An Angel's Soul

It was Cole's turn to flush. He knew that voice, all right. "I've rarely listened to you."

A flap of Raziel's wings puffed a gust of wind through Cole's hair. "I know. You should more often. I try to help."

Cole managed to get up onto his feet. He expected the world to swim, for his head to pound, but neither happened. But, his mouth did feel like something had died in it. He thought about making a Bloody Mary, but Raziel's wings fluttered, his brow furrowing. "You know what I was just thinking about doing," Cole murmured.

"The alcohol won't help anything." Raziel sighed. "I understand your heart hurts. Daniel meant so much to you. His betrayal hurts. Let it hurt, Cole. You need to mourn his loss, but you also need to let him go."

Pain stung through Cole. "He might come back."

Raziel shook his head a little. "No. Daniel has put his feet on a new path, and it leads away from you. You must find your path now. You won't walk it alone." He smiled. "I'll walk it with you."

Cole walked over and helped Raziel to his feet, and his cheeks darkened a little as his eyes took in the sight of Raziel's body. Naked body. He licked his lips. "Are you going to go all invisible again?"

"I... don't know." Raziel looked around himself. "I shouldn't be visible now. I've never been visible to a human before."

"Is it just me? Can anyone else see you?" Cole asked with a frown.

Raziel's cheeks pinked, and the color just made him all the more handsome. "Again, I don't know. I'm your guardian angel, no other's. If your maid were to walk in right now, I can't say for sure that she would or wouldn't see me like you do."

Cole sighed. His own guardian angel, and now he was stuck with it. This had to be some sort of cruel joke, some play of the cosmos giving him a dose of his own medicine. Hadn't he suffered enough? He'd already been through the worst break-up in his life, and now there was an angel standing in front of him, probably about to knock shit over with those huge, beautiful wings. Cole squeezed his eyes shut against the strange moment of attraction and crossed over to his bar. When he paused and simply reached for the decanter of water, he heard Raziel chirp approval at him. The sound didn't help the odd twisting and churning inside him.

The water went down smoothly, though it didn't have the effect he would have preferred from a good, stiff drink. He looked over at Raziel, who watched him with a smile, his wings fluttering and folding in close to his nude body. Cole couldn't help but scowl. He was going to be guilt-tripped out of every form of comfort he had. No booze, no cigarettes, no drugs, just some angel who could read his thoughts and pretended to know what it was like to have his heart ripped from his chest by the person he loved most.

Cole clenched his jaw and went back to cleaning up the mess from the night before. His maid didn't need this kind of headache first thing in the morning, and the fewer people who knew he'd O.D.ed and passed out on the floor, the better. His head began to ache, the first sign that anything at all was wrong with him, but it was nothing compared to the hurt that still raged in his heart. He would have chosen oblivion over this, but it seemed the Big Man Upstairs wasn't listening.

***

Frowning, Raziel looked around the meeting room Cole dominated. The men and women around the table had their eyes focused on Cole and what Cole was saying. Raziel didn't understand a lot of it. Something to do with apps and Facebook and dating services and things that Raziel couldn't fully grasp. That was all right. He wasn't here to learn more about Cole's job. His ward had founded his own company at twenty-five, become a millionaire, and had everything he could want materially. Material things, though, wouldn't fill the void left by Daniel.

Raziel walked around the room, his wings fluttering. The men and women couldn't see him. Cole's eyes occasionally glanced his way, so Cole could still see him, but his employees couldn't. It was strange. It didn't make any sense to Raziel. Why could Cole see him? Had saving his life altered the veil between ward and angel? He'd never heard of that happening. Then again, he hadn't heard of many angels doing what he'd done. Most angels loved their charges, but they didn't love them. Not like Raziel loved Cole. His heart fluttered in his chest as his eyes were drawn to Cole.

Strong. Beautiful. Broken. Cole drew him in time and again, made him wish for things an angel should never wish for. A kiss. A touch. A sweetly whispered word. To be pressed into the sheets as Cole used to press Daniel, to know the pleasures Cole and Daniel had known together... Raziel flushed and looked away from Cole, stared out the highrise's tinted windows over the city. It was cold outside, and Raziel shivered. To love one's ward was encouraged. To be in love with one's ward was forbidden. But he couldn't help what his heart wanted. He closed his eyes against the misty, gray landscape outside the window and twittered softly to himself.

