And The Truth Shall Set You Free

"Did you frame someone for a crime?"

"No."

Please don't let her ask me if I raped someone, she silently prayed. Please. She couldn't lie to Annabella, and she also couldn't bear for her to find out this way. She wasn't keen on her finding out any way, but unfortunately that wasn't up to her anymore.

"Well, golly gee, Jessie...I can't force you to tell me what it is, but you're beginning to scare me."

Jessie stood from the bed and ambled to her computer. She moved the mouse, and the screen saver vanished, returning her to her picture of Annabella in her active window. She stepped aside so Annabella could see it.

"Hey, that's me!" she exclaimed.

"Yeah," uttered Jessie. "One of the pics you sent me last month."

Annabella was touched. "Aw, you go through the old pictures and things I send you? That's...like, wow! That's so sweet!"

Not exactly. "Well...there was a reason for it," admitted Jessie. "I didn't have it up just for sentimental value."

"No?"

Jessie shook her head once more. "Annabella, I'm gonna come right out and tell you this, 'cause it's nothing compared to the big secret I'm eventually gonna have to unload. I was looking at your pics on the computer this morning...and, um...touching myself."

Annabella covered her mouth as her eyes opened wide and her cheeks reddened. Such a declaration made her feel flattered, but at the same time caught her totally off-guard. She had not seen that coming. She tried not to break out into an awkward giggle.

"Only...I couldn't do it," Jessie groaned.

Annabella's smile ran and hid. Her eyebrows arched in dismayed surprise. "Y—...you mean..."

"Yeah," Jessie nodded. "I lost the mojo. My libido quit on me. I just went numb. I couldn't sustain it."

"Oh, no!" said Annabella. "Oh, baby! How awful! You poor thing!"

Jessie shook her head again. Now came the part she was really dreading.

"Oh yes," she corrected, starting to feel her world come crashing down around her. "And now I have to tell you why."

She took Annabella's hand and led her out of her bedroom and down the stairs into the living room, which was empty, as William and Gretchen were still putting the finishing touches on dinner and setting the table. It was time. She gulped through deep breaths.

Needless to say, Annabella was nervous and frightened. She had no idea what Jessie was about to spring on them, and hoped more than anything it didn't harm their relationship. She really wanted Jessie to know how much she cared about her. She didn't know what she would do if she and Jessie weren't to see each other anymore.

Jessie was terrified, but holding on to Annabella gave her the courage she needed.

"Dad? Gretchen?"

They emerged from the kitchen one by one. "Yeah, babe?" asked William. "What's up?"

"Put dinner on pause, please," Jessie entreated. "I need to talk to you guys."

Gretchen came out to hear the second part. "Oh, gosh, Jessica, is it serious?" she wished to know. "We're just about ready."

"Dead serious. You have no idea." She looked Gretchen in the eyes as if to say, Actually, you do, Gretch, but no one else does.

The parents' facial reactions turned appropriate to Jessie's situation as they looked at each other. "Oh, wow," said William. "Okay, uh...you want us all here for this?"

"Yes," Jessie said. "Annabella too."

They gathered around the dining room table as Jessie prepared to purge herself. She sat across from Gretchen, with Annabella to her left and William to her right. She began to speak, but her crying interrupted.

"Honey!" said William. "What's wrong? Is it still the nightmare?"

Jessie shook her head.

"Annabella, do you know what's going on here?" he asked her.

Annabella shook her own head just as vehemently. "No, Mr. Townsend! Honest, sir, she didn't tell me."

Finally, Jessie raised her eyes to face them. "You guys are about to hate me forever," she sobbed.

"What?" Gretchen and William said together.

Jessie was stalling, even though she knew she was only delaying things and making it worse. "I wouldn't blame you if you disowned me now. In fact, maybe I should just pack my bags and save you the trouble."

Now she was frightening everyone. "Jess, would you please tell us what it is you need to say first?" her father requested.

"Okay," she sniffled. "Dad...uh...do you remember...last month, right after I came back from school...the first day I was home, after you introduced me to Gretchen?"

William thought. "I'm...not sure, babe. The days start to run together pretty fast."

"Well, um...I called you at work that day and told you not to marry Gretchen, 'cause she was praying for God to turn me straight?"

It was Gretchen's eyes' turn to pop open. She was not aware of this phone conversation.

