Always in My Life Ch. 02byAlwaysAlone1986©
Once again I would like to thank kayli1001 for editing this chapter. And also I would like to thank those who commented on the first chapter. I hope this chapter gets such a great response. Enjoy!!!
I didn't move from my bed until I heard his knock on my apartment door. I practically ran to the door to let him in. His face was full of concern and fear. He was afraid of how I would react, no doubt.
"I'm so sorry for yelling at you," I apologized once we were settled on the couch. "I know I hurt you," I continued softly.
"I'm not mad, Edie," he said gently. "Just confused."
"I don't understand what I did to make you react like that."
"I know and that's why I have to talk to you," I replied, and looked into his amazing hazel eyes that were full of concern.
"Please tell me what I did to make you react like that," he pleaded when I didn't start talking.
"You touched me," I said quickly. He looked confused. "I was already feeling so vulnerable because I was there in my underwear next to you, and then I woke up with your hand on my leg and leaning over the top of me."
"I was trying to wak you up."
"I know, but when I felt your hand and then saw you over me I freaked out. All I could think about was how much bigger and stronger you were than me," which he was. Spencer was tall and muscular, where I was petite and thin.
"I would never hurt you."
"I know that and my rational brain was screaming that at me while I took out all my fears on you."
"Will you tell me why you were afraid?" he asked gently tipping his head to look me in the eyes.
I nodded and took a deep breath to gather my courage. "I was raped," I said quietly.
"By whom?" he asked in a tone that assured me he knew but wanted confirmation.
"Tommy Hassel," I replied softly, unable to look at him.
"Well I guess that explains why one day you were totally smitten and then the next wouldn't even talk to him."
"Then tonight when I woke up with you over me, all those feelings of being trapped just came back and I flipped. I'm sorry," I said, and then started to cry.
"Why didn't you tell anyone?"
"I was ashamed. And he was my boyfriend. He was supposed to love me, but instead he pushed me into a bedroom at a party and forced me to have sex with him," I said through the tears.
"Was that your first time?"
"And only," I whispered. "I was so scared and he was so mean. It hurt so much but the more I struggled the more he got off."
"Edie, did he use protection?"
"No," I replied without looking up at him. "But I went and got the morning after pill the next day, and then a few weeks later I went and got tested for any STDs."
"But you never told anyone it was rape?" he asked, and I shook my head no. "So for five years you've been carrying this around and never spoke a word to anyone."
"I didn't know who to tell," I said, and broke down crying. I knew he was scared to touch me now so I had to go to him for comfort. I moved my body close to his and buried my face in his chest as I cried.
"Little one, I had no idea you were hurting all these years," he said softly as his arms wrapped around me and held me.
When I finally stopped crying he pulled away from me and looked into my eyes. "You feel better now?" he asked with a gentle smile. He knew me well enough to know that sometimes I just needed to cry.
I nodded and offered a weak smile. "Will you stay the night?" I asked shyly. I didn't want to be alone and it was well after three by this time.
"Sure. I'll crash in the spare room," he offered. I had a small two bedroom apartment, although I had never had a roommate. When my sister came to visit, or my parents, they would stay in there. That's why I got a two bedroom.
"Actually, could you stay with me in my bed? I just want some comfort."
"Sure thing, little one."
When Spencer climbed into bed with me he kept his distance. He seemed uncomfortable. I smiled at him shyly before moving my body close to his. I wasn't touching him but I was close enough to feel the warmth of his body and it was enough to help me relax and fall asleep
I woke up the next morning with Spencer wrapped around my body, his arm placed protectively around my waist and his body pressed tightly against my back. My legs were tangled with his, and I could feel every breath against the back of my neck. I knew at that moment that this was what I wanted every morning - to feel protected, to be held. But only by Spencer. I couldn't imagine feeling that safe with another man.
I sighed contentedly and snuggled my body a little closer to Spencer's, although I wasn't sure if it was possible to get closer to him. At my movement I received a sleepy moan while his arm tightened around me. Then I felt his lips on the back of my neck. I stiffened immediately and so did Spencer.
"Oh shit, Edie. I'm so sorry," he said quickly, and he was surprisingly alert considering he just woke up. His arm loosened around me, giving me the escape I desperately wanted.
