All My Children? Pt. 03

"It took her a while to convince Brian that if he helped me conceive a child, our marriage would actually be stronger and more complete. She played on his deep feelings for you as his best friend and he finally caved into the idea.

"So about five years ago we started meeting for sex during my ovulation period. Betty allowed us to use their bedroom for these sessions. She was wonderful about it."

"After six attempts, I became pregnant with Megan. Brian was really happy that he was going to be a father again but understood he could never let you know that. Betty was happy that she had given us such a wonderful gift, too.

"I wanted you and me to have a child, Dan. I did my best to accomplish it. The sex was simply to make a baby. It was not for enjoyment or love or lust. It was for our Megan. Recently, I decided I wanted one more child, a boy if possible, so we conspired to create another baby. I'm so sorry that you found out and jumped to the wrong conclusions.

"So the sex was just to make a baby?" Dan asked.

"Yes."

"And you only did it until you knew you were pregnant?"

"Oh, yes."

Dan looked at Betty and asked, "And you knew about this and it was OK with you?"

Betty smiled sadly and nodded her head. "We tried to give the ultimate gift to you two. I'm so sorry it was received so badly. We should have brought you in on it and hoped that you would understand. I can see why you are so upset."

Dan looked hard at Betty and let out a sigh. "Betty, I am no longer upset about anything. After beating the crap out of Brian I lost all anger. I'm just sorry that you have been suckered into this, too."

"What do you mean?"

"Betty, I have proof that this was more than sex to make a baby."

"What evidence?" I sobbed. "There is no evidence. I'm not like that! I did this for the children!"

Dan sighed and looked tired as he replied, "No Kim, you may have thought that but an objective person hearing you two talk would think otherwise. It may have started that way, but it is not that way now. Is it?"

"I don't know what you mean." I almost yelled at him. I was getting so angry.

"All right, if you must prolong this farce, then let's just hear the evidence and ask a few simple questions. Your answers to those questions will determine the futures of everyone in this room and all of our children."

Dan reached in his bag and pulled out that infamous memory stick with audio recordings he had made in our house. He had taped the conversations I had with Brian when we were screwing there over those last three days!

At that moment I knew I was lost. Dan and Betty both heard that bullshit stuff that Brian and I used to say to each other to heat up the passion.

Dan's taped conversations showed that I lied with each answer I tried to make to Dan's questions.

He asked me if the sex was just to make a baby and I said yes it was. He played part of taped conversation between Brian and me that when listened to, seem to imply we were actually true lovers. Brian and I both knew the real truth, but Brian couldn't talk and any thing I said sounded trite and unacceptable to Dan. Hell, it even sounded that way to me.

He played part of Brian and my taper off session where I gave him a blow job. That sealed my fate with both Dan and Betty since no way in hell is a blowjob part of clinically getting pregnant.

Finally, he played the tapes to completion that showed Brian and I had gotten together several times after I found out I was pregnant. This truly sealed my doom.

Betty walked over to me and slapped me hard on the face and yelled, "You lousy bitch!" She stormed out of the room

Dan reached in his bag and pulled out some papers. He handed me a set of papers and said in a very deflated voice, "You were a good wife but not an honest wife. You lied, cheated, and made me a cuckold. You're hereby served with notice for divorce action on 'irreconcilable differences'. If you contest it, you will hear this recording and others in court. Your call, whore." All I could do was nod. He then told me that my credit cards were now invalid and our bank accounts were closed. In the papers was a cashier's check for half of our liquid assets.

Dan threw a set of papers on Brian's bed and with hatred in his voice said, "Asshole, these papers indicate that I am suing you for back child support for your bastard kid. You will pay me $50,000 and establish a college trust for Megan and this new bastard you have on the way. We will have the trust administered by Reverend Fuller, our church pastor, and you will tell him exactly why you have to provide the trust. I want our church members to know just what a slime both you and Kim are. You will also acknowledge to Megan that you are now her 'Daddy'. Got it?"

All Brian could do was nod.

