tagHumor & SatireAn Hour in the Joy Relax Spa

An Hour in the Joy Relax Spa


One of the greatest feelings for a guy in the world is to get a hot, oily, steamy, great massage from a very sexy woman. And since I don't have a wife or a girlfriend to give me one, I get them from a paid erotic massage specialist.

I'm just doing my job, helping to keep our free market economy moving along, I guess.

Don't get me wrong. I have absolutely nothing against wives and girlfriends. I've been married a couple of times, and there've been quite a few girlfriends along the way. But I've decided that being married or having a girlfriend just isn't my thing. For some weird-ass reason, wives end up thinking that the right way for a married couple to screw is her way, which usually means that it's not as often as the husband wants; and certainly not in the ways he wants. My experience is that at some point the married sex rules change. They turn out to be like this: only in bed, hubby on top, and sure as hell don't even think about doing anything funky and fun - like fucking doggie-style or her giving him a big ol' messy, sloppy deep throating.

Why does the whole married sex life thing have to change, anyway? After about a year of being married to wife #2, one night I was slamming her good and things were about to get inverted, shall I say. I was ready to spin her around so that her head was hanging off the edge of the mattress, so I could throat fuck her. We'd done this dozens and dozens of times and she never complained. As a matter of fact, she encouraged it. She always said that she liked the feel of my cum shooting down the back of her throat.

Then, one time, she stopped me right before the spin-a-rama to get her head over the edge. She said - and I swear this is true - "we have to stop doing this. Other couples don't do it, do they?"

What the fuck!? I don't give a flying burrito what other couples do in bed. Not one bit! I only care what we do in bed. And what she and I had been doing is damn near anything she or I wanted to do. Hell, she was the more aggressive of the two of us a lot of the times. So why the all-of-the-sudden change then? I mean, like after I pumped several gallons of cum down her throat over a couple of years? I don't get it.

And here's another thing that bugged me about #2. Up to this little incident, she was as dirty and slutty as any woman could be. After we got hitched, and for the first, I don't know, maybe the first two years, she was into anything!

"C'mon baby. Bang me really hard," she'd say. "C'mon baby. I want to taste your cum," she begged. Well, what the hell happened to all of that? Do married women reach a default setting at a certain age or something, that turns off their desire to fuck?

Girlfriends are a bit better than wives. If some chick that is even thinking of wanting you to be her main squeeze, and she's willing to go to the mat with you to prove she's worth the hassle, she's probably going to stick with it for awhile, or she'll leave. That's fine. Whatever.

The way I figure it is this. Men and women do not equate sex and intimacy the same way. Men liken them to be the same. Women make them two different things. The best thing to do is that the two of you have to have a good talk about it. The best solution is that the man gets to fuck, screw, diddle and sometimes drop a load on his woman's face pretty much anytime he wants, which admittedly could be a big put out for his woman. But as long as he earnestly spends the time making sure his woman is feeling all sweetened up, with lot's of hugging and kissing and otherwise being incredibly romantic, which could be a big put out for the man, things will work out well. They both get what they want. She gets romantic intimacy. He gets to fuck anytime he wants to and any way he wants to. But as for me, at this moment in my life, I've decided that I'm really not looking for intimacy, just sex. And sex is available on the open market.

There are advantages to buying sex. First, is the availability. You just have to make a few phone calls and you're hooked up. I don't care what city you're in. There are pros available everywhere. Next, is the variety. I love seeing escorts because I get to enjoy different women that will do different things. Want a mature woman closer to your age? How bout a younger chick? Maybe you wanna go black? Kinky? You can get anything you want, which is a lot more stimulating than just the same bang every couple of nights. The last reason is that they are pros. They know what they're doing and they aim to please. And all of them do what you like, too. Like head? No problem. Want a particular position? They're glad to accommodate. Role playing? Fine. The truth is that familiarity, even with someone who is incredibly hot, gets boring after a while. Mixing it up is the thing.

There was one woman that I dated, however, that broke the mold. She played me like a harp. I think it was on our second date when we first fucked. She was scorching hot. Big full boobs, great figure, loved to give head, just awesome in every way. She then held out on ensuing dates. We'd make out, but she would coyly put the breaks on anything else. She always said things like, "Hey, tiger. Just calm down. There will be plenty of me for you. You just have to wait. Let me be in charge of getting you off."