"What was that?" I asked sitting up and looking at him. I was so confused. That was definitely not something Spencer had ever done with me before. "That was not the kind of thing a friend does," I stated. He looked so scared and embarrassed. "It was something a lover would do" I added softly. Not that I knew what went on with lovers. After all, I had never had one. "Why would you kiss me like that?"
"Honestly?" he asked, with the look of a child about to be scolded after being caught lying. I nodded softly. He sat up on the bed next to me and looked directly into my eyes. "I have always dreamed about waking with you in my arms and, well, when I woke up, there you were all warm and soft and you smelt amazing," he said with an embarrassed smile. Spencer dreamt of me? "I guess I just figured I was dreaming so I kissed your neck like I always did in my dreams," he shrugged.
"Oh," was my intelligent reply to his statement. Of course with my limited experience of one boyfriend who raped me, I had no idea what this meant.
"I'm sorry I made you feel uncomfortable, little one," he said softly. "But waking up with you wrapped tightly in my arms made this the singularly best day ever."
What the heck did that mean?
"You've got to know how beautiful I think you are, Edie," he continued. Obviously my silence was confusing to him. But I had no idea what he was saying. Was he telling me he wanted me?
"You do?" I asked quietly and shyly.
"The most beautiful girl I have ever known." He smiled, and it was his infectious smile that always ended in me smiling with him. That morning was no exception, although it was a very shy and uncertain smile. "And I have been in love with you for a long time," he admitted. I swear my heart actually stopped beating for a second. I know I stopped breathing. Actually now I thought I was dreaming.
"Really?" I asked softly, still shocked and convinced it wasn't really.
"Yes, but you never seemed interested in me, or really anyone for that matter," he explained. "I understand why now but I never said anything because you were way too important to lose."
"I never thought you could love me like I love you," I whispered and dropped my eyes shyly.
"You feel the same way?" he asked quietly.
"Ever since I was about twelve," I said, with an embarrassed laugh.
"I love you, Edie Walker," he whispered, and then kissed me softly on the lips. It was perfect. No other kiss would ever top it. Well, at least that's what I thought at the time.
"I love you, Spencer Baxter." I smiled when he pulled away.
"You're so beautiful" he said softly, and brushed some of my sleep-tussled hair from my face. "Will you be my girlfriend?" he asked, with a cheeky smile. Aww...he was so cute.
"I guess so," I replied with a shrug, and then we both started laughing. He pulled me into a gentle hug.
"I'll make us some breakfast. Why don't you have a shower and then after breakfast we can go shopping? I need new shoes for work," he said, pulling away from the hug but letting one hand rest on my knee. His gentle touch didn't freak me out this time. It made me feel secure.
"Okay, but only if I get to go shoe shopping too," I replied with a smile.
"Okay," he agreed, with an exaggerated sigh. I giggled and pecked him on the lips quickly before getting up and trotting off to the bathroom.
The only thing different about the outing with Spencer that day was that he held my hand, kissed my forehead, cheek, or lips at every opportunity and never let me out of his sight. It was a great day and I was already a hundred times happier than I had ever been.
Friday night came again and Spencer asked me if we could redo our movie night, since my breakdown had spoiled the last one. I pretended to be angry at his teasing but one gentle kiss on my pouting lips made me smile. It totally ruined the effect.
When I got to Spencer's I went to the bathroom and changed from my work clothes to some trackie pants and a t-shirt. I didn't want a repeat of last week, and it was definitely colder this week. He was still in the kitchen getting us some snacks and drinks when I was done, so I made myself comfortable in his bed. On his side of the bed, of course. He always had this earthy smell to him that I loved.
"I must be the luckiest guy in the world," Spencer smiled as he walked into his room, closing the door behind him. "I didn't even have to say anything to get you into my bed," he teased. "I must be more charming than I thought," he laughed and put the drinks and snacks on his bedside table before climbing under the covers with me.
I decided not to comment on his belief that he was so charming. I knew I would be able to tease him the moment he realized I was in trackie pants.
He made a big production of snuggling up with me as I tried to warm up under the covers. I felt his legs tangle with mine, obviously seeking skin to connect with considering he was wearing boxers.
"Aww...you're wearing pants," he said. I could tell he was pouting.
