An Ordinary Bloke

Up until now my life has not been riddled with self-doubt. In a life this ordinary there are no doubts. I could only be described as handsome by the blind. I could only be described as musical by the tone deaf. In stature, only midgets look up to me. My whole life has been spent being an ordinary bloke. So what has happened to change that? She has happened. She it is that has cast doubts on my ordinariness.

The she in question is Mary Thornton. I met her in my local supermarket when I was spending my meagre budget on one of life's luxuries, food. At my time of life one has few luxuries, and food was one of them. I came around the corner pushing my trolley when I bumped into her, literally. "I'm sorry, they should fit these things with brakes, along with wheels that point in the right direction. Are you all right? I haven't broken anything, have I?"

"No, I'm okay. I was meaning to hang a left here but this damn thing took it into its head to turn right. I think that we can state in our insurance claims that it was the fault of these." And I couldn't take my eyes from her face.

"Are you new here, or is it that this is your first time at this time of the day?" I couldn't believe that I was asking her this, what business was it of mine?

"How perceptive of you. I am new to the district, and I can't believe that I'm doing this, but can you show me what is what and where is where? This will save me flapping around trying to find things."

"Flapping around is good, you find things that you weren't looking for. But, if you want, I'm prepared to flap with you. You never know, I might find something new that I wasn't looking for." Yeah, like I wasn't looking for you, was I?

"I only have to pick up a few more things, shall I meet you out front?"

"I'm just about finished here myself, and I have a trick that makes life more interesting at the checkout. For starters I never use the self-serve checkouts, not because I can't, but because I have my favourite checkout operator. She's not only cute, but she can actually say things other than 'hi, how are you today?', 'do you have a rewards card?, and 'enjoy the rest of your day'. Whoever thought up this crap obviously thought that using banalities like this meant that they didn't have to think of things to say. This girl didn't hesitate to join in when I spoke outside the square, and forced her to think of a response. Now we have semi-intelligent conversations, we talk about what we're doing and are going to do. It turns dull and boring into interesting for both of us."

"I agree, sometimes I wonder whether or not these girls are lip-synching to a recording half the time."

I grabbed the few things that I had left to grab and we walked to the express checkout together. I gallantly allowed her (I hadn't gotten around to asking her name yet) too precede me. Soon it was my turn.

"Hi Janie, how's life in the fast lane today?" I asked her as she took my cool bag from me and slipped it over the frame. I stacked my goods on the conveyor in the order that she should place them into the bag.

"I don't know how I'll be able to stand another six hours of this excitement. How are things with you? I noticed you chatting up that lady, are you going to hit on her?"

"Are you suggesting that I have lustful intentions towards her, or are you just jealous? We only just met when our trolleys collided in aisle 7, I have to take her to the doctors to see if there's anything broken."

"Me jealous? No way, I've got you exactly where I want you."

"And where is that exactly?"

"On your side of the checkout. That comes to twenty three dollars and seventy five cents."

I waved my rewards card in front of the scanner and then held up my debit card so that she could activate the card scanner.

"Any cash out?"

"Nah, if I take any out I'll only spend it on frivolous things."

Her register printed out my receipt, and she handed it to me with a smile. "Go for it mate, she's actually waited for you to finish, and hasn't walked off. She's interested." I smiled at her, picked up my bag and placed it in my trolley and walked towards Mary.

"By the way, I'm Roland, Roland Stevens." I said as we headed for the car park.

"Mary, Mary Thornton. Shall we dump our groceries in our cars and then have a cup of coffee. I assume that you know the best coffee shop in this centre."

"I have my favourite, yes." My car came first and she waited while I opened the hatch and stowed my bag.

"I like your hatch support, what is it and why?"

"It's a pitching wedge. The struts aren't strong enough to support the hatch. They worked after a fashion before I stuck the Vitesse spoiler on the back, but it's as heavy as lead." (I should point out that I currently drive an old (1985) Rover SE VanDenPlas because of my penchant for old and unusual cars.) I dropped the hatch and wheeled my now empty trolley towards her car, which turned out to be a similarly unusual car from the same era, a SAAB 9000 turbo hatch. "I'm impressed, we seem to have similar taste in cars."