Dan turned back to me and spat, "I'm sure Betty is going to have a few more things for you to do, but that is between you and her. As far as Betty and you are concerned, I hope she can someday forgive you, Kim. I now have to run and pick up Megan. I have to tell her that I am not her Daddy any more."

I was near panic. "No! Please, Don't do that. She's only four, she will not understand! Can't we wait for a few years and then tell her?"

"You just want to keep lying don't you, you pathetic piece of trash. NO! It stops now. I will tell her today and be done with it. Whether you two want to step up to your responsibilities in this is your business, not mine," Dan roared at me.

Dan turned and left the room. All that could be heard was me sobbing and Brian moaning in a state of shock and physical pain.

Betty came back in and stared at us for a moment. She walked over and slapped me, again. She said, "We're done as sisters." She turned to Brian and said, "When you get out of here, find somewhere else to live. I'll cut what's left of those nuts off myself if you come home."

The next morning, Brian tried to renege on the agreement with Dan and have him prosecuted. I couldn't let Dan go to jail for something that I'd caused. Megan couldn't have a jailbird as a father. I worked on Brian for days and days to get him to relent.

When Dan got wind that Brian was going back on the deal we had made, Dan skipped bail. He didn't skip it to run away. No, he skipped out to cause Brian extra pain. As soon as he skipped, the bail was revoked by and lost to the court. Since Brian's business had been put up for collateral, the bail bondsman, to recover his money, placed the business in receivership.

Brian finally just gave up after seeing his marriage die, his business taken from him, and me bitching at him everyday about how he was as much to blame for this whole mess as I was. He just wanted to leave town and try to forget any of this ever happened.

When Dan left the hospital room he had declared he was going to tell Megan, our little four-year-old daughter, that he wasn't her father. I couldn't imagine him actually doing that. But he did!

He actually told her that Brian was her real father and he, Dan, was just her uncle. The poor little thing was so confused and sad.

I knew he had done it when I walked in the house and saw the look on his face. I yelled at him, "Dan, how could you! She is only four years old. She can't possibly understand this whole thing."

Dan raised his hand and yelled back, "Kim, just shut up. You brought this on yourself and have impacted innocent little Megan and me. I've told Megan that Brian's her father and it was your decision. And by God, it was your decision the first time you spread your legs for that asshole."

I fell to my knees and tried to reason with him, "Oh Dan, you just don't understand why I did what I did or how little Brian means to me."

Dan stood up and walked to the garage door. He opened the door and then turned to me and said, "I guess I don't and I really don't care to know at this time. All I know is YOUR child is upstairs in tears and there is nothing I can do to make it better. I suggest you go tend to Megan's emotional needs and I will go tend to mine."

He left the house and never set foot in it again.

Betty had told our parents what I had done with Brian and now they thought I was trash. Sleeping with your brother-in-law does not endear yourself to a straight and narrow set of parents. Actually my mom still had some contact with me but my father refused to allow me in the house or anyone in the family to talk to me. So my mom had to sneak around to get some time with me and to help me out from time to time.

It was really rough on her and she started drinking to "calm her nerves" as she put it.

I convinced Dan to meet me at a local pub a few weeks later. I told him I needed a chance to explain and to seek his forgiveness. It was a disastrous meeting. Every time I tried to explain what had happened and why he threw it back in my face. By the time the meeting was over I really understood how he saw my actions.

Megan was becoming more and more of a discipline problem since Dan had made his announcement to her and left her life. I had gone through all of the available sitters and none would even return my calls now. My family had basically disowned me except for those rare occasions when mom could sneak away and spend some time with me. Brian had left town and I didn't know where he had gone. But then, I really didn't care about him anyway.

I was several months along on the pregnancy now. What with the stress of Dan's discovering the truth, my sleepless nights of guilt, no appetite, and Megan's rebellion against me, the pregnancy was not going well. I had to visit the doctor almost weekly because I was afraid the baby would suffer from my problems.

I finally got up the nerve to approach Dan about sitting Megan while I had my doctor's appointments. He at first balked because I was going to the doctor to tend to "Brian's bastard baby" as he put it.

