An Angel's Soul

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He didn't understand the need to move with Cole, the intense need for more, but Cole seemed to read his heart in an instant. Cole left him breathless with kisses, and he couldn't make heads or tails of Cole's shifting until he caught sight of the knowing glint in Cole's eyes and felt the slick bluntness of Cole's sex prodding where the fingers had just left him. "Please," he panted up against Cole's lips, desperate for things he had seen but never felt.

"Shh," Cole soothed, brushing Raziel's hair from his eyes. "Nice and slow, I promise."

It was the moment Raziel had waited for. The moment he had allowed himself in his deepest, most secret fantasies. Cole's hand skated down his body, steadied him, and he stared into Cole's dark eyes as he felt Cole shift forward. His body stretched, opened, and he didn't fault Cole for the pain as they finally joined. His wings trembled, and Cole's lips found his again. A fluttering sound of discomfort escaped him, but it was answered with the most beautiful moan he had ever heard from Cole. There was pleasure, affection, and need in that one sound, and Raziel knew he would replay it over and over in his mind for eternity. That single sound comforted him in a way nothing else could have, and he felt his body relax, accept Cole deeper until he was filled completely.

It was a singular sensation. Cole was inside him. Filling him. Raziel let loose a breath, the softest of twittering, and Cole smiled against his lips. That smile. Tender and sweet. He remembered those smiles. He'd not seen them in so long, and to be the source of this smile now... oh, he couldn't think of a better gift. His fingers smoothed down Cole's back, and the muscles shifted under his fingertips as Cole withdrew a little and pressed back inside. Raziel's breath caught, his own cock straining between them. His wings wanted to flare out, but their combined weight kept his wings close to the mattress.

There were no words, and none were needed. He could see everything he needed to in Cole's eyes. Between kisses, the sharing of breath, Cole would stare down at him, and Raziel knew Cole knew how great a thing he gave now. His love for Cole welled inside him, hot and potent, and it was as if every long, slick thrust of Cole's sex did nothing but fan that heat. Burning inside and out, Raziel chirped angel song, and as his fingers dug into the meat of Cole's back, tears shined in Cole's eyes. A hopeful tweet shivered from between Raziel's lips, and Cole bent down to cover his mouth to taste him once more.

The lovemaking was slow, just as promised, and Raziel's toes curled along with his wings. The pleasure wove in and out of his senses, and the gasps and breathy groans Cole fed into their kisses did nothing to dampen his need. The kisses took on a hungry edge the minute Raziel began raising his hips, meeting each of Cole's thrusts, welcoming him so deep within his body. Hands were a little harder, the rhythm a little faster, and Raziel's heart raced, pounding loudly in his ears, offering the counterpoint to the angelic song he kept offering up whenever Cole's lips trailed down his throat.

It was Heaven, his own personal moment of Heaven, as light and pleasure overcame him. Nothing but the presence of the Almighty could compare, and for that moment, he lost sight of God, seeing only Cole, only their mutual pleasure. When he came back to himself, he could hear his own angelic song still echoing in Cole's bedroom along with Cole's shout of release. The light faded slowly, the heat receding until it only remained inside his passage and in the lingering tingles that jolted across his skin.

For a few moments, all he heard was their panting breaths, but then a flutter of a whimper escaped him. "Cole..."

"Stay with me," Cole whispered, his voice desperate in a way that broke Raziel's heart, even as he tightened his grip, holding Cole even tighter against him.

"Always," he promised, his voice trilling with a purr of lingering pleasure. "I'll never leave your side."

The words seemed to quiet whatever fears Cole felt, and Raziel twittered softly as they shifted, their bodies parting with a final wet caress. He'd never understood emptiness until that moment, but Cole instantly tugged him onto his side and pulled his arm until he was spooned against Raziel's chest. He'd seen Cole sleep with Daniel this way in the beginning, and his wings fluttered out behind him before curling in, one at his back and the other protectively around his charge. Cole cuddled back against him, refusing to let go of his arm, and the strange ache of Raziel's soul was soothed by the closeness.

He smiled and kissed Cole's shoulder. "Sleep," he breathed with another kiss to Cole's neck. All he received was a rumble of wordless agreement before Cole became heavy against him, but his heart still soared with pleasure and happiness. All these nights, he had watched Cole sleep—thousands upon thousands of nights—but tonight he wasn't perched on the footboard or sitting in the chair by the windowsill. Tonight, he had Cole in his arms, and he would carry the memory with him forever.

