Amorous Goods: Rebranded

A lifelong collector of goods and objects from far and wide has passed and left the entire collection and the business built around them to the only remaining relative, a niece on a career path of her own. Vikki has taken on the task of administering the estate and liquidating the business and collection. However, she has come to find out that many of the goods have been cursed or enchanted with amorous powers that affect those who encounter them. These are the stories of some of those encounters with objects found at Amorous Goods.

*

October 1, 12:01 A.M. Greater Magellanic Spiral near the freshly named planet of Wildhoot. Two trade-named space vehicles have just concluded a deadly confrontation. One continues establishing high orbit, the other falls slowly and inertialess to the hospitable world below.

The survivors are in a 4th hand Ford Space Explorer, hard used in many wiper years of use but lovingly cared for at last by five friends; they pooled their resources to purchase the tough old battered ship after becoming tired of it all near the clutter of civilization, extremely bored, between jobs, and looking to change their fortunes. Setting ship's time and date to GMT, the good ship Hoochie Mama made way outward through bad traffic, piloted by SALLY, its factory AI, repaired better than new with logic parts from a very special sexbot.

Harry became Captain simply because his name was on the title. Maestro claimed everything under the bonnet and a good deal more. Chyna took the garage. Nonny started an armory. Blynd worked with all the other four as needed and made music. Tired of it became an acronym and honorific between them.

Along the way to this point of time and space, these Toi found themselves accompanied by a changing number of hangers on, hitchhikers, and fellow wanders called Interns, during some drunken party when there was enough spirits and frozen pizza to celebrate life aboard. The name defined them.

There were adventures and misadventures out to the borders of the Empire. New friends, breakdowns, refits, slick deals and shitty luck; all shared equally until at the last Royal outpost, the planet Prime. Down on their luck and a near empty fuel tank, the opportunity to be persuaded handsomely by HRMN Prime to go search for one of the King's missing relations: a rather naughty Princess in fact. Crewman Stubbs, a primitive of some intelligence, was not impounded in gratitude for the favor.

There was one hell of a party while the Toi used their carte-blanche privileges in the naval station to outfit and fill the Explorer to bursting for an armed expedition of some length with the condition W.O. Thaycher and his battle-tested squad accompany them in a strictly hush-hush manner.

Fifty wiper days after a hurried departure they crossed a great empty space. Leaving wiper drive well short of the intended destination, disguised as inept tourists, to find they were being stalked by the craft falling away to the lovely planet selected for a base camp. So our story begins on the far side of the cold deep gulf between them and civilization.

Cat's Cradle:

The one thing to be found of interest in the burned out Nissan Star-Tripper, the object, device, Fay magic, avant garde art or summat, would be many things to the crew; they were still scrummy inebriated and Itchy zoned, shocked by the damage done to the attacking vessel and a little pleased to be on this side of Hoochie Mama's new dreadnought cannons.

Most of all they would be puzzled about their compulsion to hold and never let go of the cherry red, squashed, bent, and twisted oblate spheroid still on the dead Nissan shown on the big galley screen above the dining room. The doomed ship bounced on the atmosphere of the planet below while 5 Standard(tm) shuttles tried to keep the wreck out of atmosphere until the inspection team finished a hasty look or retreated. There were cheers when at last the 6th pulled away in a shower of sparks to be passed by the other 5 still going full throttle as they released and ran home.

They would remember the first sight of the artifact when the returning W.O. triumphantly reached in a bag, holding his trophy up for all to see; how it filled them with a sense that all their hopes and dreams would be at last fulfilled when it was in their possession.

Thaycher was mobbed, losing control as it bobbed away on a sea of Intern hands, each fairing as well as he to acquire a grip.

Toi Harry's first indication that something amiss was a screen opening over the last moments of the Star-Tripper; it flashed red alert and began replaying from the start with his sight.

"It's loose!" Thaycher's wildly waving arms tried to reclaim the sparkly What's it? Others reached as it bounced in unforeseeable directions. The Interns shoaled like fish around the glassy red beauty moving completely over the entire commons floor, always finding its way back to the center surrounded by happily adoring gropers hoping for a handhold of satisfaction. Nonny and Blynd walked in and were lost to the spell.