"I claimed this to piss off my ex-bastard. He loved this car more than he loved me, so I wouldn't agree to his demands until he gave it to me. He needed the money from the sale of the house to save his sorry arse, because his business was going down the tubes. If he wasn't shagging his secretary I might have let him keep it."

We dumped our trolleys in the collection bay and headed inside to my favourite coffee shop. I chose this one because it concentrates on making simple coffee well, rather than having a squillion different flavours, none of this half caff cap with a dusting of cinnamon for me, I liked mine plain and simple, a flat white.

"What would you like?" I asked Mary as we reached the front of the queue.

"Flat white please."

"Two flat whites," I told the guy behind the counter, "and a couple of slices of that lemon cheesecake."

"How did?" Mary began to ask. "This is weird, our tastes are so similar it's not funny."

"Yeah, I had noticed. You bought pretty much the same stuff as I did back in the supermarket. This is going to simplify matters in the future."

"Are you suggesting at this early stage, how long has it been, half an hour, that you and I are destined to marry?"

"Like you said, it's early days, minutes actually, but for some reason I have this urge to forget that I have very little to offer a prospective bride and put myself out there while I have the balls."

"I'm glad you have balls. Am I to hope that as well as having the intestinal fortitude, you have a couple occupying your pouch."

"I have indeed. They may be atrophied from lack of use, but they're there."

"I see that I'll have to rectify that." We had found a table and were seated waiting for our goodies to arrive. "But getting serious for a while, I can't believe that I could bump, literally, into someone who I found instantly attractive. I don't mean in the film star sense, but someone who is not full of himself and has an unforced sense of humour."

"I can't believe that I have met someone who is so easy to talk to. I don't have to pretend to be someone that I'm not to attract your attention."

"No you just had to maim me with your reckless trolley driving."

"You're going to make me apologise for that for the rest of my miserable life, aren't you?"

"No I'm not. Realistically, if you hadn't bumped into me, or was it the other way around, I don't know, and I don't care, anyway if we hadn't bumped into each other, we wouldn't be sitting here having this ridiculous conversation." Our coffees and cheese cake arrived. "Saved by food, I think I'll shut up for the time being."

We chatted about this and that as we ate and drank, all the time skirting the issues touched on earlier. As we walked down the mall later Mary took my hand to stop me. "Roland, do your friends call you Roland, or is it Rollo?"

"Roland. The few friends that I have call me Roland."

"Okay Roland, what do you think of this?" She pointed to an LBD in the window of a dress shop.

"I think that you would look great in that, all you would need is somewhere to wear it, and someone to take you there."

"If I were to buy it, would you take me somewhere where it would not look out of place?"

"I think that I could manage that." A quick mental calculation of whether my bank account could wear that, and I realised that I might have to starve for a week, but what the heck, I needed to lose weight anyway.

"Come on, I'll try it on and you can tell me what you think." She literally dragged me inside and minutes later appeared from the change room wearing it. She pirouetted around. "Well, what do you think?"

"I think that you look amazing." It was then that I realised that she wasn't wearing a bra. Okay, so the dress was tight under the bodice, but even so, there was no strain on the top from floppy tits. "Actually you look better than amazing, close to perfect, but then I might be a tad biased."

"Aren't you sweet. It's not to young for me, is it?"

"The dress is like you, ageless." Gees, I can lay it on thick, can't I?

She smiled at me, I noticed something else about her, when she smiles at me I go weak at the knees, and trotted off to change back into her ordinary clothes.. After paying for it we recommenced our mall stroll, stopping from time to time to look at something in a shop window. She pointedly, I think, stopped outside a Menswear store to admire a couple of trouser/jacket combinations. Oh well, at a stretch I could manage two weeks without eating. I tried on a pair of dark blue trousers teamed with a darkish blue/grey jacket that I could wear my good blue shirt with.

"You look positively handsome in that, we'll be the best dressed couple wherever you take me."

