All the Way

I finished hauling my things to my car, and said goodbye to my parents after a long list of do's and don'ts I from my mom (do call when you get there, do visit when you have time, don't do drugs there, yada yada). I just want to go as soon as possible.

I went the other way outside our subdivision so I wouldn't pass in front of Harry's house. Yeah, I was a coward, but I was thinking of the worst possible things that may happen if I see him right now and I didn't want that to happen. I turned my phone off so nobody can call. It was just me and my thoughts during the long drive to Princeton. All the time Harry was on my mind, and my heart slowly fell to pieces the farther away I drove.

I arrived in Princeton a few hours later, and immediately went to my dorm. I didn't mind the other people arriving and looking happy as they were dropped by their parents or their friends. I just wanted to go to my room and busy myself with unpacking to distract my mind from Harry.

I took out a six-pack I brought along with me, ignoring the no-alcohol restriction in our dorm. It's moving in day anyway and everybody was busy, and I thought that the alcohol can numb me from what I'm feeling at the moment. I was a lightweight and already a bit woozy by the fourth can, when all of a sudden I heard a knock on my door. I wondered who it could be, since I had a single and was not expecting a roommate. I went to the door and opened it.

Trish was standing outside.

"Trish?" I said while balancing myself with the doorpost, I guess I was seriously drunk already, "what are you doing here? You're still going to enter your senior year right?"

"Ian! Jasmine, one of the cheerleaders is also going here in Princeton and she asked me to come along with her to help her move. Then I saw your car and you know how the familiar things stand out when you're in the middle of a new environment. So I looked for you and I came here," she was practically babbling.

I was still processing what she said when she squealed, "I can't believe you're here!" and hugged me. I was already losing my balance that time and the two of us fell down the floor, she on top of me.

She didn't move, and I was out of control when she kissed me.

"Wait!" I manage to say, "I thought you were with Jaypee?" I asked her.

"He's not here, and what he doesn't know wouldn't hurt right? Let's do this for old time's sake?" she said and pulled off her top.

I was feeling very weak and drunk that time, and I just wanted to forget Harry, so I let Trish take my shirt off and we were kissing there in the dorm room floor. We were still kissing when all of a sudden we heard a sound at the door.

We stopped and I looked at who was there.

It was Harry, and the look on his face was pained, it also broke my heart.

"Hey Ian. I came to your house to try to catch you before you went, but I was too late so I decided to come to Princeton and find you. But I guess you didn't want to be disturbed. I'll just go," and he turned around and walked away.

"Wait! Harry!" I tried to call after him, stumbling over the room to put on my clothes, my drunkenness and Trisha completely ignored. I ran after him, but I couldn't find him anywhere. I went to the parking lot and his car wasn't there anymore.

"HARRY!" I shouted right in the middle of the parking lot. Other people looked at me, shocked at what I did, but I didn't care. "HARRY!"

It's either he was ignoring me, or he was already gone.

I went back to my room, relieved that Trish wasn't there anymore. I was angry, to her as much as to myself for being weak. I got my phone and turned it on to find out I had four text messages and a voicemail from Harry.

"Adrian, I went to your house but you were not there anymore. You're not answering your phone, and I'm currently on my way to Princeton. I just wanted to see you and tell you that what we did last night, it was amazing, and it felt so right. My only regret in doing it was that I was only thinking of myself and didn't think that you're going to possibly hate me for it. I don't want to lose you, and I just want to say I'm sorry."

Tears were falling down my face as I listened. I can't believe how STUPID I was. I tried to call him, but he's already the one not answering his phone. I thought of following him and going to Cornell, but knowing Harry he doesn't want to be found when he's upset, and maybe he's not on his way to Cornell right now. I sat there in the middle of the floor in a daze, scolding and hating myself.

It was already dark outside when my phone rang. Thinking it was Harry I immediately answered it.

"Harry! Thank God you called back! I'm sorry for what I did, I was weak and I was not thinking when I did it. Please can we talk? I'm so sorry." I sobbed on the phone.

"Adrian?" it wasn't Harry, but her mom, and she sounded as if she'd been crying.

"Oh," I said, embarrassed, "I thought you were Harry. What's the matter?"