Holy shit! What a turn on. And she delivered too. When I would least expect it, like in the afternoon when the sexual energy between us seemed to be at an off setting, or at least in neutral, she would attack and absolutely drive me nuts. It was great! (Why the hell did I let her get away? I can be such a dumb shit sometimes.)

Anyway, there is one other best reason why buying sex is better than being in a relationship. It's cheaper. Hey, you want to fuck once a week? Probably going to cost you $800 to $1000 per month. Like I said, that's cheaper than being in a relationship, certainly cheaper than being married, what with building a love nest with all the trimmings. With a pro, you march in, lay your money down, and have a really good time. You leave with empty nuts and a smile on your face.

While I like meeting women at their hotel rooms, or I have them come over to my place, my favorite thing to do is going to Asian spas. And what's not to like?! You go in and get a very earnestly given massage that feels great, and you get to bang some incredible little, tight, smooth skinned Asian hottie.

My favorite place is down in Fort Lauderdale. It's called Joy Relax Asian Spa - I love that place. It really is the best one that I've ever been to, but they're all good. And I've been to a lot of them! Most of the other places are clean and serviceable. The girls are, for the most part, very cute and hot. And I love Asian women. I think that an average Asian woman is, for the most part, more attractive than a good looking Caucasian chick.

Getting the massage itself is anywhere from $40.00 to $60.00 for an hour. The levels of service vary. Most of the time you go into the massage room, strip, get a good massage with oil or lotion on a massage table, and wait for the secret signs that the masseuse is offering special services. You've probably heard of them - happy endings.

The more high end places are usually better kept up, with nicer furnishings, music, and almost always women that are even more hot than in the others. And the level of massage services are usually better too. My favorite is to get a table shower.

A table shower is just like it sounds. The spa has a bath area with a large massage table in it. You lay down and the girl washes you from head to toe with warm soapy water. You almost always start lying on your stomach. And they wash you thoroughly, getting their soapy hands into all of the nooks and crannies of your ass. The first tell tale sign that they may offer happy endings usually starts here too. As she's washing your ass or your thighs, she starts asking questions like, "that feel real good? You like that?" Things like that. If you answer positively, she usually then reaches between your legs and touches or tickles your sack. If you lift your hips up a bit to let her have better access, she gets the message that you're looking for something special. She may even do a full reach up to your dick. If you resist that means that you aren't in the market for anything extra.

She then has you turn over on your back where she gives you a soapy washing with the same level of detail work as before. When she starts washing your dick she asks the same questions before but with a few added lines like, "Ooo, you have nice deeck. Nice deeck." She then looks you in the eyes. A wink from you is all that is needed to confirm your real intentions.

And by the way, a good crotch washing feels terrific.

The Joy Relax Spa throws in an extra feature. After the table shower you're led to a small dry sauna that dries you off really nicely.

I've been there probably a dozen times and been with several of the girls. They've all been terrific. But the best is Suni. My god, what an incredible woman! She's small, typical for Asians, but with a perfect figure...I mean perfect! Her tits aren't huge, but they are beautifully shaped: round, firm and sized just right. Her waist is narrow but in perfect proportion to the rest of her. Oh, and her face is like an angel. She also has a fun and bubbly personality. She likes to talk, but not too much that it becomes gibberish.

When I walk into the front door and then ring the buzzer at the inner door, she answers it with a big smile. "Oh, it's so good to see you again. I love you!" She then plants a big wet kiss on my lips and reaches down and fondles my hard crotch. "Oh, and you glad to see me too!" A lot of the time she's wearing this very little dark green party dress that is loose at the low neckline that gives a very generous view of her tits. She then leads me into the massage room. I give her the sixty bucks for the full hour massage with a table shower. "You know what to do. I be right back," she says. I then get undressed and sit on the table and wait for her to come back. She then returns and wraps a towel around my waist. It's time for my table shower.