"And you said we'd talk about it when you got home that night?" Jessie went on. "But you had to stay a little later at work, and when you got home, it looked like we were friends? Do you remember that?" she asked him.

That sounded more familiar. "Oh, okay, yes...yes, I think I remember that," William nodded.

"And I told you we were out playing tennis that day?"

"Uh-huh...I believe I remember that as well."

"Well, um..." she gulped, looking down at the table, hating herself. "I lied to you, Daddy."

"What?"

Her weeping picked up again. Her voice broke as she spat out, "We weren't playing tennis."

An alarm went off inside Gretchen's mind. She felt the need to jump in here.

"Um, Jessica," she interjected, although she wasn't sure where to take it from here. "It's-it's...it's behind us. It's in the past. I mean, we don't need to go back there again."

"I do, Gretchen," Jessie insisted. "I have to tell them."

"Whoa, whoa," said William, realizing just how serious things were becoming. "What's behind you? What's in the past??"

"Yeah!" Annabella chimed in.

"Jessica, I've learned to live with it," Gretchen assured her. "I'm definitely not thrilled about it, but I've moved on. I'm past it now. Really, we don't have to rehash it—"

"Excuse me, I'll be the judge of that!" said William, his voice ascending. "Gretchen, please let her say what she needs to tell us."

Jessie was breathing heavier. She still didn't know if she could one hundred percent go through with this, but she had no choice.

"Guys..." she explained, "I know this doesn't make it okay, but Gretchen and I got into a big fight because, well, like I told you, Dad, she thought it was wrong that I'm gay, and...and I got this crazy idea from this friend of mine in the mall..."

William and Gretchen both immediately looked in Annabella's direction, whose face filled with apprehension.

"No, no, not her," Jessie quickly appended. "Annabella had nothing to do with it. I didn't even know her yet at the time." She took a breath, cleared her throat and went on. "I went to a store and got, um..." She didn't want to just spill it on them prematurely, so she decided to skip the rest of this part. "...I got some stuff, then I came back home, and I asked Gretchen to come up into my room to, uh...to help me with something..."

Gretchen covered all of her face except her eyes, the details coming back to her.

Jessie's voice broke again. "But, I...tricked her. And I lied to her. I didn't need her help. I only got her in there so I could, uh..."

She covered her own face. She thought she felt Annabella caress her arm. The three of them heard more sobs coming out.

No more hesitation. It was now or never.

"I...I..."

Just do it...just rip off the Band-Aid, she analogized. It's gonna hurt a whole hell of a lot...but you have to do it.

"I handcuffed her to my dresser and raped her!" Jessie cried out, bursting out in wracking cries. She was far too ashamed to even think about looking at any of them now. She crossed her arms on the table and buried her face in them, crying it all out.

For several minutes, the only sound in the house was Jessie bawling her eyes out. William and Annabella were both shocked into silence, and understandably so. Gretchen, hands still over her face, shut her eyes, quietly commiserating with Jessie. Annabella covered her own mouth, looking back and forth with unplaceable emotions at Gretchen and Jessie. William had no idea what to think, say or do, presented with such news. He wanted someone to pipe up and tell him that this really wasn't true. He started to ask Gretchen if it was, but he knew his daughter. With such genuine, tangible regret literally pouring from her eyes, it was obvious to him that Jessie wasn't making this up.

Gretchen's hands slid up to cover her eyes as well as the rest of her face. She knew that Jessie had her reasons for confessing now, just as she'd had her reasons for doing this to her in the first place, but the same, she wished it could all just go away.

As for Jessie, she didn't know if crying a billion tears would win her loved ones' forgiveness, but the one comfort she could now take was that it was out in the open. She'd done it—she'd confessed her crime, and if nothing else, at least she didn't have to live with the secret of the guilt and shame anymore. She still couldn't look up at them. She thought she heard Annabella whisper to be excused and rise from the table. She didn't want her to leave, but she knew she didn't deserve to have her stay either.

A few more moments passed before Jessie took a tearful breath and raised her head to audibly say, "And it wasn't just that. I put her through hell. I taunted her, I mocked her, I abused her, I threatened her, I spanked her with my hairbrush..." She collected another large inhalation and sputtered out, "I'm so, so sorry, Gretchen...I am so sorry...I don't deserve to live."

