10. Frankly I'm not sure if I slept at all. Everyone else was asleep. I showed and dressed, and then drove into town and bought tubs of coffee and donuts from a coffee shoppe. When I got back people were starting to stir, everyone with mild to major hangovers (except me, since I'd stopped drinking pretty early). A hung over Grace saw the coffee and donuts and hung me, saying "You're a godsend."

Jen came down the stairs around noon. She'd also showered, but still looked tired. I wasn't sure if she was still mad, but she sat next to me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "You ready to go?"

"I thought you wanted to hang out on the beach?"

"Nah, I've got an early meeting tomorrow."

We said our goodbyes and left. For a while we drove in silence. Finally she squeezed my hand and said "I'm sorry I was such a pyscho bitch last night."

I squeezed her hand back. "It's all my fault. I'm sorry for being such an idiot."

She leaned her head against my shoulder and I put my arm around her. We drove that way for a while. It felt good.

After a while she said, "You know, nothing happened with Scott. I just like him, we're buds."

I didn't know what to say. How could I tell her I'd RATHER she have a meaningless fuck rather than develop a real relationship with him. Finally I said "Jack told me he's a real player." I'd rather not have reminded her of my talk with Jack and braced for another outburst, but I wanted to make sure she knew that Scott was after more than just a platonic relationship.

She paused, and then said "Okay, good to know."

Then she said (with a smile in her voice), "Did you hear all the sex last night?" I noticed the abrupt change of topic. I suspected she wanted to change the subject away from Scott.

I played along and laughed. "Matt and Annie were going at it on the sofa next to me."

"So, did you get any big boy?" she teased me.

"I had a date with Mr. Hand," I said, a little embarrassed. "How about you?"

"Wait, first I want to know what you were thinking about," she said giggling. "Matt and Annie?"

"More like what you and Allie were doing in the loft bedroom." I laughed like it was a joke, but that was the truth.

She pulled away and looked at me with a surprised crooked grin. "You fantasize about me and Allie?"

"Well ..." That's not what I was thinking but I couldn't say I'd never thought about it, they were both super hot.

"Oh my god," she said a shocked delighted smile on her face. "I can't wait to tell Allie."

"Oh god please don't" I said with a fake moan of pain.

"Come on, she doesn't hate you like you think," she said with a playful hit to my arm. "She told me I should go to you last night."

"You're kidding," I said shocked.

"She likes you Mike," Jen said, her tone going from playful to serious. "You're a really good guy, you really are," she added, running her fingertips along my leg (I was wearing shorts). I got hard, and she noticed.

Then she did something she hadn't done since we first started dating in college. She unzipped my pants and took out my cock, and went down on me. She slowly bobbed up and down on my shaft while I tried to keep us on the road. I came fast, which is probably why we didn't get into an accident. Afterwards she leaned against me and I put my arm around her, and she fell asleep.

As she slept I chided myself for doubting her. There was nothing going on between her and Scott, they were just friends. She had lots of guy friends. I had to stop all my demented thinking, it was going to hurt our relationship. She loved me, she was mine, I had to stop being so insecure.

As we entered the City, I thought about how much I loved my wife, and how lucky I was to have her.