Man, I love table showers! The water is warm and steamy. I start on my stomach. Suni lathers up a big wash cloth and gets to cleaning. She starts at my shoulders and arms, then my back, then skips down to my feet and starts working up my legs. When she gets back up to my ass she sets the cloth aside and uses her hands. She works deep into my ass crack and makes sure that it is very clean...and stimulated. I don't know what this means but it feels awesome when she washes my asshole. It's a real turn on. All the while she's cooing, saying naughty little things like, "ooo, you so handsome. I like you lots."

She then has me flip over onto my back and she starts to work on the main reason I'm there - to get my dick in perfect operating condition, ready to do it's thing. We've done this enough times that she knows to work over the inside of my thighs a lot. Amazing what she can do there. By this point I am hard as a rock. It's only then that she starts in on my rod. With her soupy hands she just strokes it slowly. "Ooo, you deeck is so good. So big. I like you deeck." Now, while I'm on my back and if she is close enough to reach her, I'm giving her a good feel too. Since I'm a regular I can do just about anything I want, so I'm running my hand all over her under her dress, touching everything, from her nipples to her pussy.

After she rinses me off she escorts me to the dry sauna and lets me dry off in there for maybe ten minutes. At the end of that time, she always comes inside the sauna and starts fondling me. "You ready for massage now? Ooo, you deeck is big. You ready!"

Again, since I'm a regular, she gets naked for the massage too. And, truth be told, it is a great massage. I like some oil or lotion, but not too much. It's probably not a certified massage therapist type massage, but it's damn good. And she knows how I like to get massaged: neck, shoulders, arms, hands, lower legs, and feet. My back? Not so much. All the while she's speaking softly, saying things that are relaxing and comforting. It's a great experience. It really is.

When she flips me over onto my back she adds a bit more oil to her hands and massages me first around the sides of my neck. That's always a sore area for me. She then skips my entire torso to go down and work on my feet more intensely. Wow! And during all this, she's taking her time. There is never a rushed feeling to it. She is giving me a genuine great massage.

It soon comes to the big moment when she reaches down and starts to massage my cock. As she starts that she leans down close to my face and gives me a little kiss. "You want special massage, yes?" I tell her that of course I do. She then extends her hand to me, palm up. It's time for me to pay up. My rate to fuck her is $140. I jump off the table, get the cash out of my pants and pay her. Capitalism at it's finest.

This is when things get real serious, in a fun way. She knows I like dirty talk and she lays it on real heavy, but very quietly. I'm touching her everywhere I can reach, including her pussy. In the times that we've been together we've fucked in just about every position. She always asks me, "how you want fuck today?" My favorite is her on top. She smiles a big smile and climbs up on the table, kneeling between my legs. She's all smiles and giggles at this point. She pulls a rubber out from some convenient hiding place and puts it on with her mouth. She gives me a bit of blowjob and then mounts me. Her favorite way of riding is to be up on her feet where she does all the work, and that's just fine with me.

"You lie there. You special. Me do it all!" she always says. And she does, and I let her.

Now, I have good staying power, so she has to work for her money. She bounces up and down, wiggles around and looks like she's having fun herself. Most of the time, a some point, she has to slow down so she can climax too. Now that's exciting. But she's a professional, so she has to finish the job. And she does!

One of the things that I like about Suni is that she isn't in a hurry. She genuinely seems to enjoy herself. For instance, when I cum she doesn't spring off of me, hurries me to get dressed, and get out. She lingers a while, gently rocking on my cock, smiling, enjoying it. When she does get off of me, she takes her time taking the condom off. She then gets dressed and goes out of the room to fetch a warm moist towel and cleans my dick off with that, instead of a tacky, stinky moist towelette. And she's all lovey-dovey too. She likes to kiss and hug. Seriously, it's a very sensual experience all the way around.

Look, if you're married, or in an exclusive relationship, I would never, ever suggest that you do this. You've made a commitment, you have to stick to it. That's the right thing to do. Like I said, you and yours have to get your sexual priorities out there to be discussed and understood. You both need what you both need. Tend to it.

But if you're unattached...

Sex and intimacy in an uncomplicated, unencumbered, honest, erotic, fun, relaxing, and incredibly beautiful Asian package - at the Joy Relax Asian Spa.

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