"Dum, ahh, hee, I got it!" A crash and amused Interns laughed . "Hhe, he, he, nope, it's as slippery as a greased shoat at the fair." Crewman Stubbs watched, waiting to see what this new game was.

"Hayaa!" Nonny joined the fray as her eyes saw a target long sought but never known, attempting to make it her own with no luck and much loving cursing.

"Lock the ship down before anyone else blunders in, SALLY. What the hell is it?" Her voice sounded close by Harry's ears where he lay flat back in the bridge command chair, no longer sleepily enjoying the end of Operation Planetfall or watching the fireworks descending prettily.

"Breach conditions set, Captain sweetie. (kiss sound) The object appears seamless, but then so does the wall butler, however, there will be a composite rendering ready to examine if I can capture images of its entirety; one area is being very difficult to see as many times as it's been around the commons. There is no way for me to know exactly what it is. I am only the spawn of a Yertsberg and a Ford AI but we're the best you have."

Another screen opened showing Maestro standing by the rear galley door just up the corridor from the maelstrom rolling around the commons. Text across the bottom read, (Your cabin). The screen closed before he could speak. The command chair returned ready behind the Captain's worried dash past the bridge loo. SALLY opened and closed doors ahead and behind him.

Harry ran up corridor, away from the bridge, then down the far side of the galley freezer bins to his cabin on the right, halfway between Hoochie's skin and the commons; he burst in then straight to the loo. He returned quickly to find Maestro in a remarkable state of agitation, something unknown in the wiper ages between them.

"I don't like that thing, Toi; it's evil. If it gets in here close your eyes." Harry watched the futile efforts to possess the thing. He didn't know if it was evil, but it was bad enough to be a weapon if used correctly, even though it did no direct harm to those enamored with its sight, as yet. "Look at this."

Maestro had a second screen opened with SALLY's current information. Harry marked the resemblance to a cat's ass saddle. He looked to see conformation in the old Fay's eyes. The puzzle grew deeper.

"How are we going to get that cat back in the bag? Look at Stubbs." The adopted creature sat teddy bear like on the floor of the lounge while everyone tried to catch something she could not see.

"It must be invisible to her, but how does that help us? What the hell is that thing, and where are all the rest of us? Ships roster, SALLY." Engineering, Hangar, and Thaycher's squad were all in their spaces; the nerdy Interns were in a dorm of their own choosing. A screen showed each in real time with details. He stopped on the scene in the newest Toi's cabin.

Bridget: still crying from when the first shot guaranteed no hope of survivors and the lusty eyes of the man demanding the immediate surrender of the Ford vanished with the heavy jar and thunder of non-calibrated light cannons.

Once again violent death marred her otherwise pleasant life on board. Sallybot followed her tearful escape, bio-metric alarms activated by the young woman's distress; following to give the only comfort it could. Sex salves many wounds. The bot's mouth attended her wounds while Bridget sobbed into a pillow, writhing under the treatment.

"Are we going to watch porn or come up with a plan?" Harry closed that screen and was left with the last group on the ship numbering 239 Interns, 1 puzzled Crewman Stubs, 2 Toi, and 1 supernumerary, W.O. Thaycher. 242 of them were trying to subdue the elusive saddle, Stubs followed behind.

"My plan is staying far away from that thing." Maestro reopened the view of Bridget's cabin. "I thought we weren't going to watch porn." Toi Harry grumbled peevishly.

"No, look. We can use Sallybot. She's the perfect solution." A plan was made to see if the device had any effect on it and then contain the troublesome thing if possible. After Bridget fell asleep on her tear-stained pillow, the bot covered her with a duvet and left, proving very quickly the first concern null. Sallybot followed for a bit. It was poetry watching the sexbot working its way between the Interns before reaching up and drawing it down to where the hands of the entranced mob made it difficult for the strongly built sexbot to hold as command circuitry argued with low charge protocols.

At last Sallybot curled arms and legs around it; her form molded itself into a position that occluded all sight of the troublesome device, ending their desperate attempts to posses it and replacing it with blind stumbling sexual intoxication. SALLY lost all connection to Sallybot, battery gone dead, left an erotic sculpture in the rudderless throng.

"She's gone!" There was anguish never heard in the AI's voice, then silence.

