- Gay Male
- An Unexpected Relationship Ch. 01
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Click hereHey guys,
This is my first submission. I hope you like it. It will have a slow start till there is sexual relation between characters. I have to develop the background of the story first. Again, I hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it! All characters are 18 years of age or older.
Chapter 1: Being Noticed
It was finally 7th hour. Chemistry...
Mrs. Smith, "Alright class we are in lab today so get with your partners and I'll explain the direction." This is a precipitate reactions lab... lab safety rules...
I zoned out when that stupid bitch started talking. God she is so annoying!
I look at Amanda, "Its Friday what are your plans for this weekend?"
"Well I was planning on doing absolutely nothing at all. What about you?"
"Oh god, probably load up on junk food, pig out and watch Netflix. I know my life is so exciting. Haha."
I felt like someone was staring at me. So I look up and see Trent looking directly at me with predatory eyes.
I didn't know what to do so I flashed him my pearly whites. He just smiled and blushed then looked away quickly.
"Cade I heard a rumor about Tristan." "Oh my. What could it possibly be this time?" "Well I heard he cheated on Amber again."
"You know I overheard someone talking in one of my classes. They said that he is fucking like four guys from the football team and sexting with Devin Breaux."
"Holy shit, I didn't think he was that much of a man whore."
"You remember that day we had a sub and he was in the group with us because he wanted the answers?" "Yeah I do."
"Well I'm pretty sure he was flirting with me."
"No way, how could you tell?"
"Well he was asking me all these personal questions and wanted to know if I was talking to anybody, but I told him that I didn't have time for a relationship because school was so stressful with all my classes and graduation coming up. I think I shot him down from trying to get in my pants."
"Whatever you do Cade stay away from him because once he gets what he wants from you he moves on."
"You underestimate me Amanda, I would never in my life have sex with Tristan. He is too much of a player."
"You know what fuck this lab. I'm not doing it."
"Cade we can just get the answers from these two bitches in our group." "Oh you're right, I didn't think of that."
Class finally ends and I leave to walk to my car. I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn to look who it is. Of course, it's Trent.
He doesn't speak to me, he just slips me a piece of paper but gives me a look that tells me not to open it yet.
What the hell could this possibly say? I finally get to my car and leave school. I get home and open the note Trent gave me. It says:
Cade, I feel like we can really connect together. Our personalities and attitudes are very similar. I want to explore this connection further. I'll text you later. Don't ask how I got your number it's a secret. ;)-Trent
(Buzz)Holy shit! He just texted me... God I don't know what he is going to say. I'm a little nervous.
Do I respond right away or wait a couple of minutes so it looks like I'm busy? #THASTRUGGLE!
I hope he is different from all the other guys -- not a douchebag. One can only hope!
Chapter 2: The Conversation
Hey there boi. What you up too?
Well, I just got home. About to fix myself a snack and start on my homework.
Ooh. What you gonna eat?
Probably a banana and peanut butter. Why?
I got something you can put that peanut butter on instead of a banana.
Well, what do you have for me? An apple? LOL.
I got this dick with your name on it.
Trent...?
What? I'm trying to spice up this conversation.
This is the first time I have ever actually held a
conversation with you and you're already bringing your dick into it. Not very charming in my book.
Do you want me to ask the lame questions, like 'How was your day' and 'What's your favorite color?'
No, but you cannot just through sexual gestures into a conversation right off the bat. Damn, have a little decency. Be a gentleman, not a horn dog!
Well, I'm sorry but seeing that ass in those shorts today has me horny. I'm just aching for release and I want to do it all over your face! :)--- (====3
I'm sorry but I can't continue this conversation with you acting like that. You know I actually thought you were different from all the others out there. But I was wrong. Bye Trent.
(Not even two seconds later)
I'm so sorry Cade, I was trying to be sexy and thought you might like it. It's not really me I was just trying to see where you fell on the sexting line. I'm soooooo sorry!! Please forgive me for making you feel uncomfortable.
...
Cade?
...
Cade?
Well I am sorry and I want to make this up to you. Can I come over and we can talk about this?
No Trent you cannot come over. My parents don't like when people are here when they aren't home.
Okay I'm coming over...
No Trent!
Well, doing it anyway.