I almost gave up and started to walk away when he relented and said he would sit her and maybe help get her emotionally stable again. I think he felt some regrets for exposing poor little Megan to the whole sordid mess.

I have to say I was still hoping against hope that Dan would come around and forgive me. So I did the very worst thing I could do to the situation, I tried to use Megan to turn Dan back to us. I kept saying to her, "Uncle Brian had only helped Mommy make you and your new brother or sister. He helped me a lot to get you born. But, your Daddy will always be Dan. He's your real Daddy."

I knew she would throw that up to Dan at every opportunity. I counted on his anger melting away when he looked into those innocent eyes pleading with him to be her daddy.

I dropped her off and heard her calling Dan 'daddy'. I smiled to myself as I drove away knowing she would be working on Dan the entire time I was at the doctor's office. I'd win him back with her help!

I was stunned when I returned to Dan's to pick her up. I was immediately blasted by Dan, "for filling her head with such bullshit."

I didn't relent. I kept telling Megan that Dan loved her and was her daddy. He kept telling her it wasn't true and that Brian was her daddy. Megan spiraled further down into rebelling against both of us because she was now so confused. But I screwed up again and failed to see how scarred our little girl was at getting over Dan and my faults.

This finally came to a head in the sixth week of Dan watching her while I went to the doctor. Dan announced, "Kim, I can't watch Megan any more. This crap you're filling her head with about me being her father is just poisoning her and me. Get someone else to watch her because I just can't see her being pulled apart like this any more."

At that moment I knew all was lost. He rejected Megan to save himself. He refused to forgive me or even acknowledge there might be a chance someday.

I angrily turned to leave with Megan in tow and vowed, "Ok Dan, you win. I will tell her tonight that Brian is her father and you are not. Happy now?"

"No Kim, I am not happy. But what has to be done has to be done. Maybe we can set up some more visits with me after the shock of you talking with her wears off. I still do love-"

"I don't think so." I stopped him. "You either are in her life or you are not. I can't go on like this either. I'll get mom to watch her."

Dan got a concerned look on his face and said something like, "Don't do that! Your mom's an alcoholic! Megan isn't safe with her when she is drinking!"

I sniffed at him and left.

And now I made my last big mistake. In fact, it is the worst mistake I ever made. I gave the care of my little girl over to my mom while I went to the doctor.

And, I have to confess this, I knew she had been drinking when she picked Megan up that last time. I just didn't want to admit it.

As you already know if you read the two chapters of this story that Dan wrote, Mom drove through a red light and was hit by a large truck. She was killed instantly and so was my little girl. My baby girl, my reason for living, was gravely injured and in a coma for almost a month.

I couldn't bear to go to the hospital to see her because I knew it was my fault. My world crashed down as I finally got it through my head that this whole sad story was my fault. I knew Dan was spending every day with Megan. He read to her, brushed her hair, washed her face, and just loved her. Loved her as a father should. I think at the moment she died in his arms that he knew he had thrown away a chance of always being her father.

I was crushed at her death and was teetering on the edge of a black abyss. At the funeral Dan stared at me with venom in his eyes. Dan, still angry at me beyond words for my failure to keep Megan safe as well as my "affair" with Brian mouthed some words at me from across our Megan's coffin. He said, "It's all your fault. You killed her."

I totally broke down and had to be helped away from the gravesite. Yes, I had killed her, just as I had killed Dan, just as I had killed my mom.

It was just a few days later that I looked inward and saw that calm place. That place had a beautiful pond, pastures with golden flowers, ever radiant sun drenched skies, and a beautiful home with Dan, Megan, our new baby boy, Jonathan, my mom and dad, and Betty. We were all happy and always laughing and hugging.

I went to live there in my mind. I don't remember anything of the real world for what they tell me was almost six years. I do remember fragments of dream world. I remember making love to Dan only to have his face and body morph into Brian. We would begin those hot sexual sessions again. After it was over and I came down from the sexual high, he would morph back into Dan who would be holding me and stroking my hair. Why is Brian injecting himself on my wonderful life? I used to ask myself in that dream world.

I vaguely remember that one day while I was playing with my children Dan approached and said, "Please forgive me. I was wrong. And I forgive you for everything."