***

"Do you remember what happened when angels and humans last coupled?"

Raziel sat up, his mind heavy with lingering slumber. His eyes scanned the room and fell upon an angel, bathed in Holy Light, standing near the windows, his wings outspread and arms crossed. He swallowed thickly, a flush creeping up his face. Raziel knew who had come to level judgment on him. "Chamuel."

Chamuel smiled at him. "Do you remember, Raziel?"

"I remember." Raziel glanced at Cole's sleeping form, the human unaware of the angels' conversation. He slipped from the bed, refusing to talk with Chamuel while holding his ward in his arms. "But he is no woman for me to seed and breed giants with. Where is the harm?"

"Where is the harm?" Chamuel shook his head. "Raziel, they are our charges. We watch over them. We do not kiss them. We do not couple with them. We do not prevent their deaths when the natural order says they are meant to die."

Raziel's wings shivered at the reprimand in those words. "If I am not supposed to intervene on my ward's behalf to save him from himself, then what am I supposed to do? Watch him die when I could help?"

"There are limits to our calling." Chamuel stepped closed, cupped Raziel's cheek. "You have broken many rules, my friend, and you cannot escape punishment. Was it worth it? Was he worth it?"

Pain tore at Raziel's heart, tears filling his eyes. He looked over his shoulder at Cole, and he remembered his whispered promise to the man before sleep had taken him. He couldn't fight Heaven, though. Raziel didn't want to leave, but Chamuel would make him. There wasn't much choice. For angels, there was never any choice. He drank in the sight of Cole, and whispered, "Yes. It was worth it."

The sound of fluttering wings filled the room, and then there was only the soft sounds of an apartment at night. The refrigerator kicked on, humming softly through the wall, and the toilet ran for a moment, filling its tank. The air conditioner clicked on, the unit nearly silent as it pumped cool air into the many rooms. Cole rolled over in bed, mumbling softly in his sleep as his hand reached for warmth he missed in his dreams, but the warmth was gone. The sheets were cool, the room empty but for its sole occupant, and even in his sleep, Cole knew something was missing.

***

Cole couldn't help but wince at the way his front door shut behind him. The sound was resolute, like the clang of some prison cell slamming shut, locking him inside. Solitary confinement, that's what it all felt like these days. A wave of loneliness welled up in him as he went through the motions of hanging up his coat and keys, removing his tie, and unbuttoning the top three buttons of his shirt.

He kicked off his shoes, letting them scatter haphazardly as he tossed his briefcase to the sofa and padded into his bedroom. He paused on the threshold, his eyes wearily scanning the room as they had every day for the last three weeks. "Raziel?" he murmured uncertainly, hoping, praying for some sort of response.

But there was no answer to his call, no guardian angel perched on his footboard, no smile and bird-like chirp of pleasure waiting for him. Only the silence of his bedroom greeted him. The longer he waited for Raziel to answer, the more the quiet ticking of his wall clock seemed to hammer the harsh reality of his solitude into him. He couldn't stop himself from trying, no matter how much it hurt his heart each day to reach out and find there was nothing left for him to grasp.

He turned on his heel, unable to stand the sight of his empty bed, which had felt too large to sleep in alone. Back in the living room, he paced for a minute, caught between hurt and anger. What the hell had happened? Raziel had appeared right when he'd needed someone most. Raziel had saved his damn life, told him to have faith and not give up hope, to search for that path away from Daniel that would heal him. In such a short time, the angel had wormed his way into Cole's heart, but the morning after they'd made love, he'd woken up alone, as if the whole thing had been a dream.

Cole paused in his pacing, glancing back at the hallway that led to his bedroom. Maybe that was it. Maybe the whole thing had been a dream and he'd just been fucked up by the cocaine and hallucinated his guardian angel. It was a painful thing to believe, but the alternative made his chest ache even worse.

If he hadn't hallucinated the whole thing, then Raziel had lied to him. He'd just started to feel alive again, to feel like he could recover from the heartbreak of losing Daniel. To lose Raziel as well, right on the heels of Daniel, was just too much. He'd tried to stay strong, tried to push back the hurt of waking up alone, and give Raziel a chance to appear or at least make his invisibility known. But the last three weeks of turning his head at every bit of birdsong and hoping in vain had taken their toll.