A touch to his shoulder sent him spinning, his wings flaring out as he came face to face with Cole. The room was empty, the blinds between room and hall drawn. Where had everyone gone? Had he been so lost in his thoughts he'd missed the end of the meeting? God help him, he was becoming careless. "Cole."

Cole's brow was furrowed slightly. "You seemed engrossed in the view."

"Lost in thought," he whispered. "I apologize."

"No news from on high, then? No orders or punishment or... anything?"

Raziel fluttered his wings and shook his head. "No. It appears no one can see me except you, and whatever punishment is coming, it hasn't arrived yet."

"This whole thing is fucked up," Cole muttered, leaning back against the edge of the conference table. "You deny me the escape from my pain, you are suddenly visible, and now I'm supposed to magically move on and find a new path?"

It didn't sound positive at all when Cole said it in that tone, and Raziel felt his wings droop a little. He couldn't give up hope, though. He couldn't allow Cole's pain and pessimism to get in the way. Cole had to grieve, and maybe the anger was part of that. "At least now you don't have that pesky, gnawing need for those cigarettes," Raziel offered, trying to focus on the positive. The comment made Cole's eyebrow twitch, and the thought he glimpsed in Cole's mind made him laugh softly. "Smoking one just to spite me would only start blackening your lungs again. I prefer you clean and whole."

Cole sighed and kicked aimlessly at the wheels of one of the rolling chairs tucked beneath the table. "You prefer me alive, too." Raziel whistled cheerfully at that, and the sound brought the smallest of smiles to Cole's face, which he decided was a very good reaction indeed. "Seems to me that your wants have a certain power. You wouldn't have been able to save me, otherwise. Just what else do you want?"

"I only want you safe. Alive. Happy."

"The first two you seem to have managed," Cole murmured, running his fingers through his hair. "Happy, though..."

Raziel chirped softly. "Happy will come with time."

"I was happy with Daniel."

"No," Raziel murmured. "You weren't. For six months before he ended it, you suspected he was with someone else. You lied to yourself, just as he lied to you. You pretended to be happy in the hopes it would become the truth, but it didn't. It was a house of smoke and wishful thinking."

Cole crossed his arms. "You really know how to make a man feel good about himself."

Raziel tilted his head. "Is that what you wanted? More lies?"

Slowly, Cole shook his head, his beautiful eyes focusing on Raziel. "I don't think you lie very well, anyway."

"I don't see the purpose. It would only hurt you in the end. I... don't want to hurt you," Raziel said, his wings quivering a little. "I love you."

"You keep saying that."

Raziel smiled. "It's the truth."

"You love me."

"Yes. I love you enough to change the order of your life so you can live that life to its fullest," Raziel said, clasping his hands in front of him. Only when Cole was able to see him had he become more aware of his nakedness. "I didn't want to see all your potential lost because Daniel was selfish."

Cole shoved off the conference table and came to stand just inches from Raziel. "Are angels selfish, too?"

A flush stole across Raziel cheeks, and his eyes drifted down toward Cole's perfectly shaped mouth. He'd seen that mouth pressed to Daniel's lips countless times, caressing every part of the man's body. Raziel swallowed, eyes darting up to meet Cole's. "I was selfish to bring you back," he admitted. "I am not certain other angels share my flaw."

"Flaw?"

"Daniel's selfishness hurt you, as does mine. It's a flaw."

A small smile tugged at Cole's mouth. "Maybe, in you, it isn't such a flaw."

Raziel couldn't help it. The compliment brought a hesitant, sweet smile to his lips. "I love you," he said again. "It broke my heart to think of you dead and beyond my reach. Even if it is only for thirty or forty more years before you pass on to the fields that await humans, it's thirty or forty more years I am allowed to love you, be near you."

"Such devotion." Cole's fingers stroked down Raziel's cheek after a moment's pause. "I don't deserve it."

Raziel shivered, unable to look away from Cole's eyes. His voice was softer, a little breathless as he murmured, "Yes, you do. You deserve to find the one who will walk through life with you, always wishing for your happiness while supporting you through your trials and encouraging you to achieve your potential. If you search, I know you'll find that person, someone who is everything Daniel couldn't be for you."

Cole leaned in just a little closer, and Raziel forgot to breathe. He could feel Cole's breath against his face, smell the mint of his toothpaste and the coffee he'd been nursing throughout the morning. Cole paused there, hovering so close to him, that little smile still curving his lips, and just when Raziel began to search for something else to say, Cole whispered, "Strange that I should have to search when I can find all those things in you."

