Amy Finds Her Muse

"I'm leaving now. I'll have my lawyer send the papers to you on Monday. Amanda is with my parents and I've asked them to bring her home to you at seven o'clock."

John wiped his eyes and stood up. He walked toward the front hall where Amy stood and then watched as she picked up two large suitcases and went out the door. As she walked down the front steps John walked to the open front door.

Peter Bridges was walking up the front walk and met Amy near the foot of the stairs. He took one of the suitcases from Amy and then turned to John with a smirk as Amy walked to his car. In a moment he turned and followed her. They put the suitcases into the trunk, then got into the car and drove away. Amy did not look back.

John was crying again, as he slowly closed the front door. He walked back to the sofa, sat down and leaned back. He said to himself, "What has happened to my life?" His tears stopped after a few minutes and he simply stayed there with his eyes closed reliving everything that had happened since he had come home from work.

He lost track of time and was still sitting there when the doorbell rang. For a moment he thought it was Amy, coming back to tell him it was all a very bad joke but as he opened his eyes his father-in-law opened the unlocked door and walked in.

"I see she has told you," said Fred Holmes when he saw John seated on the sofa. "I'm ashamed to call her my daughter. I don't understand how Amy could have come under the thrall of that guy."

As he reached the sofa, his wife June and daughter Barbara came in the front door. Barbara was carrying Amanda and June had the diaper bag and some of Amanda's favorite toys clutched in her arms. All three of them wore somber expressions and John could see by their red eyes that June and Barbara had been crying. Only Amanda was laughing and giggling but she did not know what was going on.

As John stood all three of them reached to give him a hug of encouragement. He greatly appreciated the support of the Holmes family, as he had no siblings and his parents had both passed away in the last two years. These people were all he had.

The four of them sat and discussed everything that had happened and all that Amy had said to each of them. None of them could believe the events of this afternoon. At separate points each of them shed more tears. It was almost 7:30 when June got up and said "I think we all need to have something to eat. I'll go into the kitchen and see what I can find for us."

Barbara came over to John with Amanda and let him hold his daughter. Amanda was squirming and wanted to pull at her father's hair. She didn't seem to notice that tears streaked his face. John sat on the sofa and let Amanda play in his lap. Barbara sat by his side, trying to help amuse her one-year-old niece while Fred joined his wife in the kitchen and helped her prepare sandwiches and soft drinks for the four of them.

In no more than 10 minutes they were all seated around the coffee table eating the quickly prepared meal. John did not really have an appetite but he ate anyway. As he sat there he looked around at the Holmes family. Fred and June were both in their late fifties with a bit of gray in their brown hair. Both had retired within the last year, Fred from a management job at the bank and June from teaching. Both were fit for their age and spent most of their time gardening and golfing, with a few weekend trips in their motor home when they could get away.

Barbara was 16 now, with a couple of years of high school left to complete. She had her light brown hair tied up in a ponytail and when she smiled it was obvious that she had been blessed with a full set of braces on her teeth. John knew that she was quite self-conscious of these braces and noticed that she rarely smiled so that her braces would show but instead gave small smiles with her lips closed. He knew she would become a beauty as she got older because she already possessed much of the natural good looks of the Holmes women.

After they ate the whole group sat quietly around the coffee table. Amanda was crawling around between John and Barbara but finally crawled to the edge of the coffee table and after two failed attempts managed to stand and hold the edge of it. She was giggling and cooing and looking around at all of them. When she tried to grab one of the plates, Barbara was quick to tell her 'No'. Amanda was quick to repeat the 'no' back at Barbara and soon was making a game of it.

Watching Amanda's antics soon had all of them in a slightly better frame of mind, although the day's events were in everyone's thoughts. Before they knew it, it was 8:30 and Barbara volunteered to get Amanda ready for bed.

While she did that John, Fred and June sat in the living room and discussed what John would need to do to handle his job and caring for Amanda too. They decided he would have to find a good day care center but that June would watch Amanda until he did so.

