Amidst the Shadows Ch. 01

Author's note:

I wrote this as an erotic fanfic for Dragon Age, so the story is based loosely on the events of the game.

A quick rundown on what has happened up until the time this story begins. An evil magister god Corypheus seeks to destroy the realm. The mages in the realm of Thedas are treated like prisoners, kept in towers guarded by templars. The chantry (which is another name for a church) see magic as dangerous and mages are imprisoned, controlled by the Templars that act on behalf of the Chantry. The mages rebel and escape the towers, and go to a chantry (church) conclave meeting to try and discuss a resolution to the mage/templar rebellion. Ophelia Trevelyan, the main character, is one of the mages that goes to this meeting.

It is here that Corypheus tries to attack the meeting, and Ophelia unintentionally gets involved and obtains a power from Corypheus, a green orb that she absorbs into her hands. The power allows her to seal the green portals in the sky (that are releasing demons into the realm) and she is the key to saving the realm from Corypheus.

An explosion occurs at the conclave and everyone at the conclave meeting is killed, except for Ophelia. She is taken to the village of Haven, where a group called the Inquisition are formed, in order to destroy Corypheus. Ophelia is appointed the Inquisitor, a position thrust upon her because of her special powers. Haven is destroyed by Corypheus in another attack and the Inquisition relocate to a large castle keep called Skyhold which is in the Frostback Mountains. The Inquisition seek to stop Corypheus and his army of red templars that seek to destroy the realm of Thedas.

The story focuses on a man, Cullen Rutherford, who is a former knight templar who has a dislike of mages. He is now the Commander of the Inquisition, and is in charge of the army and soldiers. Cullen is a dark character who uses sex to cope with all the terrible experiences he has endured in life as a warrior. I won't say too much, you'll learn about him soon enough!

I wrote this not just to be a chapter by chapter story full of sex scenes. There is a lot of sex in it, don't get me wrong, but there is also a lot of character and storyline development as well. Just a heads up in regards to what to expect when reading this. Don't feel like you won't understand what is happening if you haven't been familiarised with Dragon Age, a lot of the story deviates away from it (as it is mainly based on the sexual intrigues of Ophelia and Cullen).

Anyway, I hope you enjoy and please feel free to comment, send me a message, like it, and well anything. I love feedback, and I love hearing from my readers.

Finally, I hope you all enjoy the story, and as always have a lovely week!

*****

Chapter One: Guilty Pleasures

In my darkest dreams I do not dare
To fancy upon the deviant cares
For all I am is broken pieces
Of churning lust that never ceases...

I woke that morning hating everything. Hating fucking Thedas and the Inquisition, hating Corypheus and the breech, hating Skyhold and its cracked walls and crumbling roof. The smell of dung that lingered through the open windows, or the sound of hacking lungs coughing from the people in the courtyard below. It was all filling me with insurmountable levels of blinding and uncontrollable rage.

The people I had murdered filled my mind, their blood seeping into my dreams until I woke up screaming in terror and my sheets were drenched soaking wet with a cold sweat. I couldn't shake the horror of surviving the blast at the Chantry Conclave, or the attack on Haven. Seeing the people fall as I defended that damn trebuchet. I couldn't erase the memories of the dead. I tried to, by the Maker I really did, and sometimes I thought I was ok. But then I would walk into the main hall of Skyhold and start shaking uncontrollably, even violently, my hands quivering as I tried to hold them still to no avail. The post traumatic shock takes its hold and I am lost to it, like a hungry wolf in a forest, finally finding its prey.

I used to glorify the brave warriors of Thedas, and when I rose to the occasion of becoming one myself, I dreamt of days where I would be that heroic soldier. I would destroy evil and protect the good. There would be no grey, no shadows, no in between. What did I know? When I discovered that there was no such thing as evil and no such thing as good, and only a blurry shade of something in between, it was too late. The faces of those I had killed never left my eyes, their voices never left my ears. When the last breath left their lips, I breathed it in as if I breathed in the very essence of their soul, and before I knew it, it had consumed me and I had become a monster. I was the evil that I was trying to fight, staring back at me until I transformed into it.

