And the Snow Fell

I had no answer to that one at all.

"You okay now, ma'am," Maddock asked, and her hand was on my arm.

I looked kinda blankly at the couple sitting on front of me, the crap scared out of them and the boy was standing and trying to act like this was normal but he was shaking and the girl was crying silently, tears running down her cheeks and who the fuck were they and how long had I been sitting there and I looked down at the file and stared blankly at the words until they registered.

"Machinist, huh, Mr. Cameron?" I asked and I sounded strange, even to me.

"Yes ma'am." He swallowed.

"Mrs. Cameron?" I looked at the file. Didn't say much. "Any qualifications?

"I was ..." She swallowed. Took a deep breath. "I trained as a nurse, qualified before Stuart and I married but, you know, I couldn't find work nursing, all the jobs went to ..."

I moved my lips and I wouldn't have called it a smile myself, but I guess it might've been what my face did when I used to know how to smile. "Heard it before, Mrs. Cameron. Don't need to tell me 'bout that one. I trained as a nurse too. Took pay cut after pay cut until I was on minimum and I figured I was lucky. They only kept me because I'm Chinese, made their diversity numbers look good."

"You were lucky," she said, and her eyes had that defeated look that so many had.

"That time's over now," I said, and it was. "Things, they're different in the Second Republic. Shit like that's not gonna happen anymore."

"They said women are slaves," she said, and she was real nervous. "Have to stay at home and do nothing but have kids, like in that book..."

"Lies, Mrs. Cameron," I said. "They've lied about us since this started. Look at me. Do I look like I'm at home having kids? Officer in the National Liberation Army, and I'm doing my job the way anyone would and half this unit's women." I gestured at Maddock and Mendoza.

I thought of Brad and he'd done his job and I wished I was with him now and I had to squeeze the tears away because if I started to cry I was done and all I had now was my job and I had to do it because Brad would've wanted me too. Brad was no quitter and I knew he wouldn't want me to quit. Not until we'd won at least, and that was a long ways off. "Women in the Second Republic have equal rights, Mrs. Cameron, with certain limitations which Corporal Riley will be happy to explain to you while we process your paperwork."

I stood up, smiled that frozen smile that didn't feel real at all and it was just an act because there was no smile inside me, only ice and lips that moved and I extended my hand to Mr. Cameron. "Welcome to the Second Republic as probationary citizens, Mr. Cameron, Mrs. Cameron, Robert, Tricia," because I had that authority as part of my job but the words had no real meaning. They were just words I was saying, following the script.

Words I repeated, like a goddamn parrot.

"Thank you, Lieutenant," Mrs. Cameron said, and her other hand was holding her daughter's.

"Sergeant-Major Maddock will take you for in-processing now," I said, and look, the parrot talked real good. "You'll also be issued your personal firearms and work assignments. We do try and keep families together, so you and your daughter will stay together, but your boy will be drafted into the Army." I glanced at Mr. Cameron but I wasn't really looking, just turning my head and my eyes looked right through him and I'd said the words so often now they came without thought.

"You too, you'll be drafted for the duration, likely into a maintenance unit while we put down the Rebels. Two years military service and you men get full citizenship. Women have associate citizenship, under the guidance of their fathers or husbands. Any women who volunteers and completes two years of military service is granted full citizenship."

Brad was dead now, and my parents were gone and so were his and I had no father and no husband anymore and I had no idea where that left me but that was for later and I didn't want to cry, not in front of them. Not in front of anyone and if I cried the way I felt like crying, the ice inside might melt and then I'd start to scream and the darkness inside would swallow me whole and that terrified me. "Corporal Riley will give you the short run-through, Mrs. Cameron."

"God Bless you all," Mrs. Cameron said, and she was crying openly now and smiling. "For doing what had to be done. Thank you."

"God bless," Tricia whispered, speaking for the first time and she tried to smile and the boy that looked like Brad smiled and my heart just about shattered looked at him because he could have been a younger version of Brad.

"Thank you, ma'am," he said. "Thank you for what you're doing," and I knew he had no idea what he was saying. None of them did and even that meant nothing.

"You'll be doing it soon enough yourself, Robert," I said, not smiling because I couldn't smile, not ever again, simply hoping he made it through because I knew his assignment already. Eighteen. Physically fit. He was heading for the infantry. Front line service. A few weeks of basic training and he'd be up there where the hard-core fighting was and I stepped around the desk and I hugged him and he was warm flesh and blood and he was alive and I wished I was and I wished Brad was too.

"Good luck, Robert Cameron," I whispered in his ear, the ice almost shattering and if it did, that'd be the end of me. "Keep your head down," and then Sergeant-Major Maddock was leading them out and handing them off to Riley and he'd explain everything and get them settled in until we could move them on.

"Next, Mendoza," I said, and I hoped to God the next ones were like the Cameron's. Salvageable, because far too many weren't and why in hell did they even stay and not run. The door opened for Mendoza and outside, the snow still fell and inside, the ice stayed frozen and the darkness and the nightmares were there, locked behind the ice and if the ice ever melted, I was done.

"Listen." Maddock held up her hand as they dragged the latest one out, screaming and cursing until she got an M16 butt to the head, hard enough to cut her off mid-curse and the shot followed not to long after that and that shut the Ratdog bitch up permanently, and on the public radio in the outer office they were playing our national anthem the way they always did now before an important announcement and someone had turned it up and Mendoza was singing along, real quietly and her voice was quite beautiful....

Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain

Leave to thy God to order and provide

In every change He faithful will remain

Be still my soul thy best, thy heavenly friend

Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake

To guide the future, as He has the past....