Since the next day was Friday and with everything that John would have to do, he decided to try to take most of the day off and handle whatever he could from home. June would come over in the morning to help him with Amanda and anything else that came up.

Barbara came back to join them in the living room and let them know that she had changed Amanda for the night and that she had already gone to sleep. John thanked her and commended her skills at childcare. After a few more minutes of talk the Holmes family decided it was time to leave and John thanked them for their kindness and help. He locked the door behind them after they left.

John checked on Amanda and after seeing that she was asleep decided he needed a stiff drink to calm his nerves and help him handle spending the night alone in his bed. He poured about an inch of Glenfiddich into a tumbler and sat at the kitchen table to drink it. The more he thought about everything that Amy had said the angrier he got. Since she had destroyed his world he wasn't going to make her choice easier for her. He was damned if he was going to cooperate.

He finished the first drink and poured himself another. By the time he finished the second he could finally feel some effect from the Scotch. He went upstairs to the master bedroom and flicked on the light. This was the first time he had been in this room since Amy left and only now did he see the open and empty closet where she had kept her clothes and shoes.

Her makeup dresser was bare and as he walked across the room to check their attached bathroom he could see that it too held none of her things. He walked back to the doorway, shut off the light, then went over and fell across the bed.

As he lay there the tears returned and he began to notice the empty feeling inside his chest. Amy was gone and he doubted he would be able to get her back. He felt he had to try but lying there in the dark, alone, his confidence level was very low.

- Friday, Feb. 1

At some point the Scotch did its' job and he fell asleep. It was a fitful sleep and because he had not bothered to undress or even to brush his teeth before flopping across the bed, not a very comfortable one either. He awoke early, got up and undressed and went in and had a nice hot shower.

When he had completed that and had shaved, brushed his teeth and combed his hair, he felt alive again. The whole time since he had awoken though had been spent wondering how he was going to live without Amy.

Once he was dressed he went in to check on Amanda and found her still asleep, her arm around her favorite teddy bear. God, he thought, if he were to be losing her as well as Amy he'd have had no reason to live. How Amy could consider cutting herself off from this precious child he couldn't for the life of him understand. He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek before heading downstairs to the kitchen to see what food there was on hand for Amanda.

John made himself coffee and while drinking a cup found infant cereal and some strained fruit for Amanda. He didn't feel hungry but knew he had to eat if he was going to be able to care for Amanda and himself. He poured himself a bowl of cold cereal and sliced a banana over it.

As he ate and sipped at his coffee he thought of nothing but Amy and what he could possibly do to change her mind. He knew he had to get his mind off of this, so when he finished eating he grabbed his briefcase, took out some of the work he had brought home and sat at the kitchen table to get it done.

He managed to complete three of the jobs before he heard sounds from upstairs that let him know Amanda had awakened. He went upstairs and after changing her diaper had dressed her for the day and brought her down for breakfast. He sat her in her highchair, fed her the cereal and reached for her bowl of puréed apple.

It was then that Amanda seemed to realize it was her father who was feeding her and she began looking around and crying. John knew she was looking for Amy and he didn't know what he could do to calm her. For the next few minutes they both shed a few tears until John was able to deflect her interest with one of her favorite toys.

Once Amanda was satisfied John let her sit in her chair and play. He phoned the office and left a message on the machine for Mary to call him as soon as she got into the office. For the next hour he played with Amanda until just before nine o'clock when Mary called him back.

He explained to her that he would have to work most of the day from home but that he would be in to the office later for a few minutes. He told her to call him at home if any emergencies came up. He didn't explain to her what had happened.

A few minutes later June arrived and took over caring for Amanda while he finished the work he had brought home with him. By 10 o'clock he was finished all that he could do, so he went to join June and Amanda in the living room. As he flopped into the sofa June looked at him and said, "You don't look like you had a very good sleep last night. I know that we didn't so I can just imagine what your night was like."