According to us all, the Inquisition serves a righteous purpose, so why do I find myself murdering so many innocents in the name of our cause? People who have been victimised and turned to fight on a side, just like I have, only they are on the wrong side in the eyes of the Inquisition. We shall dispose of them for the greater good. What is that? I know deep in my heart that this is not glory. It is anything but.

I spent the day trying to forget my woes, and by nightfall I was drenched in Golden Scythe 4:90 Black, wandering the battlements in hope of a friend. The evening was filled with drunken cheer, spilling out of the inn of The Herald's Rest and onto the stone courtyard, but it was nothing to the oblivion I had found myself in. No rowdy soldier or sloshed mage could appease me now in the utter lament that had befallen upon me.

Cullen. I let out a heavy sigh as my thoughts lingered on the ex-Templar. The Commander intrigued me. A man so serious that he hardly ever smiled, always keeping himself busy, and when you looked at him you could tell he was plagued by events in his past. Another tortured soul, perhaps we did have something in common? Not that we were friends. Cullen was a singular sort of man, keeping to himself for the most part. When I had crossed paths with him in the hope of exchanging a few words he would often sternly walk by. I understood the desire to be alone, I wasn't judging him for his behaviour. When Thedas has fucked with you one too many times, all you desire is to be rid of the place and the people in it. A moment of silence, when there is just you and your darker thoughts to contend with, nothing more, nothing less.

My eyes were hazed and I knew I should not dare venture near his study, not in this intrepid state, but the spirits had numbed my senses and I pushed forward. Stumbling over the cold stone steps, climbing the battlements with sheer determination, I approached Cullen's secluded part of Skyhold. Twisting the handle of the door, I was surprised that it was open, and even more so surprised that there was no one in his office. It was late and I should have known better. I knew I should have left, but I heard noises from his quarters in the loft above. Damn my curiosity, but it had gotten the better of me.

Fumbling for the ladder, I pulled myself up quietly, peeking up into the loft, and there he was. Cullen was stripped down to his bare flesh, his rigid cock full mast and hard. His hands were wrapped around it, and his eyes closed, moaning so loudly I had no fear of being heard. None of that mattered however, as my eyes widened in fear. Wrapped tight around his neck and connected to the poster of the bed was a red silk cloth, cutting off the oxygen as he continued to furiously stroke his cock, red faced and vicious. His eyes kept rolling back, the moans louder and louder, wild crashing waves that threatened to drown him, and possibly would, as the air evaded him. He was unleashed and I had never seen this side to anyone, let alone the Commander, as his chest rose up and down, deeper and faster. Crimsoned faced, he let out a final loud cry, high pitched and drawn out, almost as if he was in agonising pain and sheer ecstasy all at the same time.

Loosening the ligature from his neck, a heavily panting Cullen collapsed backwards onto the pillows behind, depleted and apparently overly satisfied. His forearm was resting across his eyes, his member somewhat deflated now although it still lay long and semi aroused, and his stomach and chest were utterly coated in his white stickiness.

Dead in my tracks I remained on the stairs, head poking up into the loft, wide eyed and speechless. I needed to descend for at any moment Cullen would see me. Slowly, I took the first step down the ladder.

Squeak.

Withdrawing his arm, Cullen's amber eyes fearfully drew to the loft entrance, while grabbing a blanket to cover himself, as his gaze fell hard upon me. 'Inquisitor.' he remarked in shock. His eyes drew around the room nervously, knowing he had been caught out and there was no escape, before turning to me once more. 'Please, could you give me some privacy.' he barked, his embarrassment now transforming to anger.

I didn't need to reply, I didn't even need to hear another word from Cullen. All I needed to do was escape from that room. I never descended a ladder as fast as I did that night, scaling down it like a frightened rat into the night, bolting through his study and scurrying into the shadows of a deserted part of the keep far, far away.

Well sober now, I couldn't shake the image of Cullen gratifying himself like that. I had never seen self-stimulation taken to such an aggressive, insatiable level. It was heated and furious, as he unleashed his wrath on his member, mercilessly. I caught my breath as my mind wandered to other thoughts. Was he trying to pleasure himself, or was he trying to...end his life? Is that was I had stumbled upon? Cullen's last moments in this world, only to be foiled by my sudden appearance?

'No.' I muttered, reassuring myself 'He took the silk tie off his neck. It was his choice.'