Chapter 3: The Uninvited Guest
I didn't actually expect Trent to show up at my house. I thought he was kidding when he said he would come over for fear of being seen with me.
(Ding-dong) The doorbell rang.
I look out the window... Holy shit he actually showed up.
"How did you know where I live?"
"Well, I remember you said that Carly was your neighbor, so that is what I went on. Then I saw your red Jeep in the driveway and knew it was your house."
"I told you that my parents don't like people over when they aren't home. God if I get in trouble because of you..."
"Relax! What your parents don't know won't hurt them. Plus I came over here to talk to you not to pound you into the mattress... Unless you would like me too."
"God dammit Trent! Could you stop with the sex gestures? I'm a virgin and I want to stay that way."
"You're eighteen and a virgin? Holy crap how do you live life?"
"Well, first of all I don't have a man because everyone I talk to pushes sex on me and I don't like that. It really pisses me off."
"I'm not gonna lie Cade; I want you and your ass!"
"Ha! Well good luck trying to get it because I'm never giving it up to you. You are way too much of a horned up player."
"To be honest Cade, I have never had sex with anyone, just blowjobs."
"Well that's the pot calling the kettle black don't you think?. You're nineteen and a virgin. You are an asshole and I want you to leave."
"If that is what you want then I'll leave. But just remember if you want me to I'll pop that cherry."
"No promises, Trent. Goodbye."
"Bye."
Well that went so well... Oh who am I kidding, I cannot resist Trent. He is way too freaking hot! God I do want to ride his dick. But I have to resist, I cannot give into the temptation. Now I really know what Eve felt like with the forbidden fruit tree. Damn, he is sinfully delicious. Relax Cade, relax. Just breath, that's all you can do; aside from jerking off that is.
- COMMENTS
canndabout 10 years agoI'm going to give you some feedback, ok alot of it, on how you could improve the chapter. It's not meant to rip you apart. I'm making comments that I would if I were beta reading this for you. A beta reader can be a huge help. they don't necessariy do spelling and grammar corrections like an editor. They do more of writing things like I have, making comments when something isn't clear or where something shoud be explained, etc. People who are being published use beta readers and sometimes have more .than one. The comments are meant to help and guide you as you work on the story. Don't be put off by the fact that I wrote alot, since it is just meant to help you improve a chapter.
One thing that needed to be corrected were the speaking parts. I found the conversations to be a bit confusing. The rule is that when the speaker changes you start a new paragraph, which does make it easier to understand. The texts would be easier if you put Trent: "and what they said."
I also would have recommended doing a bit more of background on characters as you introduce them. I would say something about who they are, like whether Amanda is his best friend or a neighbor or whatever. Give us a better idea of how their relationship started, how close they are, etc. Then they started discussing Tristan without really clarifying who he is. I assume he's bi, but the conversation was hard to follow when one started to said he flirted with. I think it was Cade saying that, but I'm not positive.
Then he saw Trent looking at him. An intro to who Trent is would have helped. It seems he has wanted him according to what he'd said after Trent left his house. Was Trent someone he watched from afar till now? Was he someone he'd wanted for a while? What type of persoality did Trent have in school? What made him think he'd be different from other guys? The part where he looks at him with hungry eyes and then blushes felt like that were actions that were at odds. And from the way Trent acted in the texts and when he visited, he didn't seem like the blushing type. Also, does he believe he's a virgin too? He asked how Cade could take being a virgin at 18, which didn't make sense if he was a 19 y/o virgin, b/c he'd know then.
I hope these comments help as you continue writing. Keep at it.
erotikpassionsabout 10 years agoI love that this story is so different in style from most others I have read especially the simplistic manner in which it is done. It is refreshing after reading other way serious and heavy romances. Looking forward to seeing a continuation.
Anonymousabout 10 years agoThis needs some work, but it has potential. Make Trent wait. Hell make him have to work for it. He needs to see Cade as a person, not a potential hole to stick it in. Right now, i dislike Trent, and i don't think that's fair, i have a feeling you meant for him to be less shallow.
So having said that, i think Cade should avoid him, reject him and shut him down until Trent figures out that what he says he wants and what he really needs is different. The plain fact of the matter is that Cade will not give it up to someone not deserving willingly. People that do that lose a piece of their soul every time they do it. He will, however, do anything for someone that loves him and he loves in return.
Hope to see more soon.