"I was able to get some sleep but only because I had a couple of really stiff scotches. I was up early and after a lot of thinking I've decided I have to get through this for Amanda's sake," said John.

"I'd even take Amy back right now, for Amanda, although I'm sure she's already had sex with him. I'd willingly sacrifice my pride to put an end to all of this but I really doubt she'd even think of coming back. She's acted as though she jumped off a cliff without a parachute and has absolute faith it will all be ok."

June hesitated for a minute and then said, "She did tell me a few things that I didn't share with you last night. She said she had sex with him several times in the last 2 weeks. She said that was why she 'cut you off' from being with her. She didn't want to humiliate you by sharing herself with both of you."

After another delay June continued, "She had great difficulty telling me these things, so I believe her. She said you were a much more 'considerate lover' and that her reason for leaving you wasn't sexual or that he was a better lover. Do you understand what I'm saying John? Don't feel that this is a result of any failure by you to satisfy her."

"That question had occurred to me June, although it hadn't started eating at me yet. I'm sure it may have though so I appreciate your opinion. I think it makes it less likely she'll change her mind though."

"Look, June, I'm going down to the office for a while. It'll occupy my mind and I can't let my business fail or Amanda and I will really have a problem. Amanda has been good so far since you've arrived but I expect she'll have a bad time again at lunch when Amy isn't here to feed her."

John stood and took a long look at Amanda, who had crawled her way to the sofa and had managed to pull herself up to a standing position. Her pride in her accomplishment was evident in the big smile she cast back at the two adults. John picked her up for a hug and a kiss and then placed her back where she had been.

After picking up his briefcase John paused at the door to say and wave goodbye to Amanda, just as he'd done many times before. She responded with her big grin and an arm that waved up and down vigorously. As he turned and left the house he thought to himself that he HAD to make sure Amanda came through this in good shape.

When John entered the office Mary was busy on the phone so he went straight to his desk. He shut the door on his way into his office as he knew he needed a bit of time to get off the emotional roller coaster he was on again. During his drive to the office he'd had too much time to start thinking about Amy's bombshell from the night before. He was once again teary eyed.

After he regained control he called Mary in and gave her the files he had completed at home so that she and Frank could process them. She had given him an odd look when she came into the office so he figured she knew he was upset about something. After thinking about it for a while he decided to call her in and explain the situation to her.

When Mary came into his office he had her close the door and offered her a seat. It was difficult to do but he finally said "Mary, I'm afraid I'm not likely to be very dependable for the next while. I've got a real situation at home that I don't really know how to deal with. My wife announced last night that she was leaving but that she was not taking our daughter. I've become a single parent it seems."

"I know you have only been here for two weeks but you are obviously in good control of your job. I'd like to make a new arrangement with you. I'd like you to become, in addition to your other duties, my office manager. It would mean a $50 raise for now and we could discuss how things work out in a month or so."

"I don't know what to say. This is quite a surprise," Mary said. "I'm not scared of the job as I've been an office manager in the past; I just hope I can do it to your satisfaction. I can definitely use the extra money."

John smiled at her and said, "I'm sure you can handle it. I know it's going to be difficult for me to do the work I did before, with having to look after my daughter, Amanda, as well. I have to succeed at both jobs. I don't see failure as an option for me."

They shook hands on their new arrangement and John went out to explain the situation to Frank. Frank expressed his shock at the turn of events in John's life and offered to help out as much as he could.

John went back to his office and worked until mid-afternoon, at which time he took all of the files needing his input and went home for the day. Before leaving he asked Mary to call him on his cell if anything came up that she couldn't handle. He assured her that he trusted her judgment and would accept that her business decisions were made in good faith.

When he got home June told him that Amanda was having her afternoon nap and that he had been right about how she would fuss for Amy at lunch time. It had taken a half an hour to calm her down this time.