There was nothing left for him. Raziel had known him inside and out. Maybe Raziel had finally found something inside him not to love, something that made him worth abandoning. After all, the common denominator of all his problems was him. Maybe he just wasn't worth saving.

Cole swallowed against the lump that formed in his throat and crossed the living room to his liquor cabinet. It was too easy to pour himself a generous glass of bourbon, far too easy to kick it back and hiss at the burn of it traveling down his throat. He waited for the little voice in his head to appear, for someone to stop him, but there was nothing. No voice, no disapproving twitter and concerned flutter of wings, just silence. He grabbed the bottle of bourbon and went to the couch.

Daniel was gone. Raziel was gone. Everything seemed up in the air, but there was one thing Cole knew for certain: another glass of bourbon would take the pain away. Not forever, but for tonight, and that was as far ahead as he wanted to plan.

He was halfway through the bottle of bourbon when someone knocked at his door. Cole narrowed his eyes, tried to make the numbers on the clock focus through the haze of alcohol. Ten o'clock? Who would be at his door at ten o'clock at night? He stumbled to his feet, made it to the door, and leaned against the wall. The room spun for a moment, and then he was able to force his fingers to work, to twist the deadbolt and open the door. He stared at the figure in the hallway, his mind not believing what his eyes saw.

"Raziel?" Raziel was dressed. He was dressed. T-shirt, jeans, and a pair of sneakers. No wings. And he was smiling. "What the hell?" Cole slurred.

"I go away for a few weeks and you return to alcohol." Raziel huffed softly and crossed his arms. "I can't save your liver this time around, so you'll have to take better care of yourself now."

Cole blinked. "What? Where the hell have you been? Do you know what it was like waking up after what we'd shared to find you gone? Not a word, a note, anything?"

Raziel's expression wilted, and he twittered gently, stepping into Cole's apartment and shutting the door. "I didn't have a choice. Chamuel came for me. I'd broken so many rules, Cole, and I had to face my superiors. I had to face the consequences of my actions."

"Consequences?"

Raziel helped him to the couch, and then sat down with him. "Consequences." He smiled, and Cole thought his heart would break with how beautiful Raziel's smile was. "I saved your life when I shouldn't have. I became visible to you. I admitted I loved you. I made love with you. I broke all the rules."

"So, you were grounded for three weeks?" Cole asked, his head still swimming, though he was quickly sobering up.

"No." Raziel laced their fingers together. "Do you love me, Cole?"

"I thought I didn't," Cole breathed. "When you first appeared and I was longing for Daniel, I thought I couldn't love anyone but him. But when you were gone that morning and didn't come back... All I could think of was you."

Raziel smiled again. "Do you love me?"

"If I don't, I damn near do," Cole admitted.

"Good." Raziel kissed Cole's knuckles. "I had to make a choice. I could be reassigned to a new life while another angel took over my position, or..." He paused, flushing. "Or I could let them take my wings, make me human, to live out my days with you."

Cole's heart pounded in his chest. "You're... not an angel anymore?"

Raziel shook his head. "No. An angel's soul in a human body. I didn't know if you could love me, if you would keep me, but the idea of never seeing you again, touching you... I couldn't choose any other way."

Cole stared. He wasn't sure how long he stared at Raziel before making his lips work again. "But, what happens... y'know... in the end?" If Raziel had an angel's soul, then that would make him immortal, right?

Raziel chuckled and shook his head again, squeezing his hand. "I live a human life, and then—provided you lay off the booze enough not to keel over—we both end up in Heaven once we die."

Cole couldn't help but smile. "Trying to keep me on the straight and narrow?"

"It's been my job from the very beginning. Being human doesn't change that," Raziel laughed, following the sound with a musical twitter that made Cole's heart swell with happiness. Raziel was truly back. He'd given up everything and come back. Cole reached around with his other arm to pull Raziel close, hugging him so tightly, Raziel made more of those gorgeous bird-like sounds. "It's all right, Cole. Everything will be all right."

Cole's eyes stung, and he didn't have the willpower necessary to keep the tears back as he breathed in Raziel's scent and ran his fingers through Raziel's blond hair. "I have so many questions."

"So do I," Raziel admitted softly. "Watching humans live is very different from living as one. I'll need your help."

"You have it," Cole promised instantly, sniffling and grinning. "But now isn't the time for Twenty Questions."

"It isn't?"