What could I do? I bought the trousers and jacket, and armed with a large shopping bag advertising the store, we continued our walk.

Back at her car and I stood close to her, not threateningly close, but a friendly close. "If I make reservations for a restaurant for this evening, where will I need to pick you up from?"

She took a pen and notepad from her bag and wrote down her name, address and phone number. "I could have told you, but there I would be, between now and then wondering whether or not you've had a seniors moment and forgotten all about it. What time would you like me to be ready?"

"How does 6:30 sound?"

"I think I could manage to chisel a new face by then." She moved closer and kissed me lightly on the lips. "That's to lessen the chances of you forgetting."

"It's already etched on my frontal lobe. I'll see you at 6:30 then." I kissed her back, not her back, I returned her kiss. "You too are a senior, I don't want to rock up at yours to find you in your jimjams and with your hair in curlers."

"For your information, I have neither jimjams or curlers." She slid into her car and fired up the engine.

Back at home I had the beginnings of a panic attack. What the fuck had I let myself in for? To say that I was out of practise at this sort of thing presupposes that I had done it previously. It certainly felt as if I'd never been in this situation, but then I must have, I was at one time a married man, but that was now a faded memory of a time long ago. Since then I have avoided the possibility of entering into even a casual relationship with another woman, so why did I, when this opportunity presented itself, jump headlong into it? After telling myself that I was a fucking idiot, I set about tarting myself up and preparing to meet my doom.

Promptly at 6:30 my trembling finger applied pressure to the front door button and the happy peals of my fate rang through the house. A vision in a new black dress appeared as the door opened. My breath came to a screeching halt for several seconds as I took this all in. "Come in, I've just got to layer on a second coat of make-up, it shouldn't take long."

"Take your time." I was used to, in a previous existence, waiting positively ages for the preening to finish.

Thirty seconds later she emerged from down the hall clutching her small clutch purse and wearing a smile a mile wide. "Well, how do I look?" When I hadn't yet managed to get my mouth into gear within twenty seconds she decided to interrupt my thoughts. "So, from your lack of response, am I to gather that my beauty has left you speechless?"

"What? Yes, speechless am I. And I'll stop doing my Yoda impersonation now, I shall?"

"That's the best compliment a girl can get. And you've scrubbed up pretty well yourself. Shall we go."

"Yes, we should." I led her to my car and held the door open for her to get in. There is something about a black stocking clad leg that turns me on, and hers were working wonders with my libido.

What can I say, the evening got better and better as it progressed. "Well, what would you like?" I asked, looking up from my menu.

"It all looks so good. I think I'll start with the deep fried sardines, and, keeping with the seafood theme, the Barramundi and salad looks good."

"This is to much of a coincidence." The waiter came over to hover, pen in hand. "We'll have two serves of my usual thanks." His eyebrows shot up, I always ordered the same thing every time I went there, every two weeks or so, but to have two people order the same thing, especially when there didn't seem to have been any comparing of notes between us, was too much of a coincidence.

Our conversation over the fine food was a continuation of our light-hearted banter of earlier on in the day. I was enjoying myself and found myself relaxing in Mary's company. A bottle of good Savvy B (Sauvignon Blanc) helped us along, not that we really needed it, but it gave us something to do with our hands seeing that neither of us smoked, not that we could in the restaurant. By the end of the meal we were both laughing at just about anything that was said.

I led her from the restaurant, and as we reached the street Mary took my hand. I stopped and turned to her. "Thank you so much for a pleasant evening. I needed this." She moved closer and kissed me. I moved back and leaned against a light pole, I needed all the support that I could get, seeing as how my knees had deserted me.

"Thank you. I can't remember the last time that I enjoyed myself this much. I should be thanking you. I have all but given up on attracting the attention of a woman that I felt comfortable with."

"You're one up on me. I had given up on men."

"That bad huh?"

"Let's not spoil a perfect evening."

I opened the car door for her and she slid into her seat. I don't know whether it was my imagination or not, but I'm sure that I was shown a little more leg this time, and, as the car sits relatively low, a decent glimpse of cleavage. The evening was getting even more perfect. Then there was the seat belt between her breasts, I had a hard time concentrating, but I managed, just.