"It's Harry!" she said then she started crying, "The cops just called us. He met an accident while on his way to Cornell and the impact was very bad. He's been brought to the Lenox Hill Hospital and we're on our way but it's going to take us a long time to get there and you're the nearest one to him so--Adrian? Are you there? Adrian!"

The moment she said Harry met an accident and what hospital he was brought to, I grabbed my keys and ran to my car and drove to the hospital. I already knew the location of the hospital because we had a field trip there once during high school to commemorate the installation of the first X-ray in America, so I drove as fast as I could. I arrived an hour later, and immediately went to the reception desk to ask where Harry was.

"He's in the emergency room right now, Sir. The accident was pretty bad and he was unconscious when he was taken in. Are you related to him?" the nurse behind the reception desk asked.

"Uhm, no. I'm his--friend," I was unsure when I said that, maybe he hates me now, "his parents are still on their way."

"I'm sorry Sir, but only relatives are allowed to see him. You can see him only when his parents arrive and accomplish some paperwork."

I opened my mouth to retaliate, but I stopped myself. I know it would be useless to argue, since she was only doing her job, and right now I wouldn't be of much help to Harry. I was a nervous wreck the whole time I waited for his parents to come, and I kept blaming myself. If I wasn't such a pathetic weakling all of this shouldn't have happened.

His parents arrived by midnight, and I comforted Harry's mom while his father talked to the nurse. Harry was transferred to the ICU, since he lost a lot of blood and is in a very critical condition. Nothing's left to do but wait for him to wake up.

"I'm sorry," I told his mom while we waited until we could be allowed to enter Harry's room.

She looked at me and she smiled though her tears were still falling, "It's not your fault dear, we all know that Harry can be a bit reckless when driving, and he should know better than to drive carelessly when his mind isn't on the road."

I smiled back, though what she said didn't stop me from mentally punishing myself for being the reason for all of this. Then Harry's dad approached us and told us that we could see Harry already.

We hurried to the ICU, but right outside the door of Harry's room I stopped. I let his mom and dad in, but I didn't follow, wanting to give the family their own time together and I did not want to intrude. I wasn't also ready to see Harry yet. From outside the room I can hear the renewed wails of Harry's mom, and the sound was like a blow to my heart. I went out of the Intensive Care Unit and sat in one of the benches in the hallway. Exhaustion overtook me and I dozed.

I was woken up a little later by Harry's mom. "Ian dear, why didn't you enter the room with us? I'm sorry I completely forgot about you, I was so nervous."

"No, it is okay," I assured her, "Has Harry woken yet?"

Her lip quivered and I thought she was going to cry once again, "No, the doctors said we just have to be patient. His car had airbags but the impact was strong enough to hit his head and it was pretty bad. There's nothing we could do but wait."

She saw the worry in my face then hugged me, "Dear, we have to go for a little while to process Harry's medical insurance, but we'll be back as soon as we're through. Why don't you go to him?" she suggested.

"Yeah," I said, "that would be a good idea.

I went back inside the ICU and took a deep breath before opening Harry's door. I was shocked in what I saw: lots of machines, tubes and wires were connected to Harry. The left side of his head was bandaged, though I was a bit grateful that his face was unscarred. A cardiac monitor was beside him, green lines fluctuating to the beating of his heart, each beep assuring me that he was still alive.

Beep

Looking at him in the hospital bed looking so damaged and hurt sent a fresh wave of guilt and pain to me, and I felt the tears running down my face once more. I approached him and held his hand, hoping for a response, but they wouldn't move.

Beep

What if he doesn't wake? What if I never see his gray eyes staring back at mine once more? All my life he was there beside me, and I can't imagine my life without him.I placed our hands on my face. I didn't know if he could hear me, but I decided to talk to him.

Beep

"Harry," I say, my voice breaking with sadness," I'm so, so sorry for everything that I did. I was afraid that after what we did last night you were going to hate me, and that moment the most painful thing I could imagine was knowing that my best friend hates me."

Beep

"But right now, I realized that the most agonizing thing in the world is the thought that my you're leaving me for good. I don't want to lose you Harry, you are a part of me that I can never let go and I can't bear the thought of a future without you."

Beep

"I love you Harry."

The tears flowed much faster now, some of them falling to his hands, but everything else was silent, save for the beeps and clicks and sighs of the machines around us. When all of a sudden I felt his fingers move. I looked up, and his eyelids flutter open. The next moment his gray eyes were staring at me.