Cole shook his head, pressing his cheek against Raziel's for a moment, whispering into Raziel's ear. "Now is when you make up for flying off without leaving a note."

He heard Raziel swallow thickly, and the shifting of Raziel's jaw next to his told him Raziel licked his lips to stall for another second. "I'm sorry, Cole. I told them you wouldn't understand, but they insisted. How do I make it up to you?"

It's the question Cole had been waiting for, and he straightened enough for their eyes to meet. "You can start with a kiss. Your very first welcome-home kiss."

A becoming flush moved over Raziel's pale cheeks, and then his hands cupped Cole's cheeks, drew him down for a soft, chaste kiss. It had to be one of the most erotic kisses he'd ever been given, even with the lack of tongue and teeth and passion. What Cole felt in that kiss was far beyond lust. A promise was in that kiss. Even at his lowest, when he thought nothing good was left in his life, Raziel had been there. Raziel had caught him, raised him up, and had even sacrificed his angelic life in order to return to him. In that tender meeting of lips, Raziel told him everything he needed to hear without a single word spoken.

When Raziel's lips parted and his tongue sought entrance to his mouth, Cole thought he'd come in his trousers. He moaned, wrapped his arms around Raziel's waist, and pulled their bodies together. Relief washed through him. Raziel was his again. Cole had no intention of letting the angel go again. In the course of just a few days, he'd fallen utterly in love with his protector, and he didn't regret a moment. He smiled against Raziel's lips, his hands moving over the thin cloth of Raziel's shirt.

"I'm going to enjoy dressing you in the finest fabrics," he murmured.

Raziel twittered, his lips damp and eyes bright. "Why?"

"Because then I'll have the immense pleasure of undressing you." Cole grinned, the melancholy of the last seven months seeming like just a bad dream. "Come to bed?"

"Yes," Raziel breathed, following him into the bedroom. "I missed you so. I worried."

Cole pulled Raziel's shirt up and off, throwing it into the corner. His hands slid over the lightly golden skin, his thumbs teasing Raziel's nipples. Raziel gasped, shuddered, and his hands tightened on Cole's hips. "You were right to worry," Cole murmured. "I thought I was alone again, and the memory of you was as much a torture as it was a comfort."

Another apologetic chirp left Raziel's lips. "I really have to help you relearn to stand on your own two feet. Your life is worth so much, even if it were to be lived alone."

"But that won't be a problem," Cole reminded him with a grin, loving the way Raziel's hands crept to the buttons of his shirt, flicking them free of their holes. "I'll never be alone now that you've returned."

"True... and I'll fit in your shower with you now," Raziel said with a hesitant smile.

Cole lifted an eyebrow. "Another fantasy you've been waiting to act out?" Raziel nodded, and he laughed, pulling Raziel in for a kiss that started out light and sweet but quickly deepened into something more. Raziel pushed his shirt past his shoulders, and he stripped out of his work clothes, leaving them behind in a trail from the door to the bed. He delighted in tumbling Raziel into the bed, and while he missed the beautiful wings his angel had boasted, it was easier to move about without them.

Raziel joined in his laughter, and the sound only added more heat to Cole's arousal as he tugged at the simple worn-in jeans still standing between him and Raziel's body. Raziel wriggled until Cole was able to pull the denim down his legs, and then purred when he ran his hands broadly up and down Raziel's torso. "You act like you want to touch all of me at once," Raziel moaned.

"I would if I could," Cole admitted, draping himself over Raziel and shuddering at the heat of Raziel's skin. "You're so warm."

"That's... from the purification as I was placed in this form," Raziel whispered against his lips, kissing him again and again. "Chamuel said it would eventually fade."

"Not too soon, I hope," Cole murmured. The warmth was wonderful, not to mention convenient with a cold winter ahead of them.

Raziel smiled and hugged him close. His hands skated over Cole's body before gripping lightly at his ass. "I'll keep you warm at night," he promised, as if reading Cole's mind again.

"I have no doubt," Cole breathed, and then he covered Raziel's mouth with his. He could hardly believe Raziel had come back. Not only had he come back, but he'd given up so much just to be with him. The sacrifice rocked Cole to his very core. He'd never thought he'd be worth that great a price to someone. He moaned into the kiss, rubbed his body against Raziel's. Maybe he shouldn't immediately pounce Raziel like this, but he couldn't help himself. He wanted to celebrate this moment, give to Raziel even a fraction of what Raziel had given him.