John had a small den just off of the living room so he took his briefcase full of work in there. He had a small desk with a computer in the room and by rearranging things was able to clear enough space to do the work he had brought home. He realized that if he was going to be doing much work from home he needed a larger desk, better computer and the ability to access his office computers from home.

The rest of the afternoon flew by for John but at 4:30 he decided to leave the work for the day. June had begun supper for him while she was watching Amanda. As he helped her complete the meal preparations June said, "I'm sort of obligated for a flower show this weekend John, so I'm wondering if it would be OK to have Barbara come over for the weekend to help you with Amanda."

"Oh, that's certainly no problem, June. You don't think she would mind?"

"She certainly won't mind. She loves Amanda and she thinks you're great," said June. "I'll ask her to come over around nine in the morning and to bring what she'll need to spend the night. That way we won't have to run her back and forth."

Once June left John fed Amanda and himself. Amanda's behavior was the same as it had been in the morning, crying and looking around for her mother. Again John was able to distract her.

Their evening was quiet and before putting Amanda to bed for the evening, John had given her a bath. Again she cried for her mother. Once she was asleep he poured himself a stiff Scotch and sat in the living room to drink it. The whole time he sat there his mind was on Amy and everything that had happened. It was midnight before he went to bed.

- Monday, February 4

John arose early on Monday morning and as he had his coffee he thought back to the events of the weekend. Barbara had arrived early Saturday morning with a small suitcase and he'd shown her the guest bedroom she could use. It was across the hall from Amanda's room and beside the bathroom. He told her she could have full use of that bathroom, as he had one for himself, accessible only from the master bedroom.

When Amanda awoke Barbara enthusiastically took over her care, dressing and feeding her. John decided he needed to improve his den for office use, so he spent most of the day acquiring a desk, top-of-the-line computer and other office necessities. He removed the old equipment from the den along with several chairs and other furniture, until it resembled an office. He arranged for the hardware and software necessary to connect to the office computer system to be installed on Tuesday.

By noon on Sunday he had done everything that needed doing for work, so he was able to spend the rest of the day with Amanda and Barbara. They went to the park and spent the afternoon walking along the pathways with Amanda in her stroller. It had been an enjoyable time that allowed John to forget his other problems. Twice on the weekend Amanda had a major tantrum over the absence of her mother. Barbara had been able to get her under control though and by keeping Amanda busy she kept the episodes to a minimum.

June had picked up Barbara on Sunday evening and said she'd be back Monday morning so that John could go back to work. She arrived at 8:30 while Amanda was still sleeping and John left for the office.

John was busy all morning but at 11 o'clock was interrupted by Mary, who brought a courier's envelope in to him. She had seen who the sender was and gave John a concerned look as she passed him the envelope. The name of a legal firm was in the upper left hand corner.

John looked at the envelope for almost a minute before opening it. Finally he ripped the envelope open and pulled out the pages inside. He read them over quickly and could see they reflected the terms Amy had agreed to. It also stipulated that she wished to spend the full day with Amanda on Wednesday each week, with a full week once every three months, dates to be decided later.

After rereading the pages carefully John placed them in his briefcase. He knew he should contact his lawyer but had no heart for doing that today. Already he dreaded Wednesday when he would again see Amy in person. Having been without her for a few days he missed her terribly and he knew that when she left the house on Wednesday it would be like she was leaving him all over again.

The rest of Monday and Tuesday sped by. On Wednesday morning John arose earlier than ever, as he wanted to be sure he could leave as soon as Amy arrived. At 8:30 the front doorbell rang and he braced himself as he answered the door. Amy was facing the street as he opened the door, so he simply said "Come in, Amanda is still asleep. I'll be going now." He turned and walked back to the kitchen, picked up his briefcase and went out the side door to the garage. He was relieved he hadn't had to have a conversation with Amy as he was sure he would have broken down in front of her.