I ambled back to my quarters and fell asleep in an exhausted heap. All I needed was another experience to be haunted by, and thanks to my damn wandering eyes I had succeeded in that. Not that it disturbed me like the other memories that plagued my mind. In secret, I had been fascinated, dare I say titillated, watching Cullen manipulate himself the way that he did. His muscular arms and torso, and the look on his face as his eyes rolled back in his head in sheer ecstasy. Wearily my eyes fluttered shut, a soft smile on my lips, as the realm of dreams took over my mind.

****

Sitting at my desk in Skyhold the next day, I was drowning in a pile of correspondence that seemed to never end. Offers of support to the Inquisition for the right price, favours, deals, and even a few death threats. It seemed everyone was out to profit from or destroy the Inquisition, and I was cursed to read each drivelous, rambling letter.

My head throbbing from the previous night's indulgence, I lifted a shaky hand to tear off some bread on a plate close by, eager to ease the growing nausea.

Tap, tap, tap.

'Enter.' I called out wearily, expecting a messenger to present with more letters, and to pile them unceremoniously on my table.

Ascending the stairs into my chambers, however, the Commander walked in. He was dressed in his usual attire of metal cuirass, gauntlets and pauldrons, finished off with a red cloth and gorget of black raven feathers, his short mop of sandy blond waves neatly presented. Cullen looked at me almost arrogantly, a small curl on the right side of his lip where his white scar lay, throwing a smile my way.

'Inquisitor.' he remarked pleasantly.

'Cullen!' I replied hastily 'Uh...how can I help you?'

The atmosphere was awkward, and painfully drawn out as he stood firmly in front of me, a smirk ever present on his lips. Taking a few steps towards me, he stopped, rubbing his neck achingly as he looked my way.

'About the other night.' he remarked suddenly, his amber eyes piercing into mine 'Ah...don't get the wrong idea, I wasn't trying to kill myself. I wasn't trying to commit suicide. I was...masturbating.'

He remained silent, eyes fixated on me as I stared back, stunned as I was in his chambers the previous night.

Did I just hear what I thought he had said?

'I shouldn't have been there in the first place.' I replied with a frown 'You don't need to explain yourself.'. My cheeks were bright red, and I didn't need a looking glass to know that. They burned with intensity, like searing flames under my skin.

Cullen moved over to the seat by the bed and eased himself in it comfortably. 'I know,' he murmured 'I just wanted you to know, in case you thought it was...something untoward. I hope I did not frighten you.'

He ran his hand across the unshaven stubble of his jaw, as he continued to watch me.

I put down my quill and paper, and turned towards the Commander, giving him my full attention. He looked so calm and composed, considering the topic of discussion. The confidence was actually quite unnerving.

I shook my head in confusion. 'Forgive me but...what were you doing?' I asked.

'Autoerotic asphyxiation.' Cullen simply replied, adding mischievously. 'Got a ride. Am I bad.'

He drummed his fingers across the armrest of the chair, the smirk on his face not diminishing in his admission. If anything it grew larger, as if he was enjoying my unease at the brutal honesty of his confession.

'You...choked yourself. For an orgasm.' I replied doubtfully, a confused albeit uncomfortable smile on my face.

Cullen sighed, lifting his eyes to meet mine. 'It wasn't just an orgasm, it was the orgasm. Of a lifetime, you have no idea.' he chuckled, before noticing I was not reciprocating in his amusement. 'I'm sorry,' he replied apologetically 'I have never spoken to you of what happened to me at the Kinloch Hold in Ferelden, and then at Kirkwall. Sufficed to say, life has been...hard. Unforgiving, to be brutally honest. I try to forget a lot of what has happened and it never goes well. So I resort to...other vices, to sate my desire to be happy, for a little while at least.'

Some part of me knew what he meant. That desire to forget that which never went away.

'So it felt good then?' I inquired curiously, blushing slightly at the question although knowing I secretly was growing more aroused as the conversation progressed.

Cullen laughed. 'Better than any drug you've ever had, although I've ever had includes a quite extensive list I can tell you.' he muttered. He rubbed his neck achingly around the base of his neck, moving his shoulders side to side. His amber eyes smiled wickedly at mine and I caught myself feeling very turned on by the Commander. 'How long where you watching for?' he asked softly.

