Amidst the Shadows Ch. 05

Chapter Five: A Broken Heart

None of us could recall a colder season than the one we had found ourselves hopelessly in that particular winter. Perhaps being hauled up in a drafty Keep in the heart of the Frostback Mountains didn't help our cause, with the iciness managing to penetrate even the sunniest of days. Varric had once claimed he had found snow deep in the nook of a crag in the high of summer, and I was now inclined to believe him. Even Blackwall confessed he had found frost on his beard on more than one occasion. Fires were lit throughout the Stronghold, in every room and in the pits outside in the courtyard, even on the battlements, yet it provided little comfort.

There was something that made this season especially unforgiving. Most blamed it on Corypheus or an impending Blight, with stories circulating that the heat from the sun was dying, the untamed winds slowing, the once nourishing earth was now barren and the cool flowing waters of the rivers had turned rancid. All omens of terrible times to come. Although as Solas simply put it, fear and the dormancy of the season merely fed on the ignorant imaginations of the men and women of Thedas. Nothing more.

Omen or not, it was true that the last harvest had yielded poor results across the realm, and the larders were not as abundant as one could have hoped for. More and more people were seeking refuge at Skyhold from the icy bitterness, people that could not be turned away despite the Keep's larders running ominously low and the blankets and clothing being far and few between.

The responsibility of so many lives weighed heavily on all our shoulders, and the Counsel of the Inquisition felt its effects in particular. Leliana worked late into each night and hardly retreated from her tower although many agents were seen coming and going at all hours of the day. Cassandra consumed herself in her training with a level of discipline that seemed excessive, and Josephine refused to take a moments break until exhaustion overtook her and she fell asleep at her desk. Cullen had been called away to the Griffon Wing Keep in The Western Approach the day after our last encounter, and it had now been over eight weeks since I had seen the Commander of the Inquisition.

I retreated to my chambers whenever I was spared a moment of respite, longing for the silence that no other part of the Keep could afford. An untoward chill invaded every part of me even when the fire of my room blazed strongly and it's intensity turned my white skin pink and flushed, although I could not blame the weather for that. I knew who was to blame and they were no longer in Skyhold.

Eight weeks prior, Cullen and I had hardly exchanged even a few words between each other when we awoke in our room at Ortik's Inn. Whatever sentiments the Commander had held towards me in the previous hours seemed to have evaporated in our dreams and Cullen once again seemed distant and distracted. Of course the confession of his disdain for mages did not help our cause and by the time we arrived back at Skyhold, I was relieved to be parted from the uncomfortable silence of our travels. I was notified by Josephine later that day that Cullen had been called away to the Griffon Wing Keep. Leaving for the Western Approach, he never said goodbye. Cullen had simply left.

With all the self hate and loathing I already had for myself, this new revelation of Cullen's had reduced me to utter contempt. Yet shamefully I still wanted to be near him, even if he hated me, and I knew being close to him would offer me some comfort. That was my sad reality now. For all the pain I was feeling, something in me justified each and every one of his actions in the desperate hope that some good could be made of it. I was being a fool, but my heart appeared to be bigger than my head even at the best of times.

****

Bright burning candles filled Skyhold's Undercroft with a wonderful glow that evening as I worked at the armour crafting table. Thankfully the heat from the furnace and fire pit made the room invitingly warm and welcoming, despite the open design of the chamber exposing us to the elements at one end of the room.

Harritt had already retired for the day, and so Dagna and I were left to our own devices with the wonderful crafting equipment of the Undercroft to keep us company. The scent of dragon skin leather, freshly cut oak, smoke and warm steel delighted my senses and the Undercroft was one of the few places in Skyhold I enjoyed whiling away the hours.

A bang sounded from the entrance and suddenly the door flung open and a wild eyed Cullen stormed through, furiously searching the room until he laid his eyes on me sternly. My heart skipped a beat on seeing him after so long. Cullen had returned.

Dressed in his full armour, I could see the metal of his cuirass and greaves splattered with mud and red flecks of what I could only assume were blood of the unfortunates that crossed paths with the Commander. It was evident by his rough appearance that Cullen had only just returned, most likely just come off his horse. His sandy hair had grown a little longer and was more than a little disheveled, while the unshaven stubble on his jaw had become more rugged, and his face a little more tanned. A fresh cut presented across his brow, although it looked like it had been inflicted a few days prior and was already healing.