Raziel felt his heart leap in his chest, and he'd never wanted to kiss Cole more than in that moment. He arched his neck ever so slightly, yearning to press their lips together, but it wasn't proper. That thought kept him from closing the entire distance, even if he couldn't help but lean toward Cole. He was almost embarrassed by the spark of recognition he suddenly saw in Cole's dark eyes. Cole had read into his movement, could probably even read the desire on his face. He was too open. After so long being invisible, it had never occurred to him to learn how to school his features properly.

His wings shifted as he began to right himself, but taking a step back was made impossible when Cole's fingers moved from his cheek back to cup the nape of his neck. His eyes widened at the intimate touch, and his skin prickled in the most wonderful, unusual way. He was right in the middle of a twittering sound when Cole closed in, pressing their lips together in a kiss so gentle, so chaste, that it left Raziel dizzy, like the floor gave way beneath his feet, sending him floating.

Cole slowly pulled back, his breath teasing Raziel's wet lips. "Am I going to hell for lustful thoughts about an angel?"

Raziel laughed, his wings shivering with the sound. "No."

"Good."

Cole drew him into another bout of kissing, and though Raziel knew he should stop it, should push Cole toward another human that could fulfill his needs, he found himself being selfish. He wanted Cole. He wanted these kisses, the taste of Cole on his tongue, and a chirping purr filled the air as he sagged against Cole, allowed him to kiss him until both their heads were spinning.

***

Raziel perched on the foot of Cole's bed, watching his charge sleep. The kisses had continued throughout the day, stolen whenever Cole was alone with him. Returning to the apartment, he'd tried to give Cole space to think, but by the time Cole had eaten and showered, the kisses had resumed. Only kisses. Raziel brought his fingers to his lips and smiled. He could still feel and taste Cole's lips against his. The kisses had made his heart race and his body tighten in ways he'd not felt before. He wanted more. He wanted to know the sweaty pleasures he'd witnessed between Cole and Daniel in the past. Raziel didn't think Cole would love him as he'd loved Daniel, and just the thought made his wings droop.

Cole shifted, and Raziel's focus came back to the present. He took a peek inside Cole's mind, and the flashes of thought and emotion made him chirp softly with concern. A nightmare. He hated when Cole had nightmares. It meant there was much going on in his soul that Cole was pushing away. It also meant there was little he could do to help. Cole would have to come to terms with Daniel's departure in his own time, of course, but he couldn't just bury everything inside indefinitely.

Raziel leaned a little farther over the bed, closer to Cole, using his wings to balance him. "Oh, Cole," he whispered. "You have to grieve. You have to feel the pain so there can be room for future pleasure in your heart."

A rumble of sound escaped Cole, and Raziel reached out, brushing the back of his hand tenderly over Cole's cheek and stubble. It was the touch he often gave when Cole was sleeping restlessly, and it had the usual effect of quieting him down, letting him relax in the sheets. Raziel smiled, the touch lingering perhaps a little longer than was necessary.

He nearly fell off his perch when Cole's eyes fluttered open and locked blearily with his, and he jerked his hand back to steady himself on the foot of the bed frame, a little chirp of surprise leaving him. "Cole..."

"Raziel? I was dreaming... and then you were there," Cole mumbled, his voice still gravely with sleep. The sleepy smile that came to Cole's lips made him blush a little. "I couldn't see you, but I knew it was you. Made everything better."

"It was just a dream," Raziel insisted with a gentle flap of his wings. "You can go back to sleep now." Cole shook his head, and Raziel frowned when Cole reached out.

"Come here."

Raziel carefully unfolded his wings and legs, stepping from his perch down onto the softness of Cole's bed. "Is something wrong?" he murmured as he knelt atop the covers right next to Cole.

"I just want you closer. You don't have to stay balanced on my footboard all night. I'd rather you be under the covers next to me." Cole lifted his head some, and Raziel's heart threatened to pound right out of his chest as he was drawn down into another kiss. How many times had he wanted Cole to wake up and kiss him just like this? He could count more times than he would feel comfortable admitting to any of his superiors in Heaven.

One moment he was held in Cole's arms, moaning softly as Cole thoroughly kissed him, and the next he was beneath Cole, he wings pressed to bed and his thighs parted for Cole. Raziel twittered into the next bout of kissing, his body hardening against Cole's already erect sex. The moment Cole let him take a breath, he let loose a chirp and forced Cole's eyes to meet his. "What are we doing?" he whispered.

