Ambivalence

He had left college a year ago, after his parents withdrew their financial support. At first he had felt ambivalent, but as time passed a sense of displacement surfaced. It created a void within him, which demanded escape. And so it found him.

His girlfriend in college had been his first and only love. She too was forced to leave. He felt dark. As though what he had been had left, and what he was, lay hidden in the recesses of his mind. His new girlfriend was different from the last, who had been articulate, cute, four years older, and European. The new girl was nineteen, Chinese, and possessed a striking face, as well as a remarkable figure. Her shirt revealed well-proportioned breasts that seemed to just float. Her stomach was toned, though not muscle-bound. Her khakis wrapped around a perfect ass. Only astounding ignorance marred her aesthetic perfection. The more she spoke, the more incomprehensible she seemed. All the same he smiled and pretended to relate as he felt the tender skin of her thigh.

She had tenaciously guarded herself at first, but a smooth voice and a warm look convinced her to allow further explorations. He played everything with paternalism, though what he felt was satisfaction, the satisfaction of his will infringing upon hers. He sensed that her inexperience had left her with an overwhelming fear of embarrassment. He played upon her fears and she gave up what little control she had.

He arose from the couch and motioned for her to remain seated as he stepped in front of her. He placed her hands at the top of his pants. Not knowing what was expected, and too embarrassed to withdraw, she let him use her fingers to manipulate the clasp open. Her eyes widened as the zipper descended with a tug of from her hand. On sight of the tented cotton boxers she became visibly uncomfortable with her lack of control. Her hands were frozen on the sides of his receding pants.

He looked at her and forgot about himself. The realization of power was sublime. He led her hands up to the waist of the boxers and enclosed them with his own as he pushed them down. He allowed the moment to last for a torturous minute, staring at her like a predator. She shuddered as his engorged penis came into view. Her cheeks were crimson and her stomach was flustered.

As his hand slowly touched her cheek, she realized what was expected. Her eyes met his and she knew she didn’t have what it took to refuse, though her mind screamed chastity. He pulled the foreskin back until the dark ruby head was fully revealed, while guiding her hesitant lips to its tip. At first she only let her lips brush the head momentarily before receding. Then she began kissing it more attentively. Finally she let the situation take its course and tentatively extended her tongue to taste him. With some small measure of hesitance she resigned herself to gently slurping before an authoritative hand pulled her head closer, forcing her to take him inside her hot mouth.

She closed her eyes and tried to think of something else while the bulbous head disappeared between her lips. He pressed her on, and she made no attempt to stop him as her lips distended around his girth. When he began to withdraw her eyes opened, imaging the act over, only to realize it was just the beginning as he slid back inside her hollowed cheeks. His pace grew and she soon became accustomed to the rhythmic invasion. When his hand moved down to massage her neck she found herself maintaining the pace, eager to finish.

Watching her small lips stretch voluntarily each time his head entered her gave way to the realization of his power over her body, and moreover her mind. His desire to further invade her in an exercise of will overcame him. After another moment she tasted a modicum of hot fluid in her mouth. The alien taste brought back a renewed sense of guilt and shame. His voice surprised her, as the only sounds made thus far were his soft moans and her steady slurping.

“Don’t take it out of your mouth” He said with that same paternalistic tone.

Her questioning gaze sent him over the top. He replaced his hands in their former position on the back of her head as he held on to the ecstasy of the moment. Feeling every inch of her half willing mouth, every accidental brush of her tongue, and the constant look in her eye. As her mouth descended upon his shaft he let go, squeezing the first stream inside her. Her brow quickly furrowed and her eyes shut tightly as she continued dutifully. With each successive descent he spasmed, releasing more ejaculate. After two such spasms she involuntarily swallowed to prevent her mouth from overflowing when his penis returned.

Gradually the ejaculations subsided and she opened her eyes. She looked into his eyes as her bobbing head slowed to a stop. She continued to massage his semi erect member with her tongue, awaiting the official end. After a savoring the moment for a few more minutes he withdrew from the confines of her mouth.

The moment having passed, he fell back into an analytical role, gave her a pat on the head and told her it was nice. She was relieved that the affected paternalism remained, though she was largely ambivalent about what she had done, and what she might be made to do in the future. He was pleasant with her afterwards, but was, himself, surprised by his latent appetites.