Not seeing the female dwarf arcanist looking hesitantly up at him, Cullen almost tripped over Dagna before casting his furious gaze down at her.

'Leave us.' he ordered dangerously.

Poor Dagna looked terrified as she scurried out of the room, muttering something nervously about the timing being good for she needed to visit the Skyhold library. Dagna closed the door quickly behind her, and I waited in slight amusement as Cullen continued to glare at me from the entrance of the Undercroft.

'You spared Alexius' life?!' yelled the ex-templar in heated accusation 'What the fuck were you thinking?'

My momentary period of amusement drained from my face at the mention of Gereon Alexius. He had been in the Skyhold prisons awaiting judgement for many months now and my hand had been more than a little forced by Josephine to make a judgement recently. Being anything other than coincidence, I had chosen a time to do so when I knew the Commander would have been out of Skyhold. Unfortunately I was unaware Cullen would have been informed of my judgement so quickly on his return.

Wearily I rubbed my brow, flicking a quick glance to Cullen before turning away to my work once more. 'Alexius has a huge depth of knowledge in magical equipment,' I began 'we all thought he would best serve the Inquisition in his research and-.'

'We? We? No, no, no, it was your decision and yours alone.' Cullen remarked angrily. 'How could you be so reckless? After everything that you saw him do. Or is it because he is a mage?'

'This has nothing to do with mages,' I replied sharply, turning back to Cullen with a frown 'apart from your reaction.'

A bitter scoff echoed in the chamber as Cullen shook his head at my reply. The sharp tap of his black boots rasped against the stone steps as he descended further into the Undercroft. His eyes pressed hard on me, before stopping at a nearby weapons rack. Roughly, Cullen grabbed a wooden prototype shield and training sword off the side of the rack and threw them on the ground towards me with a sharp clash, causing me to flinch and return a wide eyed look of bewilderment.

'Defend yourself.' he announced authoritatively, as if addressing an opponent.

'What?!' I asked sharply.

'I act on behalf of the Inquisition and I believe, as Commander of the Inquisition, that you have acted carelessly and recklessly in your judgement. You had no right to make a decision like that, a decision that affects us all in such a negative way. As Commander of the Inquisition I am going to punish you for acting out of line. So pick up your weapon and defend yourself or feel the full wrath of my fury, unprotected.'

I began to laugh an amused, albeit uncertain, high pitched laugh that echoed throughout the Undercroft. A laugh that was trying to retrieve one in reciprocation from my companion. A laugh that unfortunately failed to do so. Cullen held my gaze fast and stern. He looked terribly, terribly...angry.

'You're serious?' I remarked hesitantly, only to see Cullen move to grab his own wooden sword and shield from the rack. 'What was I supposed to do?' I continued quickly, hoping to calm him down 'Alexius was in the pocket of Corypheus. He has knowledge about our enemy. Knowledge is power, surely you see this?'

'You are a fool if you think Alexius has changed loyalties.' Cullen responded coldly 'Men pledge their loyalty to that which they fear the most. Who do you think is more of a threat? You or Corypheus?'. The Commander started towards me, wooden sword held in his right hand and shield held in his left.

To say I was concerned was an understatement. Jumping away from the crafting table where I had been, I scattered away just in time to avoid the ram of Cullen's shield into the wood. It hit the side of the table loudly and knocked several crafting items onto the floor with a series of clashes and clangs.

'What is wrong with you? This is hardly fair!' I shouted in protest 'You're a fucking templar. And I've done nothing wrong!'

'Ex-templar.' corrected Cullen darkly, making his way towards me again 'And was it fair to all the people that you saw in the future that died and suffered by the hand of Alexius? Was it fair to all of them that you dismissed Alexius of his crimes today?'

'I stopped that from happening!' I replied quickly before leaping away as Cullen came rushing towards me again. He narrowly passed me, but turned quicker this time, directing his gaze onto me once more. 'Stop this Cullen! I'm the damn Inquisitor, it was my call. You can't bloody punish me for doing my job!'

'No,' roared Cullen 'you are the Inquisitor but not the Inquisition. You put us at great risk by your actions and decisions. If a soldier does that, they are punished. Now come here!.'

'I'll cast magic, damn you!' I cried out in threat 'You are out of control!'