"That's right, buddy," I replied playfully. "There's no way you could talk me into stripping down to my undies two weeks in a row."
"I guess I'm not as charming as I thought, then," he replied with amusement.
"No, I guess not." I laughed.
We watched the movie sitting side by side sharing the lollies and chips. In the end, I found myself cuddled up against his side and falling asleep before the movie finished. I only woke briefly when Spencer rolled me away from him to get out of bed and switch off the TV. As soon as he got back in I snuggled up to him again and drifted back to sleep. There had been no discussion about me staying over, but when he didn't wake to tell me it was time to go home, I assumed it was an invitation to stay.
I was hot and sweating when I woke up sometime in the middle of the night. Spencer was still wrapped around my body. His hold felt almost protective. I could feel his slow even breaths against my neck, so I knew he was sleeping.
Since I was too hot in my tracksuit pants, I decided to take them off. I tried to move as little as possible as I wriggled out of my pants. Just as I dumped them on the floor and settled back down I felt Spencer kiss the back of my neck softly. "You okay, beautiful?" he whispered in a sleepy voice as he pulled me tighter and wrapped his legs around mine. But as soon as he found that he encountered skin he pulled his legs away from mine.
"Just got hot, that's all," I replied, and moved my legs back to touch his again. I wanted the contact and knew that if I initiated it he would be comfortable with it.
"Oh, okay," he whispered, and it was obvious he was falling asleep again.
I woke up in the morning to the delicious feeling of Spencer's kisses on the nape of my neck. His kisses were soft and loving and in no way meant to seduce me. He just liked to kiss me.
"Mmm..." was my very articulate morning greeting.
He chuckled against my skin, causing me to shudder. "Good morning to you too, beautiful," he said, with his lips still on my skin. I loved it when he called me beautiful.
"Mmm..." I moaned softly.
"Mmm...is right," he teased, and continued his torturous kisses. "You smell amazing, Edie," he said.
I managed to untangle my legs from his and turn around in his embrace. I smiled at him shyly. "So is it still a dream come true?" I asked before I kissed him gently on the lips.
"No, sweetheart," he smiled. "It's a thousand times better than any dream or fantasy," he continued in a low sexy voice that sent chills down my spine.
"That deserves a kiss," I replied with a smile.
"Yeah? What kind of kiss?" Spencer asked playfully as he brushed my fringe from my eyes.
"The best kind," I whispered, before kissing him softly and teasingly on the lips.
When I broke away from the kiss, Spencer's lips followed mine. His kiss was more insistent than mine but it was absolutely delicious. We had kissed dozens of times over the past week but none of them felt like this kiss. This kiss was soft, demanding, intense, sweet and passionate. And I didn't want it to end. I parted my lips when I felt his tongue dance across my lips. His kiss was different from the other two boys I had kissed. His tongue played with mine lightly - teasing and caressing me.
I moved my body slightly closer to his so I was touching his body. I needed the contact.
"Yo, Spence, you wanna..." Jack started saying as he burst into Spencer's room. Spencer and I ended our amazing kiss at Jack's interruption, but I didn't move away. I wanted to feel his body against mine. "Oh, sorry," Jack said and looked between Spencer and me. "I thought you had gone home last night, Squirt," Jack said to me. He called me Squirt because I was tiny compared to him and Spencer.
"Well, clearly I stayed," I replied with a smile. I loved that he was so confused. The two of us hadn't made an official announcement to anyone that we were seeing each other, so I could understand why Jack was shocked to find me in bed kissing Spencer. Okay. We were making out.
"Obviously," Jack said, with a smile that immediately turned mischievous. "Dude, either she must be super quiet or you're losing your touch," he teased Spencer, who immediately blushed while I buried my face in his shirt and giggled.
Spencer had been a bit of a ladies' man, although he had confessed to me during the week that he was a womanizer because he couldn't have the one girl he truly wanted - Me.
"Jack," Spencer started, "have you met my new girlfriend, Edie, who I am treating with respect by taking the relationship at her pace?"
"New girlfriend, eh?" Jack smiled playfully.
"Yes, and we were enjoying a morning in bed together," Spencer replied. "So what is it you came to ask?"
"Oh, right. I'm meeting the guys at the park for a game of footy. Wanna come?"
"Can't, sorry. Going to visit my brother today."