Cole caressed his cheek. "Let me make love to you."

Raziel's wings shivered under his back, and his fingers slid into Cole's hair. "You're sure? I mean, you're awake and know I'm... me, right?"

A soft laugh puffed against Raziel's damp lips. "Yes, I know it's you," Cole murmured. "My guardian angel. Saved me from myself."

"I love you," Raziel said, unable to help himself. It was the simple, honest truth. Somewhere along the line in his duty, he'd fallen in love with Cole.

Cole brushed his hair back and smiled down at him. "I know," he said. "Maybe, in time, I'll be able to say it in return, but... not yet, Raziel."

"When you're ready." Raziel rubbed himself against Cole. "If you're ready. For now, my love for you is enough."

Then there was more kissing. Raziel thought he would be happy with just this, just the kissing and intimacy of their naked bodies. But, that wasn't what would make Cole happy. He felt Cole shifting atop him, reaching over, and then Cole broke the kiss with a curse. Raziel chuckled, tracing his finger along Cole's collarbones. "Problem?"

"Just trying to be casual about reaching for the lube, and it's not where I left it."

"It's in the second drawer down. You put it there last week after you spent time with yourself," Raziel offered helpfully.

Cole lifted an eyebrow. "You watched?"

A flush crept over Raziel's cheeks. "I watch everything, Cole."

"Everything," Cole echoed, shaking his head and crawling a little to get into the drawer. "Waiting for something to go wrong? What's going to happen while I'm jacking off? Electrocution by prostate massager?"

Worry rushed through Raziel, and his wings fluttered. "That can actually happen?"

Cole laughed as he righted himself and pushed Raziel gently, but insistently, down to the sheets again. "No. Calm down. I was just making a joke."

That brought a smile back to Raziel's lips, and warmth replaced the chill of worry. "Joking is good. You haven't joked since Robert began working for the firm six months ago. You only joke when you're happy and comfortable."

The insight seemed to throw Cole off, but the color that came to Cole's cheeks made Raziel feel good. Only Daniel had ever been able to make Cole blush like that. Well, only Daniel and Cole's mother, but the latter hadn't happened in a couple decades, so he wasn't about to count it. Cole's voice was soft as he leaned down for another kiss, which Raziel gave eagerly. "You make me happy and comfortable, then. You also make me hard."

"And that's something you want me to help you with?" Raziel twittered, unable to keep the hope and need from his voice as he shifted up against Cole.

The way Cole ground their cocks together was answer enough, but the kisses didn't hurt, either. Raziel lost himself in the sensations, in the taste, the feel, the scent of Cole. When slick fingers found their way to the entrance of his body, he couldn't help but tense and grip Cole tightly with his hands and thighs until Cole pulled back with a panted, "You've never...?"

"Never!" Raziel gasped.

A slow smile curved Cole's lips. "Good to know now." He peppered soft kisses along Raziel's lips, cheeks, and throat. "We'll go slowly, hmm?"

Raziel moaned as Cole's fingers began to circle that sensitive flesh between his cheeks, pressing inward gently, but insistently. His heart thudded in his ears, and he was soon returning each kiss Cole gave him, his fingers tangling in Cole's hair. When that first finger slid inside him, Raziel tensed, whimpered. "Cole..."

"It's all right," Cole groaned. "I won't hurt you."

"I know." Raziel knew, deep in his angelic soul, that Cole would never bring him harm. But, he remembered the first time Cole pushed his sex into Daniel's body, and discomfort seemed to be the price one paid for the pleasure promised. "I trust you."

Cole smiled against Raziel's lips. "Why is it that I believe you so easily?"

Raziel chirped, his wings shifting against the bedding. "Because you know I've been here your whole life. I know you. I know all of you, good and bad, and I still love you."

"Why couldn't Daniel say that?" Cole whispered.

Heartbreak filled Raziel, and he cupped Cole's cheek. "I'm sorry you hurt," he murmured, and he wanted to ask if Daniel would forever be between them, even when they made love. Perhaps the pain was in his eyes because Cole kissed him then, deep and passionate, and that finger within him began to move once more.

The pain in his soul seemed to lessen with each strong thump of his heart as it began racing again. The newness of Cole's finger inside him banished any worries or misgivings from his mind. All Raziel could think of was the passion he could feel in each of Cole's movements. The strange discomfort began to morph into a deeper pleasure, and the sensation of fullness as Cole added a second finger was so intimate that he couldn't help but arch and cry out.