Cullen shrugged 'It's a pity you'll find you cannot cast magic in here. Harritt was concerned our arcanist would end up killing him with her experiments so we magically protected this area so nothing untoward would happen.'

My heart sunk a little at this news.

Cullen proceeded once more, approaching as I stood in front of a shield stand. Desperately I grabbed a steel helmet off a spike and threw it at the Commander, only for him to knock it away with his shield in an effortless manner. That action cost me any opportunity to escape from the impending blow, and Cullen rammed me hard with his wooden shield so I fell back onto the cold stone floor. The air escaped my lungs as I hit the floor, dazed and confused as I tried to locate my aggressor.

'I want you to say you were wrong and Alexius needs to be executed.' stated Cullen sternly as he stood over me, casting his amber eyes down on me in judgement.

'Cullen stop this!' I appealed. Crawling backwards quickly, I managed to unceremoniously escape the Commander via under the weapon crafting table, gaining my foothold once more and drawing a real steel blade lying on a nearby table to protect myself.

'Steel it is.' muttered Cullen as he unsheathed his own long sword, approaching me once more.

'You said you would never hurt me!' I yelled at him angrily.

'There is a difference. I am punishing you for something you did that was wrong.' growled Cullen 'Everyone is accountable in Skyhold, even the Inquisitor. Stop this nonsense and let us get this over with. Come here and you can take your lashings or we'll continue this until you submit, and then I'll lash you even harder.'

'Fuck off!' I yelled, edging around the table and making a final desperate dash to the entrance.

Tripping over the jagged stone steps, I felt a rough pair of gauntlet equipped arms grab me hard around my waist and fling me onto my back on the nearby crafting table. Pinning me down with a strength I couldn't compete with, Cullen grabbed both my hands above my head to keep me in place as he breathed heavily into my hair.

'You're making this harder than it has to be.' he hissed, grabbing some scrap plaidweave cloth and tying my hands together as he pressed me down on the table 'If you just submitted I wouldn't have been forced to do this.'

For all the protesting and cursing I could muster, I couldn't move an inch under the Commander's firm hold. He bound my hands tight, his teeth clenched as he pulled the cloth tight before standing me up and marching me to the back of the room towards a rack of flails, maces and morningstars. 'It gives me no pleasure to hurt you Inquisitor, but this needs to be done.' he remarked in an unnerving, carefree manner, as if being asked to perform some tedious task.

Like a rat being threatened with drowning, I dug my heels desperately into the stone floor, my grip slipping on the cold smoothness. Cullen had a firm grip on me and dragged me towards the rack, his fingers digging sharp into my skin as he pulled me across. I knew this had gone too far and I wasn't going to wait to be bludgeoned.

'Damn you, you've gone mad!' I shrieked as he strung my hands up onto an angled corner wooden beam directly above me.

'Settle yourself!' he growled 'Or I'll bind that mouth as well.'

My heart was pounding through my chest and my lungs taking in too much air, a string of foggy thoughts filling my head as Cullen strung me up and turned me to face the wall. I couldn't see what was happening but I heard the soft clang of metal from the rack behind me, and then the footsteps approaching me closer...and closer...

Suddenly I felt Cullen behind me, his hands wrapping around to the front of my waist to lift my top. He drew his warm lips to the side of my neck and began kissing me softly.

'Tricked you.' he grinned beside my ear.

Cullen continued to gently kiss my neck as his hands trailed to the bottom of my shirt, running softly over my naked shivering belly and up towards my chest. The rough skin of his large hands grabbed a breast in each, massaging both with unbridled enthusiasm and kneading my nipples, pinching and pulling them harder and harder as he ran kisses along my neck and shoulders. His hands were warm, hot almost, buzzing with an energy that felt exquisite against my skin.

'You bastard.' I cursed, half serious 'Is this what you do in your free time? Take delight in torturing people?'

'Not all people, just you.' he replied devilishly, turning my head to his and drawing his mouth to mine. His kiss was hard and focused, determined to taste me with his deep tongue as he turned me around, still strung up and helpless to his touch. 'Maker's breath how I've wanted you.' he whispered in my ear, playfully biting my lobe 'I've wanted to fuck you so badly, you have no idea. I came here the moment I arrived.'

'And so you planned to pretend to be angry and flay me on your return.' I scoffed with a shake of my head 'Wouldn't an intimate walk in the herb gardens have been more appropriate?'