"All right, but you two will stop by the pub tonight, right?" Jack asked.
"I wouldn't miss you guys playing for the world," I replied with a smile. Jack played in a band and whilst they were nowhere near famous they had a small fan base. Even so, they were one of my favourites.
"Sweet. I will make sure we play your song, Squirt," Jack said with a smile. Jack and Spencer had been roommates since uni and ended up being best friends, which of course meant that Jack and I had become good friends also. Although, over the five years I have known Jack, he has become like a big brother. That was the only reason he got away with calling me Squirt. "The boys are going to be heart-broken now that you're officially off the market."
"Officially?" I asked. That was a strange thing to say.
"Well, yeah," Jack said with a casual shrug. "Since you were Spencer's best friend and he was totally in love with you, you were off limits."
"Oh," I said. I clearly didn't function well in the morning, especially when I'm pressed up against Spencer, who had just put his hand on my hip.
"If any one of us even mentioned asking you out, Spence here would get very prickly," Jack said, teasing Spencer.
"Oh really?" I asked, with a sweet smile at Spencer. I had always wondered why none of Spencer's friends ever tried to ask me out. They all flirted with me, so I kind of figured they found me attractive, but none had asked me for a date.
"I would just remind them that asking you out was a long-time thing. You were not fling material," he said as he gently stroked the skin above my panties. With him touching me like that it was hard to be mad at him.
"I love you," I whispered, and kissed him gently.
"Eww...guys keep the PDA to a minimum, thanks," Jack teased.
"PDA?" Spencer asked with raised eyebrows. "This is hardly public, mate. This is my bedroom that you barged into."
"Whatever," Jack laughed. "I'm happy for you guys."
"Thanks," I smiled, and then remembered something that would really cheer Jack up. "I forgot to tell you that Beth has decided to transfer Uni's" I said. Beth was my little sister. She had just turned twenty, making her three years younger than me. And Jack had a major crush on her. But of course he wouldn't admit it to anyone. Whenever they met they would fight. It was incredible to watch. They were obviously fighting their attraction to each other.
"I didn't know that, little one," Spencer said with a little hurt look on his face. I pecked him quickly on the lips and it seemed all was forgiven.
"She called me yesterday at work and said she was moving to RMIT to study journalism and creative writing. She's staying with me for a bit while she looks for a part-time job and her own place," I saw Jack's eyes light up when I said she was staying with me. That meant I would be hanging out with her constantly, which meant she would be at Spencer's and Jack's place constantly also.
Spencer and I grew up in a country town of a few thousand people. Spencer's family ran the town pub, while mine ran the café. We both moved to Melbourne for uni and have stayed for work. Spencer was a consultant engineer, whilst I was an accountant. Beth had been studying science, but a year into her course she decided she didn't want to be a scientist. She wanted to write. Of course, it took her a year of working at mum's and dad's café to decide that. Then she decided she wanted to live in Melbourne, not Sydney, which is where she had been studying previously. And I was so excited that she was coming to live in Melbourne.
Beth and I were close. We have two other sisters. Gracie was 28 and Morgan was 15. Morgan was the family accident. Nobody was more surprised to find out mum was pregnant again than mum. But because Beth and I were so close in age we bonded, and she was the closest female friend I ever had.
"When is she arriving? Maybe we could throw her a welcome party?" Spencer asked. He loved Beth like she was his own little sister, although Spencer was basically the son my parents never had.
"Next weekend," I replied.
"We'll have it here and have a barbie or something," Jack said.
"I will let her know and make sure she hasn't made other plans," I replied. I knew Beth wouldn't, because my friends and I were the only people she knew in Melbourne. But I just really wanted to tease Jack.
"Oh, okay," Jack said, struggling to hide his disappointment.
"You're so evil," Spencer whispered in my ear. I giggled softly.
"Anyway, I will leave you two lovebirds to enjoy your morning together," Jack smiled. "See you tonight." And then he was gone, closing the door behind him.
I snuggled into Spencer, resting my head against his chest while he continued to stroke my hip.
"What time are you leaving to go to Charlie's?" I asked. Charlie lived a couple of hours out of Melbourne with his wife, Jilly, and their two kids. He was a couple of years older than Spencer and me, but they were reasonably close.