Beep

"Ian? You've got my hand all wet."

An intense wave of relief and happiness washed over me, "You're awake!" I screamed and hugged him, completely ignoring his current state.

"Hey, easy there. I'm still tender everywhere."

I quickly pull back, "I'm sorry. You really got all of us, me and your parents, worried over you! How the hell did you get involved in that accident?"

Beep

He winced, "Well, after seeing you and Trisha getting busy there in your dorm I felt so jealous and hurt and I wasn't able to think clearly. I just went to my car and drove away as fast as I could. I didn't feel like going to Cornell so I drove anywhere. Maybe I wasn't aware that I was going too fast and I was in this intersection and everything happened so quickly and the last thing I could remember was seeing bright lights before darkness overtook me. The next thing I saw was a pair of beautiful dark brown eyes looking at me and holding my hand."

I smiled, I was exhausted once more, and I know that he should rest. I held his hand back to my face and looked at him.

"Harry," I said.

"Yeah?"

Beep

"Tell me a secret. Something no one else knows. Something you've kept only to yourself all this time."

He question made him smile, so much has happened since the last time that question was asked.

"I love you too," he said, "I have love you all this time."

I kissed him, and he closed his eyes.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

I look at the cardiac monitor, the green line straight, not anymore making zigzag lines across the screen.

Epilogue

I can't believe it's been nine years since that night. I tried my best to forget it, but the memory is still fresh in my mind even after all these years. It's unbelievable how life plays at us, as if we are just those reserve pick-up lines held by comedians to amuse their audiences. I get out of the house. The moon is shining brightly above; just like it did nine years ago, that night when I shared the secret I kept for so long.

A pair of strong arms wrap around my waist.

"What are you doing outside Ian? Let's go back in," Harry whispered to my ear.

I turn around, and a pair of the most amazing gray eyes looks back at me. "Don't you remember what happened exactly nine years ago? And the night after?" I asked him.

He laughed, "How could I forget that day when my husband confesses to me that he loved me? And who would forget how everyone thought that I was going to die just because you were so careless?"

I wince when he said that. I was so excited to see him wake up once more that night at the hospital that when I hugged him I didn't realize that the wires that connected him to the cardiac monitor were moved. The monitor, not anymore sensing anything, showed a straight line on the screen. I was practically screaming for the doctors and when they went in and found out that the wires were just disconnected they chastised me. You can't imagine the relief, and embarrassment, I felt after that.

He was discharged months later, and classes just began so he didn't miss anything substantial and caught up right away. Through college we always kept in touch, constantly visiting each other whenever we had the chance. The sort of long-distance relationship we had made us feel how much we miss each other when we weren't together.

And the sex marathons we had during those visits were the best.

We had no problems with our parents, being very open-minded people. Mom even jokingly said that she was slightly disappointed to know that she and Harry's mom both had boys, since if one of us had been a girl we could end up falling in love to each other when we grew up and get married. Their children got married alright; it's just that none of us is a girl.

Of course, just like normal couples, we've had our fair share of disagreements and fights. But none of us was too prided to acknowledge our own mistakes and say sorry, and we emerge from these disagreements even closer than we were before.

I look at my very beautiful husband, the moonlight shining on the blond highlights of his hair, gold in the middle of a sea of obsidian.

"Tell me a secret Adrian," he says, "Something no one else knows. Something you've kept only to yourself all this time."

I think of it, "Well, if you worry the heck out of me like the way you did nine years ago, I swear I'm going to make the rest of your life hard."

He laughs, and pulls my face to him. There, under the moonlight, we kiss very passionately. His lips were just as warm and tasty as they were the first time I kissed them. This time, however, there were no negative feelings, only pleasure, bliss and contentment.

He pulls away, and I whimper as I tried to pull him back. He stops me.

"Say hard again," he whispers.

"Hard," I respond, not understanding.

"You know, I've got this hard problem right now, and you're the only one who can solve it." He's got that mischievous look on his face. I love it.

"Well," I say, "Why don't we go back inside the house and see how hard that problem is?"

He laughs, and takes my hand as we go back inside the house.

I guess I'm stuck with this guy for the rest of my life, me and him all the way.

And that's the best thing in the world for me.