I pulled into her driveway and turned the motor off, slipped out of my seat belt and around the her side of the car. "We are here Madam." I said in my best Chauffeur's voice. This time it wasn't my imagination. She swung her legs out and just before she stood up, her skirt had risen up alarmingly. Her smile told me that it was deliberate.

"Thank you Roland, would you care to escort me inside?" She replied in her best 'Lady of the manor' voice.

"Certainly Madam, as you wish. I would enjoy that." She took her keys from her purse and handed them to me. I opened her door for her and stood aside as she entered. I got less than a metre inside her door when she flung her arms around my neck and kissed me, really kissed me. I would have said something, protested that this was moving much too fast for me, but my lips were sealed, by her lips. In the middle of this contact I realised that she was not wearing a bra, I snuck a feel just to confirm it, her nipples were hard, a situation that my cock was attempting to emulate.

Eventually she eased back from me. There was that look on her face again, her hand went between us as she copped a feel. "Let's cut to the chase. I want so much to make love to you tonight, all night."

"You won't hear me complaining. Lead on." She led, down the hallway to her bedroom.

"The loo's in there," she pointed to the door to the en-suite, "if you need to have a leak and freshen up."

"Do you have a spare toothbrush?"

"Seeing as how we've just been swapping spit, I don't see any problem with you using mine. I'll buy you one in the morning."

"You don't have to do that, I've got a couple of spares at home. The last time I bought a new toothbrush it came in a pack of three. So, you have one for when you stop over at my place."

"My you are organised, you would seem to have done this sort of thing before."

"Nah, I'm just a cheapskate, they were on special, better than three for the price of two."

All the time this was going on we were getting out of our clothes. In the wash of moonlight filtering through the curtains she looked even more spectacular. I finished undressing before her and went into the en-suite to brush my teeth. Mary followed me in, and with the light on, I noticed a small scar on her left breast. She saw me noticing it.

"Yes, it's what you think it is, It's all gone, the last three examinations have proven negative, so I feel that I've made it out the other side. I used to be self-conscious about my breasts after the operation, and the ex didn't help me by completely, and conspicuously, ignoring the existence of my left boob, it made me feel even more self-conscious of my scar. I bet his Secretary has perfect tits."

"I think that they are perfect, the scar gives that one a touch of character." I said as I kissed the scar gently. It was as if I was scared of hurting her.

"Roland, I know that this is going to sound weird, seeing as we only met this morning, but . . ." She paused to gather her thoughts and put the words in the right order. "When you have had a close call with death, as I have, you come to realise that time, our time on this earth, is precious. I have missed out on a great deal of happiness over the past couple of years. I have been frightened by the diagnosis, and rejected by my husband. I think I deserve a little happiness in the time that I have left. Even though I have been given the all-clear for now, there is that chance that it will come back to bite me in the future. I do not intend to sit here waiting for the inevitable that might not come. I fully intend to have a fucking good time, and I know that you can help me in this."

"Wow! I think that I've known that there was a ticking time bomb behind this fun and frivolity that we've had today. There were moments when a cloud came over your face. It was as if you were deciding whether or not you should include me in what was happening to you. Count me in, I have nothing better to do with my time." I led her back to her bed. She slid between the sheets and held them apart for me.

I might not have done it for a while, but I hadn't forgotten what to do and how to do it, and if the noises she made were any indication, Mary was very appreciative of my efforts. "Whew, that was something else again, and again. In all of the time I was married, I have never had it that good. Do me again, please."

"You'll have to hold that . . ." She grabbed him. "Thought, not my cock. Scratch that, you can hold my cock while you hold that thought, he's not ready for another just yet, but if you hold him, yes like that, he'll let you know when he is." He didn't take long to rise to the occasion.

It was one hell of a night. I lost count of how many times that we made love, one seemed to merge with the next. In spite of my exhaustion, I felt more alive than I have felt for a long time, and looking down at Mary, a smile of contentment on her sleeping face, I felt that she had enjoyed it as much as I had.