Even unseen, the force of its physic magnetism had them casting sluggishly about in search of its location, often as not lodged against similar searchers pressing to pass just past you. In the end they went to the floor, screwing like piles of blind undulating maggots as the device gave its last gift of rut and all the sweaty skin of the moaning afflicted shed what little clothes they wore.

Maestro went with Grom to remove Sallybot from the mass of bodies in the lounge; it was grunt work shifting the Interns but, once loaded, a quick trip to the hangar to help Henry put the bot and the cat in shuttle dock. When at last they were anchored outside, the Interns slowly orgasmed to puddles of deep sleep. They would remember little except that first glimpse and their loving mates trying to help them catch it. Private bits warming and the machinery between their flushed ears made that memory slip.

House cleaning:

The Toi remaining met in the wardroom. Nonny and Blynd still lay sleeping in one of the piles with Thaycher; a sad smile on a face exhausted beyond recognition.

Chyna, looking singed from dragging the last searchers inside his shuttle and haul ass away, narrowly escaping the fireworks preceding crash and burn, but extremely clean having missed the second event while in the shower with a few Interns to soap him down.

Maestro at Harry's right, grim faced, holding the bag Thaycher unknowingly drew the cherry red curiosity from. He closed his eyes, reached inside, and pulled out the only thing left.

The goggles had milky white lenses, the material opaque to look at, but transparent when worn. The fact that they were in the same bag suggested some nullification of the visual lock of the cherry red amulet and were very sexy to boot. The frame had deep engraved AG on either temple of the slick ruddy unknown gleaming metal.

"I want a pair of these." Chyna snagged them first and opened a screen to admire his image wearing the pimped-out shades that seemed made perfectly for his face. The pimp goggles were reluctantly passed around, each new wearer appearing to have a similar fit.

Maestro watched the replay from the start through them. The object lost most of its glint and color but the commons and school of seekers appeared as usual to him. He gave a start then dashed out the server's door.

"Toi Maestro, what the hell? Where is he going, SALLY?"

"He says he has an idea and to carry on, Captain sweetie." (kiss sound) The Toi were left alone with no further information. It was Chyna who spoke first, tiredly and with some ire while looking at the door the old Fay went through so quickly.

"He took the goggles with him. We need coffee." They went to the galley for fresh brew and nibbles as the hours of late night turned to early morning. The view over the servers' line as they sipped from temperature controlled cups was surreal; so unlike any of the great parties that had ended on that floor. An erotic odor of sweat-slicked skin while they moved in sleep came in the opening. Vacfiber(tm) softly hissed like a lullaby as it removed spent fluids.

Toi Chyna closed the opening with a shudder and turned away. The sight was gone but the smell drove them away from the preparation table, holding their snacks and cocks against the musk behind them, escaping the close confines. SALLY guided them through a maze of engineering spaces to where Maestro tinkered with a device enabling the AI to look through the goggles at the entire replay. He gave a lecture while thus engaged about spectrums, wave lengths, and ju ju optics.

On a screen, the composite image changed in glints and sparks as SALLY sped through the library of multiple views of the release and capture until the last portion of the enchanted sex toy was revealed; a golden rectangular plate, incorporated along the curve of the twisted shaft connecting the two ends. Cherry red AMOROUS GOODS filled the the channels of metal seamlessly. A long line of numbers and symbols suggesting an astronomical location ran under the caption. Toi Harry began making plans.

Reset:

"Time to unload and ponder while we square away. All Interns left will begin moving the stricken to showers and racks. Thaycher squad will retrieve and tuck him in then set tight. I'm going to wake Toi Bridget so she can catch up. Shore leave for the others as they wake. Anything else Maestro, Chyna?" Maestro walked out, again silent. The screen of the completed curse closed behind him.

"Yeah, is he finished with the goggles? We should have everyone sight free wearing MKVII coveralls so we can tell who our specialists are. Cancel breach conditions so I can get my Specialists moving."

"SALLY, pass the word to those left; start a replay on Bridget's screen, tell her I'm coming if she asks or tries to screen me. Now get me out of here." Bridget met him just outside her door, pale and drawn. Together they began the long job of restoring a sense of normalcy to the areas affected by the ordeal and a sense of excitement for the awakening victims as they hurried them to waiting shuttles

Post capture: October 8,

Aboard the Hoochie Mama things were different; so different that Harry was rethinking the decision to quarantine so many below for the sheer reason it was empty as hell with all of those poor souls, gone but not quite haunted, safe in a virgin paradise or summat. Nonny and Blynd were happy to go and Crewman Stubbs with them.