'I said I wanted to fuck you,' quipped Cullen with a smirk 'not take a turn in some damn herb patch.'. He drew his lips to mine and playfully bit my bottom lip for a lingering moment. 'I could punish you if you like?' teased Cullen as he continued to rub his hands over me in my helpless position 'I can't say the idea didn't cross my mind when I heard of your decision this afternoon.'

'So you were angry?' I replied accusingly.

'Your decision was a terrible one,' replied Cullen darkly 'but perhaps we should not dwell on that for now.'

Cullen began to unbutton my top, smirking at me as he effortlessly pulled apart each button. I watched on helplessly until he parted the material, exposing my hard nipples to the cold night air of the Undercroft. He drew his lips to them, one by one, sucking them softly between pinches and playful bites, as his hands ran up against the warm flesh of my back

'I can't say I haven't fantasised about punishing you.' he murmured.

'Really?' I whispered as he blew his warm breath against my breasts before planting his lips on them again in a shower of open mouthed kisses 'I hope they didn't involve morning stars or maces...'

Cullen grinned, looking up at me as he sank slowly to his knees, curving his fingers into my trousers and pulling them down slowly down over my hips, exposing me. 'Hardly.' he chuckled, planting warm kisses on my belly 'I suspect I would put you in the stocks and let you take me in and out of your exquisite mouth until I filled your throat with my release. Perhaps in the courtyard of Skyhold so everyone can witness your punishment? Or maybe I would tie you to the courtyard gibbet, pulling the ropes tight across your bare flesh, binding your thighs against the wood with thick ties, the coarseness digging into your soft milky skin...'. He trailed off, kissing my inner thighs and his locks of sandy blonde waves tickling me with delight as he delved between my legs, finally reaching my exposed lips with a moan.

Feather light, he parted my lips with his fingers and flicked the tip of his tongue lightly against my pearl as I squirmed above, my arms aching more and more from the constraints that burned my wrists. The moistness of his mouth on my mound sent me over the edge and I writhed in utter torment as he engulfed me.

'Maybe I would constrain your hands on an above wooden beam,' murmured Cullen between licks, his hot breath tickling my thighs 'and do what I wish until I was spent, and then leave you all strung up...'. My head fell back and a deep breath drew in my chest as he inserted his fore and middle finger into me, pushing up to his knuckles before withdrawing to repeat the assault again, and again, while he continued to ravage my fleshy bud with his warm, pink tongue. His large hands held my thighs steady, but I was beginning to tremor more than a little. Cullen pulled away and looked up with an amused grin.

'Did you miss me?' he grinned, standing up once more to face me, drawing his mouth to mine to plant a deep, lingering kiss.

Biting my lip with a smile, Cullen nodded with a smirk. Pulling away, he reached over to unsheath a poignard attached to his left cuisse, drawing a sharp, shiny blade.

'Don't move.' he purred as he ran the tip lightly across my collar bone and trailed lower down the middle of my abdomen past my sternum and lower to my belly.

My breath was shallow, I could feel the threatening sharpness of the blade although it made no impression on my skin. Cullen was enjoying teasing me with it a little too much, I could see him bulging hard from below as he ran the blade over my flesh in circles and swirls. He pressed the cold blade against my belly, before turning the blade towards him and running the hilt lower and lower.

'My lucky poignard.' he murmured wickedly, holding my gaze with a smile as he moved into position.

I gasped as I felt the rounded handle of the dagger spread me as Cullen ran along my lips, coating the hilt in my juices. The cold metal aroused me to be sure, although it was nothing compared to the owner's intimate dagger I desperately craved for. The Commander took great enjoyment in prodding and rubbing me with the hilt, curiously watching me with delight as he pleasured me.

Finally Cullen pulled away the dagger and raised the blade to my constrained hands, cutting the material securing them to the beam. With a pained gasp, my hands were released and the blood came back to them once more as I collapsed onto my knees in front of the Commander.

Still on my knees, I crawled over to the ex-templar who was watching me with a smirk on his lips and throwing me a lustful look, still holding the blade in his hands as he hit the flat side against his palm repeatedly. My fingers ran to release his bulging member, something I could manage while he was still dressed in his armour. I pulled down the coarse material covering his crotch and his dick sprung out erect as I released him, pressed hard up against the base of his metal cuirass. The sensation of his blood filled cock, hot and ready, against the cold steel of this armour made Cullen release a moan from his lips.