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Click hereI’m not sure where my life goes after tonight but I know I wouldn’t hurt Donald ever again, he is happy, I guess because I am. Donald has changed to, I don’t know if he’ll ever get over being a voyeur but he no longer desires me being with other men. I don’t look at him the same way, I’ve found I can have passion for him, I love his gentleness, his kindness, I wasted a lot of time not knowing that. He’s supportive, he believes me when I tell him I can love both Susan and him. He accepts that it won’t ever be an equal share, an equal love, but he knows I love him as much as I’m capable of loving any man. Tonight he’s coming with me, Philip well walk away, he has no choice. I’m not a spiteful person, I don’t hate Philip, he didn’t force me to submit to him but he well be out of our lives forever, one way or another.
I remember Susan’s tears, I’m afraid of what they meant. I’m so scared that she won’t be able to return what I want to give to her. I want Susan, I want her love, I want her body, I want her to sleep in my bed. But what I want most, is for her to be happy, she is not. If being with me makes her happy then that is how it well be, if her happiness depends on something completely different then so be it. She truly doesn’t need Philip, I know her heart, he only knows her weakness.
Amanda’s ending happened weeks ago now, I could tell you if it had a happy ending or not, happy, perhaps, depends on your perspective, but I’m not going to. Beside Amanda’s life, her affair with living, is not over, it’s just begun. Our lives are completely different, but in a way our journey’s concluded with the same realizations, you can not live your life happily, not until you accept who you really are sexually. Until you say, this is who I am, in my case I’m a lesbian, I’ll let you judge Amanda for yourselves, it’s ok to be me, I like who I am.