Everyone left was on a common circuit now, easier that way with so few. It was too quiet; a lot better after all moving closer together, closer forever now. He tried to name them off in his mind, there was Chyna and Hank, Maestro, Grom, and Thaycher--unable to be left behind and carefully tended by his squad, whose names seemed to change daily. Anise, Fred, Dave, Cheryl, Debbie, Deborah, and a couple of more he hadn't sussed out yet.

Bridget moved into Nonny's cabin, next to his, empty now of all the knives, spears, bows, energy guns and weapons strange to behold. She talked Maestro into making a connecting door into Harry's room as a modification. Soon the first class cabins close to the central shaft were changed into other systems to fit the needs of the Specialists and Toi. The commons and galley were changed as well.

Dining was greatly abbreviated; gained space became a grand cozy party area below the big screen above. Chyna set up in the spaces beside the hangar booth. One floor up, Thaycher and his squad rearranged the weapons suites. Through it all Maestro worked tirelessly to accommodate requests and improve conditions aboard. When asked how so much was done in such a short time he replied 'It's amazing what you can do with a Plexiwelder(tm) and no interruptions.' Life became routine while preparing.

Preparations:

Harry shrugged off the MKVII coveralls, sighing as the wall butler snagged the discarded garment leg, drawing it inside to be cleaned and presented fresh for inspection the next time it was opened. Slowly walking to the shower and running an unusual amount of hot steamy water and Sudz(tm) to wash off the last two hours of exercise by the abusive, Ustis Thaycher, channeling his angst into teaching all specialist members and Toi for the expedition. Maestro was his pain partner in last place on the corridor runs.

"I really miss Sallybot." He shut off the shower, wrung out his hair and walked away dripping the water normally removed by the inert sexbot outside. He rolled on the vacfiber(tm) floor, letting it suck the moisture from his body. SALLY spoke above the hiss of the fabric.

"Me too, Captain sweetie. (kiss sound) I could feel through her fingers and body, experience some of what she was doing; even use her in some particular fashion to fulfill my own curiosity at some of the descriptions in the user manual." Harry could only imagine what descriptions could be found the voluminous manual that Yertzberg was rumored to have written. "I'm so pleased Sallybot lasted long enough to immobilize the thing." There was pain behind the simple declaration.

"She's a Hero and you are too. We're going to find out how to get her back. Bridget walked in the adjoining door, stripped her sweaty MKVII's off, and seated herself on Harry.

Recce:

"So how are we going to do this?" Harry asked. The remaining crew were all gathered in the new screen lounge. Maestro, Thaycher, and SALLY began explaining the process designed to inspect the co-ordinates found on the cat saddle. It sounded pretty simple but the reality was another thing. The big Ford torroids spun up as Hoochie raced to threshold for the first quick look.

They left wiper drive some distance from the target. The torroids gave off a tooth-grinding wail as they were fed just enough thorium to hover below threshold. Harry gritted his teeth against the first in your face discomfort of near threshold as they stayed just on this side of normal space and all was the monochrome gray as a few eerie ghosts of Specialist laggards fled abed.

"Mapping." SALLY reported ship wide then a pause of seconds that felt like much more before the instant cold gray of wiper space that was almost a relief before the next jump. In all there were five; one more than their plan had called for then Hoochie was near Wildhoot again with the torroids winding down, taking all that discomfort away except for normal wiper landing nasty headaches. The last gray hell lasted twice as long then the cold of wiper space descended for the trip back to Wildhoot.

"I'd rather go back and fight Assholes than do that again," Chyna complained. Opinions differed among Survivors who had only experienced the mad dash between two opposing factions that both thought the new craft was an enemy, and not the muddy firefight at Empty Bowel swamp.

"And I thought that landing was bad." Harry spoke into the din of the common channel, dry swallowing the tablet clutched in his hand during the first wiper-coaster ride; coffee and shots were called for in celebration and relief that it was over. He went private to speak with SALLY.