'Uhhh,' I replied shakily 'not that long. Just the end really.'. I was mumbling and shifting my eyes anywhere but to my companion. I knew he could sense my discomfort, but why did I get the feeling he was actually enjoying it?

'It's okay.' he whispered 'I'm not angry that you saw me. In fact...'. He ran his thumb teasingly across his bottom lip '...the thought of it excites me more than a little.'

A short, sharp breath released from my lips as I grinned back slyly 'Perhaps I enjoyed watching more than I should admit.'

'Better and better.' Cullen chuckled in response.

'Isn't it a tad bit dangerous though?' I remarked suddenly 'I mean, strangling yourself is never safe now, is it?'

He shrugged 'Risky actions excite me, I confess. Perhaps it was all the years of brutal willpower enforced upon us as Templars, forgoing everything for one's duty. All those years of wanting to lose all sense of fucking control and never having that release.'. Cullen ran a hand loosely through his sandy blonde hair as he drew a deep breath 'The act itself creates this semi-hallucinogenic state, then you bring in the act of stimulating yourself. Look all I'm saying is you cut off the flow of blood and oxygen to the brain, your dick gets unbelievably hard. It's why these guys who are hung get these stonking boners and ejaculate when they die. You get this euphoria...'. Cullen's voice was smouldering as he described the act, like warm, oozing honey.

I caught myself holding my breath as he spoke so freely of his darkest fetish. We had never even spoken as friends, and now...this. I adjusted the position in my seat, feeling the ever slight sensation of warm arousal between my legs.

'It sounds pleasant enough.' I quipped back teasingly, trying to diffuse the intensity in the room that threatened to consume me.

Cullen laughed in response. 'Pleasant is nothing compared to it. It's like having one foot in heaven.' he replied softly 'Sex is a portal to the Maker. That feeling of every nerve and fibre of your being filled with complete pleasure, losing yourself in that moment and everything blurs into pure fucking elation.'. He shook his head as if even the thought was sending shivers all over his body 'The act itself is enough of a reward to make me cope with the rest of the shit I have to deal with in my head on a daily basis.'

'I know the feeling of wanting to escape.' I murmured 'You saw a quite sloshed version of me last night. Vices make life worth living sometimes, eh?'

Cullen raised an amused eyebrow 'If I may ask, what were you doing wandering in my chambers at so late an hour?'

I bit my lip. 'I just wanted to say hello.' I lied.

I knew what I wanted to happen. Every time I was near Cullen all I wanted was for him to put his hands all over me and push me hard up against a wall, kissing me until I was begging for mercy.

As if guessing what dark and dirty thoughts were filling my mind, Cullen slowly rose to his feet. With drawn out steps, he approached me, never tearing his eyes from mine. My chest was rising heavily up and down as he towered in front of me, finally placing his hands gingerly on my waist, so our hips were facing directly in front of each other.

'Hello.' he murmured devilishly, a wide grin growing on his lips.

Cullen's lips were pale pink, full and tender, and I saw that white scar begging for me to lap at it with my tongue. I wanted to suck it, to bite it and devour it.

I let out a chuckle at his reply, but only for a moment, before I was quietened once more, as Cullen drew his hands, lingering along the curves of my figure, teasing me with his touch. Moving his hands to my breasts, he rubbed his thumbs across my mounds, over my nipples, fondling the fabric standing in the way, before placing his right thumb between his lips, licking his digit and coating it with his saliva.

Easing my top down with his other hand, my breasts were presented bare and shivering flesh as he pinched his wet thumb and forefinger hard over my right nipple in an unforgiving manner. I yelped from the surprise of the sensation, but it felt good. Too good.

'Pain and pleasure.' Cullen murmured softly, as he pulled and pinched my nipple, refusing to let go as he leant his head towards mine, brushing his lips against mine but refusing to submit to what I expected. I tried to move closer, but he withdrew his face, his lips curled in a smirk. 'Does the Inquisitor want to play? Perhaps experience the drug I speak of?' he asked gently, lulling me to him as his hands ran across my bare arms.

'If you show me how,' I murmured 'I want to play.'

'I would like that also.' smouldered the Commander 'I can take you places you've only dared to think upon in your wildest fucking fantasies, but you need to trust me. And if you're willing, let me do what needs to be done.'