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"He asked if this is how Anna would have wanted to be avenged," Torroto's voice cracked there, "And the answer that screamed in my head was 'NO!' I turned and smashed the weapon against the ground and broke it to bits. I heard the others smashing their weapons just after I did.
"Then I turned towards the two and was faced with what LOOKED like a Ferrarien but SMELLED like an odd human and before I could stop myself I asked in Human, 'What are you?' Her ears swiveled from the pinned back position to the 'You've got my full attention' position.
"She responded, 'You speak human?' Laughingly I replied, 'For the last twenty years, actually we all do. It's an easy language to figure out.' Then the human spoke up 'Bailey, my dear mate, these are the good guys you can turn back now.' Then the woman turned into a human and after several questions we learned what had happened, but at one point Soeruhrue had approached the couple and suddenly booth grabbed him and growled, 'OWERS,' It shocked him and I, as the only one who knew what it was, explained that it was the common mating behavior of Ferrariens and I assumed it was the same for these Feral, I then equated their mating to our original term of Companions."
"So why tell me a bought them, other than we ran into them?" Dahlia asked.
Torroto replied, "They designed the computer I'm taking you to and it passed the time until now."
"You never told me that your Ferrarien friend was the Head mistress of Finance," Myra spouted
"She is?" Torroto responded, "It' been twenty five years since we had contact. I'm proud of her."
Suddenly they exited the tunnel into a huge cavern hanging in the middle of which was a large city made from silk, gold and gemstones.
"Welcome to No Regrets," announced Torroto and Myra.
Dahlia felt a little like a Spaniards being introduced to Eldorado.
She hopes that she does better than they did.
To Be Continued…
- COMMENTS
Wlljamover 10 years agoI suspect that English is NOT your native language because English speaking people know and understand that the word "then" relates to time eg I did this then I did that; whereas the word "than" relates to choice eg I would rather this than that!
Please amend your story accordingly
cittranalmost 11 years agoI'm sorry, but you REALLY need to have this edited. The grammar and word usage need a lot of work.
kuellarover 13 years agoThis story has a lot of potential, with unique characters and situations. I do think that you would benefit from getting someone to go over the story and point out spelling errors; in quite a few places you seem to have used the wrong word - I think "pore" instead of "poor" was one example. It doesn't make the story unreadable or anything, but it's definitely something that could be improved.
Also, one other small point is that I'd have liked a gentler introduction to the world; it's obviously quite different from our normal everyday experiences and it would be nice to have some more time to get used to it. But that's just me, I appreciate that getting right into the action can be a good thing.
Anyway, nicely done so far! Keep writing!
Anonymousover 14 years agobut editing is badly needed. A spell checker will not detect it if you use the wrong words. Feat not feet, poor not pore, clothes not cloths, out when you apparently mean off, etc.
Anonymousover 14 years ago... and I hope you will post many more chapters :-) BUT the spelling mistakes almost ruined it. At a glance, I noticed:
"a bought"(about), "close"(clothes), "since"(sense), "road"(rode), "ware"(wear), "brake"(break), "they're"(their), "orafisses"(orifices), "medison"(medicine), "protrolling"(patrolling), "currieos"(curious), "lepord"(leopard), "will"(well), "pore"(poor), "cast"(caste), "then"(than), "affects"(effects), "screemed"(screamed), "owers"(ours?), "athoarative"(authoritative), "thru"(TXTSPK for through).
Please, don't be discouraged! A spellchecker should catch a few of these mistakes, and proof reading before posting should take care of the rest - or you could get an editor.
