An Elevator Ride

When they undressed her for examination, the nurse didn't comment on the rolled up waistband or the lack of underwear. Considering the bizarre things they saw stuck in peoples lower orifices late in the evenings, Karen's dress was unremarkable. The hospital gave her a bunch of muscle relaxants attached some electrical things to zing her back for a while and some drugs for the pain. She still couldn't straighten her back all the way, but was somewhat better, she could sit OK, even walk hunched over a walker, and the pain was bearable.

They wouldn't let her see Jonathan in the emergency room. At 5:30, a nurse came out and asked if she was driving him home, and if so where was the car. She told her Mr. Lamb would need a cab. Another nurse wheeled Jonathan to the door. He was a sight, his face all puffed up and bandaged. He couldn't talk too well, but it didn't really matter because they couldn't say much in front of the nurse. He went back to the Broad Moor as they had paid for the room and he was in no condition to fly back to Pittsburg.

She told him she had to get home and to call her at work when it was convenient.

She took a taxi directly home and arrived about 7 PM. Late, but not too late.

Chris was startled when she hobbled in, and announced that she was having an awful day. Her back was killing her. Chris could see she was in pain, and bit his tongue. It wasn't fair to kick someone while they were down, so he was willing to wait. She asked what was for supper, he pointed to a box of cold pizza on the table and got up to put two slices in the microwave. He came back a couple of minutes later when her cell phone rang.

"Chris, would you get that for me?"

"He noted it was Marcus Wolf and handed it to her without picking up."

Had she not been full of pain meds, she would have realized that this was one call she shouldn't take, but she did.

"Hello Marcus, how was Baltimore?"

"Karen, who the hell is telling my wife we are screwing? He claimed to be your husband. This is no god damn joke!"

Her face contorted into a look of horror.

"I...I don't know, Marcus, let me call you back. It's a horrible accusation. I could talk to your wife if it would help."

"Well call me back tonight! She threw me out and I'm staying at the Broad Moor. Good god damn fucking night!"

"Chris, did you call Marcus's wife and tell him I was sleeping with him?"

"Sure! No big secret is it? Might as well have everyone know."

"Oh my god! You've got to call her back and talk to her. Oh Chris I swear on the saints I have never so much as put an arm around Marcus. Honest to god, please, you may have destroyed his marriage! Why on god's earth did you do that? Are you crazy?"

She was serious, and I believed her. I assumed it was Marcus.

"First things first, I have her number on my cell. I'll call her right now."

I made the call on the porch so she wouldn't hear.

When I identified myself, Mrs. Wolf launched into to a diatribe about men in general and her husband in particular.

"Mrs. Wolf, Please... let me say something! Please! I agree we need to talk. Now this is important, I may have made a mistake! Could you describe what your husband looks like?"

There was a dead silence...

"What the fuck you asshole! You may have made a mistake! You may have made a mistake! You, you stinking asshole! What does the guy you think is screwing your wife look like?"

"Ahhh...blond hair, trim, about 5 6" English accent, maybe Australian,"

"Let me tell you what my husband looks like. Fuck you're such an idiot! I'll tell you what he looks like! He's 240 pounds, six foot two and he's coming after you. You fucking wack job! Only guy in the company that I've met like that is a sometimes consultant Jonathan Lamb... you bastard! No wonder your slut wife's cheating on you! MAY YOU ROT IN HELL!"

The line went dead. Uh oh! She certainly reamed me a new asshole. Well, now I got a name!

I came back into the house.

"How about that! It's really funny! All along, I thought you were fucking a Wolf, when it was really a Lamb!"

I had a good laugh. She didn't crack a smile. No sense of humor.

Don't worry about it Karen, I've packed your shit, tomorrow your moving in with your mother. You need to apply for new credit cards as I canceled our old ones. If you're lucky, Marcus may let you keep your job! Might even take Lamb's place in your love life. Now you can sleep around as much as you like!"

Her mind was scrambling. Could Marcus have known about her and Lamb? No he couldn't, and neither could her husband. He was guessing.

"Chris we need to talk. I didn't do anything!"

"Sorry, I don't need to talk. You and me, we're history. You've been merrily fucking Lamb for a few months now, and I'm through with you."

"Don't hate me! We can get past this. I love you!"

"I don't hate you, but frankly I am already past this. I forgive you, if it makes you feel any better, but our marriage is over, whatever else we might say."

"Do you still love me?"

"Not like I use to, and from now on every day I'll be loving you less. Our marriage was struggling some before this...my fault as much as yours, so probably you putting an end to it in a grand flourish was not the big thing it might have been. "

"I want to try to make it work."

"Better you get on with life. I can forgive, but I won't forget, and if I stayed with you, I'd always wonder what you were doing and who was the father of my kids. Don't want to live that way."

We had little more to say after that. There was no begging and pleading by her or me. We're still friends, but nothing more. About a year later, I came across her at a coffee shop. She now works for Jonathan's consulting company and for all I know still fucking him. Not my worry. After a bit of chit chat, She blurted out:

"I want to thank you for not beating the shit out of Jonathan!"

"What??"

"Remember when Austin got beat up, you said if I ever cheated, you'd throw me out and go after the guy I was seeing. You were kind enough to not go after him, so I thought I would thank you for your restraint."

"Karen, you really are dumb as a post! The night you screwed up your back? What did your little Lambkins look like when you last saw him that day?"

Her jaw dropped and her eyes bulged.

"You!??..."

The look on her face was priceless!