At the time, it made no sense to me.

One day I was making love to Dan and he changed into Brian and I asked him. "Why are you here? I don't want you, I want Dan."

He laughed in reply and said, "This is your dream, not mine. I'm here because you still think about me. And about what we used to do to each other."

I bolted up and yelled "No! Dan and my children are my life. You've nothing to do with it now! Go away!" And he faded into nothingness with those words.

I actually didn't say those things. I tried to, but it had been years since I said anything and my vocal cords just wouldn't work yet. But I did sit straight up in the bed and suddenly found myself back in reality.

Needless to say the doctors were amazed that I had found my way back after so long. They slowly exposed me to the world again.

One day, I remembered all of the hurt and pain with Dan and Megan and mom, and I cried in great sobs. The doctors said that was good. I had to let it out and let it go.

A week later, they told me my Dad had committed suicide after my mom had died. I was extremely sad about that. They didn't tell me until almost two years later that he had left a note blaming me for my mom's and my daughter's deaths. By that time I was emotionally strong enough to handle it and I actually agreed with him. I had long since forgiven myself for my errors in judgment that led up to the disastrous life I had when I "went away".

About four days after I returned to the real world, it suddenly dawned on me that I had been pregnant the last thing I remembered. I asked the doctor about my baby. He cleared his throat and said, "Yes, you gave birth to a baby boy. He is now a little over five years old and lives with his father."

"Brian has my baby?" I said in a panic. "Where is he?"

The doctor looked confused. "No. I don't know any Brian. The baby is with yourex-husband, Dan."

"Whaaat? I - I don't believe it. How did Dan end up with my baby?" I wailed.

"Well, he is the father. So he claimed his right to take over raising the boy."

"What do you mean? Brian is the father. Dan walked away. It's not Dan's!"

The doctor looked almost amused. "Kim, calm down. I don't know what has you so confused, but unless DNA testing is totally inaccurate, yourex-husband, Dan, is 99.99998% likely to be the father!"

I was totally confused. How could Dan be the father? Brian was the one that pumped all of that potent seed into me.

I steeled myself and asked, "Is there any way I can see my baby boy? What's his name? What does he look like?"

The nurse accompanying the doctor stepped forward and said, "His name is Daniel Brian Fanning. He looks just like his father."

"Daniel BRIAN Fanning? Who named him Brian?"

"Well I believe it was young Daniel's step mom. Her name is Betty. You know she looks a lot like you." The nurse replied.

"B – Betty married my Dan? My sister married my husband?" I shook my head trying to grasp what I was being told.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know about your sister. But, yes, I believe that is what happened."

"You never answered my question. Is there any way to see my son?" I asked cautiously. I was afraid I knew the answer already.

"Well, yes. We've just been waiting for you to recall the fact you had a baby and come to grips with him being over five years old now." The doctor stated.

He continued, "Mr. And Mrs. Fanning actually have brought Daniel to see you on every one of his birthdays since you had him. They point to you and tell him that you 're his real mother and that you love him but you are very sick. He's actually kissed you each time and said that he loved you."

I was thunderstruck.

The doctor moved toward the door and stated, "I'll call Mr. Fanning right now and see if I can arrange a visit. He and his wife have been very interested in your recovery and since they are assigned as your medical surrogates they have every right to be kept abreast of your status."

"My medical surrogates? They've been making medical decisions on my behalf? Why would they do that?" I just couldn't figure out what was happening.

It was two days before a visit could be arranged and I was on pins and needles awaiting their arrival. The nurse had brought in her makeup case and we had worked all morning for me to look presentable. I was now dressed in a nice looking running suit that hid my skinny body. The doctors had kept me alive but I had lost tons of weight while I was "away".

It was two in the afternoon and they were due to arrive any minute. I was jumpy and nervous and terrified. What could I say to Dan? Or say to Betty? Or say to my child I had never met?

I was still pondering these questions when the door burst open and entered a small bundle of pure energy about three and a half feet tall. He looked exactly like Dan. He bounded in yelling "Mommy! Mommy! Are you really awake?"