She sobbed harder through the apology, stretching each word into multiple syllables, purging and cleansing herself as thoroughly as possible. She wanted to keep apologizing until someone said something.

"Gretchen, I am SO, so sorry," she repeated again and again. "I don't expect you to forgive me, but I am really so sorry. I've never been sorrier for anything in my life," she wailed. With the possible exception of lying to you about it afterwards, Dad, she mentally added. "I can't expect your forgiveness, but I'd do anything for it, Gretchen," she tossed in. "Anything."

Eventually, she finally felt a hand stroking her hair. She didn't know whose it was until she heard Gretchen's voice.

"All right...all right, Jessica...we know," she said. "We know, sweetie. We know you're sorry. And we believe you."

For once, not only did Jessie not mind Gretchen calling her "sweetie," it was like a life preserver. She slowly brought her head up to look into her big turquoise eyes in her thick eyeglasses. Her own wet eyes and nose had turned red.

"Does...that mean..." she started to ask.

Gretchen nodded, wiping away Jessie's tears with her thumbtips. "Yes," she nodded. "I forgive you."

Jessie began to cry all over again. "I still don't deserve it," she lamented. "I'm a terrible person. For God's sake, I'm a rapist! How can you stand to even look at me??"

Gretchen got up from her seat and came around the table to sit beside Jessie and hug her. "It's okay, sweetie," she consoled her. "It'll be okay. You're forgiven. We all forgive you. Your father loves you, Jessica. Your honey loves you." She held up Jessie's chin to look her in the eyes. "And I love you...daughter."

William and Annabella still weren't exactly certain what to make of this, but Gretchen managed to steer them back to Jessie's side. William remained in his seat, trying to piece together his feelings. Annabella had wandered into the living room and sat on the floor, needing a little air and space to herself. William wanted very much to say something—anything—to his daughter right now, and until he had his feelings in order, he could only come up with—

"Just cry all you need to, Jess," he tenderly encouraged, patting her arm. "Just cry it out..."

William felt torn in a way. He loved his daughter more than anything in the world, and at the same time, he was unable to believe she was capable of such a thing. Then again, she did come clean with them, settling the story, and anyone could see how heartfelt and genuine her contrition was. His daughter wasn't insane, he logically thought. There must have been reasons for this, and yet, was there ever any airtight justification for sexually violating another person? He didn't know. He was disoriented by this turn of events, and he wasn't sure how exactly to feel.

As for Annabella, she had been doing a lot of thinking about all this while everything else was going on. She returned to the table.

"May I please talk to Jessie?" she asked shyly, wandering back into the dining room.

"Of course, hon," said William, standing from the table. He motioned for Gretchen to get up with him. "Come on, Gretch." He nodded towards the kitchen. "Let's give the kids a minute alone."

Gretchen nodded, giving Jessie's hair another stroke and kissing her forehead. She followed William into the kitchen, and Annabella resumed her seat beside Jessie, who had ceased crying, now just somberly staring down at her toes.

"Hi," Annabella whispered to her.

Jessie remained silent.

"It's okay," said Annabella nurturingly, "You don't have to say anything." She took her hands.

"Now that I know what happened, I can tell you what I think," said Annabella. "Jessie, I certainly don't have to tell you you did a terrible thing, and I know if you could take it back you would." She caressed Jessie's cheek with the back of her hand, wiping another tear away. "I can see how awful you feel, and I understand, honey bear. Believe me, I've done some pretty rotten things myself."

Jessie's eyebrows jumped. She looked up at Annabella. "You?" she asked. "But you're so perfect!"

Annabella gave a wry chuckle. "Oh, Jessie, no!" she laughed. "I try to be a good person, the best Annabella I can be, but do believe me, I've got my shortcomings! I wasn't very good in school, so I cheated off my classmates. All the time. I used to play so rough with our dog I almost killed him. And sometimes I get these unreal violent thoughts towards others, even when they haven't done anything to me. I don't act on them, but now and then I get an inexplicable urge to...do something mean. I...I don't even know why."

Jessie looked at her puzzledly. "But...you're...just always so happy."

Annabella smiled and gave her a love peck on her wet nose. "That's 'cause you make me happy, my dear. You razz my berries!"

Jessie went out on a limb and presumed that a good thing, but... "Annabella, please stop being so sweet to me. I don't deserve it."

