- Mature
- Amber Ch. 10
- Page 2
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"I... LOVE... YOU... AARRRRR- AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Amber's climax was powerful indeed, surging around me as she quivered both internally and externally, spasming violently beneath me as if I was giving her a long and powerful electrical shock. I was grunting loudly, trying desperately to hold back my impending release, trying to enjoy her pleasure for as long as possible before succumbing myself...
It was a battle I quickly lost. Calling her name, I unleashed my seed within her, multiple jets of my love splattering inside her and renewing the intensity of her cries. Only vaguely was I aware of anything not directly related to our shared pleasure and our intense love.
Amber collapsed beneath me, breathing hard and fast, her voice raspy. Her hands lost their grip upon me and slowly fell to the bed. We shuddered together with the aftershocks of our shared pleasure, and despite myself, I collapsed upon her, my full weight pressing her into the bed and almost certainly making it a bit harder for her to breathe.
When I finally lifted myself from her, I gazed into Amber's wide eyes and saw only the woman in her. The little girl I had known was almost certainly still within her, but I could not see her in those beautiful, expressive eyes.
She looked around in awe, as if noting the girlish bedroom for the very first time. "This is my past," she whispered. Then she looked into my eyes again, reaching up to caress my cheek. "You are my future."
The girl I had known was now a woman.
She was my woman.
She was my Amber.
- COMMENTS
Anonymousover 8 years agoI am enjoying reading this but PLEASE stop with the 8yr old girl references during sex! Even in the negative 'no longer the 8yr old girl' there are so many of them it's creepy!
Anonymousabout 13 years agoThis is a pretty good story. I like the long buildup. My problem is with the dialogue. It's stilted. It's okay if the internal narration is a little choppy, but if you're really going for a teenager, and it seems you are by mentioning "squee," I don't think you're being very realistic.
An example;
"I presume from your lack of intelligent comment that you approve of my attire?"
Do you know any teenager, or anyone in real life, who talks that way? I don't.
Here's a suggestion. Try saying the dialogue out loud. Not just in your head, but out loud. Decide if it sounds realistic. If it does, hey, go for it, what do I know? But, I think you might find that as you get more experience you'll find the dialogue flowing better.
Just my eight hundred cents. But trust me, I know this stuff.
eric
Ilovemypantsover 16 years agoI loved reading about Amber and Aaron, and I wish there was more, it would be great to see how their relationship develops now.