"We interrupt regular programming to announce that elements of eight Special Services Combat Group have seized control of the Wormondo City Center with heavy fighting against rebel forces now underway. Further reports are expected shortly. Southern Army Command has advised that the Fourth Combat Group has taken Barkley and is moving south towards San Juan. Clearance activities are now underway. Nineteenth Combat Group reports heavy fighting in San Martinez after our Marine Commandoes captured the Narim Gate bridge intact. Fighting between various rival rebel militia groups has been reported within areas of San Martinez controlled by illegal Rebel forces."

"In further news, on the eastern front, Second Republic military units have consolidated their hold on North and South Santee and are advancing through Lactisota towards Andropolis. The Borealian Government has been officially warned that any hostile actions or movements by Borealian Forces along the northern border will be met with the full might of the military of the Second Republic. Elements of the Lactisota Territorial Guard have transferred their allegiance from the illegal Rebel Forces to the Second Republic and only sporadic resistance from illegal Rebel combatants is being now encountered."

"In Deseret, the provisional government has entered negotiations with the Second Republic for military assistance and admittance into the...."

"San Martinez, huh. Guess we know where we'll be going next," Fujimoto said, and he was back and we looked at each other and we both had relatives there. Maybe they were still alive and even through the ice I sort of wondered if they were because after the shit that'd gone down in Emerald City before we took it, I didn't have anyone there anymore and the Ratdogs had got Brad's parents and now they'd got Brad as well. His brother 'd called before he went underground down south and I hoped he made it through because there was fighting going on all over down there and it sounded like total chaos.

"Guess we do," I said, not really caring and I just wished Brad was there to hold me, but he wasn't and he never would be again, not now, but maybe our child would in time, because I'd missed two months now and I was too scared to use the test kit in case I wasn't but I hoped I was, I really did, because maybe that would bring me back to life but I wasn't sure that I wanted to come back to life.

Because then I'd have to think about what I was doing and what I'd done and that was something I didn't want to do either because that's what woke me screaming in the night and then they were playing the lines they always played at the end of the news flashes from the frontlines and I listened to those because I sure hoped the Lord was on my side, although I wasn't sure of anything these days except that the grief and pain was always with me now and if there was a baby, Brad's and mine, I had no idea what I'd do. No idea at all.

Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.

Leave to thy God to order and provide...

"Our prayers are with our men and women of the National Liberation Army on the frontlines and with our comrades holding out behind the rebel lines. We're coming, brothers and sisters, we're coming. Hang in there and God Bless you all. We now resume our regular programming...."

No idea what I'd missed but it didn't really matter, because there were a bunch of files piled up in front of Mendoza and I'd keep doing it until I couldn't and I wasn't going to think about what happened then.

"Bring the next ones in, will 'ya, Mendoza," I said, and I missed Brad real bad but I had a job to do, and it was a crap job but someone had to do it and as long as I was doing my job I didn't have to think. Not about Brad. Not about whether there was a baby or not. Not about anything much except the faces in front of me and they weren't really people. They were just files I had to deal with and they came in and I said words and they walked out or got taken out or I shot them or someone else took them away and shot them and regardless, they left, and I could forget about them.

Files to process, that's what they were and sometimes those files wept and sometimes they pleaded and sometimes they screamed and spat and struggled and sometimes they prayed and sometimes their heads exploded in a wash of red and grey and sometimes they smiled and thanked me but it didn't matter to me because it was just noise and they were nothing but files and letters and numbers and it was a crap job and someone had to do it and it was better not to think too much about it.

Better not to think about it at all.

Better not to think about anything. Just ask the questions. Listen to the answers. Make the decisions and make the right noises n' then forget them because the file was closed and who remembered a closed file?

All of that was easier when there was nothing but ice inside.

In the gathering darkness, the bodies and the blood'd be cooling fast under their blanket of white. There'd be more joining them soon enough, and the door opened as Mendoza brought the next ones in and I heard the backhoe revving up and I didn't think that smell of diesel and blood and death would ever leave me now. A quick glimpse outside, and the snow still fell and I opened the file that Mendoza handed me and started reading and the words I sang under my breath were like ice in my mind as I read...

Covering the dreams and ideals.

And the snow fell

Freezing the blood and the wheels.

And the snow fell

And they had to keep on for survival

And the snow fell...

I'm not sure if "enjoyed" is the right word to use for this dystopian little futuristic alternative-history science-fiction story, but I do hope you had a somewhat intense read because really, that was what I meant it to be. Sex and all! I apologize in advance for any mistakes with the military stuff -- I've never been in the military and any mistakes are entirely on me. It's entered in the Winter Holiday's competition because, well, snow, as well as the very wintery atmosphere, but hmm, not exactly Christmassy is it?

Anyhow, while I was writing this I was listening to three songs, Skrewdrivers' "The Snow Fell" as sung by Saga, who does a beautiful cover, and a whole range of different versions of "Be Still My Soul" but I do like the men's choral versions best. An amazing song and quite beautiful and I felt both songs suited the mood of the story rather well. I kind of worked Haymaker's "First to Die" into this as well because I liked it and I hope it fitted the story as well.

So vote away and comments are of course welcome. It's not the usual Literotica hot and happy holiday humping, is it? It wasn't quite what I expected to be writing when I started but the story just kind of emerged as I wrote and if you get to the end and go "Holy shit! What did I just read?" or something along those lines, well, I'll be happy because it was meant to be a "holy shit" kind of a story. ...... "Unity"