Annabella released her hands. "Okay, Jessie, let's look at this reasonably. Bottom line: you did a bad thing. Maybe you exercised lousy judgment, maybe you were really really really really really upset...whatever the reason, you did it. And there's no getting around that. It's done now; you can't undo it. All you can do now, you already just have: you felt horrendous and remorseful, and you apologized and made amends with Miss Peterson. And she forgave you."

"But I still feel like a scum bag."

"I know. I know, Jessie. But let me just ask you this: are you ever going to do something like that again?"

"NO!" Jessie immediately replied. "God, no! Are you insane? After what I just went through?"

"Exactly," Annabella reassured her calmly. "I won't minimize it; you did a bad thing. An extremely bad thing. We've established that. But here's the good news: you're not a permanently bad person. You've done your penance for it, and you've learned your lesson. Now you can move on. Please don't punish yourself forever. It's like you told me the first time we went out: that's life. Good stuff happens, and bad stuff happens. That's all."

Jessie looked up to see Annabella's ever-loveful chocolate-brown eyes smiling at her, crinkled by her cheeks. She shook her head, eyes welling up again. She'd otherwise have been wary saying this, but after what she'd just done, this declaration was a cakewalk.

"I love you, Annabella."

Annabella's face lit up with a gasp. "What?" she whispered joyfully. "You do??"

Jessie didn't hesitate for a second. "Yes. With all my heart, from the very bottom of it, and with everything in me, I love you."

Suddenly, Jessie's weren't the only eyes welling up in tears.

"Oh!" Annabella continued whispering, shimmering with limerence. Her heart was racing. "Oh my gosh, I can't believe it!" she giggled ecstatically. "Oh Jessie, cara mia, I love you too!"

They kissed. Finally feeling secure and forgiven, Jessie forgave herself as well, and closed her worn eyes to soothe them and felt her remaining senses increase in keenness. She caught the scent of Annabella's wildly intoxicating perfume. She felt Annabella's soft skin reacting with quivers and goosebumps as they made out. She heard her tranquilly breathing through her nose and her kiss-muffled moans emanating from her deepest reaches. And she tasted her root beer-flavored lip balm. For a few happy moments, Jessie imagined it was 1958 and they were in an all-night diner together, sharing a root beer float and a romantic soundtrack of ballads by The Platters, The Chordettes, The Drifters, Buddy Holly and Elvis. Annabella looked just so quintessentially perfect right there in her element. The lyrics to a very different song however were occupying Jessie's thoughts for the moment.

You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain, she thought, cheering herself up. Too much love drives a girl insane...you broke my will, but what a thrill...goodness, gracious, great balls of fire...

Old or new, rock music always made her feel good. Suddenly, Jessie could hardly recall what she was so upset about anymore.

When they finally pried their lips apart for some air, they heard William's voice. "Girls?"

They turned his way.

"Yes, Dad?" said Jessie.

"Yes, Dad?" Annabella immediately parroted, matching Jessie's tone and inflection perfectly.

He smiled at the Italian girl's charm. Returning to where they sat, he explained, "Gretchen and I talked a bit, and things are a little clearer to me now, Jess. I'm not happy about it, but I understand. And we felt like we could all use a little comfort food...we actually kinda screwed up dinner anyway. It's not your fault at all, Jess, it's ours. So...what would you two say if we sent out for some pizza?"

"OH my God, music to my ears," Jessie replied, smiling for the first time all day.

Annabella jumped up to hug him. "Bravo! Grazie, papà!" she exclaimed, kissing his cheeks.

"Oh, and Dad?" Jessie asked. "Do we still have that root beer in the pantry and the ice cream in the freezer?"

***

September 30th, 9:10 p.m.

After absolutely stuffing themselves with the wonderfully satisfying dinner and dessert, Jessie took Annabella back upstairs to her room. The sun was almost completely gone. She brought a few candles with her, which she lit up, and put some soft rock on the stereo. She powered down the computer, turned on the lava lamp beside her bed, decided she had enough light, and laid down.

At her request, Annabella lay beside her, clasping Jessie's hand in both of hers. As they gazed deep into one another's tender eyes, illuminated only but sufficiently by the lava lamp and candles, Jessie slowly used her free hand to button down her shirt, eventually letting it fall open, treating Annabella to the sight of her naked breasts, which were very pleased to see her as well. Annabella's eyes slid back up to meet Jessie's, as if to ask, No bra?