Amnesty

The kiss and hug I received from Kate were the first ones she'd given me willingly in almost seventeen months. That's how long it had been since we were in love and together.

"Remember, you've got three days."

Did it sound that harsh and unfeeling when I said those exact words to her back then, I wondered. I walked them all to her car and got another peck for my trouble. My kids' eyes were as big as saucers, I guess hoping they would see me again tomorrow.

"Well, how did it go?" my mother asked, stopping what she was doing for the moment.

"That was a shock. Is there anything else anyone wants to share?"

"Nope, I think that about covers it," my dad said with a stupid smirk on his face.

"How about if I hadn't decided to come back home? Was anyone going to tell me?"

My dad stopped folding the bridge chairs and looked at me. "Most likely we would have had to eventually. We hoped you would come to your senses sooner or later and come back on your own. We just didn't think it would take this long." He turned away from me and went back to folding the chairs. I could tell he was not happy with my long absence.

"Look, honey," my mother added, "you both made some big mistakes, but Kate loves you, and I think deep down you still love her. The two of you brought another life into your troubles and that baby doesn't deserve to be short changed. You're a good man. I know you'll make the right decision, I just know it." Nothing like having your mother trying to guilt you into making the decision she wants. But for me it wasn't that easy.

I called Kate and asked her for a week rather than three days to make my decision. I could tell by her voice she didn't want to agree, reluctantly she did. I think she knew I was seriously considering what she had told me.

I spent the greater part of the next week looking at my options. What I found was not good. My old job was long gone, and although my former boss gave me a great letter of recommendation, in this economy good jobs were few and far between. I had walked away from my old life and now I—along with the rest of my family—was paying the price.

No one was hiring, at least for what I was looking for, and without a job I, or should I say we, wouldn't be able to survive. I had been sending home thirty percent of what I made and banking twenty, but even with that nest egg it wouldn't last long. I was feeling screwed again, and not getting any more enjoyment from it the second time around either.

Kate and I talked. I spent every available minute with Gary, Angie, and David, but after a week I still didn't have a clue what I was going to do. Added to that was the pressure of knowing I was running out of time.

On decision day I asked Kate to dinner. I had looked at all my options and even talked to my parents to get their opinion. Life sometimes sucks, and I was having too many of those 'life sometimes sucks' days lately.

Dinner was nice. I even asked her to dance a couple of slow songs in the lounge. We were avoiding the issue we were there to talk about, and I could see it in her eyes she wasn't happy.

"Enough already! Are you going to stay or go, what the hell do you plan on doing? Talk to me for Christ's sakes," she was almost shouting at this point.

******************************

As I previously stated, winters in Fargo are a bitch. This winter was no exception. The new crew chief is grooming me for a foreman's position that will be opening up in about a year. That promotion will pay me twenty percent more than I'm making now, and with the hefty increase I received when I came back, I was making more than I had been in a long time.

Life is not a fairy tale and sometimes it doesn't go the way you'd like. Sometime you have to do things not because you want to but because you know it's the right thing to do.

It was late, I was cold, my back hurt, and I was in a foul mood after pulling an eighteen-hour shift. I stopped, grabbed a bite to eat, and headed for my room. The water never did get hot enough to un-chill my bones, but that was life in the middle of February on an oil pipeline. I climbed into bed and listened to my joints crack as I straightened out my legs and stretched my back.

Even through her flannel pajamas I could feel her warmth and it felt wonderful.

"Your hands are like ice cubes, watch where you put them," she said as I pulled her in tight. "What time is it, anyway?"

"Just after two. Miss me?" I asked, kissing her neck.

"I was primed and ready hours ago when you called and said you needed to work over. Right now all I want to do is sleep."

"Sure I can't get you in the mood?" I replied as my hands caressed her body, warming them up in the process. The room was almost pitch black, all I could see were silhouettes, but I didn't need any light for what I wanted to do.

"Well, what's it worth to you, big boy?" she said, rolling onto her back facing me, wide-awake now.

"How about I come down to visit you the next two times?"

"Mister, you've got yourself a deal," she said, attacking me.

There was no way in hell Kate was coming out from under those covers. So what I wanted to do, and what we ended up doing, was all done under those warm blankets. I didn't care. I had my wife back in my arms and even making love to her on a cold hard floor would have been okay by me.

Life for us wasn't easy. After talking and arguing more than a bit, we decided to try once more. For me the decision to give it another shot was primarily because of the kids, especially David who I barely knew. We both knew this time around it wouldn't be so easy. We'd blown that a long time ago. I moved back into the house and life was great for all of a week and a half. Then I had to go back. I didn't have a choice.

Money rules, and without it we couldn't survive, at least not like before. With my bump in pay I was making more than I had at my last office job, but the conditions weren't nearly as nice. The two of us rotated traveling every month. One month the kids would go to their grandparents and she would come up to see me for a long weekend by herself, acknowledging the cold winters in Fargo were her penance for her unrelenting torturous behavior. The next month I'd fly down to see her and the kids for about four days at a crack. When she came up we hardly ever left the bed, catching up any way we could. I got some reimbursement for travel expenses, but that was the only way it could work because Kate had said she was NOT moving to North Dakota.

Our plans now contain long term goals, one of which is to find a job for me within driving distance of our home.

Have we gotten back to where we were a couple of years ago? Yes and no. We still love each, but we're both kicking ourselves for letting it get totally out of control. And now we're paying the price.

Our children love that we are back together, but hate that I'm gone most of the time. It will get better some day, I keep telling them.

One of the guys on the crew is getting married in a month. His buddies are throwing him a stag party Saturday night. When they approached me for a donation and wanted to know if I was coming, I just smiled, handed them a twenty and told them no.

Been there, done that, and I'm freezing my ass because of it. God, I hate Fargo!!!